User talk:Crazyhair911

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edit You Have Reached the Future of Voicemail!

If you wish to contact him, feel free to leave a message and hum a patriotic tune while you wait. Be sure to cross your fingers and hope he's online, otherwise you might be humming for quite a while...

edit Wikipedia to english translator

Welcome again to Uncyclopedia. Two of us have taken notice of your work, and we're scratching our heads. Your article seems to be evolving into a vehicle with which to tell the story of Zamooph, which--no matter what his unique abilities--no one else is necessarily going to care about. Kudos to you for finding some really turgid parts of Wikipedia (including that essential font of turgidity, the article on Penis), but it's going to take some extra work to make this funny to the general reader. A way to get extra sets of eyes to review your work and suggest new directions is to request a Pee Review, which you can do by clicking the link of the same name on the left side of your screen. Happy trails and good luck. Spıke Ѧ 05:41 23-Jan-11

Eh, it's a matter of random. Until you get a review on the one, I'd suggest looking at some of the apparently good articles on the site and see if those give you ideas on what you can also do - might be able to improve on them in the meantime, and stuff. And putting the {{stub}} tag on short/unfinished articles that you have just created isn't generally a good idea, anyhow - folks usually aren't inclined to pick up where others left off around here, so you need to get more of a body to go with the start of the piece. And make sure the pieces of your articles fit together, mon. Ideas flow into the next... feh, not trying to be a pain, mon, but maybe this'll help. Anyhow, toodles. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 05:56, 23 January 2011

Congrats and kudos for looking to get adopted! (and nothing says n00b, not even the section heading, like failing to sign your message, but yet another Guardian Angel has now covered for you). Just getting another pair of eyes will help your two articles. Spıke Ѧ 01:23 24-Jan-11

Thanks for the feedback about the article "Wikipedia to English translator". I edited it a bit, and I plan to add more content, as well as add links to other articles within the page(and not to forget pictures of course!). I am a tad new to the wiki format, but I plan to learn how to make superb looking articles in no time! (P.S. Zamooph the ostrich was not very happy about his lack of recognition but understands for the sake of humor in uncyclopedia)Crazyhair911

Do I got to spell it out for you? If you finish your message by typing, exactly: ~~~~ then you will get a pretty (though generic, until you work on it) signature plus timestamp. Like, what you see in your edit box gets translated to what goes on the finished page, even a talk page. Cheers! Spıke Ѧ 02:18 24-Jan-11

edit Say hello to the worlds dumbest idiot

I feel incredibly dumb for not noticing in the section at the very top how to sign signitures in wikiamedia format. Sorry about that spike, do you happen to have a wall I can bang my head against by any chance? Crazyhair911

I'm afraid all the walls here are virtual and will not impart any lasting injury. And I'm afraid all your dumbest moves remain embarrassingly public forever. Be ready to learn and approach things in good faith. Spıke Ѧ 02:47 24-Jan-11

edit Don't downgrade yourself, tell SPIKE to suck something or other

Hello, and welcome. Not everyone here is like SPIKE. Well, no one here is like SPIKE. Saying "Do I have to spell it our for you!" to a new user can be translated to read "Will you hold me, and make me warm". Speaking of seque translations, your wikipedia to english page is exceptionally good, and has the potential to crash the roof of goodness. Nice work. If you are into prizes and things, maybe you can enter it into the ongoing Poo Lit contest (if you haven't already, I haven't looked.) under the Best Noob article category. If that happens you can't get any help or advice on it from anyone from that point on, or put it on pee review, a contest thing. But yeah, good to meet you, and you have talent with a uncapitalized t. Or better. Nice work so far. Aleister 13:37 25-1-'11

Psst. OK SPIKE, we've pulled the bad cop-good cop thing like you mapped out. Next we send in the call girl to seal the deal, and we've got this kid where we want him. Writing and editing for free for the next month or so, when we give him the noob of the month award to candy it up a bit, and that will placehold him for another few weeks. Might get four or five good pages out of him before he wises up and scrams. Drinks all around. Aleister 13:41 25-1-'11

Thanks, Aleister! I'm really glad you enjoyed my article, it means a lot to me. But about the awards, I feel quite hesitant to accept them. I usually write with the intention of making people laugh, because to me, the sound of laughter is the sound of a toucan who forgot that his tree just got cut down by a lumberjack. Laughter is a good enough reward in itself, and I am very happy to accept all the comments saying "Lolz" and "Rofl". I would rather the awards go to a person who demands compensation for his astounding talent. That way, he remains satisfied and continues his good work. Everybody stays happy.

To summarize, I'm the pig in the herd who volunteers to become bacon so that many will know his deliciouses. All I want to do is to make people laugh. (P.S. What if I decide to self unionize and go on strike from writing/editing articles. Wouldn't that put your entire plan to ruin?) --Crazyhair911 23:21, January 25, 2011 (UTC)
No, the plan will still work. This is the way of the world. And we are unionized here, I thought you knew that. Roman Dog Bird is our union steward, and if anything is not to your satisfaction here just write him and he will get right on it. Most of us are paid, and we pretend to write this crap for free just to get the rest of the users working for nothing. Anyone who has over 5 features articles is actually using articles coming from about a 40 person staff, and we just slap our names on them. Sometimes one of us is allowed to have a good run, then fail at a few articles in a row. It's like wrestling, all false fronts and misdirection. So if you want to get on staff, you should accept the awards, they are part of the "come on" that we must endure during our workweek. As before, good to meet you. Aleister 00:58 26-1-'11

Wait... if there aren't any ads, and there isn't a donation page, how the heck does Uncyclopedia make money? If it was from the official people of MediaWiki, this would be a COST of doing business. It would be immediately ranted upon by the marketing and sales departments, thus eliminated. And don't get me started on the server upkeep costs. :)Crazyhair911

You miss the obvious. New users, like yourself, write the jokes, and then our sales staff sells them to stand-up comedians, situation comedies, Joan Rivers, and the Onion, etc. Most of the stuff from Family Guy comes from here. Big bucks, and if anybody complains we just swarm on them and convince them that it's coincedence. But hey, this is all need to know, and I got a little bit drunk and spilled the beans, so one of the admins will be by to blank this discussion soon. But I don't want to hold you here, keep writing, let's get those pages rolling out (I work on commissions too). Enjoy, Aleister 1:33 26-1-'11

So I assume this is an unpaid internship. COOL! This will look fantastic on my job description: 'worked as intern for encyclopedia dedicated to misinforming the public' Crazyhair911

edit Assistance Granted

Since you do fit the requirements for adoption, and have a clean background (in which you're not doing things that a stupid user would do, like vandalism), I accept. All I need to do is sign the legal papers.--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 23:34, January 25, 2011 (UTC)

Thank you very much! I haven't gotten quite used to the wiki-formating, and my jokes don't have perfect execution yet. But with your help I plan to drastically raise the stock prices of Uncylopedia via hilarious articles. Give a man a fish, he'll be fed for the day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll start a successful fishing company that will drastically harm the eco-system due to over fishing.

By the way, what areas should I start working on? I wrote a couple of articles, but people keep on telling me that they're funny and not perfect. --Crazyhair911 01:04, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
There's no such thing as perfect. Considered carrots? 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 01:28, 26 January 2011
I'll take a look at what you made and see what you need to improve on.--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 01:43, January 26, 2011 (UTC)

edit This is an entirely relevant subject

...that does not involve cheese squigglies, moose, carrots, yaks, muffins, elm trees, ugly green light fixtures, or any other such nonsense. Really. It doesn't.

I'm actually here to pester you about reviews, specifically that one you did. There actually seems to be hope for you, so I'm hoping you'll do more and try to be more in-depth in the future - don't just read the guidelines, mind; they can be a little... deceptive. Might have more luck looking at what some of these fellows do - some of them are rather good and some of them keep lists, and there is some overlap there. They tend to make decent examples, anyhow.

Yurp. Mind, there's usually more to be said even if you do like an article, but anyhow... I hope that helps. Toodles. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 03:33, 26 January 2011

I'm starting to think I was a tad lax on the grading scale for my first review. But I read through some other reviews that made mine look like a 2 foot tower made of Legos placed next to the Eiffel Tower, and realized I lacked content in terms of feedback. Guess I gotta go work on making that tower bigger. Thanks for letting me know! Crazyhair911

Another useful tool is using HTBFANJS as a help guide both for writing articles and doing reviews. Since we're on the topic, the number one rule of pee review is getting it done within the 24 hour limit (or 48 hour limit for certain articles). If you can't get it done on time, state the reason why on the review page.--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 04:20, January 26, 2011 (UTC)
Heh, Crazyhair, mon, you should know something about your adopter - he sucks at getting reviews done on time. This amuses me to no end, since I do the exact same thing. But it's bad, yes; it gets us banned, and isn't all that nice to the requesters, either. Mind, it only applies if you actually say on the page that you are going to do it...
And don't worry too much about the scale... the comments are what matters. At least, I hope they are, because I always make up my scales on the spot and mine all suck. *shifty eyes* And anyhow, you don't need to make the things as long as some folks make them... just so long as you've got overall usefulness with specifics, and whatnot, you know? Look at Under user's reviews and you'll see what I mean... 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 05:24, 26 January 2011
Hey now, I've gotten better at doing reviews on time, even though I didn't do so on that last one (mainly due to my computer crashing). But in all seriousness, try to get them done on time.--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 05:31, January 26, 2011 (UTC)

Lyrithya, my teacher is perfect in all ways, shapes and forms and I refuse to think otherwise until
  • A. He's passed down all the knowledge he thinks I need
  • B. I've surpassed him
  • C. He hires hitmen after me because he's tired of taking care of a n00b

Unless at least one of these things have happened, Iwillkillyou333 is an angel sent directly from heaven to aid Uncyclopedia in it's war against evil. I follow what he says, and assume he follows his advice as well. Crazyhair911

Eh, what he says tends to be pretty reasonable, especially compared to most folks around here... it's what he does that's a little more worrisome. *shifty eyes* 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 17:27, 26 January 2011

edit What If

I just found out today that What if articles do exist. Unfortuantly, they appear to be either new or not very famous as I only saw like two or three articles. Best thing to do is pick out a subject (Ex. WhatIf:<insert name here>) and make the concept of the article appear as if the what if question is actually taking place. If you need any assistance, I'll be happy to help out whatever way possible.--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 01:03, February 2, 2011 (UTC)

I was considering starting "what if dentists could time travel". Sounds like a bunch of fun to write, plus I have a few ideas that I'm jostling around in my head. The only challenge would be to keep it from getting too silly. Crazyhair911 05:42, February 2, 2011 (UTC)
There's such a thing as too silly? o__o 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 05:50, 2 February 2011

AH! Just finished the roughly composed article What If:Dentists could time travel?! Even though half of it is the script for a screenplay, I think it's somewhat decent. Is this the first what-if article on Uncyclopedia? I tried typing "what if:" in the search bar, but nothing came up. I think I went a tad over the top with the silliness though. (P.S. I need more dental-related pun insults. Do you have any ideas?) Crazyhair911

edit Award from UN:REQ

Thumbs up2

This user created Wikipedia to english translator, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

Thumbs up2

This user created Girl Scouts, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

Thumbs up2

This user created What If?:Dentists could time travel?, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

Thumbs up2

This user created HowTo:Buy a One Way Ticket to Hell and Back, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

edit A message from your great teacher

Since I actually found the time, I looked over your articles to see what you need to improve on. So let’s get started.

  • List: In about every article I looked over, there is a list. Some have one, others have like five. Hate to break it to you (seriously, I do), but nowadays people get sick and tired of lists because a) they’re over used; b) they tend to be unfunny. And while they can be funny if done properly, it’s best to avoid them as much as possible. The better thing to do is to take the things from that list and make it into a paragraph. Although some of the stuff in some of those lists that are a bit “bleh” , so I would suggest looking over the list and get rid of anything that is either not very humorous or contributes little or none at all to the article.
  • Red Links: One of the biggest things that I, as well as most others, despise the most, and you have a few of them(don’t worry, I won’t hurt you). Because they do not lead to an existing article, they are totally pointless and are very annoying. When you link something, always check afterwards to see if that article exists. If it doesn’t, remove the link (but not the word). Although sometimes a red link may appear because an article was deleted (either by VFD, QVFD, or because it was a piece of crap), so it’s always wise to check over your article to spot these red links.
  • Short articles: Your articles tend to be on the short side. Don’t be in a hurry to put the article on the mainspace. Take your time. And if you are struggling to think of new ideas for the article, look at other articles and see how they do something, or feel free to ask for help. For articles on real life things, it’s always necessary to do research on the subject so you know what you’re parodying. People will find a article more funnier if it’s closer to the truth, but not so much of the truth (that what Wikipedia is for).
  • Caution on Randomness: New users usually have problems with this. They think that they can achieve humor by putting random things in their articles. While sometimes it can work, it’s not entirely a wise thing to do, as readers would be turned off by it, especially if the humor of the article is based off randomness. While your articles aren’t really bad in terms of randomness, you should never overuse randomness, especially on articles on real things. Remember, “The truth is usually funnier than nonsense. The funniest pages are those closest to the truth,” as quoted in HTBFANJS (which is the best source of help along with Pee Review and advice from pro users).

For someone new, you do have the potential, you just need some work. I myself went through the problems above when I first started out, but I improved overtime. I will add additional advice to the list when necessary. Feel free to ask me any questions on my talk page.--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 22:26, February 9, 2011 (UTC)

edit Ideas for Ticket to Hell and back

For the how to get there section, come up with more ways to get to hell than suicide; like maybe getting a ticket by selling your soul to the devil for a day or two. And perhaps add se more things a tourist can do in hell, like resturants and theme parks. And for the getting out of hell section, have a method which somebody says " I love Jesus". Good ideas eh?--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 03:40, February 17, 2011 (UTC)


Happymonkeywinter2011 ¡¡¡ OLÉ !!!  :)

--Shabidoo 10:06, February 24, 2011 (UTC)

edit Yo

I would love to help you out with Girl Scouts. I'll read over it and suggestions where needed.

Also, I've notice you're leaving messages on top of existing messages (such as UnSignpost). You're suppose make new sections on the bottom of the talk page, mainly because it would be easier to read them and answering them without searching all over my talk page just looking for it-Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 21:46, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks! The article is a flaming pile of turd, so I desperately need to rewrite it. As for the messages, I wasn't sure what to do about the UnSignpost banners. Thanks for giving me a heads up! --Crazyhair911 23:24, February 25, 2011 (UTC)

edit If your still around

I've been gone for a while, something that I do during the last days of school. Ive been busy trying to finish school, as well as deal with personal problems. But Summer is comming up, so I'm going to be here more often now. Sorry if I let you down in any way.--Iwillkillyou 333 TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 02:47, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

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