User talk:Count of Monkey Crisco

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

OK then, YOU try writing a good article. --thematrixeætsyou, the kickass foo (talk) (flames) 06:25, 10 October 2006 (UTC)

I do, I can I have , I did. Pictures too.--Count of Monkey Crisco 03:04, 11 October 2006 (UTC)

Well then, try making some hip-hop/rap, and then try making something of another style (techno is a good idea). How much harder is the other style? It took me probably 10 minutes to complete the background loop, 10 minutes to write the word, and 5 minutes to record it (I don't care about takes). For the real music, my shortest would have been a little under an hour. Longest? At least 6 hours. Did a nearly-24-channel one in about 2 hours. --thematrixeætsyou, the kickass foo (talk) (flames) 07:37, 12 October 2006 (UTC)

So what? Strong Bad wrote a techno song in under two minutes.

It doesn't matter if you write something fast if the whole point was to write something as fast as possible. Sounds like you made a piece of shit... again! Do you ever stop failing? --Count of Monkey Crisco 00:05, 15 October 2006 (UTC)

Incidentally, the lyrics of that awful "I'm so Horny" 'song' from a few years back apparently took 20 minutes to write. Now as I remember, the words were as follows: "I'm so horny, horny, horny, horny. I'm so horny, horny, horny, nauseum" Obviously the mind of a true genius works on a vastly different level to that at which ours operate. RabbiTechno 11:48, 17 December 2007 (UTC)

edit Loved the baseball article

Terrific stuff. I laughed long and hard. Good work, yet again.--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 15:21, 25 October 2006 (UTC)

Thank you, it's still all about the capering for me. --Count of Monkey Crisco 18:18, 25 October 2006 (UTC)

edit XMas

Tvcc Bradaphraser was throwing away last year's Christmas cards, and
realised they had purposefully forgotten about you.
This user is completely thoughtless, doesn't care about Multi-culturalism,
and therefore DEMANDS you have yourself a Merry little Christmas... NOW!

Failure to comply with result in disciplinary action up to and including excommunication from the Capitalist Church

May you focus on your successes and forget your failures here at the end of the year. Never forget how we all improve one another's lives. Season's Greetings.--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 17:32, 17 December 2006 (UTC)

edit N00b of the Month Contest will impact the future of Uncyclopedia


You were whored once by an evil man who has gone from the dark side to the side of goodness. He has ended his whoring ways. he has crawled out of his swamp of depression. He has taken up golf and fishing. He has shaved his face. He has taken a shower. He has eaten breakfast. He has put on a white suit. He has gone back to work. He has gotten engaged. He has taken away the hot picture that used to be here. This template replaces the evil whoring he once did. He is sorry. This message was paid for with positive energy and love

--BlueflatcapsigMajor'GUN' Ggarfield, Le Marquis de Nofu .Complex! 19:47, 10 December 2007 (UTC)

Don't listen to a word he says. Can you vote FOR me becuase I'm not a liar and I don't launch sneer attack adds?--Æ 19:55, 10 December 2007 (UTC)

You both LOSE! Good day sir!--Count of Monkey Crisco 23:51, 3 January 2008 (UTC)

Harsh, dude. Sig_pic.PNG Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 23:56, 3 January 2008 (UTC)

edit Christmas and stuff

Evil santa Merry Christmas!
or whatever it is you
new-fangled Christians do at this
time of year.
From Rabbi Techno

edit LOL

'Dog style is no match'. I was waiting for WEEKS for someone to use my images I uploaded, and you're the first one to use the image of the cat kicking a dog. Thanks.

I think that image might be uploaded a few times on Uncyclopedia. You lifted it off another site. I just used it becuase I found it while browsing new pictures and it fit the theme.--Count of Monkey Crisco 22:53, 17 December 2007 (UTC)

edit Blue Oyster Cult

Count of Monkey Crisco,

I noticed the BOC article was recently deleted and during the discussion you mentioned you had written a previous article before it was merged ? If you'd like, I can restore your BOC article in place of the recently deleted version, however I wasn't able to find your version looking through the history of Blue Oyster Cult and Blue Öyster Cult. Was there an alternate name you used for your article or perhaps you might have a copy ? MadMax 17:12, 7 January 2008 (UTC)

Can't find any lead on it. Maybe I wrote it while I was more casual about logging in. It was a two sentence stub at creation, then I found it and beefed it up to about a page and a half starting with the second edit.

Lost to the aether I guess. Oh well.--Count of Monkey Crisco 10:56, 10 January 2008 (UTC)


I think I may have found your version based on the message you left on the talk page of the other Blue Oyster Cult article. I've restored that version to your userpage. If this isn't your version, please let me know and I'can delete it. MadMax 19:38, 21 January 2008 (UTC)
It's gone man, don't worry about it.--Count of Monkey Crisco 01:09, 22 January 2008 (UTC)

edit Re: Image talk:Teletubbies bros.jpg

Did you do this Mr. Alex?

Simple but clever.--Count of Monkey Crisco 08:21, 2 April 2008 (UTC)

Yes I did

--Mr Alex 16:41, 2 April 2008 (UTC)

Did you check the article of Teletubbies ?

edit yay! thanks for the delete vote!

--Moonzeppelin MUN 23:52, 12 April 2008 (UTC)

edit imgs v. Images

Redo the categories reptile imgs and amphibian imgs while you're at it then.--Count of Monkey Crisco 22:23, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

Oh. I hadn't even noticed those... -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 22:24, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

edit I haven't said hello to you yet

By the time you're reading this, I still haven't said hello to you yet, but wait: HELLO.   Le Cejak <Apr 18, 2008 [2:41]>

Shit, it's Cajek. Run while you still can! IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME BUT YOU CAN SAVE YOURSELF...  Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize  writings  SU&W) 02:43 Apr 18, 2008
Don't pay any attention to the doctor: we're good friends. ...WE'RE FRIENDS, DAMMIT.   Le Cejak <Apr 18, 2008 [2:46]>
Who are you and what are you doing in my house? --Count of Monkey Crisco 03:06, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
/me looks up from eating wedding cake Wha? I wush jus eatin'! /me reaches for a hot dog   Le Cejak <Apr 18, 2008 [3:09]>
The odd thing I that cake wasn't there when I left. --Count of Monkey Crisco 03:17, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
/me looks at the dumpster I dove into Who would throw out a wedding cake? Well, since you're inviting me in...   Le Cejak <Apr 18, 2008 [3:22]>

edit K

lol. ok. PATX 11:31, 23 September 2008 (UTC)

edit Hey.

I noticed the reduction of edits on your part as of late. I hope you come back and edit sometime. MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 07:01, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

edit kawaii desu ne

Love, WHY do I not know??? and WHERE brooklyn at??? 00:43, October 22, 2009 (UTC)

edit Sun Bee and nudity

I have no problem with you voting against Sun Bee; I've voted against articles too, and if we can't vote for or against there's no point having a vote, etc. But I am curious. I know that sometimes peoples' comments on votes express their real feelings, and other times it's a joke. You voted "Against. Too much nudity." Was the nudity an issue for you? You don't have to answer, of course, but I am curious. I'm trying to get a better feel for this site. And thanks for taking the time to read the article! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 05:47, October 24, 2009 (UTC)

No, it wasn't really the nudity. I just wrote that because people were going on about it for some reason. --Count of Monkey Crisco 08:53, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
All right. Thanks for responding, and happy editing! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 17:55, October 24, 2009 (UTC)

edit UotM

Right, I'm faced with something of a dilemma here, you voted for me but I was also competing with you, so I am unsure whether you would appreciate me spamming my special template all over your talk page. So I thought more personal thanks were in order. Thank you very much for your vote and for being such a good sport, your contributions to VFD are very impressive as is the amount of time you have devoted to the site in general I hope to see you around the wiki a lot more in future. Thanks again. --ChiefjusticeDS 18:58, November 1, 2009 (UTC)

Template away.--Count of Monkey Crisco 21:51, November 2, 2009 (UTC)

ChiefjusticeDS Chief would like thank you for voting for him to be UotM for October

Thanks! It means a lot to me, which is quite depressing on it's own.

Anti-climactic I know, but gosh darn it it's shiny. --ChiefjusticeDS 22:48, November 2, 2009 (UTC)

edit Final Fantasy Football Pee

Shit, I didn't think it was that bad! Even my last article got higher and that was a noobish pile of random crap. Anyway, thanks for peeing all over it, I'll have to get to work redrafting. While I'm here though I just thought I'd defend a few things.

Naturally, I was wary of having all those lists, and pretty much agree with what you said. I'll catch and kill as many bullet points as possible.
As for the image of Balthier, I felt I needed it to show his resemblance to Ronaldo, I did consider a split image of the two for comparison but thought this was cliché. Perhaps I could get someone to photoshop Balthier's head onto Ronaldo's body if you think that would be better. The reason I didn't depict Final Fantasy Football in an image, as you say, is that I didn't think there was anything to depict, as it's only a fantasy game (Fantasy Football has no images like this for instance). I'll have a think about that though. I'll also look for some better images, particularly for the fan one.
I'll be honest, I used the Final Fantasy Football:NFL 07 as a template on how not to do things, as I didn't find it at all funny or interesting. Much of its humour just seemed random. I'm also not sure about the two being US/Euro counterparts as they're different ideas. Mine is a blurring of Final Fantasy and Fantasy Football, whereas the other is a sporting video game based on Final Fantasy.

Thanks again for your very thorough pee, I look forward to any further comments you have. Black Flamingo 12:39, November 23, 2009 (UTC)

Fair enough, sorry if I sounded confrontational there. --Black Flamingo 11:49, November 24, 2009 (UTC)

edit On Dave Thomas

(1) Does your "remarkable execution" line mean you disagree with my sentiments, just above, that the Colloquy and Hagiography are twice as long as they should be? (2) If you are a "man of few words but many pictures" (your user page), could you Photoshop the Dave Thomas photo I stole and added to the article, so that the placard on his dinner tray is not Dave Thomas but perhaps Julius Caesar? Spıke Ѧ  15:32 2-Dec-09

(1) I think the article's not bad. The exchange between Socrate and Dave should be converted to screenplay format, not quotation format though. Maybe it could use a little trim but the labored attempt at middle English in the Hagiography is part of the charm. (2) My user page also says I died while wearing scuba gear.Maybe I'll take a shot at it after finishing the Eminem overhaul. --Count of Monkey Crisco 12:23, December 3, 2009 (UTC)

edit Survival of the Sickest

Did you in fact read User:SPIKE/Survival of the Sickest? Does it really sound like it's proselytizing, or was that comment just about my preview of it in VFD? Was it the article's Bible citations? Darwinism guarantees us that our bodies would be The Fittest, does it not? And look around you, what do you see? A combination of dense misreading of Darwinism and gallows humor, perfect ingredients for a good article, I thought. Spıke Ѧ  18:48 15-Jan-10

edit CSI: Miami template

Symbol delete vote This template Image removed by order of Mordillo is awesome. (Yeeaaaaaahhhh!!!) Wild at Heart (Yell at me) 20:09, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

edit AT-ST

Hi, I am the author of the article. I have been thinking about your suggestion to delete it and I agree with you. The idea was to get the displacement that a trunk can make to 0.25 m thickness of steel, in order to prove that movies lie too much. I thought it could be a good idea to write it on Uncyclopedia, but at the end, the article is not very good. I would like to use the STEAMROLLER (I liked that template) against it before it got deleted. What do you think about it?--Darth Dominus 00:09, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Dang... Where to start.

G-Man and the giant chimney - kill it, it's not relevant.

Missing Higurashi scene - a little funny but lose it unless you can seamlessly integrate it into the article.

Don't use the terms PWNed or GTFO unless you're parodying 1337speak.

Showing us variant pictures does not advance the humor or concept.

That verdict bit is wibble, an epic of random pop culture phenomena. It's not very good

Explaining the technical aspects of your simulation is tedious. The calculus of the physics involved, doubly so. No, no, no!

Not sure I like the grumbling against George Lucas either.

Now that I've established that most of it should be eliminated here's the bits I did like. 1) citing the AT-ST's humiliating performance in ROtJ. 2) The idea that the article was written by Kuat Drive Yards.

Here's concept for a recreated article. Tell me how it sounds to you.

1) The article reads like an advertisement released by the Kuat Drive Yards marketing and promotion dept. It talks the AT-ST up trying to make a sale. If you want to iclude the variants advertise them like luxury options packages. Refer to the AT-RT as "classic styling", advertise that the AT-ST is a "sporty" killing machine compared to the AT-AT.

2) Using captioned photos of Return of the Jedi retell the battle of Endor through a series of product safety recalls. Inadequate "crumple zones", stabilizer lock ups under certain conditions, top maintianence hatch not adequately wookie proofed, ect.ect.ect.

That would make an article with consistent concept and a presentation that makes it stand out from the average uncyclopedia article.--Count of Monkey Crisco 04:34, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

It sounds interesting, keeping the good ideas and eliminating the worst, and turning the article into an advertisement released by Kuat Drive Yards. Should I post something on VFD page before editing the article?--Darth Dominus 12:11, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

edit CSIdelete template

Hello count, the picture in your template is too big and break lines. You'll need to change the size of that. Thanks.

Also -
CSI Miami - Horatio Caine One-Liners02:10

CSI Miami - Horatio Caine One-Liners

~Jewriken.GIF 14:56, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

edit Zim

You might wanna check {{Zim}}. Everything on it looks equally crappy. Wild at Heart, he who cleans up (Yell at me) 21:46, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

edit War cruft

I'm asking you, since you seem to be the specialist on this. I just searched page titles for "war" and found these and more questionable quality articles:

  1. Hot War
  2. Tug of war
  3. The Civolutionary War
  4. The war of Maaadness
  5. Brood War
  6. Yugoslav wars - This has an All your base reference in it...
  7. LOL WAR

I'm too lazy to find the rest. Are these VFD quality? The reason I ask is because I'm starting to get the hang of VFD, but I'm having a little trouble telling the difference between rewrite quality and VFD quality.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Friday, 05:26, June 18 2010 UTC

My nominations are rarely more than my personal opinion. There are patterns you can spot and HTBFANJS infractions to cite and compare it to but if you feel strongly about an article, nominate it.

I've made a number of VFD nominations where I was the sole against vote. I can do no better than you in this capacity. --Count of Monkey Crisco 21:44, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

edit Veteran User!

I want to have another go at nominating you for the Uncyclopedian of the Month award. You've been here doing excellent work digging up piles of crap buried deep inside this wiki. I do have a question though - why have you been so dedicated in doing this since 2006! - which makes you one of the long serving veterans on this site - if not the oldest one as far as I can see! --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 07:07, June 28, 2010 (UTC)

Not sure really. I seriously don't like cliché humor or humor by assholes plus I also have that morbid, Mystery Science Theater 3000, yearning to witness the dismal nadirs of human creativity. Sometimes I think VFD is the keystone feature that makes us better than Encyclopedia Dramatica, which is 90% cliché, meme and "look at me, I'm being an asshole!" related humor.

I used to write on Uncyclopedia more frequently but over the past two years my creative writing juices have been funneled toward other creative writing projects. I still check out VFD every few days, as that requires a different set of juices and fluids. --Count of Monkey Crisco 21:15, July 7, 2010 (UTC)

edit Thanks. . .

. . .for your vote, but you do deserve to win UotM. Would be nice to tie, but that's just my ego speaking. And I do enjoy your work on VFD, because you either huff the garbage or you make the rest of us rush in to save pages by editing the garbage. Nice work. Aleister 9:54 23 9

Yay, it looks like we tied. Congrats! And thanks for your vote, I couldn't have tied you without you! Your name goes before mine in any case. Now we must get dressed for the awards banquet. See you there! Aleister 1:32 1 10

edit Winner!

BePrepared Uncyclopedian of the Month September 2010

Congrats. --ChiefjusticePS3 06:36, October 1, 2010 (UTC)

Also congrats! WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 21:49, October 1, 2010 (UTC)

edit The Grue Army

Hey Count of Monkey Crisco, Meganew and I were wondering, if you would like to join the grue army. If so just write back here or on my talk page and Meganew or I will add you. You can click all the links at the top of that page to read all about us. Or go here. Lastly, I don't know if you're one for userboxes but we do have this really cool one you get if you join:

Grue Jammy This user has joined The Grue Army to help Uncyclopedia kill vandals, and help users. Please join today!

--Tophat headless 04:42, November 16, 2010 (UTC)

edit Gay Luigi

So, did you see my conversation on User talk:ChiefjusticeDS, or did you follow this article's deterioration on RecentChanges? Rhetorical question. Spıke Ѧ 03:27 23-Nov-10

Neither, actually. I was looking at some article, saw the picture, checked out the picture, saw there was a category for Mario images and wondered where that goofy Luigi picture was being used. Then I saw the link to "Gay Luigi" a title which translates to "Consider me for VFD, please." in my native tongue. --Count of Monkey Crisco 03:33, November 23, 2010 (UTC)

edit Hmm

Seems someone hasn't be updating the score on VFD...Jackofspades (talk) 22:50, March 16, 2011 (UTC)

edit I'll make you a sig

I'll make you a sig. I've already made Shabidoo and Another n00b sigs, i'd like to make one for you. --Purple mini lolly Lollipop Purple mini lolly - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 23:31, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, but I'm good with the the plain style. --Count of Monkey Crisco 04:08, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

I have a good one in mind, with the Subway monkey. --Purple mini lolly Lollipop Purple mini lolly - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 00:24, April 2, 2011 (UTC)

edit Category:Repetitive pages

I love you, man. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 02:38, 26 April 2011

edit LOL


You spend entirely too much time on VFD, write somethin' --Snowman111 Butlerstar Frosty dah snowguy contribs KUN PLEB Big GREEN Button Big red button 04:08, May 29, 2011 (UTC)

You're still using IE... 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 10:49, 29 May 2011
And your still worst admin ever --Snowman111 Butlerstar Frosty dah snowguy contribs KUN PLEB Big GREEN Button Big red button 10:52, May 29, 2011 (UTC)
What has my still got to do with anything? Also, that sentence contains no verbs. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 10:59, 29 May 2011
Boom bitches! New article! - Internet straight trap--Count of Monkey Crisco 11:03, May 29, 2011 (UTC)

edit Good to See You're Still Keeping a Watching Brief

I missed your recent activities on the site Count, I trust you will drop by more often. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 21:52, August 7, 2012 (UTC)

Nah, I'm just not as funny as I used to be. --Count of Monkey Crisco (talk) 03:39, August 8, 2012 (UTC)'re just resting. Recharging....--LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 14:29, August 28, 2012 (UTC)
Anyone who can come up with a user name like "Count of Monkey Crisco" is firmly ensconced in the Great Book of Funny. How ensconced are they? More ensconced than somebody who uses the word "ensconced". ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usThu, Nov 8 '12 17:47 (UTC)

edit Monkey!


Crisco! Monkey! Crisco! Monkey! Crisco! Monkey! Crisco! Monkey! Crisco!

Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Dec 11 '12 6:32 (UTC)

edit I saw a monkey swing by

Caught you editing a few pages there! How is the Count? --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 18:20, June 6, 2013 (UTC)

edit Amazon Women

Currently residing here. Come back and help give this one a good polish. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 18:08, June 30, 2015 (UTC)

Personal tools