editAll hope abandon, ye who enter here. . . Just kidding...
Hello, General Tso's Chicken, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to the right... yeah. Anyway, here are some essential links for noobies:
Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
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Hello, General Tso's Chicken, and welcome to DiZ's inner circle. I hope you like being a part of the family and decide to stay. If not, well, too bad, you're stuck. Here are some good guidelines for first-time members:
Respect your King. Always refer to him as "DiZ" (capital D, lowercase i, capital Z) or "diz" (all lowercase) - preferably the first.
Respect your Master. Either you or I have chosen Joe the Real American Hero as your master. Always carry out his or her wishes and don't let me catch you cheating on them, you hear me?
Give praise. Shout DiZ's name on the mountaintops, make giant billboards; frankly, I don't care, so long as you give praise to his Greatness. It is also your duty to rape and kill any and all non-believers and doubters.
Show some dignity. As a representative and delegate of his Holyness, DiZ the Great, you are expected to behave in an appropriate and dignified manner (which may or may not include feasting on your foe's cattle). You are also expected to fast, pray, whip yourself with heavy chains daily, and uhh, oh yeah: NO SEX. Sorry...
Have fun. With responsibility, so comes great joy in knowing you are the heir to the greatest throne of mankind. If you are lucky, perhaps one day, you too will be king. But, probably not...