User talk:Funnybony/DisclosureSpeech

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The Disclosure Speech presented before the human race by President Barack Obama in 2013, the normalist of years when nothing changed. Obama makes the official announcement on behalf of the Galatic Council of the United Nations, the New World Order, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Illuminati, the Vatican, and UFO magazine. He speaks in his capacity as Cosmic Ambassador to the United Nations for planet Earth -- which is undisputed in spite of his claiming to be born on Krypton and having no valid Earth certificate. Obama is himself a contactee who coined the term "close encounter of the Obama kind" to describe human-initiated mind-control contact directed at extraterrestrials.[1]

edit The Disclosure Project

The Disclosure Project, now a division of the UN known as the Galatic Council, was originally started as a nonprofit research project by Dr. Steven Greer, IR-MD, in 1992. Dr. Greer uncovered the existence of a conspiracy by the US government - a virtual Embargo on Truth - concerning the subject of unidentified flying objects (UFOs) and ETs (Extra-Terrestrial beings). The Disclosure Project had been well-received by UFO enthusiasts, with speeches from Greer and various other eyewitnesses being presented at various loony-bin and crystal gazer conferences. Greer subsequently embarked on a continuing series of lectures and television appearances to raise popular support for lifting the vale of secrecy covering our position as Earthlings within the cosmic scheme of things.[2]

Mainstream media coverage of the group initially centered around a 2001 conference held at the National Press Club[3] which was described by an attending BBC reporter as "bloody daft".[4] Greer convened the conference with more than 1000 other contactees offering anecdotal testimony. Among the UFO witnesses were over 200 former government workers, many of them military and security officials sworn to secrecy, but who just couldn't keep their big mouths shut. The conference was successful in calling for a congressional hearings about such sightings, but then Congress was asked to stand down and leave the matter to the United Nations.[5] Such arguments were met with by open-arms by skeptics at the White House and the U. S. Air Force who maintained that there is no convincing evidence to enable them to continue debunking the FACT that UFOs are alien spacecraft[6].

As a consequence of Greer's influence the original Disclosure Project was eventually merged with the United Nations and henceforth known as THE Galactic Council (GC). With US President Barack Obama as acting-secretary-for-life of the GC he is ultimately tasked with informing the world that we are neither Chinese, Pakistani, nor Polak, nor even alone, but rather we are a primitive form of earthlings who are mostly engaged in tribal warfare and still dependent on oil and coal. We are pathetic Earthlings; savage denizens of a rogue planet on the cosmic scale.

President Obama's message of disclosure is a revealation to all of us that there are Extra-Terrestrials: They DO exist. And they have been here for eons.

edit Disclosure

After an introduction by Dr. Greer, the official, global UFO disclosure speech will be made by President Obama's teleprompter.

OFFICIAL UFO ANNOUNCEMENT

of the
Galactic Council of the United Nations

Based on the speech
Disclosure

by President
Barak Obama



Dr.Greer

CAST:

1. Introduction by Dr. Steven Greer, MD, UFO

2. Speaker President Barack Obama

Budweiser Ad
SFX. FIREWORKS
EXT. NIGHT. EXPLODING FIREWORKS
INT. MEETING ROOM OF THE UNITED NATIONS
Dr Steven Greer, 38, tall, handsome, heroic, strong (he can bench press 380, really!), and who is totally in cahoots with the invaders, stands before the disbelieving assembled UN Ambassadors and tries his best to introduce the illustrious, brighter than the Sun, holier than rollers, Supreme Commander President Barak Obama. The crowd of dignitaries are giving Greer the cold shoulder and there is little applause and some cat calls and snickering in the room
GREER
(taps microphone with forefinger)
Hi! Just want to make sure this thing works. After all, this is the most glorious day of my life!
CROWD
(loudly, in assorted languages)
BOOOO! Humbug! ... get on with it
GREER
Listen...
NASA V.O.
Blast-it all, Commander, you do have a way with words.
IRWIN
I'll tell ya some fuckin' words! Like, how the fuck are we supposed to get off the Moon, and dock with Endeavor in open space? That's gotta be fuckin' impossible.
NASA V.O.
Just follow the manual.
SCOTT
Manuel? He works at the tennis court.
IRWIN
What the hell's she talkin' about?
NASA V.O.
GAD! You don't have the bloody manual?
IRWIN
What fuckin' manual?
SCOTT
Major bummer! What're gonna do now? We're, like, stuck here, Dude! And I gotta go so bad!
IRWIN
Listen, you better tell us what to do, or I'll split your fuckin' head wide open,
NASA V.O.
Well, I suppose we'll have to, won't we? Right, then! Now, listen carefully, first you open the side hatch window so that you can see where you are, then press the red button,...
SCOTT
Dude, did you catch that?
NASA V.O.
...only after flipping the five green switches.
IRWIN
Sure, man, press the red button, then flip the 5 green switches thing here.
NASA V.O.
Now insert and twist the ignition key.
SCOTT
OK! Here goes nothin'. Ready?

SFX: Engine turning over, and starting up

IRWIN
Dave, man, you did it. Okay, now what?
NASA V.O.
Right, then. Now release the hand brake.
IRWIN
Okay. Hand brake released.
NASA V.O.
Good. Set the gear to "L".
SCOTT
Dude, what's she talkin' about? I don't see any "L"!?
IRWIN
Listen Houston, there's no fuckin' "L" on the gearbox!
NASA V.O.
What? No "L"??
SCOTT
Yeah, man. It just says, like, Park, Reverse, Drive, 2nd, and 1st.
NASA V.O.
Oh dear!! Hang on!

SFX: Files falling, papers shuffling

NASA V.O.
Damn! All right, set the gear to 1st.
IRWIN
Okay, gear's set at 1st.
NASA V.O.
Now, press on the petrol, just a tad. Not too hard, mind you!

SFX: Drag Racer taking off

SCOTT
WHOOOOOOAAAAAA!
IRWIN
HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!!
NASA V.O.
What does the altitude-o-meter read?
SCOTT
It's, like, up to 30,000, 35,000...
NASA V.O.
No! Stop! You'll fly into space.
IRWIN
Whatta we do?
NASA V.O.
Slow down, Man! Hit the brake.

SFX: Tires screeching

SCOTT
Dude! That was bitchin'. What a ride! Like, now what?
NASA V.O.
When you reach 67,000, stop, and put on the emergency brake. Then set the gear to park.
SCOTT
Okay, man, we're at, like, 67,000, parking brake's on. What's next?
NASA V.O.
You have to wait until 'Endeavor' comes around again at about 70,000. It'll be moving quite fast, so you'll need to fire forward thrusters and catch up with it.
IRWIN
Hey sweet-heart, how fast we gotta get goin' to catch up?
NASA V.O.
Well, we're not quite sure! The Endeavor may be going around 110 kilometers-per-second. So when it comes around again you must take off the handbrake, step on it, get going about 150 kilometers per second until you catch up, then slow down to the same speed as the Module.
SCOTT
Slow down to 110?
NASA V.O.
Well, we don't really know how fast you'll be going in a vacuum! OH! And for God's sake don't get in its way, or you'll be smashed to bits.
SCOTT
Copy, dude! So when's the module comin' 'round?
NASA V.O.
I've a better question, Commander! Once you catch it, how are you going to line-up to dock with the module, specially, you're both going some 110 kilometers-per-second, inside a vacuum!?
SCOTT
Man, that's gotta be, like, totally impossible out here in space.
IRWIN
How the fuck are we supposed to do that?
NASA V.O.
Well, to be perfectly honest, we don't really know!
SCOTT
Huh? Like, what's the manual say, Dude?
NASA V.O.
It just ends. Much like the Mayan calendar in 2012. I'm frightfully sorry!
IRWIN
What the fuck?
NASA V.O.
You see, we never really thought you would make it this far. So I suppose we'll just have to improvise, now, won't we!?

SFX: Laughter in the background at NASA

SCOTT
Shit!
NASA V.O.
Ha-ha! We're only jesting. Of course we have a way to catch the command-module.
SCOTT
Cool! So how, man?
NASA V.O.
Alright, then. Listen carefully. In the compartment marked "net" take out the yellow MC device.
IRWIN
What the fuck is an MC device?
NASA V.O.
Oh, well, that's the module catcher. It's much like a large butterfly net. Really quite large. But in space it'll be light as a feather.
SCOTT
A butterfly net?
NASA V.O.
Commander, don't be daft! It's a module net. But it's simply shaped like a butterfly net.
IRWIN
Okay, keep talkin'. Whatta we do with that?
NASA V.O.
Why, you catch the module, of course.
IRWIN
How the fuck do we pull that off?
NASA V.O.
Well, once you have caught up with the module, one of you has to climb outside your lunar-lander and catch the command module with the net.
SCOTT
Hey! Far out, man. That sounds easy. You can do it, dude. No sweat.
NASA V.O.
It will be moving quite fast, so you'll need to keep your wits about you.
IRWIN
So when's it commin'?
NASA V.O.
Let me check. Let's see. It'll be passing your position in about fifteen seconds, so do get ready. And we'll speak with you again once you've docked. This is Ground Control. Cheerio!
SCOTT
(to Irwin)
Dude! You ready?
IRWIN
Okay! Okay! Don't get worked up.
CROSS FADE
SFX. IMITATION "TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME SONG
EXT. OUTER-SPACE. LUNAR MODULE "FALCON" FLOATS ABOVE THE MOON
Commander David Scott and Lunar Module Pilot James Irwin are suspended at a stand-still over the Moon in open space. They have not trained for this, and they have a mere 10 seconds to get ready. Now the only thing they want to do is dock with the Command-Service-Module, Endeavor, which, as previously stated, contains the only toilet. The situation has become dire.
Apollo-15

TBC (cancelled)


Cite error: <ref> tags exist, but no <references/> tag was found
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