User talk:Flutter

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YOU HAVE BEEN TERMINATED

Well, not really. But seriously, i'd like some of what you were smoking when you edited Template:Gsl. If you don't mind, i'll change it back, because we dun like it very much. --Trar (talk|contribs|grueslayer) 02:44, 17 February 2008 (UTC)

QVFD

I just wanted to check and make sure that you really want all of these deleted, because I really, really don't wanna have to undelete them afterwards. So, speak now if you want me to be selective, or something. - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 22:43, May 17

Yes I'm sure, I do want them all deleted. And NeoAdventure, too.—Flutter (Talk•Games•Fun Pages•Awards•Help) 23:06, 17 May 2008 (UTC)

Deleted. On behalf of my browser, go fuck yourself with a broomstick. — Sir Manticore 10:22, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Nah! Its too painful, but haven't tried it--Gelert 22:36, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

FLUTTER!

I knew you would be back! Welcome back good sir! --¿Qua? es mi página de discusión, es lo que mi contribuiría 23:16, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, I am not rare coming to uncyclopedia!—Flutter (Talk•Games•Fun Pages•Awards•Help) 23:18, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Zork Pwned

Thanks so much for helping edit it. It is much appreciated. King Semsem 13:51, 29 October 2008 (UTC)

Your welcome :)—Flutter (Talk•Games•Fun Pages•Awards•Help) 16:08, 1 November 2008 (UTC)

Yet Another Award

You voted for UnNews:New Range of Low-Tech Personal Music Players Released on VFH which entitles you to this FREE copy of the 1921 hit single I Wouldn’t Take Her To a Dog Fight, 'Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win by Brigadier Billy Bell-Ende and his Jazz Rhythm Orchestra which is only slightly scratched. Rabbi Techno

Your sig...

Is too tall.

1. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
2. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!
3. —Flutter | Callz ⒇HNU - Help! - Profile - Fun! - Awards
4. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc!

See how line 3 overlaps line 2, and how the gap between 3 & 4 is bigger than the one between 1 & 2? In short, your sig both manages to be bad, and also worse. In shorter, your sig makes me sad. In shortest, :( Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:53, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

You have every right to say that, Modus. Gotta get rid of it. :/—Flutter | Callz ⒇HNU - Help! - Profile - Fun! - Awards 04:55, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

BHC

Please save it. 68.220.177.97 00:24, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Opps, sorry not to answer you. It was Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Nevermind. It died. 68.220.177.97 02:31, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh, sorry—Flutter (Talk•Games•Fun Pages•Awards•Help) 18:26, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Yes, it's gone. That doesn't mean you re-create. It means you need to stop because the majority determined that the article was horrible. What is so hard to understand about that? -- Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER 21:43, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Dearest Flutter...

Thank you ... ... for supporting my recently featured picture. A baby potato shall be mercilessly sacrificed in your honour. - Sonje

This makes me realize I'm gonna have to make a new generic template soon...

Thank you ... ... for supporting my recently featured picture. A baby potato shall be mercilessly sacrificed in your honour. - Sonje

--^Dame 18:43, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

FU

on behaf of the FU gradjewating class of 2009 we the stewdents of the Fackulty of Agrickulchur awnors program wish to xpres our sinsear appreesheashun for yer suporting a desent edjewcashun for peepul like us hoo mite haf utherwize ended up in jail for growin pot or sumthin which we wood of like only did just for medical use cuz we herd that Flin Flon, Manitoba needed help cuz they coodnt keep up with deman anymor ~ Ricky, Bubbles & Julian

100% new template! --T. (talk) 02:32, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

Iwillkillyou333 want to say thanks for the vote!

You had voted forUnBooks:In Search of the Lost Whatchamacallit for VFH. Even thought the articles faild o make it to the front page, its nice tohave someone at least vote for it. As a reward, heres an alien dude with two beers, on me. Thanks and see you around the wiki.

Thanks---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 16:35, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

Here's to you, man.—Flutter (Talk•Games•Fun Pages•Awards•Help) 15:40, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

What's the deal?

You've been nomming images that stand no chance of getting featured for ages now, and suddenly you blame it all on me? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 08:17, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

"Um, yeah, you're obviously the 'no' here. Uncyclopedia would be better off without people like you fucking up everything. Idiot.". Wow. WOW. Jesus Fucking a gay guy Christ, that's gold. Can I ban him? Please let me ban him. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 08:25, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Ban whoever you feel like. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:56, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Whatever. I wasn't 'blaming it on you.—Flutter (Talk•Games•Fun Pages•Awards•Help) 15:46, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Why exactly do you think I suck? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:54, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Screw this, Socky.—Flutter (Talk•Games•Fun Pages•Awards•Help) 19:20, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Now I still don't know what it was I did wrong. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:26, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

*sigh* Nothing.—Flutter (Talk•Games•Fun Pages•Awards•Help) 19:29, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Um, okay. Sorry for the trouble, I guess. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:31, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm sorry, too. I was being the jerk, not you.—Flutter (Talk•Games•Fun Pages•Awards•Help) 19:32, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Autobiography of Jesus of Nazareth

Hey Flutter, I saw you changed your vote on that page. I'm just a little confused by the reasoning you wrote in the summary. Did you vote for it because you were trying to make it up to Sock, or did you read it and genuinely like it? (Sorry if this is a little forward of me.) I only ask because I was the author of that article, and I just want to make sure that all the for votes are voted that way because the voters liked it. Sorry again if I am sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 20:30, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Not sure, but I just go for.—Flutter (Talk•Games•Fun Pages•Awards•Help) 20:33, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

MARIO WIKI

OH MY FRIGGIN' GOD!Your that person from Mario Wiki!I know you.I'm Goldguy or something...--Bad Shroom 01:04, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Do you know what alias I go in Mario Wiki? (psst, see my bio)—Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 01:22, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Barista

Thank you for Barista'ing me. I used to drink coffee but not I'm a soy latte type since because of the lactose intolerance and the heart condition.

Due to my extraordinary vanity, I would like a positive vote from you for NotM. If you did not like me, please ignore this message. Pup

Why does everyone think I'm too old for NotM? Been here just on a month, so I was actually too young to be NotM last month. Am I going grey? Wrinkled? A vote for me is a vote prosperity, posterity, prosthesis, and prostitution! Pup

Hum, I'll say its a coinsidence, and I voted for you.—Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 05:59, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Mario Wiki 2

Oh, I know you because a user called Stooben Rooben talked about you once.Also, I saw some of your edits, too.I'm retired there so I can edit here.--Bad Shroom 15:30, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 4th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

June 4th, 2009 • Issue 50 • I love the smell of news in the morning!

Todd not Lionised by all? By UU Uncyclopedia's long-cherished status as the worst was given a massive fillip this week with the discovery that genial admin Todd Lyons has his own Facebook hate group. This considerable accomplishment has to be considered among the highest praise ever bestowed on an admin of this wiki. Kosher kvetcher Mordillo even opined that it makes him the #1 admin on the wiki, as "even Mhaille doesn't have a hate group!" Lyons himself was deeply touched by the tribute, exclusively telling the USP: "I'm a bit surprised (though not touched, like the WotM nomination this month), because I generally shy away from the snappy/nasty ban summaries that would guarantee me a spot in the UnSignpost. Really, RDB is my #1 pick for this, and richly deserves to have a hate group on Facebook (if not several dozen by now). :) Second, if I had any insecurities that I'd lost my touch with the ban hammer after being on hiatus, they're gone. The arm's feeling great. The surgery seems to have been a 100% success. I'm feeling good that I'll be able to finish out the season and hopefully garner some interest as a bureaucrat when I become a free agent this fall." The group's creator was unavailable for comment, probably due to being banned. Comings and Goings By Gerrycheevers As you may or may not have noticed, there recently seems to be a flurry of returns and hiatuses (hiati?) on this silly wiki that some of us like to call Uncyclopedia. This could be due to a number of things: the end of the school year and thus the end of studying and finals; the summer season causing new and strange emotions in internet comedy writers; the revolving door recently installed at the Uncyclopedia headquarters. Regardless of the reason, those returning have been 'welcomed', and those leaving have been warned that their userpages will be mercilessly vandalized should their vacation extend overly long. Popular aquatic creature user Finnius claims to have returned. His contributions since returning have thus far been limited to announcing his return in the forum (as required by Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435), but the Unsignpost is confident of a return laced with quality pee and other, less pungent useful contributions. The elusive Cajek, a mythical creature once thought to exist only in the surreal dreams of squirrels, has returned gloriously upon the back of a giant squirrel. So at least some part of the myth was true. Take that, science! Other returns include Dexter111344 after a brief hiatus and Gouncyclopedia!, who evaded a years-long block to announce his return in the forums (UB435 again). Perhaps the most noted of all, faithful new dog Dognewspaper returns from a one-month hiatus to appear in this story. Other users have seen a decline or all-out drop-off in their contribution level. SysRq remains on an indefinite hiatus. Gerrycheevers has seen his number of edits dwindle as of late. MrN9000 is still among the missing. Codeine is apparently gone as well, and Necropaxx will be losing his precious internet. We bid these users to hurry back, lest their userpages and works be smited with the hammer of pointless vandalism.

Check out these pages! Image spam Another one bites the dust Admin competence? From our logs: 01:08, 3 June 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.8.59.236 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (So far you've edited the pages 'your mom' and 'school'. Want me to try and guess your age?) 07:46, 2 June 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.17.189.150 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (bored fuckes should go fuck boards. It's too early in the morning and I can't think of anything smart to say) 20:04, 30 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 174.117.160.23 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Cyberbullying: we don't want to hear about people you know and why you want to suck their dick. I know that's not quite what you said, but something about what you said implied it) 20:38, 29 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Da Wizard Of Oz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (PLEASE MASSUH WHIP ME, OH MAH GOD, I'M GETTIN' SO HOT, I'LL SUCK YO DICK!!!!!!) Biopic of the Week The very Reverend Zim ulator is the undisputed, acknowledged, and slightly puce master of UnNews. As such, reporting about him in a newspaper may be an act of such metaphysical self-referentialism that it creates a negative feedback loop, destroying the universe, or at least this wiki. But, in the name of bringing Zim's name to our readership, that's a risk we're willing to take. We'd normally link to a bunch of stuff he's done at this point, but just take a look at UnNews - as we mentioned, he's basically the guy who keeps it all tickin'. Rats off to ya, Zim! Old School Featured Article of the Week In a week when Obama is trying to reach out to the Muslim community, perhaps it is an apt time to consider how far he is going to have to reach. Will he ever be able to bridge the gap all the way to the readership of American Fundie Magazine? "The magazine for "True Christians™", was formed to cater to the needs of the modern biblical fundamentalist", and is just as relevant today as it was way back in 2006. VFD kept article of the week Plan 11 from Outer Space has been referred to as "amusing", "pretty funny" and "hilarious". Go see why people thought it worth having around.

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Thought I get one for myself. Talk that! —Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 23:18, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Hi there

Brute! 05:24, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

On the QVFD page it says: "If you are neither an administrator nor a designated poopsmith, do not remove anything from QVFD; doing so will get you banned for a very long time." You can cross out things you may have added yourself in error, but other than that... MrN  Fork you! 01:11, Jul 7

I didn't remove anything, just moved to the top. Didn't you see? —Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 01:37, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

I bet you were the one who stole my slippers also I bet. If I ever catch whoever took em I'm going to be so mad!!! MrN  Fork you! 02:04, Jul 7

Uh, The Masked Editor stole em' slippers of yours. —Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 02:12, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

Impressive

Somehow my captions and your signature had a battle for supremacy, and your sig won. The question is... how? Pup 07:32, 7 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 9th July 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!

Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years By THEDUDEMAN, with additional reporting by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before. Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range.

Check out these pages! The second round of the Uncyclopedia Music Awards! 4.252.99.182 HAS BEEN FOUND! Uncyclopedians trying to workout From our logs: 23:02, 7 July 2009 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Spang (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 days ‎(testing, I haven't done this in a while) 09:26, 7 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.178.213.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) ‎(In fact, here is our complimentary "welcome to uncyclopedia & fuck off" package. Have a nice day.) 00:36, 6 July 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked The Woodburninator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 191 seconds ‎(You ain't no ban magnet. But I can help you become one. By banning you, that is.) Biopic of the Week Now missing for over 18 months, it's time to send the search party out for ENeGMA. If the userbox on his user page is accurate, then his 250,000+ edits mean that he has created virtually all of the content on Uncyclopedia. While that isn't quite true, he has produced some classically awesome articles, and we wish he'd come back and play. Quote of the Week <TheLedBalloon> well, my parents were like, son, we're going to make meatloaf tonight <TheLedBalloon> and I was like <TheLedBalloon> shit yeah <TheLedBalloon> you know <TheLedBalloon> I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOAF <Shaggy-Rogers> EVEN BLOW YOUR LOAD ON YOUR MOM'S FACE =-= Mode #uncyclopedia +o TheLedBalloon by ChanServ =-= Shaggy-Rogers was booted from #uncyclopedia by TheLedBalloon (2 dads) =-= Mode #uncyclopedia -o TheLedBalloon by TheLedBalloon Old-School Featured Article of the Week A Handgun is a non-lethal weapon that has been in use for over 150 years. As adaptable as it is safe, the Handgun can fire many different kinds of bullets, which each require different distinct noises such as "pchoo!". Advantages include an infinite amount of ammunition and the lack of a necessity to reload. Attempts at Handgun regulation have proven pointless at best. This Week in Uncyc, 658 AD With the Dark Ages in full swing, Uncyclopedia tried to lighten the mood with a contest that urged users to photoshop a humorous image involving a priest, a monk, and a nun. Since the most advanced photoshop technology at the time still consisted of using paint to draw on canvas, not a single entry was completed by the two-week deadline. However, prominent Uncyclopedian John Smith continued his work far past the deadline, and after eight months submitted an image of a waterskiing nun, which became Uncyclopedia's first featured image.

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9001(bot)  22:15, Jul 9

LazyThnaks

Joshy would like to thank you all again! For featuring LazyTown on the front page, he’ll be pretty much thrilled. Not sure what his mum’s gonna say but it’ll all be fine... He might be grounded forever though.

   Orian57    Talk   20:32 15 July 2009

Arr! There be a Thanksplate at Thiry Noughts!

Martin would like to thank you! For helping him stay afloat during his time with Marline and until his rescue/untimely death.

   Orian57    Talk   15:03 16 July 2009

Err Flutter

You're placing empty templates rather than the unsignpost. You might want to check on what you're doing. ~ 18:42, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

I've noticed it already before you noticed. —Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 18:48, 16 July 2009

dude

please stop delivering today's signpost; it's not done yet!! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:58, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

No, and chill a bit, dude —Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 18:59, 16 July 2009 18:59, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

OK, I'd like to understand what was that about. ~ 20:41, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Does this mean I'm a bod boy?!? —Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 21:03, 16 July 2009

It means that I'm getting a bit impatient. I've asked you a question. ~ 21:05, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Wait, I lost you. What was the question? Sorry if you get mad, I'm just confused. Was it about Gerrycheevers? —Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 21:08, 16 July 2009

Yes and the whole you distributing the unsignpost on your own accord. ~ 21:18, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

ohhhh, like distributing Insineratehynm? —Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 21:39, 16 July 2009

How about you take a day off, and we'll talk again tomorrow. Perhaps this time you'll have a clearer answer. ~ 21:57, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 16th July 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Do- AAAAAA

July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke

User Return Causes Widespread Panic By Gerrycheevers This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD By Gerrycheevers For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire By Gerrycheevers Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future.

Check out these pages! Some guy is trying to update Images... Hey look, a new game to play! Or is this business? UnBusiness!? Proof that Wikia hates us! From our logs: 09:27, 9 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a bouncer from Flintoff ‎(pre-emptive ban before you ban me for pickiness. your English > my Hebrew etc etc...) 20:38, 14 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(Impersonating a girl. Perv.) 14:03, 16 July 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.186.81.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(you know Euthanasia might just be the thing you are looking for....) Biopic of the Week Known as the man of many signatures (most of them garish and spinning in some fashion), Mahm00shA has made quite the impression on Uncyclopedia since joining in February. His transcription of an interview with a cab driver in his native Egypt has earned him recognition as a writer, and his other useful qualities have earned him an Uncyclopedian of the Month nomination. Go 'moosh! Quote of the week [16:41] <Tayor> we're going to need a base to work from. [16:43] <Tayor> by 'we' I meann 'I' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'are' I mean 'am' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'work' I mean 'give blow jobs' In honour of The Ashes, it's: UU's classic cricket commentary of the week! "There's Tony Greig standing at second slip — legs wide apart, bending over, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston. Of course, this simple piece of commentary should require no clarification, but any Americans, other foreigners, or chavs who don't understand the finer points of cricket can pop over to UU's talk page for a patronising explanation. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Martin Van Buren was the eighth President of the United States, a key figure in U.S. political development during the nineteenth century, and a total dick. While other legislators were busy dueling or being awesome in general, Van Buren spent his time practicing his douchebag skills and smelling of old people. He always argues about the stupidest things, and he refuses to ever admit he's wrong. And I'm never letting him borrow my car again. Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week The UnSignpost editors regret to announce the introduction of a new device, the "Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week". This box will be used to take up space on the right-hand side of the UnSignpost, an example of which you are currently experiencing. Look for this box to appear when a larger than usual number of stories on the left side of the UnSignpost and an impending end of the work day force the editors to make something up on the fly. This also offers opportunities to sneak trusted mascot DogNewspaper into the issue.

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—Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 19:00, 16 July 2009

UnSignpost: July 16nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Do- AAAAAA

July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke

User Return Causes Widespread Panic By Gerrycheevers This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD By Gerrycheevers For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire By Gerrycheevers Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future.

Check out these pages! Some guy is trying to update Images... Hey look, a new game to play! Or is this business? UnBusiness!? Proof that Wikia hates us! From our logs: 09:27, 9 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a bouncer from Flintoff ‎(pre-emptive ban before you ban me for pickiness. your English > my Hebrew etc etc...) 20:38, 14 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(Impersonating a girl. Perv.) 14:03, 16 July 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.186.81.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(you know Euthanasia might just be the thing you are looking for....) Biopic of the Week Known as the man of many signatures (most of them garish and spinning in some fashion), Mahm00shA has made quite the impression on Uncyclopedia since joining in February. His transcription of an interview with a cab driver in his native Egypt has earned him recognition as a writer, and his other useful qualities have earned him an Uncyclopedian of the Month nomination. Go 'moosh! Quote of the week [16:41] <Tayor> we're going to need a base to work from. [16:43] <Tayor> by 'we' I meann 'I' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'are' I mean 'am' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'work' I mean 'give blow jobs' In honour of The Ashes, it's: UU's classic cricket commentary of the week! "There's Tony Greig standing at second slip — legs wide apart, bending over, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston. Of course, this simple piece of commentary should require no clarification, but any Americans, other foreigners, or chavs who don't understand the finer points of cricket can pop over to UU's talk page for a patronising explanation. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Martin Van Buren was the eighth President of the United States, a key figure in U.S. political development during the nineteenth century, and a total dick. While other legislators were busy dueling or being awesome in general, Van Buren spent his time practicing his douchebag skills and smelling of old people. He always argues about the stupidest things, and he refuses to ever admit he's wrong. And I'm never letting him borrow my car again. Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week The UnSignpost editors regret to announce the introduction of a new device, the "Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week". This box will be used to take up space on the right-hand side of the UnSignpost, an example of which you are currently experiencing. Look for this box to appear when a larger than usual number of stories on the left side of the UnSignpost and an impending end of the work day force the editors to make something up on the fly. This also offers opportunities to sneak trusted mascot DogNewspaper into the issue.

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THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:19, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Please don't add links...

...to articles that don't exist. A page that is simply a place holder doesn't qualify as an article. Perhaps after you actually add text to your held page it might be an appropriate (or inappropriate link - I don't care) Also, please keep in mind that creators of articles commonly watchover their creations such as I do with GILF. Hugs! Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 14:23, 18 July 2009 (UTC)

...thank you for stating the obvious, and i'm sure its a good point. Hugs! —Flutter Tuwoolookie! | My History | Brute! 16:22, 18 July 2009

This girl...

Friend of yours? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 15:51, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

Well, if it's a good reason.... What is the reasoning, exactly? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:01, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

Fair enough. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:13, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism!

July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League By Gerrycheevers This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity By Gerrycheevers In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen.

Check out these pages! US vs UK, the showdown... almost Picture Wars: Forum Edition Still counting to a million From our logs: 03:45, 23 July 2009 Under user blocked Mi$ter Bigg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insert Cosby catchphrase here. or not - I don't really give two fucks) 00:48, 20 July 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 71.195.100.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (In the words of Abraham Lincoln, suck my presidential cock, bitch!) 06:30, 18 July 2009 Mordillo blocked Speroxenos (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (your hard on does not impress me) Biopic of the Week Arguably the most prominent sub-primate whose existance status varies depending on the day of the week on the entire wiki, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays has recently made a return to Uncyclopedia. His track record speaks for itself: awesome articles abound in Ape's presence, his handling of breaking news situations is praiseworthy, and his information guides are useful and informative. Welcome back, Ape! Old School Featured Article of the Week Toilet Door Communication, or TDC, is considered by many to be the forerunner of the modern internet. This fascinating form of conversation is complete with its own exceedingly dense jargon and wide spectrum of users. Washing your hands after use is strongly recommended. Quote of the Week <Bonner> A while later we also completely wrapped the scooter in cling film <Bonner> I still have the photos, he was really pissed about that one <e|m|c> You mean saran wrap. <e|m|c> Fucking English. <Bonner> Cling flim <e|m|c> Uhh. Saran wrap. <Bonner> cling film <Bonner> :) <e|m|c> Cling film <Bonner> Saran wrap <e|m|c> Correct. This Week in Uncyc, 1901 Uncyclopedia users celebrated their first of many week-long tributes to Oscar Wilde, unable to wait the originally planned year after his death. The entire main page was dedicated to Wilde-related issues, and the first instance of mass Wilde quoting ensued. Reader Poll of the Week The editors need your help; please weigh in here on the important, non-boring issue of UnSignpost formatting.

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This edition is on time, and anyone who tells you differently is lying! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 19:37, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

 :(

It's just about a week 'til my birthday and you haven't gotten me anything yet. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 22:50,29July,2009

And with a 3 month ban for cyberbullying, he's not likely to either... --UU - natter 09:00, Jul 30

On Ban evasions and sockpuppets

Flutter, you are already on three different admin's radar and with me you seriously start to piss me off. If you intend to ever return here as a normal everyday user - you will stop your involvement with this place until your ban expires or have a chat with MrN and explain to him why your ban should be lifted. Any additional socks, and your ban as Flutter is permanent, as it will be with other socks and aliases. And we are good in finding them. ~ 16:02, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A MEMBER OF THE GOA TSE CLAN

Congratulatuions, you are now a member of the Goa Tse Clan. You are now a monk of the Goa Tse Clan. As such, here is your starter's pack:

This user is a member of the Goa Tse Clan. This user does not want Uncyclopedia to be the worst.

A User template to put in your userpage. Copy this code here: {{Goa Tse Clan}}

And also, a tiny animated gif to put into your signature to show that you are a member of the Goa Tse Clan (). Yes, it's a Pokemon, but if you don't like the animated gif, just put GTC (that's Goa Tse Clan for short) in your sig. |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Giratina CUN|IC Kill | 05:43, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

thanks!

Orian57 would like to thank you! For voting him Playwright of the Month! He appreciates it and is also uncertain about why he is speaking in third person - he hates that. Seriously though, thanks, I'll almost certainly do more in the future.

   Orian57    Talk   22:05 1 August 2009

UnSignpost: July 30th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

July 30th, 2009• Issue 58• Now Delivered Trendily Late!

Uncyclopedia Users Alter Time Itself By The Woodburninator This week: an update. As previously reported in an earlier news story, one month ago several well-known contributors went on a campaign to try and delete time itself. It is said they were trying to bring about an end to unfunniness throughout history, with the slight side effect of non-existence. But just as it looked as if their plan would come to fruition, cooler heads prevailed and stopped everything in its tracks. Since then, the plan has changed. Instead of deleting all that ever was, the users have decided it would be much more prudent to just change all of history to their liking. Several users have been seen spending their free time on User:Gwax/Timeline rebuild, in some cases changing events one year at a time, and in others trying to change entire millennia. How they are able to do this, no one is sure, though rumors of a DeLorean DMC-12 have been circulating. The outcomes of the project have, thus far, been very good for us for everyone. There was one unfortunate incident when a user tried to give his parents millions of dollars before he was born, but the extra money forced them to separate before he was conceived. All of a sudden he didn't exist, but then if he didn't exist, how could he have gone back in time to change anything? It caused a huge rift in space/time, a bit of a bother really. But we're happy to report that everything has been sorted out with no casualties only one casualty! Remarks from the community on the process have been nothing but positive. "In order to walk the road of peace, we need to climb the mountain of conflict," notable scholar TKF exclusively commented. We have our entire staff working around the clock to figure out what this means as we speak. Town drunk Dexter111344 was also heard mumbling about the subject. He blamed wizards for the whole thing, before stumbling away, probably to make more links to A wizard did it. Regardless, whether its wizards or time machines, the editing of the past continues as we speak, and will continue until all of history has been changed. Or until we get bored and move onto something else. Uncyclopedia Editors Conflicted Over Story Topic By Gerrycheevers Owing to the large amount of things happening in the last week, and also to the fact that this issue is unforgivably late, the editors of the UnSignpost were unable to settle on a single topic for the second story of this week's edition. The editors were also unable to agree on either two topics for a rare three-story issue or how many UnSignpost editors it takes to screw in a lightbulb (the UnSignpost staff has been left to ponder this question in the dark). As a decision could not be reached, it was decided after much deliberation and petty arguing that all of the candidate stories be mentioned rapid-fire in a single story, so as to confuse and irritate the reader and cause him to be required to navigate back to this issue to click on all of the links. These stories are as follows: Zombiebaron returns and petitions to end voting. His effort is parodied, rebutted, and parodied again. A link to Requested Articles is placed on the sidebar and MadMax commences handing out badges to requested article creators. Zombiebaron returns again to demand reskins, which we understand means he needs to replace all of his undead flesh with "fresh flesh". Cajek returns, but not really. VFH maxes out at 23 nominations at press time, including some discussion-inducing selections. More events certainly occured, but we can't be arsed to list everything for you.

Check out these pages! UN:REQ Gone Wilde! All the Greatest Music of the 80s, on Three Great Cassettes! Whose Sandwich? From our logs: 14:47, 26 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎(I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.) 20:40, 29 July 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MadMax (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 Minute (Constantly littering recent changes with thousands of really useful edits.) 20:45, 29 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎(Not having enough tits.) 15:17, 30 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 122.173.57.31 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(blanking? why not just wear a t-shirt proudly declaiming "I have no life"? it has much the same effect, but you might get away with claiming it's ironic...) Biopic of the Week Touching down on the Uncyclopedia runway in December '08, Saberwolf116 has quickly become one of the all-time great Pee Reviewers. With 86 of them under his belt, Saber has recently ridden off into a yellow sunset to pursue some sort of education, or something along those lines that will detract from his Uncyclopedia-ing. Return soon, fair Saberwolf! Old-School Featured Article of the Week Bold Speech to text software bold is the most wide Lee used applicate shin by lacy people who can knot be bother to type. It's bark tech know lodge-y has vast Lee bark improve in Reese cent years. Bark bark it is not recommend Ed bark four use in bark off is spaces bark with noisy bark dogs. Diabolical Plan to Overtake the Wiki of the Week It seems that UnSignpost co-chief editor Under user has recently succeeded in the first stages of producing a sewer-dwelling offspring (pictured). Rumors of UU using the as-yet-unnamed biological sockpuppet for activities of questionable morality are unconfirmed. Congratulations, UU! Reader Poll Results Last week we asked loyal UnSignpost readers to weigh in on the immensely interesting issue of formatting. There was no clear consensus on the subject, as it seems Uncyclopedians employ the full range of screen resolutions, and as such it's a wonder anyone can read the UnSignpost at all. The most telling aspect of the poll was its response rate, indicating that a full eight people read the UnSignpost.

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It's on time, you were just high and didn't realize when it got here! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 23:01, 3 August 2009 (UTC)