User talk:Imrealized

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To post comments, questions or warnings of misdeeds to Imrealized, please use this handy instructional:
1. Use your words well. Sentences are a good use of words, so try those.
2. Add new posts to the bottom, unless they are super important. If so, add those to the top, but add a comment down bottom letting me know that there is a super important message at the top. If you aren't sure if your message is super important or not, put it somewhere in the middle. I always check the middle.
3. Before you post, make sure that you know whose talk page you are on. Chances are you misclicked. It happens.
4. I lack depth perception, so no 3-D fonts, please.
5. No magic eye pictures, either.
6. Any rewards in template form can go here. Any rebukes in template form can go fuck themselves.
7. This one is a secret, but if you break it you and I will both know.
8. If you fail to follow any of the above rules, I reserve the right to add "in Bob" to the end of your post. Sorry, that's just the way it works here.

edit Talk Archives

edit Eh up

Nice to see you around the old homestead....hopefully we'll see some more of your magnificent contributions soon... -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

You complete me. Imrealized ...hmm? 05:47, April 16, 2011 (UTC)

edit You are very strange.

I love it. Also, this was one of the funniest reviews I have read in a while, though not exactly in-depth, but something tells me that's not terribly important in this case. Anyhow, it always is good to see one's completely useless code getting put to use (the whole phrases adding up to numbers thing), so... yay! 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 00:15, 11 May 2011

Ah, that was you? Good stuff. I don't think I had ever done a Pee Review before and am now too hunkered down in a fortress of empty key lime crates to see if my assumption is true, but that cool code makes me want to keep on Pee Reviewing to see what other combos amount to. Most interesting will be:
rickshaw + rucksack + rickroll + rugrats + fish tacos = ?
I hope the answer is 17,002. That would just make sense. - Imrealized ...hmm? 01:49, May 11, 2011 (UTC)
Unfortunately, sense is rarely present in matters such as these... it's a very simple algorithm, by which I mean I couldn't think of anything with which to mix it up and it just wound up length-based. And I probably shouldn't have mentioned that, since now you'll not be inclined to come back to it, will you? Oops.
On the plus side, if you add an extra tree slug, that's an extra nine points. Put it in the taco, perhaps.
Less to the point, I read your review of Hypnotist, and holy crap, I love it. If your reviews are this good, it's making me think, perhaps, I should read your articles... are they worth it? 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 03:06, 12 May 2011
Absolutely not, but at least they have lots of links that probably lead to articles that are worth it. And pictures that aren't especially horrendous. Many words, too. I guess they look like articles, now that I think about it, so they are worth it if the only thing you are really after is to "read an article". Laughter, well, that might be another story.
I could think of worse activities, mind you. I'd take reading one of my own articles over, say, rabies. Or watching paint. Watching paint dry would be more fun. But just watching paint sitting there in a bucket is not as fun. Except when it just randomly bubbles up for no reason and you begin to wonder if there is a tiny, paint-stained crocodile waiting to eat your brushes. Then the fun level trumps my articles for sure.
Overall, I'd say if you are looking for a good time, skip my articles and just fashion yourself the entire ensemble cast of Glee out of Fimo clay. Use your new figurines to make a stop-motion video, which you can then upload to YouTube. Call it Glay. Waaaaaay more fun. - Imrealized ...hmm? 05:34, May 12, 2011 (UTC)
Largely, they appear to be disappointingly article-like. I mean, articles are almost always like that, but... oh well. Not sure what I was expecting, really. I've watched paint, though. Not wet paint, mind, in a bucket or tin or whatever, but dry paint. On a wall. Sometimes it flakes. Bits fall off. It's rather, normally, but it does move, especially if the wall starts moving. Then watching the paint can be quite interesting, if only it weren't for the whole issue of why the wall happens to be moving, and what other concerns may happen to go with that... but sometimes I think people's priorities are just all wrong.
Good times are overrated, though, and not generally so good as folks expect them to be. Perhaps I would prefer to watch paint... or watch a strand of spiderweb flail about... or perhaps read a mite? You know how it is, what the mind does. Have you tried that, the Glay? 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 18:49, 12 May 2011
My friends and I go Glay every Tuesday at 8. It beats watching the show. - Imrealized ...hmm? 19:52, May 12, 2011 (UTC)
By how much? I mean, how is the show? *shifty eyes* 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 03:15, 13 May 2011
I've never actually seen the show. Cuddle parties. *awkward grin* - Imrealized ...hmm? 03:36, May 13, 2011 (UTC)

edit Thanks for Review

GoldenShower Rejoice, Imrealized! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.
I'm glad you liked my article. PS: really awesome you are back, love your articles:)--Sycamore (Talk) 12:10, May 12, 2011 (UTC)
Hey... aye, it is an excellent, fun read. Sorry that the total of my scoring only amounted to 24, though. Would've wrote longer scores had I known what I know now. I would've given you a Cscore of This is a score and also a statement, at the very least.
So, now that I've got you here, let me ask you: Do you think that I am lactose intolerant? For years I've indulged in dairy consumption with the best of them — Tubs of ice cream fell at my feet. Milk crates were stacking up. I wrapped my face in cheese for exfoliation purposes. Once I even visited a farm and was struck by what Farmer Federico called "sheer udder madness", then felt up a bunch of cows.
Now a bowl of cereal gives me gas. What gives? Also, good to meet you. - Imrealized ...hmm? 17:09, May 12, 2011 (UTC)
Well, if the score goes over 11, it goes back to 0 and starts counting again. Need to fit the table, these random phrases. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 18:50, 12 May 2011
Need to... back to..? Goes to eleven. Ugh. My non-technical, neo-neanderthal brain can't handle all these simple rules. Listen with your mind's ears — mine is crying out in underunderstanding pain. What have you done, numbers and tables? Why have you assaulted my... oh, I think I get it now. That's easy, actually. Okay. Thanks for the help.
Numbers can still suck it, though. - Imrealized ...hmm? 19:41, May 12, 2011 (UTC)

edit Thanks for the piss, man!

Thanks for reviewing Hypnotist, dude! I can't wait to get started on it. Thanks again. --Tophat headless 00:01, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

I am getting sleepy. Sleepy. The mad, entropic world around me is melting away, replaced by a soft room of comforting light. There is a beanbag chair in the center of this soft room, a patchwork of gentleness and hemp and a pretty sweet paisley print. It is stuffed with whatever the occupant feels is absolute happiness. So... green gummy bears, in this instance. Sleepy. White light fills my eyes; it is slightly limeish flavoured. Sleeeeepy. I am asleep.
When I wake, I will find that my nicotine cravings are entirely unaffected, though I will feel a pang of guilt with every cigarette for the next week or so. I will also discover two days are missing. Then there is the message on my talk page from a magician, known conspirators of hypnotists and heathens. I will also find that my wallet is missing.
That's the last time I drink anything that your friend in the turban gives me, Magic man! - Imrealized ...hmm? 02:11, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
Hmm... you lost a whole day you say? Well here, drink this. Marvin gave it to me, he said it'll help you remember things better. Maybe it will help. --Tophat headless 02:15, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
Wait. Just... wait. Ah no. Not falling for that again. I can't lose another day or two. I have, umm, stuff and things to take care of. Important stuff and things. So save your drinks for, what are you doing with that watch? I like the way it swings — reminds me of the moon after an absinthe bender. Nice repetitive sway. To and fro like that. Good stuff. I could really, just, go for... I think I should lay down. That watch thing is.. so tired.. but, I must fig The preceding unsigned comment was added by Imrealized (talk • contribs)
Oh wow, you look really sick now. Here, drink this. --Tophat headless 02:28, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
ht the urge to... GODDAMMIT! - Imrealized ...hmm? 05:54, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

edit User:Imrealized/UnNews:Large Hadron Collider creates new mimetic metal alloy

Unlike a typical Uncyclopedia article, please don't use the Construction template for UnNews; as soon as you publish the story it goes into the queue on the UnNews Main Page and, therefore, has a certain amount of exposure, which is not a good thing for an article that says "I'm not finished yet." So please write UnNewses in your userspace or in a Word Document or on a loose sheet of graph paper or your forearm or a scrap of parchment, whatever floats your boat, and only publish it in UnNews when you're completely done. Cheers! ~ Humbuck Talk 02:57, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

Uh-oh. Now I'm gonna have to go into this big friggin' tirade about how this is bubkiss and that you have single-handedly ruined my creative drive and that fuck userspace article making when I want it in UnNews. Right. Freaking. Now.
Uh-oh a second time. That isn't what I do. I do the other thing. I say sorry for making more work for you. I think this is my second UnNews ever so I plead ignorance. Often. And lots of it. Sweet, sweet ignorance. Seriously though, sorry. Gonna finish that up soonish and pop it back out there, minus the template. Thanks for the help, bruddah. - Imrealized ...hmm? 03:12, May 26, 2011 (UTC)
You guys are awesome. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 03:16, 26 May 2011
I'm just pissed I got gypped out of a tirade. Damn my second paragraph's sensibility! - Imrealized ...hmm? 03:25, May 26, 2011 (UTC)
You could always have a good tirade about something else. Squirrels, maybe. Have you ever had squirrels in your attic? They'll right kill the eaves, well-warranting a good tirade... or maybe a moth. Moth in a lamp... hells, but it could be most anything. I wish I could remember my rants... 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 03:35, 26 May 2011

edit Tom Paine

Imrealized, you wrote a great article with "Tom Paine." I nominated it to be highlighted on the main page, and I hope it makes it! The preceding unsigned comment was added by NoNamesLeft (talk • contribs)

Fun fact: Most people think I had vanished from the site for five years, when in fact I was working on that article. It was rough because when I started out I was working on it from a house. Then I lost my job at the sperm whale sperming center because, really, who can concentrate on jerking a whale off when there is an Uncyclopedia article to write? Needless to say, five years later, I do all of my writing at the public library and all of my photoshopping comes from a friendly lady at Kinko's who volunteers at the soup kitchen. Anyways, thanks Uncyclopedia! Err, I mean... thanks for the nomination.
And I see you are heading down the same path, Mr. 172 Articles in two months. It's cool, my box has room for at least three more writers. - Imrealized ...hmm? 05:16, May 31, 2011 (UTC)

edit Shame on you!

For the sake of non-existent dramatic effect, I shall repeat myself. Shame on you! And why is the shame "on" you? Because you were foolhardy enough to vote for the featurisation of A Series of Unfortunate Events, my latest article. Don't you realise that you should have hacked into the Uncyclopedia servers and removed both the article and its nomination page from existence? Well, you obviously did not and now look what has happened: A Series of Unfortunate Events made it onto the front page! This could well cause the fall of the southern hemisphere, and it's all your fault. Lemony snicket signature 14:56, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

Yay! --Imrealized ...hmm? 04:04, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

edit Thanks

Another yay! --Imrealized ...hmm? 04:58, June 5, 2011 (UTC)

edit Chicago Eight

I'm adding you to the Chicago Seven, and let me know when you are beaten and pantsed by the Chicago police. Thanks for the vote and the nice comment. It give me hope for mankind, as a hole. The last time I got such nice comments on a page Mordillo was still here and watching. The good old days. Well, thanks again, and bounce a hippie on your knee for me. Aleister 21:23 18-6-'11

I miss that guy. Vincent D'Onofrio. Where'd he go? I think some fat alien ate him and is using his skin to seduce Kathryn Erbe. And I miss Abbie Hoffman. Nobody could levitate the counterculture's imagination like that guy. Levitating Pentagons, not so much. And I miss Mordillo. What a good, funny dude. And I miss Aleister Crowley. Man, did that guy cheat at poker. But he sure could throw a mean black mass. Is he the source of your appellation? Any which way but anyway, no need to thank me. In fact, I think the front page should thank you. 'Tis a nice article. --Imrealized ...hmm? 16:08, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

edit You have to realize that I must thank you for voting for my article.


You might not get in Heaven like I said but you will have some virtual tits and beer as a reward for voting for my article. Enjoy. --Mimo&Maxus (Talk) 09:35, June 19, 2011 (UTC)

Imrealized everything, always. Err, sometimes. Okay, okay... occasionally. Once or twice, maybe? On second thought, let's not evaluate my realizations. Thank you for the thank you, though. --Imrealized ...hmm? 16:11, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

edit Much Thanks for making Padmé


Your support is what made Padmé!

--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 17:47, Jul 10

edit Thank you...

...for the nom on Ice cream truck. I was as surprised as hell to see it in the June Top 10 voting lineup. --T. (talk) 18:26, July 12, 2011 (UTC)

This message is old. You're welcome from last summer. --Imrealized ...hmm? 04:38, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

edit Whoa

Did you order a salad? I missed your comment above, on the Chicago 7 section. Mordillo has come and gone, several times it seems, as have I. Abbie Hoffman and the crew are drifting away one by one, Dana Beal is one of the only ones left. Tom Hayden is around too, but that's not saying much since he had Jane Fonda to hold up his walking corpse for a few years. Wanted to say 'lo since I saw you around and around. Aleister 16:26 13-1-'12

I eat salad like salad for breakfast. I mean, I eat people like you on my salad. I mean, I ate a breakfast salad yesterday. And you look like a crouton, at least in my head. --Imrealized ...hmm? 04:42, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

edit Funnybony chop

That's fantastic, how did you do that??? Thank you! Is it possible to put back Oscar, that's kind of a traditional image for the award. The one you used, is it that great Jesus touch-up that that woman did thinking she was helping the church? That's one of the most famous paintings in the world now, and if I were that church I'd hire security to protect it from being stolen. Great job, and that kind of chop is still a mystery to me. Ah, just thought of something. Can you, if you have the time (hours? days?) do mine with just "Aleister" instead of "Aleister in Chains"? Damn, thanks again! Yay Funnybony! Al 22:23 8-2-'13

Well, first I took a photograph of my computer screen to get the old picture. Then I uploaded that photo and made the award as big as I could. Then I put masking tape over where it said your name, MMX or whatever, and also taped over the year you won, Aleister in Chains. Then I wrote the new name and date in with a fine, white Sharpie. Then I did some other stuff that I can't really talk about. Finally, I took another photograph of my computer screen and uploaded that photo to this site. Bango! New award!
It is that Jesus touch-up. I thought it was funny, though had no intentions of actually making you use that one. We need Oscar proper on the award. And yes, I can make you a new version after I eat a big plate of spaghetti. I like to 'chop while I digest. --Imrealized ...hmm? 22:39, February 8, 2013 (UTC)

Thank you!!! Check out [[user:Funnybony|Funnybony's user page, I put it at 1000px for him to find. It looks really good! You are a God incarnate. Aleister 23:44 8-2-'13
No probs. Check your mail, duder. --Imrealized ...hmm? 01:16, February 9, 2013 (UTC)
Whoo! You have indeed freed me from my chains, which have rusted and rattled. Thanks. I know that was a lot of work, very appreciated. Onward and outwardA! Aleister 14:57 9-2-'13
Hmm, that picture isn't the one I did. After checking the piccy history, I see someone else dropped a new version about four hours after I uploaded mine. That's cool, though I preferred the numerical year. Why? Because the Roman numerals really seem to drown out the winning writer's name. Also, people have names that look like Roman numerals (around here), but not so much numerical years. No matter, I think the other version is still there somewhere. --Imrealized ...hmm? 10:58, February 13, 2013 (UTC)
Now Funnybony is using the first one you did, with oscar's head tilted to the side, or the pic of that woman painting over Jesus's face, whatever it is. He likes it better! He thanks you on his talk page but not here, so I'm thanking you here again using his name. You did good! not Funnybony 11:58 13-2-13

edit Thanks

Thank you for voting for Fred Basset. --Equilateralperil 02:36, February 9, 2013 (UTC)

Thank you for writing it. --Imrealized ...hmm? 10:41, February 13, 2013 (UTC)

edit Unquotable:History of Unquotable on VFD

Please do not "fight for Some user" but vote on the quality of the article in question. To be persuasive, your vote should address the claims made against the article. Also note (in the Comments) that a consensus was starting to emerge to keep this article but move it to Some user's userspace. I supported this as the article is more a personal diary than of general interest. It would be helpful if you would see fit to add your voice to that. Cheers. Spıke Ѧ 02:11 23-Feb-13

It's a pleasure to meet you, too. Thanks for dropping by! -- Imrealized ...hmm? 04:18, February 23, 2013 (UTC)
I stand with you in standing with Some user, and standing for history itself. I am blessed and cursed by being a historian at heart, and see in that page a very detailed and personal account of the beginning of a wiki and even of an internet meme. Keeping things like this hurts nobody and enhances the history of the wiki. Thank you for your valiant and principled stand even though some user is sitting down somewhere. a random historian at heart 8:36 23-2-'13
If it took a bunch of idiots six years to ruin Uncyclopedia, then I bet these three smart guys will be able to finish it off in less than a year. Let's watch the magic unfold! -- Imrealized ...hmm? 09:16, February 24, 2013 (UTC)
I'll take that bet, and raise you a trip to the fabulous Bahamas and a side of organically grown beef from the killing fields of Kansas City. Trying to get rid of an entire category of pages has a certain "wha?" about it, and the wholesale deletion of unused images Edit:I was wrong here, that user does look at the pictures before deleting them, something one of the fork founders didn't do when deleting thousands of pictures here. Carry on by a user who doesn't see images on his computer (the blind leading the mime) give one pause, but the people active here now are the best of the best (probably an accurate assessment) and this wiki would have surely sunk without them. The other wiki is fine, as it goes now, but can be sunk with the flick of a switch if one person wants to do so. Better to have two ships afloat than one with a self-destruct key on the captains table. Aye, me bucko. And this wiki has Funnybony, so it has at least one perfect user name. Aye. Aleister a user nickname 11:50 24-2-'13
It's just always so sad to witness primates go crazy with power, even if it is the fake internet kind. Attempting to bury the history of Uncyclopedia is one thing, actively writing little passive-aggressive votes about Some user over and over is another. It's a little gay. Coming to my talk page and scolding me for funny voting is also a little gay, then reading your response and correcting you on your talk page is a pussy move. Also, telling Claudius Prime to namespace his article is retarded. So, apart from being run by partially gay, retarded pussies mad with internet power, you're right... this place is the tits. Think I'll stick around for a long time, contributing many worthwhile edits. Like this one. -- Imrealized ...hmm? 08:22, February 25, 2013 (UTC)

edit WTF happened to you?

I weep for this place. Salty tears trickle down my face. Oh wait, that's just jizz. Damn orgies. -- Imrealized ...hmm? 10:42, October 8, 2014 (UTC)

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