This page is an archive. The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read. The current version of this page can be found at User talk:Frosty.
It has come to our attention that you've been doing lots of good pee reviews recently and not getting any praise for it. This has to stop. How would you like to join PEEING? To be honest it won't really change anything except it'll probably lead to you getting a RotM nom. Also you'll get the respect of your peers... maybe. Sounds like a blast, right? Just add yourself to the Fresh Stains section on this page and never look back.
Oh, and thanks for doing all the great reviews. --BlackFlamingo 23:48, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
This is not spam...
...this is the greatest opportunity of your life. Summer extravaganza tournament. Teams of 2 or 3 users. Lasts month of August. Tournament wont be the same without you. Don't be an outcaste. CHECK IT OUT. --ShabiDOO 19:18, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
This week the UnSignpost is the bearer of sad sad news. A person close to us all, an integral cog in the workings of the wiki has taken a leave of absence and now there is nobody to take up the slack. Yes it is with a heavy heart we report that Sannse is hardly ever here these days. For those who are interested there will be a small service on Sunday where we will all have a minutes fresh air in honour of Sannse, on the plus side Lyrithya hasn't edited the wiki in four days at the time of going to press!
This forum by super sensitive Ljlego details his intentions to force Lyrithya into a holiday, buy tampons and grow a vagina, not necessarily in that order. For those of you who don't know what a holiday involves it's a very expensive way of going to stay somewhere with unreliable internet, too much spicy food and to be molested by foreigners who smell of spicy food. Ljlego doesn't make it clear why exactly he thinks that Lyrithya needs molesting but it's most likely because she makes a prettier lady than he does. Dr. Skullthumper, who just can't stay out of the UnSignpost these days, has diagnosed Lyrithya with what he calls "Uncyc Fatigue" a condition that in its final stages renders one completely incapable of caring about anything to do with Uncyclopedia. By that prognosis just about every woman in this correspondent's life has suffered from "Uncyc Fatigue" and not, as I incorrectly assumed, "Chief Fever".
Romartus called for calm saying that we should "Let Lyrithya decide what she wants to do without pressure". So we should all just sit back and wait for the first corpse to turn up; cut to pieces in an alleyway with "Shifty Eyes" daubed in blood on a nearby wall.
In other news the forums have exploded with suggestions for writing competitions, with ideas like "You write an article with your eyes closed!" and "You write an article about pants and then we all vote on which pants article is most pants and the winner can add a picture of some pants to their signature!!!" being floated for your approval. If you want to participate or support an idea then make a point of telling the person suggesting it, or they are liable to forget all about it. The PLS is the one that is most likely to happen and it needs fools with time on their hands willing volunteers to make it worthwhile, speaking of which do a Pee review.
Hi there, my name is Magic man. Some of you may know me as god, some of you may not. In this day in age, it's hard to know what to do; you've got the media, your boss, and all your friends at school (don't try to deny it, I know most of you are still schoolchildren) telling you different things: What to like, what to wear, who to be friends with, not to follow them home. To be quite frank, it annoys the hell out of me when people tell other people what to do. Unless I'm the one doing the telling. So after reviewing all the opinion columns, listening long and hard to everyone opinions I have come to this conclusion:
Give me all your money.
Really, I'm a great guy and very deserving. All my research does point to everyone giving me all their money, so that's another reason, right there. What's that you say? you think I'm lying to you just to help myself? Noooooo! What would make you say that? I mean, have I ever lied to you? Okay, maybe. But that doesn't mean I'm lying right now. Really, I'm not.
Huh? What now?! You say you're to poor, old, ugly, lazy, selfish, stupid or short to give me money? Well don't worry your pretty little head you poor/old/ugly/lazy/selfish/stupid/short bastard you! Because if you can't give me money, give me your children! Don't have children? That's alright, I'll take anything! Blowjobs, pie, plastic penises, lollipops, whores, a collage college degree, attention, bananas (actually on second thought, don't give me bananas, I hate those things...), goldfish, human eyes, or hair pieces. Really, anything, except for bananas, remember, I hate those things!
11:11, July 12, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Haha! You're so funny and original, your talents are wasted here.)
08:22, July 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 126.96.36.199 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days (Confucius say: Fuck you gaylord )
08:29, July 12, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 188.8.131.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (nice spamcruft, bro...)
20:42, July 7, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hotelle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (Please find yourself a more purposeful occupation than making a list about a yuky doody bigger.)
20:31, July 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days (Giant pile of useless fail)
10:27, July 8, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (hey, you remember the last time I banned you for being an idiot? good times, man, good times. )
07:25, July 12, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 220.127.116.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 months (SERIOUSLY GUY, I HAVE TO ADMIT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE BANNED)
Biopic of the Week
The biopic for this week focusses on a user who has taught us all a thing or two about being Uncyclopedians and just a little bit about being human... ha ha just kidding, this week the biopic is about Shabidoo. Now let me start us off by saying that I don't hate Shabidoo how could one hate a user who persists in his enthusiasm for all aspects of the site? You've all seen him on the forums talking about his views and hosting competitions and writing and checking pee reviews. What a splendid fellow.
His userpage, I've been there and he lists several users that inspire him; I am not on this list. He lists several users who are "Great Behind The Scenes"; I'm not on that list either. We here at the UnSignpost can only conclude that being "Great Behind the Scenes" involves doing sexual favours for Shabidoo and probably involves freakish dancing and harnesses. So if you fancy meeting Shabidoo, one of Uncyclopedia's great innovators, then you had better be prepared to strim his hedge at some point, if you know what we mean...
Oh no...what happens when a snowman gets aaaaaangry!!?!?! gasp! --ShabiDOO 10:25, July 14, 2011 (UTC)
I don't get it - why do you actually force me into needless expanding of the eabhai article? What's the point of doing such a thing? The article is quite short, I agree, and maybe not really funny but I think that further expanding would only make it less funny. SirPtok-BentonicznyPisz tutaj • KUN 12:01, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
Because it's short and lacks pics. It needs a heap of work. ~SirFrosty(Talk to me!) 04:23, July 16, 2011 (UTC)
Ok, I can agree on the 'lacks pics' part but there is nothing wrong in a short article. Some articles are long, others are short. SirPtok-BentonicznyPisz tutaj • KUN 22:36, July 16, 2011 (UTC)
Sorry to have confused you Frosty. I too am confused- please can you help with my Zepellin page? I'm trying to get an image I've uploaded to appear and cannot. I feel stoopid. I've tried asking the computer nicely, but... Blind Pugh 20:32, July 26, 2011 (UTC) No wait- I didn't click Upload...When I've done that I'm going to shoot myself. Do you have any advice about calibre, entrypoint, appropriate 'farewell' clothing, etc? Yours chumpfully, Blind Pugh 06:01, July 27, 2011 (UTC)
So as we approach the end of the month the monthly award competition should really be heating up and showing us all the great expanses of talent of which Uncyclopedia can rightfully boast. We are pleased to report that this is exactly what has happened; the awards pages are packed with votes and edit summaries complaining of edit conflicts while voting, or at least they would be... IF WE LIVED IN OPPOSITE WORLD!
In reality visiting an awards page feels rather like trekking around Chernobyl, sans Ukranian soldier who refuses to take pictures of you in front of all the landmarks; strange mutated beings (nominees) stagger out of the shadows begging for just one vote. However they await in vain as it would appear that all of you have forgotten that voting is actually the most fun you can have on Uncyclopedia, especially with your clothes off. One need only survey the lesser awards like Author of the Month and Potatochopper of the Month to see that this is clearly an issue in need of resolution. Dr. Skullthumper had this to say of the voting problem: "How so, where?" so we can all be assured that it is at the top of his to-do list of urgent issues to be resolved.
The UnSignpost would like to be the first to recommend a solution; we suggest that we hit the award pages hard and fast with a major leafleting campaign, which when followed up with a proposal to propose a discussion on the issue of awards pages with few votes to be considered at some hypothetical point in the near to distant future by a committee of individuals elected through two junior sub-committees, will be a considerable force to be reckoned with.
Since investigation is rumoured to be a part of the remit of the UnSignpost we outfitted several of our fearless reporters with pens and paper and sent them to find out what you think. Our first call was to the home of <insert name here> who, may we say, could do with mowing his lawn once in a while, and putting some clothes on before dancing to Blondie in the front room. "I was actually just going to vote on all the awards, no worries guys" said <insert name here> and we can only hope that <insert name here> does exactly that, since liars are regularly incarcerated on Zombiebaron's prison island, where the piteous cries of "No Zombiebaron here?" never stop.
The obvious resolution to this and indeed all problems on Uncyclopedia is that we all start voting as much as humanly possible, I'm going to go and do it right now; <insert name here> promised he would and I am inspired by his example, we hope you will be too.
It's American Football Season! Or so we are reliably informed on this forum by Guildensternenstein. The news is obviously that fantasy football is about to start again, for those of you who don't know how it works you are probably best to look it up on wikipedia or something because we here at the UnSignpost haven't a clue. Guildy has said "I need a minimum of 6 guys" and he would like about 12 people to sign up for fantasy football as well. The UnSignpost would also like to extend the offer of the post of "Pretend Sports Correspondent" to someone who can, occasionally, keep the expectant world up to date on the goings on in the league.
If you want to participate then you had better sign up soon as there are only about three places left at the time of going to press, a working knowledge of American Football is not essential, just ask Neox and the "Well-Dressed Pickles" who managed to go the entirety of last season without winning or editing the line up, despite it containing six of the worst players in the entire league. Anyone interested in reporting on the fantasy football should submit a report to the press room from where, after some minor editing, we will place it into the next issue and claim it as our own.
01:30, July 20, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Fnoodle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (stealing admins' jobs. he's like one of them whatchacallits..... mexicans!)
18:50, July 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mattsnow (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds (Doing what I asked people to do in the UnSignpost; this means he read it before Thursday, this is tantamount to pissing in my face.)
08:31, July 19, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 18.104.22.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Theres a party in my pants. But you aren't invited....)
18:10, July 18, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year (Wanting to be an admin)
Mattsnow should have seen this coming, he should have known that a biopic is the result of hard work, diligence and sincerity... However in his case we have made an exception. For those of you who don't know Mattsnow was noob of the month two months ago which just goes to show that we really do just give it out to anyone. He has written several featured articles; just goes to show that VFH should probably be renamed Bribe for Highlight. He has done pee reviews too and I'm told those are quite good, needless to say I don't believe that, it just goes to show that Pee Review standards have really fallen since my day.
We beg of you not to vote Mattsnow in Writer of the Month this month, remember a vote for Mattsnow is a vote for so-called "quality" and "humour". Unacceptable. Go on, speak to him if you want but don't come crying to us when he's as nice as everyone says he is.
Hey, Frosty. So anyways, I'm looking to adopt a n00b and I'm having trouble. Can you give me some advice on how to find a n00b?
--Lucyfer & his friend, Wlado! 16:35, July 22, 2011 (UTC)
Generally look through the New Users log and help and give advice to new users that seem to be struggling. ~SirFrosty(Talk to me!) 21:37, July 22, 2011 (UTC)
Er, why did you do this? I don't think the edits of EpicWinner were vandalism. They also don't seem to be nonsense. Or did you just not agree with them? Because I think that in such cases one should use an edit summary. Schamschi, 08:00, July 23, 2011 (UTC)
His finding about the decline of the show is neither constructive nore helpful. Therefore I reverted it. ~SirFrosty(Talk to me!) 09:19, July 23, 2011 (UTC)
OK, I've now read the whole history section of the article. Why do you think the edits weren't helpful? If you mean the sentence 'Even though most will say the first ten seasons were the best, they are forgetting that 10-12 are essentially the same shitty seasons, only ten is a "nice round number".' , I agree, this sentence is bad. But apart from that, he mainly made Mike Scully out to be the reason for the show's decline, which I find to be beneficial especially in the lead section, because there, no specific reason was given for the show's decline before. The only thing that might be a problem is that in the history section, he didn't elaborate on Mike Scully, but only mentioned him once and then never again. But even so, I don't find this to be a major problem, because the rest of the "From Japan to Brazil or The Great Yellow Decline" section isn't that coherent either (I'm not saying it's all random, just that some things are replaceable). And also, I have no problem if you think that the edits didn't improve the article (I hadn't read any of the article before, so I don't really care, I just had it on my watchlist because I had removed the link to the Jasper from The Simpsons article after that article was initially huffed), I just think that "reverting" edits gives the impression that you were undoing vandalism, which was the actual reason I asked you. Schamschi, 22:59, July 23, 2011 (UTC)
Well it was my call to revert it, is you disagree revert me I don't give a shit. ~SirFrosty(Talk to me!) 23:05, July 23, 2011 (UTC)
Hi Frosty, Another n00b here just to give another friendly reminder that I still have 8 proxies you'll never find! - 22.214.171.124 03:16, July 24, 2011 (UTC)
Now when it comes to deleting crap articles everybody on Uncyclopedia is on the same side, with the possible exception of Jupiterfox. We want crap articles out in order that we can effectively breed a wiki fit for kings and whoever else might stumble by. It is in the name of pruning the grand bush of humour that Forest Fire Week (or FFW if you are on a tight schedule) has come to be once again. For those of you who have been living under rocks on the surface of Saturn with only the UnSignpost to provide you with news Forest Fire Week involves tagging articles with a tag (duh) and then deleting them after seven days no matter what anyone else says.
Such is the attraction of sending articles into the great infinite that there is a scoreboard on the forum detailing which of the Schutzstaffel participating users has captured the most deviant articles. The amount of tagging is truly tremendous with about 7% of all Uncyclopedia's articles winning themselves a tag. The scoreboard for most articles saved from Forest Fire Week tags is somewhat more subdued with Shabidoo leading the way having saved three, and Thekillerfroggy and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user following along behind having saved 1.5 and 0.5 articles respectively. Those of you looking for a bit of a hoot will not be disappointed to learn that the whole forum is a bit of a giggle as some users sit and sulk because they hate Forest Fire Week but feel too polite to tell anybody.
Nobody will be surprised to learn that this is yet another brainwave from Uncyclopedia's head innovatorDr. Skullthumper who has a vision for Uncyclopedia and it is an Uncyclopedia that remains aerodynamic at high speeds due to the lack of poor articles attached to it. As always the UnSignpost has foregone actually speaking to him, mostly because we don't want our archives to be burned to the ground in the name of quality control. But just remember the good doctor is convinced "Our ancestors would not be proud of us" so we must be going right somewhere.
Forest Fire Week ends on the very day that this splendid periodical has been delivered to you; users are instructed to return to their caves and await Dr. Skullthumper's next brain fart, it won't take long, it'll probably be recommending some kind of cyber upgrade for your brain that will turn us all into Cybermen. Then Doctor Who will have to murder everyone with plastic explosive, before having a final showdown with Dr. Skullthumper as he attempts to escape the exploding factory in his personal Zeppelin.
So you've been away from Uncyclopedia for a while, doing.... the garden. After a while you sit down and say "Hey my life is pretty average at the moment; I've finally managed to fit 17 crayons into a single nostril. I'll swing by past Uncyclopedia and all the freaky losers there!". So you do and everything has changed, what was right is now wrong that which once wore parachute pants... continues to wear parachute pants. Yes it seems Uncyclopedia isn't what it used to be as literally two users have reappeared to inform us that everything has gone wrong all of a sudden.
Yes you should all be ashamed of the mess every single one of you have made of their favourite pages. There isn't really a point to this story, it is more a public service announcement. The other point of this story is to inform you all that our principal editor will be unable to write any news next week due to the impending arrival of several "friends" wishing to discuss some of his unfortunate financial liabilities. The UnSignpost therefore requires somebody to write the whole thing next week, attend the tedious meetings and... well that's pretty much it. If interested you should simply write the UnSignpost, it's easy; help us manage an issue every week for an entire year. It beats having real life goals.
08:31, July 23, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 126.96.36.199 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Removing content from pages: That's so unoriginal I don't even have to type it out, it's on a drop down list; you sir are about as original as the next fifa game, i.e. not at all. IT'S JUST FOOTBALL DAMMIT!)
04:45, July 24, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 188.8.131.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite () (You must be this "piece of shit who eats pieces of his own shit" i hear so much about)
12:59, July 26, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (You seem to be doing something wrong, seeing as I'm banning you. You figure it out, I'm too lazy.)
04:36, July 27, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHappySpaceman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Make better nominations. Also, times new roman??? geez what did you go to private school or something)
09:35, July 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mikefish (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (Masterfully done sir, to top it off perhaps you would like to try dangling your genitals in boiling water, it's great!)
Well the UnSignpost has already done a biopic on Fnoodle but at the risk of constantly talking about Dr. Skullthumper and his freaky freakness, we are going to do it again now. The reason for this because alongside a whole host of pointless things you don't want to know about, Fnoodle now also delivers the UnSignpost, bans people and deletes articles. This is a splendid outcome, if you want to live in a Terminator film, shortly we will hand over too much power to Fnoodle, he will become self-aware and we will have to live in sewers to escape his humour purges.
This of course is all part of the plan to have the wiki run not by humans who just moan about everything and clog up recent changes with new articles and voting, but by a race of sentient machines. So beware he of the daft username, he knows not what he does... well not at the moment anyway.
I removed the FFW from it because Zombiebaron has indicated he's fine with people removing his FFWing if they find a page funny. So I'm going to remove it again... and I guess tell Zombiebaron on his talkpage. ----220.127.116.11 16:46, July 31, 2011 (UTC)
And a rambling list of celebrities is?
Also as someone who along with my friend mattd created most of that page I'd rather not see someone like yourself reverting back to unfunny edits. I wonder if it was you who put back in the rape jokes as well which were rather tasteless and out of line with the article.
Really all I can say is that seeing as picture humour is about as clever as your humour goes hows this for you?
The heck? I did assume good faith. Large section of said page were removed and having (-2,000) bytes sparked my attention. Second TKf instead of making a big deal out of one mistake I made go do something constructive. Thirld you sign like thius (~~~~). ~SirFrosty(Talk to me!) 03:43, August 4, 2011 (UTC)
Adopt a Noob
Hey Frosty, thanks for adopting/taking pity upon me. I haven't written my own article just yet, but I have added to others. But one of my additions was taken down twice for some unexplained reason. It wasn't vandalism, it was funny. Perhaps not the funniest, but certainly better than some of the dreck I have come across. I undid the edits, but is there something I did wrong? --Mattityahu 04:28, August 4, 2011 (UTC)
Ok, sorry for the late response, but Ill try and give you some advice. The two big no nos here are simply saying something sucks and being totally random. You seem to have written in the style of this sucks. Change this to satire which is what Uncyclopedia is all about and you're edits will succedd. If you need more help I'll gladly help you out. ~SirFrosty(Talk to me!) 06:42, August 4, 2011 (UTC)
I guess my ban is up because I can respond now. Hooray! You said I wrote "in the style of this sucks." Is that you subtly trying to tell me I'm not funny? Because I don't think I was just saying "these guys suck, blah blah blah." Should I have fleshed it out more and made it it's own article instead of just adding it on to that one? --Mattityahu 05:21, August 5, 2011 (UTC)
Pretty much. Sorry about the auto-ban this new automitic triple revert auto-ban is pretty new, and full of flaws I tried a no ban feature but it failed. In summary yes flesh it out more offer an explanation to your writing not just it. That's what makes a funny concept. ~SirFrosty(Talk to me!) 06:42, August 5, 2011 (UTC)
One, I hereby declare you a poopsmith, or something. Feel free to archive VFD, qvfd, and ban patrol to your hearts content... nay, please do. And please do it right; I highly doubt anyone will be watching after you. So... yeah. *shifty eyes*
On another note, when reverting someone, especially when they explicitly ask what's so bad about what they're doing, it often helps to say why you're reverting them, and why they shouldn't do whatever they're doing. Otherwise it tends to just annoy them; meantime they'll probably do it again because they still don't know why they oughtn't. Obviously this doesn't always apply; some folks are just hopeless, but it still helps to assume good faith in the meantime. 1234~17:46, 4 August 2011
Perhaps the very reason why am I writing the UnSignpost for you this week and that it is unforgivably two days late will be the main topic for this weeks top story. And that is that quite simply, everybody is leaving Uncyclopedia.
Many of our long time users (If you haven't left yourself!) agree that it was Mordillo that started that unfortunate trend way back in March of this year. Of course everyone was saddened we paid our respects and moved on, nobody thought it would expand to the hip new trend it was become. Because quite frankly I personally believe most users are simply leaving us for the lulz.
Which brings us to the question as to why they are all leaving. Whether its because they've finally got a life, a job and a girlfriend or their simply grumpy with us all doesn't matter. What really matters is you're still here which I am very thankful for <3.
Simply because nobody ever submits any story ideas or suggestions like you are supposed it leaves it up to the editor to improvise on the spot. Something which this re-leaving editor is really poor at. Instead he is going to simply whre about how is a better writer than the normal writer.
He is better simply due to his profound ability to whore out two bullshit stories that any sane person could see a blatant attempt to fill empty white space. Partically true I guess. When I got appointed this task by This guy , I though what could I possibly write about? Forest Fire Week? VFS? How the beloved editor won three awards last month? Well quite simply telling the story of how I arrived at this thrilling yet totally stupid story seemed like the obvious alternative, and if you read this whole thing. Hail Frosty!
09:54, August 3, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (UnSignpost Rule of Bans: every issue contains at least 1 ban entry by ChiefjusticeDS - what a narcissist.)
01:00, August 2, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sanns sock (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (HI SANNSE!)
09:13, July 31, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 months (See you later)
09:04, July 31, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 18.104.22.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (account creation disabled) (DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU)
00:49, August 2, 2011 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked UPjcm (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes (Not being Zombiebaron: A volunteer bannee for testing! (thanks :))
Lollipop demanded I mention him. Whore to him here.
Hey Frosty. I finished my first article (Confidence) and I'd like to post it to get some feedback. But I'd also like to make sure it doesn't get automatically deleted, banned or sent back in time. Could you please use your poopsmithing skills to tell me how I might accomplish that? —The preceding unsigned comment was added byMattityahu (talk • contribs)
Ok first off you can move it into the mainspace now that you're autoconfirmed, if you'd like some proper feedback, submit it to review. If you get good feedback all is well, if not you can follow the advice given. ~SirFrosty(Talk to me!) 23:17, August 8, 2011 (UTC)
More rubbish Australian Prose because ChiefjusticeDS got stabbed in the buttocks by a rioter with a felt-tip pen
It is so blatantly obvious that this is the thing to to talk about at the moment, so whilst totally disregarding I may be risking talking about it too much, I give you the latest stats on FFW. Quite sadly I say that our article count as at all time low, if you'll refer to exhibit A on the right you will see where I predict Uncyclopedia will eventually sink.
I asked resident vandaladminDr. Skullthumper about why he instated this controversial act to delete anything the viewer deems shit without a proper vote. He simple replied "Shutup, it's all in the name of progress or whatever that good side is also referred to as. Having a vote would take too long and I like taking shortcuts." You can hardly argue with his ideology and progress. But sadly he disappeared because he fears reprisal from those apposed to the idea.
So as we watch our article count gradually and then catastrophically spiral downwards think to yourself was the FFW a necessary idea? If in a couple of years down the track you find yourself actually having to emerge from your basement and get a job because Uncyclopedia has finally destroyed itself, at least you'll know exactly who to blame.
This is perhaps a story I should included in the last UnSignpost but I was too busy whoring about my pro writing skillz and Chiefs absence. So my apologies to those in charge of what appears to be a pretty cool idea for a writing challenge!
For those of you who don't follow the dump, this is a writing competition organized by the somewhat over the top and insane Joe9320, Aimsplode and until quite recently Shabidoo who appears to have vacated his seat as chairperson for the tournament.
The participants are required to split into teams of three in which they are given a mere 16 days and 12 hours (Yes two weeks wasn't going to work), in which to write as many articles as they can on a summer based theme. Which is to say they will write about booze and sex but I guess the whole summer theme was just a cover for that. The articles are submitted for judging in which the winner will be the judges favorite I guess. To be honest I'm putting it down to the admin team to win simply because they can delete all other entries thus eliminating any competition, but hey that's just speculation.
Because he's either dead or just hating us, the editor special:
08:23, August 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 257 seconds (Have a nice cup of mud to celebrate this, the latest of your non-achievements. Also cheers for doing the USP, I liked it because I was in it.)
17:22, August 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Human Nutsack (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Trying to archive my talk page for me.)
17:36, August 6, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months (The first rule of the UnSignpost club is that you don't draw attention to my blatant whoring of my hilarious bans, incidentally, I'm putting this one in. Just try and stop me.)
09:35, July 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mikefish (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (Masterfully done sir, to top it off perhaps you would like to try dangling your genitals in boiling water, it's great!)
Biopic of the Week
Well he definitely should have seen this coming, so yes I am going to talk to you about the Uncyclopedian called PoopManPoop
For those less important individuals PoopManPoop won noob of the month in June in an absolute landslide crushing all available competition in true Uncyclopedian fashion simply because his name made everybody giggle.
Since then I regret to inform PMP hasn't been very active at all only popping in every few days at best to make a couple of edits and then vanish all over again. I speculate he may be a total IRCfag, which is to say he lives on #uncyclopedia as apposed to doing anything constructive, whilst he simple may have better things to do.
UnSignpost words of the week
Cephalectomy - Total removal of the brain. Yummy!
Gozmesky - The act of impersonating a man from San Marino
Nujpwi - The smell of soiled underwear.
Zaackaus - Used muppet skin.
Zeegoor - T-shirt of a rock group which you are now too embarrassed to wear in public.
A little while ago, when the world was young and we were actually interviewing people instead of making up vaguely racist quotes, the UnSignpost ran a story on the #uncyclopedia IRC channel. At the time we could have raised issues about it being a wholly separate community where the rules of the site blur into a haze of... haziness, but we didn't; we were far too busy making jokes about penises and the abundance of jokes on the same to be found on IRC. Now, once again, IRC has been thrust into the limelight and a great deal of hand-wringing and swearing has inevitably been the consequence.
Yes, this is the news that once again the cruel spectre of drama hovers above the wiki as Lyrithya has decided that there are several problems that need addressing. Number one: she would like a trip to Europe but doesn't have the disposable income, number 2: Uncyclopedia sucks , number 3: there are not enough forum topics about problem number two. She has set out to remedy the horrendous forum deficiency by creating two with deceptively enjoyable titles. The serious point to these forums revolves around the accountability of the administrators, which Lyrithya feels there is not enough of. The forum topics are the usual; huge blocks of text with no humorous comments about the Power Rangers anywhere in sight. It's all very sad and will probably end with someone leaving and vowing never to return.
The other vitally important news is that Zombiebaron reports that the Forest Fire Week huffing has finished, a full two weeks after Forest Fire Week finished. When asked to comment on the less than speedy huffage of all these articles, Zombiebaron had this to say: "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron?" which surprised us since we didn't even know he played the violin. Now all that we need to attend to are the thousands and thousands of broken redirects which MadMax spent countless hours creating to make everyone's lives easier. Now he has the honour of watching them be destroyed in the name of making the wiki better.
It is with great sadness that we report that our long time friendly, disturbing, creepy, dirty, often autistic admin Roman Dog Bird has apparently left for some reason, a departure he announced with a rather dramatic yawn, a shame, as his ban reasons are probably the closest things to actual humour we have on Uncyclopedia. This reporter in particular found his often unjustified bannings of IPs, deletions of memorable pages and general disrespect for authority truly inspiring.
On a side note, RAHB decided to return this week as part of a poorly concealed attempt to cover up the disappearance of another partially departed admin, Dr. Skullthumper. We would like to encourage all readers to welcome RAHB back by telling him how much Frank Zappasucks on his talk page; apparently he likes that.
00:13, August 14, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes (Let's see if I still know how to joke ban...ummm....penis.)
09:16, August 14, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days (Ironic that you have a link to an IQ test, since you seem like a complete idiot)
02:40, July 4, 2011 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Skully made me op for 5 minutes to ban you HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
12:48, August 15, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 seconds (Only I am permitted to whore my bans in the UnSignpost, it's safest for everyone that way.)
02:29, August 17, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 126.96.36.199 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (a terminal case of faggot fever)
Biopic of the Week
Uncyclopedia get its fair share of users that come and go, as well as its fair share of users who simply turn into VFD lurkers and IRC In-jokes. As such, it is high time we discussed a certain user who fits both categories. Yes, it's Bizzeebeever's turn to be the subject of this week's biopic!
Bizzeebever originally joined us in late June, and was quite a silly n00b, but like many, after being repeatedly hit in the head with a hammer he sort of grew up a bit began to earn his keep. Now he can be seen loitering around VFD and IRC clutching his head; it's okay, Bizzeebeever, we're done hurting you. For now.
If you'd like to congratulate him on how far he's come, go ahead; just don't take a hammer or he'll probably run away.
Birthday of the week
ChiefjusticeDS's birthday was on Tuesday. He celebrated by getting hit in the head with a brick.
FACTS! Did you know:
...that work is the curse of the drinking class?
...that sometimes violence is the answer, albeit a very violent one?
You are nice enough to welcome people and this is what you get: User talk:UnMcCandlish LOL, I really hop this guy is trolling! Mattsnow 09:38, August 20, 2011 (UTC)
Um yes I did find that amusing, and is certainly one of the weirdest but not the weirdest replies to a welcome message I've ever seen. ~SirFrosty(Talk to me!) 09:41, August 20, 2011 (UTC)
Oh thanks for the drama source! It's like the Another Noob talkpage, do you have other drama filled stuff? And remember: s-u-p-e-r-g-e-n-i-u-s. LOL I'm pretty sure that's the guy I sent an IPjoin to tonight while he was working on poolMattsnow 09:50, August 20, 2011 (UTC)
I'm on Irc right as of fucking now (and it's boring as hell). These messaging could be more efficient if you wish! 21:50, August 20, 2011 (UTC)
You were unfair
I think your ban on me was unfair as I was trying to improve what I thought was one of the most abusive and unpopular articles on this wiki the amy winehouse article. I have a sense of humour but this is just plain horrible, its uncomftarble reading and it makes no point whatsoever User Fretover
I didn't block you, I am not an admin. Check your block log and take it up with them. ~SirFrosty(Talk to me!) 21:55, August 20, 2011 (UTC)
Frosty frosty frosty frosty OH OH OH, Frosty frosty frosty frosty la la la
I have question comrade frosty. What is the mean of Beware! The evil eye is upon thee!.this is User :50 Years of Victory!
Quote spam and Soviet Russia jokes are kinda lame, the eye is to say we're watching you...... In summary don't over use them. ~SirFrosty(Talk to me!) 10:34, August 22, 2011 (UTC)
Simple English Promotion
Frosty, congratulations! I have selected YOU as the guinea pig for my new experiment with the sysop-lite thing on Simple English Uncyclopedia! Essentially, you are now an admin.....but with a twist. You don't have the authoritah or the coveted banhammer. But with a lot of hard work and 5 small payments of $545,454,354 and a Suregel coupon you may have the hope of obtaining one. But, congrats on your promotion!--Colonel Sanders 20:30, August 22, 2011 (UTC)
In an entirely precedented move, Illogicopedia has yet again stolen our proud Uncyclopedian traditions. Yes, they've finally done it, they've finally taken for their own everything that we at the UnSignpost proudly stood for, making a mockery of our fine establishment by starting up their own newspaper, the Illogicopedian Times. Or restarting, really; Readmesoon et all managed to put out a whole three issues in 2009 before getting arrested for snorting bumblebees or something, or whatever Illogicopedians do in their spare time, so technically the current is a continuation of that.
But even more shocking than that, the Illogicpedia Times is doing well; after the announcement of its revival with the release of a dummy issue and a call for contributors, Illogicopedians have actually been contributing. Almost immediately two new issues were created; while these two were both a little too well-done for a proper ?pedian publication, the worst bits were merged into the first new issue, which has already been released to tremendous apathy on their end, and outrage on ours. But this was plural Illogicopedians, unlike the usually singular Uncyclopedian or two who invariably finds itself desperately floundering for topics to write about for our publications, and as we all know, nothing ever even happens on ?pedia, so how do they do it? What are we doing wrong?
The answer, my friends, is nothing. We aren't doing anything wrong; they simply stole all our ideas and used those to write their own, and having not written any of their own in so long, they had all our back issues to comb. We suggest going to Readmesoon's talkpage and mocking him and the other editors thoroughly when they inevitably run out of said ideas to steal; it shouldn't take terribly long seeing as we never really had many to begin with.
Due to a recent shortage of plumbers, some of the urinals in the men's restroom have been backing up. As such, we at the UnSignpost would like to urge all readers to tread carefully in there, and if possible, try to lend a hand in the clean up.
More news to come as the situation becomes more dire.
04:20, August 19, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Eblog.net (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (email@example.com)
20:55, August 20, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Uncyclopedia sucks hard (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (you suck hard. no, harder. harder than that. come onnnnn, give me more... jesus, is that the best you can do? no wonder your boyfriend won't talk to you.)
07:38, August 22, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked AssassinNips (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (I love shit as much as the next guy. Sometimes I even like to use it in the shower in lieu of soap. But when you start getting into smelling it....you're just weird, man.)
11:40, August 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (If you come near me I'll rip your nipples off)
06:38, August 23, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 188.8.131.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (I was only following orders)
Frosty would like you all to know that on the 27th, he will have completed his first year on Uncyclopedia. He seems to want gifts. He also seems to think he's the new UnSignpost editor, little realising that the old UnSignpost editor never left. Not the writer; that lovely fellow is currently on vacation. But his editor is still here and demands that Frosty either put on the leather chicken suit NOW and submit before her giant banana or... well, actually, he doesn't really have much choice in the matter. Poor dear. If only he'd known what he was getting into. Happy birthday?
I seriously spent hours racking my brains trying to think of what to write for the damn UnSignpost! I mean I sat here full on thinking I wasn't going to get this all set for delivery on time. So I put this to you, as the new editor:
Start sending in idea, or no UnSignpost next week!
While the Admins were busy entertainting Monsignor Sandman,
or sawing logs at work, this user did a spot on job of damage control,
all without the use of an Admin Rifle, Gun, or Turbo Slingshot.
We appreciate your efforts, and hereby bestow upon you
the Most Honourable Title of:
Sig 2 was used for a week or so, Sig 3 was used for 2 and a half weeks, Sig 4 was never used, and the original purple sig was my original sig. But I like this one because it dosen't reference lollipops or Canada at all. --PLEBSIRLollipop(TALK) - updated on 28 August 2011, at 05:18
Recently, an evil army of spambots has laid siege to Uncyclopedia. While most users went on in blissful ignorance, the rollbacks loaded their guns, the admins loaded their cannons, and Sannse took one look and didn't load her checkuser. "You're overreacting," she would have said had anyone asked her, which they didn't.
These spambots are known for their random edit summaries and their apparent praise of the wiki, apparent because they have been all too happy to spread the very same praise around other sites as well, the whores: "This really helped me, I know so much now," said one of the spambots when cornered by a bin of potatoes. It later said the exact same thing regarding a deleted page.
As always, the UnSignpost urges all readers to confront these bots and tell them they're doing it wrong, that they are adopted and how their mothers never hugged them, as well as that their coding is deprecated and their owner runs them through Internet Explorer, losers. And for those of you who prefer the usual blahblahblahtostopthem, that also remains an option.
Drama. You never know where it's going to strike. You never know when it's going to strike. You never know how or why it's going to strike. And dare I say, there are times when you cannot be altogether very sure at all what it's going to strike. One thing is for certain, though; here at Uncyclopedia, we do a bloody poor job of it, and in the name of Klaus Nomi and his immaculate hair, we should all be ashamed!
There are not enough bad things going on! Everywhere one looks it's another pathetic little pissing fight about something as insignificant as BUTT POOP!!!!, or a misdirected conservative whining about retards. Enough, I say! This is child's play! Gone are the glorious days of perpetual Uncyclopedia flame-wars, the legends such as Talk:Euroipods forever eluding the minds of today's generation of shit-raisers and stink-throwers! What of the glory that was NXWave, and his numerous sockpuppets? What of the majestic splendor of the great Aspie war?
Uncyclopedians, you have disgraced your heritage! You have almost made this a pleasant place to reside! Do you realize that? This week I challenge you, oh alleged patrons of flamewars and troll-being, to take a look at yourselves, and you will soon realize that your true purpose has been eluding you for all of these years. It's time we stand up and yell! Scream! WHINE like you mean it! Whine like you whined on your first day of kindergarten when your mother drove away! Whine like a prom queen suddenly and unexpectedly drafted into the Armed Forces! Whine like your forefathers and their forefathers before them! CAUSE A STIR! CAUSE A REVOLUTION! CAUSE CHAOS!
08:54, August 28, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Inebriated (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 hours (HI DRUNK GUY! I'M ACTUALLY NOT dRUNK RIGHT NOW FOR A CHANGE. CAN YOU TELL?)
05:46, August 29, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (Go rape your own children. Stay away from ours.)
10:44, August 27, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 220.127.116.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, Here I am, stuck in the middle with you...)
03:10, August 31, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked WTFak47MAN (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (I really hate to do this because you're hilarious, man. But I also really love to do this, because fuck you.)
Biopic of the Week
Ah, biopic of the week, potentially the most controversial part of the UnSignpost simply for what it is, a section about users... and yet somehow, it never really stands up to the other sections; the users themselves are rarely so bad as what they do, and as such we are proud to announce that Aimsplode... is the exception to this?
Nonetheless, he is our lucky subject for this week's biopic, who, after several long days of dredging up drama, insulting people, subsequently getting banned, going on IRC, annoying people, continuing to annoy people, and annoying Zombiebaron, subsequently got banned there, too, and finally settled down a bit. This was actually pretty impressive; the only unfortunate thing is that more people don't do this; if they did, the admins might have more to do and thus might stop being so cranky all the time. For shame, people!
But kudos to Aimsplode, because you are indeed something special; we could use more of that.
Birthday of the Week
Lollipop celebrated his 1st year of Uncyclopedia on Tuesday. In honour of this prestigious event that has been on-going for the past two weeks, we at the UnSignpost are proud to present him with this block of poisoned cheese in an attempt to get him to stop talking about it already.