User talk:Graphium

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia

Spike the Dog (06b)

Spike is a grumpy old dog. You can stroke his fur, or you can be smitten by his stick. It is up to you.

Hello, Graphium, and welcome to Uncyclopedia. This is a wiki (a collection of pages anyone can edit). Words in blue are "links" and can be clicked to take you to another page. This wiki is for comedy. It pretends it's Wikipedia, but we make people laugh, not bore them. If you aren't interested in a fake encyclopedia but in writing fake news stories, we have UnNews, and there are other projects for scripts, lyrics, how-to guides, and so on.

What you can do

You can create your own article. For starters, create it under your own name; for example, User:Graphium/Bedbug. (The red instead of blue is a link to a page that doesn't yet exist.) We have a list of articles that need to be created. You can help without writing articles; just read articles and, if you see an improvement in writing or in comedy, jump in and edit it. In fact, you can help without writing at all, such as organizing, watching for vandals, or even greeting other new users.

What you need

To write articles, you need a sense of humor and an ability to write good English. We all have strengths and weaknesses and you can get help in any area. But everyone needs an ability to work with other people. Be polite, positive, and helpful toward others, and assume others are doing the same toward you.

What to read

Here are some pages that might help you:

For personal help
  • The administrators are willing to help you, and several Uncyclopedians are willing to adopt you.
  • I will watch this page for a while and will know if you edit it. Afterward, you can contact me on my own talk page.
  • If you've written an article, we have a Proofreading service where someone will correct your mistakes, and a review process where an experienced Uncyclopedian will read your article and suggest improvements.
How to post to talk pages

Please follow these general rules:

  • Add comments at the end of a talk page so people notice them.
  • Start your paragraphs with one or more : characters to indent them and set them off from other people's posts.
  • At the end, type ~~~~ (four tildes), which gets replaced by your user name and the current date and time.
  • Don't delete anyone's messages. In case of any controversy, we depend on an accurate record of what was written. You may disavow your remarks by striking them through like this.

I hope you enjoy it here and write a lot of funny stuff! Spıke Ѧ 16:21 6-May-13

On your user page

You are welcome here and there is no set amount of time you are expected to dedicate to the site. Take a look around, decide what you'd like to do, read some of the stuff above, and be funny! Spıke Ѧ 16:21 6-May-13

Update Otherwall

Thanks for policing this page. But I have a post into creator Rpsingh asking for an explanation why this is not vanity or cyberbullying. The warring Anons are surely his classmates. Temporarily protecting the page is not a solution because Singh is so new he wouldn't be able to edit it either for a couple more days. Spıke Ѧ 09:59 10-May-13

No problem, SPIKE. BTW, thanks for the warm welcome. ;) Graphium (talk) 11:33, May 10, 2013 (UTC)
Also, I agree with you that no one would even think about that name. Graphium (talk) 11:35, May 10, 2013 (UTC)

Your adoption request; your signature

Hi SPIKE, do you want to adopt me as a noob? Although I may not be too active... Cheers. Graphium () 17:03, May 10, 2013 (UTC)

I am not a formal adopter, but I am watching what you do--and policing the site is just as valuable as authoring, while you await your Muse. I am happy to answer any questions you have.
I am happy now to answer a question you did not have. You need to change your signature so that, in place of all the code it spits onto the page when you sign it (to see the code, open this section for editing), it just outputs the name of your signature file as a template. (Look at my signature with the editor.) This involves typing precisely into your My preferences tab. See UN:SIG on signature policy, follow the link for creating a signature file (though you already seem to have done so), and look at step-by-step instructions I gave recently at User talk:Denza252#Your signature. Cheers! Spıke Ѧ 17:20 10-May-13
PS--For your information, the character in parentheses is not present in any of the fonts on my PC. That's not your fault; just realize that what you wanted to achieve with Unicode characters doesn't render everywhere. Spıke Ѧ 17:25 10-May-13

Hi SPIKE, thanks for being willing to answer any questions I have. And, I've also created a signature subpage. Cheers. Graphium () 16:44, May 11, 2013 (UTC)

It is working fine. The key is that everything is inside the file, except the time of the post, which is spelled out in the page. This method will let you edit sig and have the changes automatically apply to present and past signatures.
Thanks for more policing. The Anon who wanted to tell us the stupid things that Rasheed eats is now banned for cyber-bullying, as use of the website to make fun of people's playground chums is a prohibition we enforce strictly.
You might wish to introduce yourself at Unsignpost:UserBiopics - 2013 for possible use in our internal newsletter. As the page notes, the introduction does not have to be factual. Spıke Ѧ 19:41 11-May-13

Timestamps at Ban Patrol

Your request at Ban Patrol is now done; this was another IP for the Rasheed cyberbully. Make sure all such requests have a timestamp! Spıke Ѧ 10:46 12-May-13

Hi Spike, thanks for the note. I'm using that Ban Patrol button on the edit bar to report. Is there any way to make it have a timestamp? Cheers. Graphium () 11:28, May 12, 2013 (UTC)

Just went over this with ScottPat. That piece of JavaScript wizardry signs for you with three tildes. This form omits the timestamp, and can only be used by those of us who include timestamping code in our signature file, sometimes because we don't want the standard format. You must either do likewise or not use the fancy button to file BP requests. You are welcome to steal the code from anyone else's signature file. Spıke Ѧ 13:23 12-May-13

  • You are on the wrong track. (I misled you above, the code is not inside the signature file.) Your code, at the moment, is now inside your signature file, which means that the code is interpreted when the file is read. So the timestamp is the time I read it--not the time you wrote it! (In your signature above, both times are printed.) The code must be typed into the field in My preferences after it invokes your signature file. Spıke Ѧ 16:09 12-May-13
Hmm...but it is one timestamp at Ban Patrol, and two timestamps here. :( Graphium () 16:15, 12 May 2013 (UTC)

I noticed that and I don't understand it. Perhaps you added the code to My preferences but didn't yet remove it from sig? No, surely you got it right in the code, but signed at BobbyBobBob with four tildes from force of habit, which appended another timestamp. Like this Spıke Ѧ 16:23 12-May-13 16:23, May 12, 2013 (UTC)


I presume you are working from the report of all wiki activity at Special:RecentChanges and noticing the exclamation points at the left that show a change made by an anonymous or new user. I have given you Autopatrolled, which means at least that your own edits don't get flagged.

What I hope it also means (but I don't remember) is that, when reviewing any single edit, you will now see "Mark edit as patrolled" and make that exclamation point go away in the report. By definition, one of the ways an edit is patrolled is when you undo it. If you acquire this ability, please do mark the edits that you undo (also the edits that you review and decide don't need undoing). Patrolling is one of the things I do; I don't mind doing it, but would like to avoid doing it where you've already done it. Spıke Ѧ 14:14 12-May-13

South Hylton FC

Your instinct is correct again, as Anon's article looked not like an encyclopedia article but like a sign-up sheet. But the correct way to ask an Admin to delete an article is not with a tag inside the article (even with suitable Change Summary) but to list it at Quick VFD. Also visit the regular Votes for Deletion to see (or list) articles that need more than a gentle Undo. Spıke Ѧ 16:55 14-May-13

Thank you for the policing; on listcruft

Thanks again for policing the site. As I replied at Ban Patrol, we don't ban anyone on the first junk edit, mostly because a lot of our blankers and vandals use proxies and pick a different IP for every edit, so it's futile.

I am also glad you dispense positive feedback as well as negative, such as by inviting to become a member. This can be done with {{Account}} and a short message. In contrast, giving him a copy of a Welcome file with the rules of the site is usually not done until he elects to become a member. Welcome files and other detailed instructions are a benefit of picking a user name. Giving advice to an IP is like giving lovelorn counseling to someone who insists that you call them at a pay-phone.

If you want him here, then I won't undo his edit, but normally I do undo anonymous editors who merely create or add to lists. Just last week I edited UN:HTBFANJS, pulling together in Section 8 some warnings against creating lists that had been in separate places in the article. Lists invite more drive-by editors who can't actually write comedy. When I see one of them adding one more toilet pun to a Discography, I delete the entire Discography. Spıke Ѧ 17:07 25-May-13

Talk:French Template

Thanks for deleting random French comment (didn't know what the translation was). Would you be interested in signing up for Uncyclopedia's free newspaper: The UnSignpost for a weekly delivery to your talk page? Thanks. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 10:19, May 29, 2013 (UTC)

The UnSignpost hath cometh

Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 15:30, May 29, 2013 (UTC)


Good rollback on this article. However, in my opinion, Anon is not entitled to editing instruction or warning. Your newly acquired Rollbackz, plus the new Rollback-with-custom-change-summary JavaScript (documented at the end of UN:HAX) is the perfect vehicle to tell him what he did wrong; as is the ban if he persists. I made one exception to this yesterday, but generally the only time I create an Anon talk page is to invite the good ones to register. (Simsie likes using {{Account}} for this.) Spıke Ѧ 16:13 14-Jun-13

Summer's here! And so is the post

Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:50, June 14, 2013 (UTC)

Good Work

Thanks for your recent contributions and noting stuff on Ban Patrol for us to look out for. All (helpful) contributions are appreciated here. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 07:14, June 18, 2013 (UTC)


There is a policy here which that IPs cannot have a user/talk page. Only those who create an account can do that. I will remove the welcome note from that page. Thanks. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 13:22, June 20, 2013 (UTC)

"Delivered on behalf of SPIKE"

You promised me you would edit my Welcome message to change the personalization to yourself (or you can remove the personalization entirely) before using it to welcome new users. Do not deliver remarks that seem to be from me "on behalf of" me.

Separately, everything you know about good writing needs to be subordinated to evaluating how enforcement will look to a very new user. In particular, you should not engage in a revert war with a newly registered Uncyclopedian (who might not know how to see your rationale in the Change Summary) without explaining your disagreement, probably on his talk page. (In the case of Idontthinksomeonehasthisusername, this is now done.) Spıke Ѧ 13:27 21-Jun-13

Recent news from old newspapers

Anton (talk) 19:52, June 27, 2013 (UTC)

If you don't know where to find the news

Happy reading! Anton (talk) 17:35, July 5, 2013 (UTC)

PLS edition of UnSignpost with extra poo

Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:02, July 14, 2013 (UTC)

Sorry for the USP

I am sorry but the new format of the UnSignpost makes the content box and the edit buttons of the talk page disappear. Therefore, I am removing it for a while and will bring it back when these issues are fixed. But you can still read this issue at UnSignpost/20130810. Thank you for your patience! Anton (talk) 11:38, August 13, 2013 (UTC)

It is back!

Anton (talk) 13:19, August 27, 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost - Delivered every [other] week!

Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 10:36, August 29, 2013 (UTC)

UnSygnposte Delieverie

Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 09:05, September 15, 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost - Reporting from the Belgian Congo

Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:50, September 30, 2013 (UTC)

When a single post can become a source for drama, a newspaper becomes a deadly weapon

Have fun reading it!

Anton (talk) 17:15, October 21, 2013 (UTC)

Constantly changing and not evolving newspaper - the UnSignpost

Anton (talk) 17:23, October 31, 2013 (UTC)

Who said 'late'?

Anton (talk) 19:20, December 17, 2013 (UTC)

The last UnSignpost of the year

Anton (talk) 21:09, December 29, 2013 (UTC)

The first UnSignpost of the year

That time I was nearly caught reading the UnSignpost, so now I am delivering it to you! Have a nice time reading it! Anton (talk) 19:51, February 18, 2014 (UTC)

The UnSignpost is back from holiday

We have not forgotten about you (yet)! Anton (talk) 15:58, March 28, 2014 (UTC)

Have you forgotten about the UnSignpost's anniversary?

Anton (talk) 17:30, May 20, 2014 (UTC)

Ruddy's Harry and the UnSignpost!

Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 09:40, July 15, 2014 (UTC)
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