User talk:Inebriated

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Hello, Inebriated, and a very good afternoon/morning/evening to you. Thank you for deciding to sign up to Uncyclopedia and I hope you wish to stay. If not, all you have to do is chew through your own fingers and retrieve the key from your eye to escape. Before doing anything though, may I suggest you read the following links?

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Inebriated/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well. A good idea before doing any writing for here would be to read (thurougly) HTBFANJS.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply put {{adoptme}} on your Userpage to join. Again, welcome! 


Now that's all the official stuff out the way why not also visit some of these other useful links:

  • Pee Review -- should you decide to write something it may be an idea to put it up for review. Reviews are a requirement of you wish to self-nominate an article for highlight but also is a good way of gauging how good your writing is and how you can improve it (if need be). Also if you choose to do a review for someone else at the same time be sure to read the Pee Review Guidlines.
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  • Also there are a few cults around here and user space pages that you can join in with that are good for making connections with people (But again aren't obligatory).

Do seriously visit my talk page if you have any additional questions or even if you'd just like to say "hi", I don't bite, honest.
SK Sir Orian57Talk Gay flag RotM 05:40 25 July 2008

Join The CMC! Make Your Inner Cow Happy!

Moo, Inebriated!

What is it about cows that gets us all hot and bothered? Where do cows come from? What are cows?

These are the questions that drive the Cow Moo Cult and its brethren, who are very, VERY interested in cows and cow by-products.

The CMC is devoted not only to cows, but to helping Uncyclopedia through general acts of goodness and through motivating people with cow-treats and the like.

So, Inebriated, why not join the CMC? It's free (unless you count virginity as money) and it's fun (and it's full of clichés)! You'll get a pretty template for your userpage and a nice title for your signature! What could be better? Sign Up Now!
Double moos from your cowy friend,

edit May I Add a Header?

AHHHHH THERE'S TOO MANY WORDS ON MY TALK PAGE Inebriated 05:43, 25 July 2008 (UTC)

My apologies. SK Sir Orian57Talk Gay flag RotM 05:47 25 July 2008
iT'S all right, Orian. You remind me of a constellation I wonce dated. Her name was Ryan. Which was hot because girls with guy names, man, that just get s me going, man, like "Michael" or "Trevor" or "Erliquen"... man... what I wouldn't give to fuck a girl named Trevor. What I woudln't give to fuck a girl. If I were a girl, my hymen would have grown back. Inebriated 05:49, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
*stares in blank confusion* What's a girl? SK Sir Orian57Talk Gay flag RotM 05:55 25 July 2008
YOU make a valied point! Orian. the fact is that if i could meet women i was actually atrtacted to, well, i would most likely be in the vicinity of one of those women. also there is a less high chance that i would be drunk right now. because i'd at least want to maintain a level where interaction with said girl could be fun and/or profitable. of course, it could be argued that if a girl were reading this right now, she woudl not be turned on. but you know what, Orian? NOTHING TURNS GIRLS ON. the female libido is a lie. it's a FUCKING LIE. like there's a media perception that uniforms and the British make women sexually intrigued but that's just a fucking lie propogated by the miliatary and the British. In real life the military and the British are just as fucking pathetic as the rest of us. It's amazing this psecies can even continue to exist. It really is, Orian. It's amazing. Inebriated 05:58, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
*Nods at each mention of my name* Yes, yes I fully agree with your anti-brittish attack, and I'll take my fair share of the blame for the lies my country has spread. And as for the species; it's a dying fad really. SK Sir Orian57Talk Gay flag RotM 06:04 25 July 2008
I don't think you're really British. First of all, you spelled "British" with two T's, which makes me think of "brittle." or "Brita" even though that has one T. Second, and more to the point, the falg on your sig clearly identifies you as hailing from Gay. Inebriated 06:18, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
Shit! Caught out by a lousy spelling error. Well you might as well know the whole truth You wont tell anyone will you?. I'm actually a Gay spy the patriotic flag was a clever double bluff but you've clearly seen through that. I'm here on an intelligence gathering mission to inform my country on how best to shaft this one. But shh! Don't tell! SK Sir Orian57Talk Gay flag RotM 06:27 25 July 2008
I'm starting to suspect that you're a triple agent - a Gay spying for Britain on Bulgaria, except that you're actually working for the Bulgarian government to spy on Gay. And, being gay, spying on Gay has proven very satisfying. Like, if they catch you peeping, you can just claim diplomatic immunity. I see what you're up to, Orian. It's ever so clever. Look at you now, disappearing a cow. Where is the cow hidden right now? I'd like to put a wig on you, Orian. I'd like to put a wig on you, and just lie here and spoon you. Inebriated 06:31, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
damn your good at this mind reading!must be great in bed *Dons wig (a ginger afro of clownic origin) and climbs into Inebriated's bed* *snuggles* SK Sir Orian57Talk Gay flag RotM 06:35 25 July 2008
No... that wig's not doing it for me. Perhaps you could be a sport and don a wig more befitting of a Whig. Also, I'd appreciate it if you could put on a sports bra and stuff it with some oranges. Because, otherwise, the buttsecks would be kind of gay. And I don't want to give you the wrong impression. Inebriated 06:37, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
Ah ok, *Dons a long blond wig and sports bra* *searches pockets for stuffers* sorry no oranges but will these doll's heads do? SK Sir Orian57Talk Gay flag RotM 06:41 25 July 2008
Well, your breasts will be lumpy, but the upside is that there will be women in them. And women remind me of breasts. So I think it all evens out in the end. Like the Holocaust. Inebriated 06:44, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
You are so right! And so clever, I bet your really worked up right now maybe I could help give you a release? SK Sir Orian57Talk Gay flag RotM 06:49 25 July 2008
I believe that would be the most logical course of action. Be a doll and run and get me some vaseline, adult diapers, a can of PBR, six condoms, a small spray bottle of PAM, some toenail clippers, five binder clips, a staple gun, a Filet O' Fish, a 7" black dildo, and a large block of cheese, woudl you? Inebriated 06:59, 25 July 2008 (UTC)
Why would I need to "run and get" all that stuff? I carry it around with me anyway, it's all in my bag. Though 7" is a bit small, I carry a 9" (5" circumfrance). SK Sir Orian57Talk Gay flag RotM 07:04 25 July 2008

edit Hmm...

Thinker? MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 15:35, Jul 25

I'm totally against drinking, but this is pretty fuckin' funny. But then again, eh, nehhhhhhh...... *need to go to bed* --Aljolson Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER Aljolson 08:10, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

This is the sort of reason why I don't drink. I embarras myself enough as it is... SK Sir Orian57Talk Gay flag RotM 08:12 26 July 2008

edit Are you ready to get Love Fisted??? Now that we're done with the hardrocking, it's time for the HEADBANGING \m/ so how's it goin? you can join my metal fanclub if you want AwesomeGuy 20:02, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

edit Tits or GTFO

This article's ICU tag has expired, therefore I've moved it into your userspace at User:Inebriated/Tits or GTFO, where you're free to work on it all you like until you think it's ready to go back into mainspace again. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me on my talk page. Cheers. -RAHB 16:15, 2 August 2008 (UTC)

HEY RAHB. You're lookin' GOOOOOOD. I'ma leave it there, right there in userspace, right there in ur Uncyclopedia wastin' your electrons. Inebriated 05:40, 3 August 2008 (UTC)
Fine by me. They're not really my electrons anyways, I just borrow them on the weekends. -RAHB 09:53, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

edit Let us pause for a moment to remember Inebriated's liver, liver of Inebriated and great processor of toxins throughout its short and cirrhosised life

Anyway, who are you?... on site like? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 09:21, 28 September 2008 (UTC)

edit Zero days sober

I had a good streak. I made it up to ninety. Tomorrow I intend to hit up a meeting and, you know, fail fast. Inebriated 09:24, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

edit I was talking to you

On skype we talked, and you said you wrote Poodle, except I can't remember who I was talking to, it could have been Hype or some one called rob. but I can't remember. That's so annoying, care to tell me who you are? ~Orian57~ Icons-flag-gb ~Talk~ Gay sign 07:52 27 April 2009

I WILL COCK YOU WITH MY COCK Inebriated 06:19, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
Unm, yeah, awsome! And I remembered who you are anyway so it's all good.    Orian57    Talk   Union pink 06:21 16 June 2009
I lost $440 today playing Three Card Poker, which definitely puts a damper on my ability to purchase a keyboard. Fuck my life Inebriated 06:22, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
Aww. Well I'm sure you could submit edits via snail mail.    Orian57    Talk   Union pink 06:32 16 June 2009
I meant the other kind of keyboard, with the doo-doo-dum, dee dum, doo-doo-dum, dee dum. Is how you play that song that guy in my band wrote about how every time he talks to a girl it's awkward but he still intends nonetheless to arrive at the airport at the time his flight leaves Inebriated 06:33, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
Oh. cool. that makes a lot more sense.    Orian57    Talk   Union pink 06:38 16 June 2009
Someone's inebriated... Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:42, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
I'm not. I'm a good boy.    Orian57    Talk   Union pink 13:42 16 June 2009
Well, I know who is... Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:52, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
I lost $110 today playing Three Card Poker. Inebriated 08:09, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
Could have been worse I suppose. Still pretty bad, maybe you should not play Three Card Poker anymore... or learn to cheat? Unless you're playing against mafia types inwhich case that's probably not wise.    Orian57    Talk   Union pink 08:32 27 June 2009
Fat matronly Asian women. Inebriated 08:53, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
Well just start sleeping with her!    Orian57    Talk   Union pink 08:55 27 June 2009

edit Hat

There once was a guy with a big fucking hat. It was the biggest hat that anyone had ever seen, and everywhere he went, people said to him, "Look at that big fucking hat on your head. How do you deal with it?"

"Well," he would say, "I rather like my big fucking hat."

The hat was really quite something. It sat like a boulder atop the man's bald head, radiating with vibrant neon colors. Nobody could quite comprehend the size and color of the hat, and so the man was always feeling as if people stared at him.

One day, a woman walked up to the man on the street and said, "Dear God, sir, what is that abomination atop your skull?"

"Abomination?" he screamed. "This is no abomination, you whore. I love my fucking hat, and there's nothing you can do or say to change my mind." After this, he found himself engulfed in anger and animosity, and so he grabbed the woman by the neck and breathed heavily on her face, hoping to disgust her with his halitosis.

"Ugh!" she yelled, clearly disgusted, trying to free herself him his heinous grip. "Ugh!" she screamed again. "I hate you and your big fucking hat! How is it that your breath can stink so intensely?"

"I don't know!" the man shouted back at her, again attempting to saturate her in bad breath. "It's always been this bad! It must have something to do with my big fucking hat!"

"For the love of God," the woman said, writing in his grip, "you must do something about that!"

"But I love my hat!" He breathed on her one final time, and she could no longer take the stench. She died a painful and slow death, wishing she had never met the man with the big fucking hat. Luckily for the man, the police never caught him, since they never even figured out that it was bad breath that killed the woman, and not something more common, like guns or poison.

It was at this point that the man decided to give himself a name. He had always referred to himself as "the man," but he thought now that he had killed a perpetrator that he deserved something more interesting. "I will now call myself...Bageeno Hormonis. Yes, this is the best name I have ever heard. I can not see how anyone could ever dislike me again." He left the hat on, and did not consider the possibility that people might not know his name just by looking at him.

One important day came just a few hours after he named himself. He was walking down the street, enjoying the sun, when a young man approached him and pointed at his hat, screaming, "I can't believe you're wearing the ugliest fucking hat I've ever seen in my entire life!"

Bageeno wasn't sure how to react, so he said, "I am Bageeno Hormonis, and this is my hat. I love my fucking hat."

"But you're a psycho! How could you like your hat? It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my entire life."

"No, I believe you are wrong. And I don't think you heard me correctly. I am Bageeno Hormonis!"

"I heard your fucking name, and it's stupid too, but what I'm concerned about is that crazy hat you're wearing!

"Why is everyone always looking at my hat?" Bageeno shouted. He grabbed the young man by the shoulder and squeezed really hard, until the young man was crying from a sore shoulder. "Ouch!" the young man kept saying, "you're hurting my shoulder!"

But Bageeno would not cease squeezing. Soon, the young man was moribund. "Oh no, I'm moribund," he said. "I think I shall perish now." And then he did just that, for the pain in his shoulder was too great to endure.

Bageeno felt slightly naughty after killing the young man, for he didn't intend to do so. He felt lucky, however, after the police failed to catch him. The police, after all, had never seen anyone killed by means of a squeezed shoulder before this particular instance.

It was six months later when Bageeno Hormonis looked in the mirror and decided that his hat was, indeed, too fucking big, and also the dumbest thing he had ever seen. "This hat is so fucking dumb," he said. "I don't know why I'm wearing it."

He took it off and tried to stuff it down the drain of his sink. But the hat was far too big to go down the sink, and so he shouted, "Damn you, you shitty sink! Why is it that you will not accept my hat?"

The sink was displeased, and said back to him, "For Christ's sake, that hat is so much bigger than I am. Just throw it in the garbage can and don't get so pissed."

Bageeno had never considered solving his problems rather than subsiding into rage. And so he tossed the hat in the garbage, having learned the important rule that big fucking hats force others to ridicule you. He also learned that it's better to not get mad at stupid shit, but that didn't sink in until much later, when he realized that all bad stories have stupid fucking morals at the end of them.

Nate Atcheson

edit Quack.

Do not feed the ducks

quack quack quack quack quack. Quack. Quack?

It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 04:32, September 30, 2010 (UTC)

FUCK YOU Inebriated 04:11, January 13, 2011 (UTC)


Happymonkeywinter2011 ¡¡¡ OLÉ !!!  :)

--Shabidoo 10:41, February 24, 2011 (UTC)

edit Mo' niggas

Be trippin'.....nice to see you around the old homestead. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

I'm so fucking high. Inebriated 09:26, August 17, 2011 (UTC)

edit This niga be tripin

Nice job!!! --ShabiDOO 19:04, August 18, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks. I'm so fucking high again. Inebriated 06:00, August 21, 2011 (UTC)
You're back! --Mn-z 21:27, August 21, 2011 (UTC)
I wouldn't go that far. Inebriated 07:10, August 22, 2011 (UTC)

edit BUTT POOP!!!! is on VFD

--Mn-z 15:08, August 27, 2011 (UTC)

It has now passed VFD!!!! --Mn-z 21:10, August 30, 2011 (UTC)

edit You know what?

I think you're a sockpuppet of Hyperbole. I'll be seeing you around. --Scofield & Dudes 09:54, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

edit Penis

Inebriated 06:23, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

my god, you are awesome. Well the sober you is, the drunk you is like that guy who threw up in our letterbox.--Nikau 06:56, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

edit You smell

Like booze. What a shock, eh? 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 01:19, 24 October 2011

I love you more than just ironically. Inebriated 08:41, November 10, 2011 (UTC)

edit Your Pussy Article

Is so fucking bad ass. Even Chief went to nominate the article for feature. Go vote for it. It's awesome. --POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown 03:41, December 20, 2011 (UTC)

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