User talk:HELPME/Archive 1

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This is my talk page, where you can greet me, tell me how much of a super-noob I am, etc. And if you're pissed at me because of something I said, please come here and talk to me about it in a civil manner.

Was that, "...see you around..." a crack at my weight? I BARLEY even know you! Anyway, welcome and such; if you need any help feel free to ask. Someone will be along to welcome you properly soon. Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  15 Jan 2010 ~ 06:53 (UTC)

No, it was a crack your rotundity, fatass! OH SHIT SON
I wonder what's taking them.
HELPME 21:19, January 15, 2010
They're right on time! (Everyone here is basically just lazy.)  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  16 Jan 2010 ~ 00:19 (UTC)

edit Welcome!

Hello, HELPME, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there and there is a window over here if you don't fancy walking down the stairs. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:


Chief welcomes you!

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but most people enjoy writing something while they are here. If you are critical and think the world would be infinitely better if everyone listened to you, then you should become a teacher, but check out Pee Review while they make sure you aren't a sex offender.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. You can also look into the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program.

OK, I know you may have seen this message on lots of other people's pages, but I still had to come to your page to leave it here. If you have absolutely any questions, no matter how trivial, feel free to ask me here.

Here are a couple of important things that you should bear in mind as a brand new user, especially if you can't be bothered reading the beginner's guide.

  • Read HTBFANJS I guarantee it will be a huge help to you and will stop your early efforts being deleted on sight by administrators.
  • If you want to create an article, and you wanted to call it Bleurgh, to create it in your user space you would just make the address bar look like this: user-name here)/Bleurgh. Please don't create it on this page as this is where other users can contact you.
  • Always remember rule 2 and be constructive and civil at all times. Honestly, it works (mostly) and it won't get you banned.
  • Have fun, that is after all why we are all here.

Again, welcome!  ChiefjusticeDS 21:26, January 15, 2010 (UTC)

I sure am glad I didn't get the 'evil eye' one... ^^'
Oh by the way, I did check out the beginner's guide and HTBFANJS before I actually joined, so I would make less of a fool out of myself.
HELPME 20:03, January 16, 2010 (UTC)HELPME
Awesome! It seems you are well on your way! Looking forward to your contributions.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  16 Jan 2010 ~ 20:32 (UTC)
Thanks, but I don't know if I'll be doing more than editing existing articles for a while. I need to get a good idea and act on it well. I'm slightly nervous about how it would turn out if I did.
HELPME 22:10, January 16, 2010 (UTC)HELPME
Don't be nervous, I'm sure you will do just fine. When you think you're ready, jump in with both feet.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  16 Jan 2010 ~ 23:58 (UTC)

I know I probably shouldn't be, but it's for the same reason as to why I was all "I'm sorry I'm sorry *kissass* *Kissass* *Kissass*- whenever I first start off on any site really, I always fuck up somehow and make a bad first impression. HELPME 00:29, January 17, 2010 (UTC)HELPME

Hey, nice sweater you've got there, douche-fag. Your mom knit that for you? Heh heh. --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 06:44, January 18, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, who wrote that article about me? That's vanity! >=[ HELPME 07:02, January 18, 2010 (UTC)HELPME

Ditto Welcome. If you need help with anything, post a note on my talk page and I'll pretend to know the answer. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 23:21, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Thank ya, and I'll be sure to pretend you were helpful. Except if you were helpful, then I'd pretend you suck. Even though that's more my thing

But seriously, thanks. The preceding unsigned comment was added by HELPME (talk • contribs)

Also, editing someone else's comments, even on your own user space, is considered something of a no no, including when it messes up a link. (I done fixed it). Also it's customary to sign your posts by using ~~~~ at the end. And by the way, I like your response and you're welcome. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 23:36, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Gah! >.<

I know, I messed both of those up on accident. I actually sign [[User:HELPME|HELPME]]...for no real reason whatsoever. Except that I can change my display name.ur mum lol

Edit: I'm a fucktard. *depression* The preceding unsigned comment was added by HELPME (talk • contribs)

Sadly, being a fucktard I think means you're one of us. Condolences. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 23:48, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Well, then maybe I should be proud! =DHELPME

A note on comments. To make it easier to follow a discussion, a comment is indented one space further in from what it's commenting on. This is done by using :'s at the beginning of a comment.
So for example:
You are a noobly jerk and should be burned alive! NOTANOOB 23:58, January 22, 2010 UTC
 What did I do to deserve that? NOOB 23:59, January 22, 2010 UTC
  Nothing. That means I'm better than you. NOTANOOB 00:00, January 23, 2010 UTC
 You're blocked for an hour. Stop being a jerk. ADMIN 00:05, January 22, 2010 UTC
Why am I being blocked? NOOB 00:07, January 22, 2010 UTC
 You aren't being blocked, NOOB.  Check the indents. ADMIN 00:14, January 22, 2010 UTC

WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 00:06, January 23, 2010 (UTC)

M'kay, does it work? Damn, I need to learn. A lot. It does, yes.


edit UnSignpost 21th January 2009

Also, it's MrN9000's mum's 60th birthday! 9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png MrNCyber.JPG 17:34, Jan 21

edit To (everyone) anyone who cares...

I wish to adopted, but I can't decide by who. So, everyone else will make that decision for me!

And it's not my fault for being indecisive. It's all you guys' fault for being awesome. HELPME

Yeah, we're all full of awesomeness and stuff. But it's really your decision. Have you checked Uncyclopedia:AAN/Adopters?
Also your current signatures doesn't have the time/date stamp, which us anally-retentive types like to see so we know if you posted this five minutes ago or five years ago. If you want the same sig you have now with the time stamp, you can use ~~~~ and it show up as HELPME 20:45, January 25, 2010 (UTC). Hope this helps! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 20:45, January 25, 2010 (UTC)

^I know I should do that...

And I'm like that too, I like to read old stuff from here, and it's annoying when the time isn't there. Guess that makes me a hypocrite, huh?

And thanks for the list. That's my problem though, there are at least 4 there I would like(Including you!) HELPME 21:40, January 25, 2010 (UTC)HELPME

Ooh! Ooh!!! You should start a forum topic and have them all fight for you to the DEATH! Or something....  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  27 Jan 2010 ~ 03:45 (UTC)

I decided to go with Why. HELPME 00:25, January 29, 2010 (UTC)HELPME

So you wanna be adopted, huh? Like I need another kid! Well, actually, I checked through some of your edits. You did some significant copy editing/proofreading on Nothing, which is something Uncyclopedia needs a lot more of. And when I tried to adopt your oldest sister I had to fight with another user, which was rather bloody, whereas I won't have to fight over you. And you've already been asking me stuff anyway, so, ah, might as well make it official. Congratulations; you've been adopted!
I'll warn you, though. your grandma who adopted me is back, although I haven't seen your younger older sister or your great grandfather recently, and we have this family thing going where Uncle Puppy is pretty safe, but be careful around Uncle Syndrome, so don't be surprised if you get several silly messages relating to you being the new baby. It goes with the family. Condolences. (Also are you a boy or a girl? Excuse me while I check inside your diaper). WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 22:13, January 29, 2010 (UTC)
Yeah, I saw the blue template and thought "Hey, it has potential, why don't I fix it up?" I also did some work on a couple others I can't quite remember. And "Uncle Syndrome" already called me a douche-fag, but I can tell he's just being a Pleb. ;)

Also, I am not a boy. I'm a MAN. HELPME 22:18, January 29, 2010 (UTC)HELPME

Hey, IRL I was probably old enough to be my adopter's father, and I still got called her baby. :-P WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 05:22, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

Well, this is natural for Uncyclopedia. Things that make sense are SO Wikipedia.

Oh, and your first official question as my adopter (ee?) How can I make my signature? I know I do User:HELPME/sig, at least I think so, but how do I actually add stuff?HELPME 05:26, January 30, 2010 (UTC)HELPME

Step 1: Create the page User:HELPME/sig - actually I just created it for the giggles, so instead you can just steal it.
Step b: Put shit in it. Have a look at UN:SIG for the rules on sig length and stuff
Step iii: Go into your preferences and in the signature tab paste {{Subst:Nosubst|User:HELPME/sig}}
Step 00001010: Sign your name with 4 tildes ~~~~ or click on the button above your edit window that looks like a signature.
And welcome to the family, nephew. According to my talk page, you've started to learn how to read. (I usually just look at the pictures myself.) Pup
Thanks! I never would've figured that out myself. I'll get to making it later. HELPME 05:51, January 30, 2010 (UTC)HELPME
Uncle Puppy's answer came quicker. But your Daddy's was longer. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 06:07, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
The easiest way to do that is probably do what I did. Find someone's signature you like on a page, then click edit for that page and look at the code. You'll probably see something like
{{User:Buccaneer Batman/sig}}
Then go to the page
User:Buccaneer Batman/sig
and click on edit and you can read the code they used. Then you can adapt it as your own (with your name and whatever changes you make, of course).
You do this by creating a page like
Then type in your code and preview it to see if it looks like what you want. When it does, save it.
Then click on my preferences at the very top of the page.
Then in the signature box, type in
Then click the box that says custom signature.
Then save the page.
You can create several signatures that way if you want: sig1, sig2, etc. But the one that will appear when you sign your name is the one specified in the signature box. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 05:58, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
That's exactly how I got the userboxes. That's basically how I know most wiki formatting I know. For example, I just looked at the happy user with a green signature with a dancing banana and such's edit, to see how to do color. I'll make it blue. It sucks now, but this is the best I have at this moment:--HELPME 06:03, January 30, 2010 (UTC)Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM
Fight the power man, if you stick with the plain old signature then at the end of the day people will see how you have signed your comment with only a simple name and think "Hey that writer must be really intelligent if he doesn't need a fancy signature. He's probably really quite dashing and handsome too". Now if only all the girls at work didn't already have boyfriends... Sequence 15:18, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
Simple, basic black signatures are always in style. WHY??? 19:05, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
Unlike your regular one, Why. Oh yeah, I went there.--HELPME 20:12, January 30, 2010 (UTC)Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM
LOL! Aw shucks. My user page has an external link to ALL KINDS of coloring code if you're interested.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  01 Feb 2010 ~ 11:28 (UTC)

edit UnSignpost 28th January 2010

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png MrNCyber.JPG 14:53, Jan 28

edit Welcome, from a former Adoptee of User:Why

I guess that makes me like your step sister or something. Welcome. Ask your Daddy to teach you how to vote for your big sister's VFH article: HowTo:Smuggle a snow globe --Puffskein 19:00, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

I've already voted on a few VFH articles in the past. I'll take a look.
And that is shameless whoring ;)--HELPME 02:18, January 31, 2010 (UTC)HELPME
Well, your older sister is a shameless whore talented, enthusiastic writer who's rightly proud of her own work. (Seriously, vote as you see fit, of course.) WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 19:07, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
I'm actually quite modest. So vote or not. Would you call it whoring if it were a guy!? I want to make sure there are no double standards here. --Puffskein 19:16, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
Oh, yes. Almost everyone with a VFH article here has probably been a shameless whore. (I liked it though)--HELPME 02:18, January 31, 2010 (UTC)HELPME
Puffy, I've called Puppy a voting whore several times. No sexism here. :-) WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 19:53, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
And from what I've read, he's also been called a regular whore. And a "weird uncle".--HELPME 02:18, January 31, 2010 (UTC)HELPME
I am not a vote whore at all, and nobody can say any different! Oh, and plain signatures are always stylish. It shows you have no need to compensate for anything. People with flashy signatures are just vote whores. Pup
(You know I've often heard that is true!  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  01 Feb 2010 ~ 11:28 (UTC))
Speaking of sigs, I really don't like yours. Check UN:SIG and remember that you don't know the gender preference of everyone who reads your stuff, and insulting people may just be a really, really stupid idea. Pup

Yes, I know. I'm changing it as soon as I can. HELPME 02:18, January 31, 2010 (UTC)HELPME

Hi Grandson HELPME! Grandma huggies and kissies! You have a great Daddy! He was such a good boy. Until he grew up. lol DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 06:19, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
Thanks! And you should be proud of your son's recent victory in user of the month, it proves he (probably) doesn't suck! Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 06:39, 1 February 2010 (UTC)

edit You are...

the only person I've seen on here with a timestamp in the middle of your sig. It's just screaming for HELP, if you get my meaning. ;) —Paizuri MUN (Talk Contribs Poll!) 06:17, 1 February 2010 (UTC)

  • Yeah, and I have noooo idea why it's there either. And I do need help. I'm a bit wrong in the head, you see. It's like Tourette's, except I just like screaming expletives. FUCK COCK DICK SHIT! Oh, excuse me. --HELPME 06:22, February 1, 2010 (UTC)Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM
You can put your timestamp at the end of your sig like this: {{Subst:Nosubst|User:HELPME/sig}} {{subst:CURRENTTIME}}, {{subst:CURRENTDAY}} {{subst:CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{subst:CURRENTYEAR}} (UTC)
Just copy this into the sig box in your preferences, and check custom signature. After that, sign your posts with 3 tildes. Maybe that'll work. —Paizuri MUN (Talk Contribs Poll!) 06:32, 1 February 2010 (UTC)
Noob here, I don't really understand. I really need a lesson on Wiki formatting.

Post-edit: I just got it, thanks. I'm in the process of changing it. Edit edit: It made two copies! Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 06:36, 1 February 2010 (UTC)

Looks good to me. —Paizuri MUN (Talk Contribs Poll!) 06:42, 1 February 2010 (UTC)
Yeah, I fixed it for that edit. But my new problem is, now it puts my sig, the timestamp, and then my sig again. I have no idea why it's doing this either. Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 06:44, 1 February 2010 (UTC)Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM
Are you signing with three tildes? —Paizuri MUN (Talk Contribs Poll!) 06:50, 1 February 2010 (UTC)
Yes. Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 06:51, 1 February 2010 (UTC)Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM
Code you do me a solid and copy what you have as your user preferences as your sig so I can see what is happenin g properly. Oh, and by using <span class="plainlinks nounderlinelink">'''[[User:HELPME|<span style="color: black;">H<span style="font-size:95%">E<span style="font-size:95%">L<span style="font-size:95%">P<span style="font-size:95%">M<span style="font-size:95%">E</span></span></span></span></span></span>]]'''</span> you end up with something a little like HELPME. Have a look at UN:HAX for a few more tricks that you can use on this, or feel free to steal from other people's work. We all learned how to wiki edit by doing much the same thing. Pup
Ah, it's POTR to the rescue! He's such a man~! —Paizuri MUN (Talk Contribs Poll!) 06:58, 1 February 2010 (UTC)
Smoke me a kipper - I'll be back for breakfast! Pup
You both just edit conflicted me. Bastards.

Anyway, I have this in my preferences: Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 07:01, 1 February 2010 (UTC)

Edit: Er, what the fuck? {{Subst:Nosubst|User:HELPME/sig}} {{subst:CURRENTTIME}}, {{subst:CURRENTDAY}} {{subst:CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{subst:CURRENTYEAR}} (UTC)
Now you know why I use <nowiki> a lot. And that looks strange when you look at the source code. Okay - suggestion is to trim it back to {{Subst:Nosubst|User:HELPME/sig}} and when you sign just use the 4 tildes (~~~~) and nothing else after it. It looks as though you've been signing like the following-
I am a noob but I'm still cute ~~~{{User:HELPME/sig}}

Which is why you're ending up with such a weird signature. If you leave it as-

I am a noob but getting cuter ~~~~

You'll end up with the following look to it.

 I'm a noob but I have a big schlong Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 07:16, 1 February 2010 (UTC)

Pup The big test... Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 07:18, 1 February 2010 (UTC) 07:18, February 1, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, looks like it works! Oh wait, now there's 2 timestamps... —Paizuri MUN (Talk Contribs Poll!) 07:22, 1 February 2010 (UTC)
Oh, change what's in the preferences so that it doesn't have {{subst:CURRENTTIME}}, {{subst:CURRENTDAY}} {{subst:CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{subst:CURRENTYEAR}} (UTC) in it. The four tilde sig will add that automagically. Pup
(I kinda liked the time stamp in the middle.) Anyway if you look at my sig & the source you can see how I played around with mine until I got it right. Good luck in perfecting yours.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  01 Feb 2010 ~ 11:28 (UTC)

edit Do you I LIKE PIE???

Um, hi. I lefted a note for I_LIKE_PIE!!! you might like to read. That is all.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  01 Feb 2010 ~ 11:28 (UTC)
Yeah, that kid's a bit crazy. But I'd hate to see him gone too. I know how how he feels about Wiki formatting- it took me a month to learn BB Code, now this!

Yeah, I'll help. HELPME, I've fallen and I can't get up!/ Talk to me or die!/ My daddy!(ew) 18:26, February 1, 2010 (UTC)

Happytimes, why do you keep on saying on everybody's talk page, Do you I LIKE PIE??? WHY? Don't think HELPME is not introuble, you said I'm a bit crazy. YOU TWO ARE SO MEAN "sob"!!!--I LIKE PIE!!! 21:31, February 7, 2010 (UTC)

Well, don't worry. Being crazy is a good thing when it comes to me. Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 21:33, February 7, 2010 (UTC)

edit Please fix your siggy, Sonny

You must have changed your sig in the last hour or so. It's doing weird things to my talk page (and it looks like to yours too, and probably to every other page it appears on). I'd recommend changing it back, pronto, or quickly changing to something simple, like unclicking the custom signature box in my preferences until you get it figured out. Thanks! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 21:17, February 1, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I have no idea why it did that. I undid my changes. HELPME, I've fallen and I can't get up!/ Talk to me or die!/ My daddy!(ew) 21:20, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
I think it's because the </font> command needed to be at the very end, but I'm not an expert on wiki code. Personally, I'd suggest you focus on working on articles or Pee Reviews more than making fancy sigs. But of course that's up to you. Happy editing! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 21:23, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
I just made a suggestion on User talk:HELPME/sig. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 21:26, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
"Personally, I'd suggest you focus on working on articles or Pee Reviews more than making fancy sigs." What is that supposed to mean? ;) HELPME, I've fallen and I can't get up!/ Talk to me or die!/ My daddy!(ew) 21:47, February 1, 2010 (UTC)
I think the idea is that as cool as fancy sigs are, they are, all said and done, just a pretty little bit of text. I have a cool sig, but I also spend a lot of time writing articles, helping noobs, and a bit of time coding for people and reviewing articles. Award-wise I've had a few for articles written, reviewing stuff, and for generally being a productive noob. I've got none for having a cool sig. I also have been known to change my sig a lot over time as well. Some user's keep a record of their old sigs - I can't remember half of them. PEE reviews are definitely a good place to start becoming a part of the uncyc community. I'd actually like a review of my latest unnews article. Do you feel up to it? Pup
Yes, for those with a lot of laziness no real ideas, I figured it would be betrter to review. I'll have to look at it in the queue, it's in there, yes? HELPME, I've fallen and I can't get up!/ Talk to me or die!/ My daddy!(ew) 04:14, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
It is now. Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Apple sued for copyright infringement. Have fun! Pup
What Puppy said--I'd suggest you focus more on content and less on show. People might pick up a book because it has a really fancy cover, but if they're thinking about actually buying it they want it well written. If you want to fit in here, make good edits or write good Pee Reviews or make cool images--or, ahem, help out on IC. Some of the most productive and most respected people here have boring signatures--in fact, most of the admins' siggy's are very basic. Quite honestly, when I started here I found the fancy signatures a little irritating (on the other wikis I've edited, they're rare or nonexistent), but I've learned to overlook them when they're used by productive users. In short, there are no awards here for having fancy siggys. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 23:13, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

edit An important message about siggy code

Also here's something I didn't do correctly when I started here, so want to let you know. I should have told you this before, but didn't, so this is my fault, not yours. When you go to my preferences and click Custom signature, there's some code you should put in the box that says Signature. If you signature is User:HELPME/sig, then in that box you would type


By doing it that way, all you have to do is sign by using ~~~~ at the end. The reason for that SUBST:nosubst jazz is that otherwise the wiki will duplicate your entire signature code on the page every time you sign.

For an example, click edit and look at your signature in this discussion and then look at mine. Yours shows your whole code, but mine shows up as

{{User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig}}.

But the actual code for my current signature is

{{click-inline |image = Compassrose.gif |link=UotM#Why_do_I_need_to_provide_this.3F_.28Talk_.E2.80.A2_Contribs_.28del.29_.E2.80.A2_Editcount_.E2.80.A2_Block_.28rem-lst-all.29_.E2.80.A2_Logs_.E2.80.A2_Groups_.E2.80.A2_Checkuser.29 |width=17px |height=12px |title=Why do I need to provide this?, Buccaneer Admiral of Uncyclopedia Imperial Colonization Project}} [[Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization|<font color="black"><small>'''IC Buccaneer Admiral'''</small></font>]] [[User:Why do I need to provide this?|<font color="black">'''W<small>HY</small><small>?</small>?<small>?</small>'''</font>]] [[User talk:Why do I need to provide this?|<font color="blue">'''<small>(stratagems)</small>'''</font>]] 

A huge difference. So put {{SUBST:nosubst|User:HELPME/sig}} in your signature box and save on virtual trees (i.e. memory and space). Thanks! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 23:37, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

You were whoting your UOTM nom in your sig? I didn't even realise! And some users who have "fancy sigs" are actually pretty good. (Oh, and I would suggest getting rid of the .3f_.28 by actually using the symbols themselves in the links - again saving the virtual trees.) Pup
Oh yeah, I need to take my subtle whoring out of there (seriously, probably no one clicked on it but me--it made it easy for me to check votes. I guess I'd better change it now.) As for the code thing, Uncyclopedia did that, I didn't. I typed ? in my sig. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 01:54, February 3, 2010 (UTC)

edit Thanks for your support, son

WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 23:11, February 1, 2010 (UTC)

edit Help me help you

You were right to put Rip Van Winkle on QVFD because it was short and gay. You were wrong to take it off QVFD because, well, taking stuff off QVFD looks like you're cheating to get it kept. When admins see bytes taken off QVFD by someone who doesn't have permission to do so, they get their bansticks warm. When you think you've make a mistake in listing something on QVFD, just cross it out.

When in doubt, check the big ugly list of rules at the top of the page.

Also, you might be my grandson or something. --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 01:21, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

Right, I just looked at the "nothing under one week old" after I put it on. You see, I am a doofus. But I left a note on the talk page to avoid bannination. HELPME, I've fallen and I can't get up!/ Talk to me or die!/ My daddy!(ew) 01:24, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
Where does it say that? You can't put anything over one week old on QVFD. --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 01:28, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

OH! Then this whole thing is a big misunderstanding. HELPME, I've fallen and I can't get up!/ Talk to me or die!/ My daddy!(ew) 01:30, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

*Stokes Banstick* Easy boy. Easy... MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 01:36, Feb 2
Note the warning from a very helpful admin. MRN seems to be a pretty nice guy, but he's not above giving spankings. I know. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 01:55, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
HELPME, I understand you're trying to help here, and I appreciate it. But putting QVFD, VFD, ICU tags on articles, moving articles, deleting things or large sections of things, etc. are generally best left to experienced users and, in some cases, admins. I've been here for five months now and have won an award or two, and I'm still very hesitant about VFD or QVFD or ICU'ing anything. If every article that needed serious work here got one of those tags, we'd have thousands of them to go through.
Generally, as a noob, I'd recommend working on articles, making images if that's your thing, checking out Pee Reviews and seeing if that's your thing, reading featured articles, stuff like that. With all due parental support, you seem to have been jumping in the deep end before you've fully learned how to swim here. Yes, that tends to run in the family--I got myself in trouble here several times for overstepping my bounds. But in general, if you see something that looks to you like it needs radical work, I'd suggest asking an experienced user (including admins) what they think before you dive. Even though I'm your adopter, I'm ultimately just another user with no more official say so over what you do than anyone else (and a great deal less than admins have). But I don't want to one day find you lying on the bottom of the pool either. Happy swimming! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 01:52, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
I suppose I need to be back in my place. I just have a big mouth sometimes, I like to express my opinion everywhere. That gets me in trouble sometimes. At first I was too nervous, now I'm jumping in too far. Damn, I knew I'd mess up quickly. HELPME, I've fallen and I can't get up!/ Talk to me or die!/ My daddy!(ew) 01:57, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
Don't worry too much about it. The people who get in really big trouble here are usually not the ones who are legitimately trying to help and who admit when they mess up. This is a difficult site to get a handle on. Unlike a certain well-known Wiki, it doesn't have a copious collections of sets of rules to be guided by. The good news is, it doesn't have a copious collection of sets of rules to be thwarted by.
And as is true of almost everywhere, breaking an unwritten rule is often considered worse than breaking a written rule. The best way to learn the unwritten ones is to keep on swimming. When you bump into an unseen wall, change direction and keep on swimming. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 02:03, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
Yes, the vandals and cyberbullies and such.

It's slightly embarassing, but I'll get over it. HELPME, I've fallen and I can't get up!/ Talk to me or die!/ My daddy!(ew) 02:08, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

You could help at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization. That's how I got started here. And your Daddy's in charge. ;) DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 02:35, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
I actually like that idea. I feel kind of like I don't contribute enough, and it would be nice to feel like I'm doing something. Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 06:05, February 6, 2010 (UTC)

edit "This user has over 200 edits"

By now, it's over 300. I know you stole this from a legitimate user's page, but still, I wouldn't brag about it. The average n00b has so many edits because the only way he knows to see his changes is to press Save--that is, he never uses the Preview button, and each of his edits appears in the Change Log as fifteen edits, making everyone groan. There is even a Ninja Star that one Uncyclopedian can "award" another by way of slapping him in the face for padding his edit count. If you are different, well, great. Spıke Ѧ  02:45 2-Feb-10

It's actually not really bragging...I just put that there because I like the way it looks, or something. I don't know...HELPME, I've fallen and I can't get up!/ Talk to me or die!/ My daddy!(ew) 02:47, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry. "Brag" was a cheap shot. All I meant to say is that large edit counts can prove one of two things, and only one of them is good.

Now, something I wish someone had said to me when I was 16. On the recurring desire you expressed in the previous section to excessively offer opinions. Two things may be true about a 16-year-old's opinions:

  • They may be fresh and unaffected by a lifetime of hurts and insults, which makes them valuable, or
  • They may be fresh and unaffected by experience, which makes them useless.

Underlying the desire to offer your opinion may be a desire that we come to a certain opinion regarding you. However, in any case, what I think about you will not at all depend on who you say you are, and will depend entirely on how you deal with me over a long period of agreement and disagreement. You can't rush it. 16-year-olds often want to. How, then, to "deal with me"? Be of good faith, and shoot straight. That's all. Spıke Ѧ  02:54 2-Feb-10

Well, number one, I will apologize for any times I have annoyed you so far, and any time I will in the future. I really am only trying to help; but I have two problems: 1) I'm kind of slow socially; which causes me to not see unwritten rules and etc., and 2) I'm pretty open and a quick-thinker, so I often forget to think before editing. In all, if I mess up, you should assume good faith for me, because it almost always is.
That being said, (even though I don't often) if I get angry, you'll know it. It's far different from my usual clumsy mishaps.
See you around...HELPME, I've fallen and I can't get up!/ Talk to me or die!/ My daddy!(ew) 03:04, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

Yikes! am not looking forward to being aware you are angry! And am not really annoyed. In any case, the Brits are going to bed, but unless you are, you can get some more hacks in on Undead. Spıke Ѧ  03:09 2-Feb-10

edit PEE review feedback

Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnNews:Apple sued for copyright infringement you might be interested in the feedback here. Pup

Oooh...I actually didn't realize that was a bad thing o_O

Oh yeah, and I'll be out for a few days. I have a lot to fix. See User talk:Mordillo HELPME, I've fallen and I can't get up!/ Talk to me or die!/ My daddy!(ew) 21:32, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

I'm not worried - I knew when I wrote this that it would be waaaay to in-jokey for it to be featured. I guess the main thing I wanted to point out is that being under critical on an article can be more damaging than being over-critical. Good case in point is UnNews:Man suffers caffeine underdose. I gave a glowing review for this back when I first started a I loved it and couldn't find any real fault with it. The writer then put it up for VFH and it was torn to shreds. It distressed the author so much that they have since left Uncyc and not come back. It's an object lesson so you can see why I'm a bastard when I review an article. If it's not letter for letter perfect, then it gets pulled to shreds. Also look at the PEE guidelines - 7 is a really good score in any area, 10 is extremely exceptional. Be as critical as you can. And get whatever you need to be fixed, fixed! Pup
Hey, HELPME, Chiefster accepted your work as an in depth review. While I tend to agree with Puppy (except I think a 7 is considered an average score), that's better than a lot of reviewers do on their early attempts. You done good! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 04:24, February 3, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnSignpost 4th February 2010

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png MrNCyber.JPG 15:11, Feb 4

edit Welcome back!

Quick HTML lesson - Wikimedia works by converting a simplified code into a HTML code. When you click edit you can see the wiki code. If you go into view source on your browser you can see the html that the wiki servers translate it into, and when you look at a webpage you can see what the browser translates the HTML into. So a knowledge of HTML, while not vital to write in wikicode, is helpful. One thing that it stuffed up your sig was a lack of knowledge of nested elements. If you were to write <div><span>Something</span></div> then you've opened a div element, and opened a span element within it. If you were to do <div><span>Something</div></span> then you've opened a div element, opened a span element, and then closed the div leaving the span open. As you're outside of the element you'd end up with "Something </span>" printing on screen. So with your orange font opening, and then opening a small element, and then opening a bold element, so should close off first the bold element, and then the small element, and then the font element, otherwise you have code appear on screen and potentially have an element still open and stuffing up whatever follows. If you keep this nesting concept in mind and ensure you close elements in the reverse order of what you open them you'll have much less code spillage. Hope that all helps. Pup

I'd comment that I'm out of my element here but I'd be lying just to be punny.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  06 Feb 2010 ~ 04:25 (UTC)
I'll try to understand all of that...damn, Wiki code sure is complicated. Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 05:58, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
The main thing is that whatever code you turn on first, you turn off last. You turn code off in the reverse order that you turned it on. For example, imagine that <A> and <B> and <C> were code. You'd turn them off in reverse order. For example:
WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 07:46, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
Ah, I'm used to BB Code, which doesn't require that. I'll get to it when I'm less lazy/busy. Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 07:51, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
What's BB code when it's at home? Pup
....Well, this is awkward.Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 09:04, February 7, 2010 (UTC)

edit Random Question for someone.

It's not quite time yet, but my talk page is getting sort of long. How do you archive a talk page? I don't want mine to end up like Spang's old one. (Yes, I have seen that talk page. It took 19 minutes to load.) Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 09:08, February 7, 2010 (UTC)

My sig is slightly sick... Damn. On archiving-
  1. Click on move at the top of the page
  2. Type in the name for you archive (like User talk:HELPME/Archive 1)
  3. Click on move, or whatever the button is labelled
  4. In the next screen, click on the link to User talk:HELPME
  5. Edit the page and delete the redirect stuff.
  6. Save the page when you've added in whatever you want to add in.


Thanks! And don't worry, a basic signature means you're not a vote whore! You said it yourself! Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 10:07, February 7, 2010 (UTC)

But I am a vote whore Pup

And a regular whore But really, why'd you go basic? Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 10:21, February 7, 2010 (UTC)

I've been trying to get a button thing working for a while. And it works except when I use it in an indented line, hence my current lack of indenting while I try and fix it. Pup

edit Pee Pee

GoldenShower Rejoice, HELPME! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

Thanks for the Pee Review. Further comments are on that page. -- Kip > Talk Works Puzzle Potato Dry Brush CUN Icons-flag-us 19:34, Feb. 7, 2010

Thanks! I was worried you'd take it hard for some reason..I guess I'm too paranoid. Aha. Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 20:58, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
See my response here. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 02:58, February 8, 2010 (UTC)

edit I heard you

...were looking on info about how to breakup & organize your spaceness. The best advice I can give is to look at other people's pages & then steal creatively borrow what you like. (My page is a good example. Well, a good example of stealing emulating others. (I got it's from Zana's page, mostly.))
If that is too vague check out what the following example does to the former pie-likers comment below:
<div style="background:#EEFFEE; padding-top:1px; padding-bottom:10px; padding-left:5px; margin-bottom:20px">I LIKE... Phhhtpth!</div>

edit I LIKE PIE!!!

You make me sad "sob".--I LIKE PIE!!! 21:31, February 7, 2010 (UTC)

edit Thanks for the pee

I'm not going to lie, I really want the iPad to be my first featured article, I've put a lot of time into it. Glad you liked it so much! I hail from Loudoun btw --Soldat Skinfan13 05:15, February 9, 2010 (UTC)

It's certainly well on its way. And no problem. I need to whore my Pee count anyway. I only need two more (one if the Chief likes this one) to become a Fresh Stain! :D Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 05:21, February 9, 2010 (UTC)

edit YO MAN!!!

Hi5! YES!!! You found me! What a genius you are.--Yo Big Fat Mama and Yo Big Fanny Granny 01:56, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

edit Monkeys

Your touch up is breaking me up, laughing like a monkey myself. Somehow it was just the right edit. Did you click on the links? Al Chained 2:14 10 Feb. MMX

YES. And it was indeed a a yuky doody. Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 02:16, February 10, 2010 (UTC)


The Bible says God created the world in six days by himself--our crew of talented colonizers can surely recreate an article in a week and a half! Remember, any Colonizer is welcome to work on our current project, which is the Creationism article. But before you begin, check "READ THIS FIRST" at the top. From Sunday, 7 February to Wednesday, 10 February 2010, a hearty crew of brave colonizers plotted a strong course for the article by consensus. We have the beginning of a great colonization, so go forth and colonize to the glory of Her Majesty!

Special Note for Lobsterbacks (i.e. those who signed up but haven't yet worked on a successful colonization). We plan to keep your name on the honored membership list if you make worthwhile contribution to the article or other parts of Imperial Colonization between 31 January 2010 and the end of this project. If your name is removed from the list, you are welcome to reapply when you plan to become active. Compassrose IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems)  05:26, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

Your mom. Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 05:29, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
Seriously though, noted. I read the thingy too.Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 05:29, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

edit Good job

Good job on your Pee Review. It was certainly in-depth, and you weren't that harsh at all. So don't stress, man. :) One more in-depth review and you're guaranteed a spot in PEEING. Necropaxx (T) {~} Thursday, 12:00, Feb 11 2010

Thanks. I try to be a right bastard in those reviews to help, but I always feel bad about it. Also, yay! Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 20:09, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
Hey, you're in if you want. Just place a request on PEEING and I'll be happy to oblige you. Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 03:25, Feb 12 2010
I did, a few hours ago, in fact! And that's awesome.Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 03:30, February 12, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnSignpost 11th February 2010

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png MrNCyber.JPG 13:00, Feb 11

edit If you...

...have any jokes or songs, you know where to go, right?--I RULE!!! 03:54, February 12, 2010 (UTC)

You sound like I LIKE PIE, but 12 years old instead of 10. Are you time-warping? Aleister in Chains
Who's I LIKE PIE?--I RULE!!! 04:02, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
Don't ask Don't tell. Aleister
Please? Is his userpage User:I LIKE PIE?--I RULE!!! 04:08, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
No, it is User:I LIKE PIE!!!. He was just eliminating the exclamation marks in his username. --InvincibleFlameGrueMaster 02 12, 04:12, 2010
Oh... I'll check out his user page then.--I RULE!!! 04:14, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
Shoo from my talk page, you pesky kids.Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 04:20, February 12, 2010 (UTC)
You kids don't know how good you have it. When I was your age, we used to have to have phone sex using two tin cans and a piece of string between them. You had to be careful not to cut yourself on the jagged edges... Pup 05:03, 12/02/2010
I still cut myself on the jagged edges, but this time on purpose. Al chained 12:50 12 Feb. MMX

edit Monkeys

I put a note and comment on the VFD nom for "Poop throwing monkeys" you might like. The whole experience has helped to clarify why the article is pretty good on its own. Danks, and keep the lasagna flying. Chained 12:54 12 Feb. MMX

Poop throwing monkeys was kept! Many monkey lovers rallied, with signs and banners, and the monkeys loved your strong support (I didn't tell them about your strong abstention, why break their little hearts) and they asked me to give you a 21-poop salute. Hip Hip, hurray! Aleister in Chains 22:14 12 Feb. MMX

edit IKE!!!

Thanks for reviewing Takeshi's Castle. It'll probably be a while before I rewrite due to how busy and lazy I am, but I will certainly consider your advice when I finally get around to it. --Hugs and kisses, Black_Flamingo 13:39, February 13, 2010 (UTC)

edit About your nom

First, I'm very glad you're here, and happy to be your adopter. Second, I wouldn't recommend complaining about how the award is decided, not when you're nommed. It's bad form or something. Third, I wouldn't remove your own nomination. If an admin does it, that's their decision. Fourth, there's been a big debate more than once over how the award is determined, but it hasn't changed since I got here. When I was nommed before I qualified, I checked the archives. I threw an article together just to get something up there then worked on it later, and you can certainly do the same. Also there is a precedent that major rewrites of a crappy article qualifies. Fifth, I'm very glad you're here, and happy to be your adopter. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 18:55, February 13, 2010 (UTC)

I don't mind if I'm removed; NOTM winners tend to either disappear or turn into assholes(Not you though!:P)

And if I stay and act well, I'll probably get another award in the future anyway.Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 20:40, February 13, 2010 (UTC)

Hi. February counts, so all you have to do is write up a page before the month is out and that satisfies the requirement. Last month the noob Dannievirus was nommed well before his unbook was done. I actually hope you and the other guy tie, but like I said, any article will do (a full article would have, I would think, a loose definition, even be creative and write a short-story unbook). You write very well, just turn it into a page and, whoola. A former nondisappearing NOTM winner, so the other 21:55 13 Feb. MMX
NotM's still active (over the last few months or so anyway) - Todd Lyons, Spang, Zombiebaron, RAHB, Gerrycheevers, MrN9000, The Woodburninator, Multiliteralist, Guildensternenstein, Sonje, YouKnowWhatTheMusicMeans, Staircase, PuppyOnTheRadio, Why do I need to provide this?, Puffskein, Aleister in Chains, LisaKachold
NotMs who are not as active but their impact is still felt -Chronarion, RadicalX, Count of Monkey Crisco, Hardwick Fundlebuggy, Zombiebaron, and rcmurphy, of course.
I apologise to anyone left out or placed in the wrong list. I also apologise to those users who were nommed and came close to winning but missed out on technicalities or small margins. Pup 04:29, 14/02/2010
Actually, Count of Monkey Crisco is still very active on VFD. —Paizuri MUN Talkpage My Contributions 21:15, 14 February 2010 (UTC)

edit iPad Vote

Jobsthanks I see you voted for my new iPad

Many thanks.

I was going to send these all out tomorrow when its on the front page, but since you found out already, you get an early present! haha, thanks for the pee, the suggestions, and the vote, hopefully I'll be able to return the favor soon! --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 15:38 EST 14 Feb, 2010

I tend to notice everything. Like the fact that you're taking daddy's medicine. Why?Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 20:43, February 14, 2010 (UTC)
I have no idea what you're talking about paranoid.gif --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 16:07 EST 14 Feb, 2010
It was an attempt at a subtle joke.Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN Icons-flag-us NOTM 21:13, February 14, 2010 (UTC)
I get it Hep, you're all good.    Orian57    Talk   Union pink 12:32 6 April 2010
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