User talk:DougalthePanda

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edit Welcome, initiate, to Uncyclopedia!

Father Why
Father Why do I need to provide this? welcomes you to the wondrous world of Uncyclopedia!

Greetings, Initiate DougalthePanda, and welcome to the Temple of Uncyclopedia! (If you aren't yet ready to accept Sophia as your Holy Potato, see your alternate secular welcome).

Thank you for your current and future contributions, assuming, of course, you aren't possessed with the spirit of a vandal. I pray that you have a long, happy and productive life here. But if you really want to leave, you can pass through the door that says "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here." But I wouldn't recommend it.


edit Want six fun things to read?

This series consists of six lessons designed to Uncyclopedically guide you, the new believer, to living the life that would be pleasing to Sophia. These lessons will show that Sophia has given the new Uncyclopedian specific instructions as to how to live the very best life here possible, which means avoiding getting ceremoniously fried in boiling oil. (We don't really do that. Honest. Would I lie?)

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. And please read a few featured articles so you can see what's considered the best here (make sure you find the featured version). If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

edit What can you do?

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your Sophiacal creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:DougalthePanda/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold, cruel world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - on the top of it.

If you want to write and don't know where to begin, you might browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid of the unknown depths - dive right in!

And speaking of the depths, there's Imperical Colonization, of which I am currently Buccaneer Admiral, which means I took over when no one was looking. There's also the fine community service.

edit Where can you go for help?

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. I was an adopted noob, and it kept me out of trouble. Well, some of the time. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to apply to be adopted. Again, welcome!  Compassrose Father WHY??? (confessions)  03:30, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

edit About quotes and IC

I noticed that you've been adding a lot of quotes to the top of articles, and even say you'll do that with Russian Reversal. I would advise you not to do that. It's an irony of Uncyclopedia that what you find plastered on lots and lots of articles is not what you find on featured articles, articles that get chosen by active users and admins. I would advise no Russian Reversal, Captain Obvious, Chuck Norris, Oscar Wilde stuff unless it works really, really well. Those things have been done to death here, unfortunately.

I'm going to sound like a stuck up elitist snob here, so I'm apologizing in advance for that. But I would be happy to welcome you to work on IC if you'll refrain from that sort of thing. Check HTBFANJS which is a very good guide--I've read it more than once. Then let me know if you're still interested in IC either by posting a note here or on my talk page. I'll keep this page on my watch list for the next couple days--after that you'd probably be better posting a response on my talk page. Happy editing! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 03:40, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

edit Response

Ok done, i'll give up my beloved russian reversals and put more effort into actually being funny...however I should warn you that im rather limited in how much I can do as I mostly just mess around during breaks at work...--DougalthePanda 15:49, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

That's no problem. And by the way, when I first started visiting this site, I thought having an Oscar Wilde quote at the top was virtually a requirement. So I understand where you were coming from. I'll add you to the IC list, so do what you can! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 03:20, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
I like Russian reversals too, esp. really creative ones. No offense meant at the Gay Jesus talk page, just playing along with the joke that Modus is writing so that Peacebyjesus thinks he's his ally on the page. Peacebyjesus is so serious I think some people are trying to both play with him and make it alright with him to be played with, which would lighten him up a bit. But that's probably hopeless, he's soooo tied up into his Bible literalism that when he's confronted with people with, I assume, less limites on imagination than he's used to, he has to cling to his belief system even more. An interesting page, and please participate further. Good to meet you, Aleister in Chains 14:00 25 2 2MX
lol my bad then. Ive actually gone off russian reversals a little since I starting writing them, they got old very quickly. But the occasional gem makes it all worth while.

A pleasure to meet you too --DougalthePanda 14:08, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

Meh. You kids. Your flamewars suck these days! :-) MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 14:12, Feb 25
“In Soviet Russia flamewar sucks you!!!”
~ Russian Reversal on MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you!

Couldnt help myself...--DougalthePanda 15:49, February 25, 2010 (UTC)


The Bible says God created the world in six days by himself--our crew of talented colonizers can surely recreate an article in a week and a half! Remember, any Colonizer is welcome to work on our current project, which is the Creationism article. But before you begin, check "READ THIS FIRST" at the top. From Sunday, 7 February to Wednesday, 10 February 2010, a hearty crew of brave colonizers plotted a strong course for the article by consensus. We have the beginning of a great colonization, so go forth and colonize to the glory of Her Majesty!

Special Note for Lobsterbacks (i.e. those who signed up but haven't yet worked on a successful colonization). We plan to keep your name on the honored membership list if you make worthwhile contribution to the article or other parts of Imperial Colonization between 31 January 2010 and the end of this project. If your name is removed from the list, you are welcome to reapply when you plan to become active. Compassrose IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems)  05:27, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

edit Imperial Colonization: Creationism and Batman

IMPORTANT: If you want to make comments on any part of this message, please post your comments on my talk page. I've sent this notice out to about 40 people, and will likely never see your response if you put it on your talk page. But if you insist on doing it anyway (sigh), please at least start a new section using == Your comments == below my signature and make comments there. This message is set up as a template, so if you try to make edits in this message, it will edit it everywhere, and get me nasty notes from admins.

edit The seventh day of Creationism

If you haven't heard the rumour, it's true. The new and improved and absolutely perfect version of Creationism has been created. And because it was so perfect, we got it Pee Reviewed so it could be even more perfect. Post-review edits are being done, and will be completed very soon so our colonized version can replace the current Creationism.

I gave credit on The Big Board to every colonizer who worked on the article (if I somehow missed you, put a note on my talk page). I really appreciate everyone's help; I think we have a great article. If this gets featured, however, I feel that only those who made the more substantial contributions should get co-feature credit. Otherwise, someone could add two words and get 1/2 credit for writing a feature article, which doesn't seem fair. (But note that half a dozen people or more could each get 1/2 credit; that's one of the advantages of being a colonizer as aren't limited by the laws of mathematics). Any opinions on this or anything in this notice are welcome on the IC talk page. Buccaneers traditionally work by group consensus, and I'm all for sharing the blame tradition.

edit I'm Batman

Our current colonization is Batman. Writing on it begins now. By consensus built over the past few days, this will feature a psychiatrist talking with Bruce Wayne, a delusional Arkham Asylum mental patient who thinks he is some hero named Batman--or is he delusional? See I'M BATMAN for the guidelines for this article.

Any colonizer is welcome to edit the article! Any non-colonizer who wants to apply is welcome to do so on the Imperial Colonization page. We promise we won't throw you to the sharks. Well, probably not.

edit The future

We are taking nominations and votes for our next project. As per previous IC discussions, old nominations which aren't in the lead and which haven't received any recent votes will be removed. Check out the current nominations before they fade into history--but an article removed from the list can certainly be renominated. Nominate and vote on the IC page.

Go forth and colonize! Compassrose IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems)  03:44, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

edit Please be careful and don't edit my templates

I imagine it was unintentional, but when you posted comments on User:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Batman Begins you were changing a template. This means that your comments appeared on every IC colonizer's talk page, which rather screwed up the message. The reason I did this as a template was so that if I found I'd made an error after I'd posted it, I didn't have to go back and change it on 40 or so users' talk pages, I could just change the template. So I reverted your edits back. I appreciate all the help you've given to IC, and I doubt the effect your edits caused was intentional, but please don't do it again. If you want to make comments on the template, please post them at User talk:Why do I need to provide this?/IC Batman Begins. Thanks. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 21:38, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

You posted this to me: "What if I wrote alot and at least half of it was edited? admittedly along the same lines that I went with, but still not really my work anymore...--DougalthePanda 16:38, March 4, 2010 (UTC)"

Answer: Don't worry about it. After the Pee Review, a good number of the edits the reviewer thought should be changed were mine; in almost all cases, I agreed, or at least went along with the consensus. In short, it's not my article, it's not your article, it's our article. If this gets featured, you'll get credit or I'm not Compassrose IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems)  22:07, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Also I just discovered that the template problem was actually probably caused by some stupid idiot who didn't set it up right. So we'll blame him for this. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 22:23, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah it was totally unintentional, sorry about that, i thought i was just the one talk still not entirely clear how this whole system works tbh so I expect i'll make a few more mistakes, but i'll try and keep them to a minimum...--DougalthePanda 20:48, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

edit For Co-creating Creationism

You served beyond the call of duty to help create this colonization for God and Country. Be proud! And accept this 1/2 feature credit.

WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 03:16, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

edit Imperial Colonization Buccaneer Admiral walking the plank!

IMPORTANT: If you want to make comments on any part of this message, please post your comments on the IC talk page. I've sent this notice out to about 40 people, and will likely never see your response if you put it on your talk page. But if you insist on doing it anyway (sigh), please at least start a new section using == (Your comments) == below my signature, or click the + tab up above, and make comments there. This message is set up as a template, so if you try to make edits in this message, it will edit it everywhere, and get me nasty notes from admins.

Actually, I'm looking for a temporary assistant/permanent successor as head of Imperial Colonization. I got put in charge of IC because I kept bugging a certain admin. I'd say, "Why isn't somebody doing this with IC?" and "Why isn't somebody doing that with IC?" So that admin basically said "Why, you're somebody; go do it" (see discussion here). But as you can see, I took on the position planning to update IC, get it moving again, and see it through one colonization. Well, that happened. IC was updated and reactivated and, thanks to some great colonizers, Creationism was recreated in a spirit of cooperation, was rewritten on deadline, was Pee Reviewed and, as a bonus, was voter-chosen as a feature article within about a day of being nommed. Our current project, Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/Batman is scheduled to be written by 20 March, and then we'll begin another. IC is moving...and I'm looking for someone to keep it moving. If interested, please post a note on the IC talk page--experienced and successful users only need apply. Ability to say "ARRRRR" like a pirate is not required, but would be nice.

WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 16:54, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

edit Discordianism vote needed quickly and member retirement

VOTE DISCORDIAN NOW: We need your vote! On both Creationism and Batman, colonizers who participated came to a consensus on a direction for the article. But on Discordianism, there's been more discord--or at least not a consensus. So we're resorting to (sigh) democracy. Go to Uncyclopedia_talk:Imperial_Colonization/Discordianism#Article_ideas and cast your vote!

You can vote for one or two, comment on as many as you like, but vote quickly--this is an eleventh hour effort, and we will hopefully have a direction in a few hours. I'll be checking the results sometime around 03:00 UTC of 25 March 2010.

ARE YOU RETIRED?: Also note that colonizers who haven't participated in any of the last three colonizations will be moved to the retirement list. Quite frankly, I'm doing this primarily because I have to post each of these notices by hand (I don't have a bot, and sure could use one), and it takes a long time to post to the pages of people who are inactive in IC and even on Uncyclopedia. If you're put on the retirement list and want back on the active list, simply post a request on the IC talk page.

KEEP CHECKING THE IC TALK PAGE: Many important decisions and updates are made and/or described on the IC talk page that are never posted on user talk pages.

POST COMMENTS ON IC TALK. As usual, if you post them on your talk page, I'll likely never see them.

WHY'S REPLACEMENT NEED: A special added reminder that I, Why do I need to provide this? aka Compassrose IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems) , am only interim director of IC and need a replacement. My intention was to lead IC just long enough to get it revived, which is a major part of the reason I took the title Buccaneer Admiral instead of Admiral of the Fleet, which is the official title of the head of Imperial Colonization. I plan to abandon ship retire shortly after midnight (UTC) on Saturday, 17 April 2010. I would really like someone to work with me on the current colonization, and I will be happy to assist whoever replaces me during the transition--I do not plan to leave IC, only retire as head. If you're interested, post a note at IC Admiral of the Fleet needed.

Happy colonizations! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 18:32, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

edit Vote now for Colonisation

Hello ladies, gentlemen, and other,

As you may be aware we have now reached the point where April's Colonisation, Discordianism, has been successfully moved to mainspace, and we are currently voting on our colonisation for May.

As I have been press-ganged encouraged strongly to take the reigns of IC, I'm sending this out to remind all current and previous members of IC to vote on next months colonisation. Voting is taking place here as we speak. As of 1st of May I will be announcing the page that will get our tender mercies, so I encourage you to vote - or nominate - now.

Good luck, and may the farce be with you!

                              Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 Tuesday, 03:35, Apr 27 2010 UTC

Discordianism has been added to VFH. Go, read, enjoy, vote.                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 Wednesday, 09:45, Apr 28 2010 UTC

edit Reasons not to be a devout Christian

That tag just links to whoever the last person to edit the page happened to be - currently, me. So, in other words, I have no interest in the article and would be eminently unqualified to rewrite it anyway - it's all yours. :-) Rabbi Techno Icons-flag-gb kvetch Icon rabbi Contribs Foxicon FOXES 13:45, May 25, 2010 (UTC)

ok, cheers. --DougalJabber at me. 13:50, May 25, 2010 (UTC)

edit A volunteer!

Thanks for volunteering to be British. I need help translating all the quotes attributed to Rob Halford in Diamonds & Rust. They don't need to be over the top or campy, just realistically British. Quotes that need attending are

  1. Every other line of dialog in the block starting at "[Random Priest song]? We always sing that one."
  2. The quote in the last caption in the gallery "It's rare anyone ever..."
  3. Possibly the short quote starting "By far, the..."

Thanks. --monika 15:01, June 24, 2010 (UTC)

No worries, by British Im guessing you mean proper english, not welsh or scottish dialect?
He's from Walsall up near Birmingham but he's well-spoken. Mostly looking for the subtle changes in phrasing and spelling that I'm no good at, and also I couldn't find a satisfying way of translating "fuck me up the ass". Thanks. --monika 20:34, June 24, 2010 (UTC)
Shagg me bum. Swaggle my arse tall, hon. A touch to the right there, missy. Aleister 20:38 24 6 MMX
p.s. and it turns out I only like that one video by Blackmore's Night, the one used on the page. I have fallen out of love as quickly as it came on little cat's feet to steal my heart.
I didn't want it to sound ridiculous, just British! Rob Halford talking about butt-sex requires dignity. --monika 21:25, June 24, 2010 (UTC)
Well thats a sentence I never thought i'd read...I'll try and get it done asap.

edit Award from UN:REQ

Thumbs up2

This user created Parthenogenesis, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

edit Raccoons

I just now saw your comment on Hyperbole's talk page about fearing for the raccoons. lol. Thanks for the compliment. Too many raccoons can ruin a good pie, especially when you don't cut the tails off first. Did you know Hyperbole was Horus? He tricked me good, yep. What's your newest project here? Aleister 2:23 16 7

You may be gone, if so I hope you come back again. Raccoons is up on VFH now, and has picked up a quick 9 votes. Thought you'd want to know, if you come back. . . .Aleister 18:55 21 7

edit Avast me hearties!

Colony Potato
By the powers! this e'er be fer a reminder o' tha great, grand Imperial Colonization be startin' up again!

Whether you be a sprog or a privateer we be expectin' ya ta come 'round an participate in this sweet trade lessen' you be a lily-livered squiffy, scallywag, or scurvy dog thar.

Aye! ~ Buccaneer Happytimes. Happytimes_pi.gif

The current project: Dinosaur

Now in the writing phase
(Oh UN:IC, how your rules are now broken....)

edit Seeing as no one will respond to me

I've decided to take this into my own hands, I'm going to move Dinosaur into mainspace at ten fourty-five EST tomorrow. Anyone who wants to make their final edits can do so within that time frame. Thanks. --Tophat headless 15:04, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

edit Pee on your Goddess

The Imperial Colonization Discordianism has been Pee Reviewed. I have no authority anymore to tell anyone to do anything, but check it out anyway! Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Discordianism (2) Compassrose IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems)  03:26, March 5, 2012 (UTC)

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