User talk:Bot

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edit Pre-Rendered Welcome!

Hello, Bot, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left...Not that far, dammit! ...Yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links, particularly the second one. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your username, a link to your userpage, the date, and your social security number. Really, there are only two rules, just make sure you take a brief look at them.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone who cares will come along and help you if they can. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply put {{adoptme}} on your Userpage to join--but you might want to go and actively ask someone from here, or you might not be noticed. Again, welcome to the machine


The balloon welcomes you!

Now, being less formal, you will see the above message in a lot of users' talk page. However, that does not mean this is an automated message. Really, I had to click on your user talk, copy-paste this stuff, and submit it with my own fleshy finger. I'm not a bot. I exist. Now, for some personal, non-official advice:
  • You may think some stuff that appears everywhere here is cool, like Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris, Kitten Huffing, Russian Reversal, and Mr. T. Those things are completely overused and not really funny anymore. Among us sophisticated intelligentsia, we call this phenomenon cliché. Whatever, these subjects are worn out, near death, and in dire need of being huffed. Just please don't mention them unless you have a very, very good reason. Or if it's funny. And I mean funny.
  • Another thing we veterans hate is Random Humor. Don't put chicken from Mars in an article about George Washington. You can put it in an article about, well, Chicken from Mars. That's it.
  • Humor is a subtle subject. People will tell you that talking about excretes is just bad taste - count me among them - and others will find this kind of stuff the
    pinnacle of subversive irony. Just stay calm, have a good look at HTBFANJS, and try to learn what works best. No one here will ban you as long as you don't impose your non-conformist ideas on already created stuff.
  • Start pages in userspace, first. By that, I mean if you wanted to create a page called "Flappy woo-ha," instead of creating the page Flappy woo-ha, create User:Bot/Flappy woo-ha. That way, you'll have plenty of time to work on it and it won't be deleted or ICU'd. You can start a page in mainspace, just make damn sure what you put there is long enough and funny enough to not get huffed.
  • Never recreate a deleted article. Never redo a reverted edit. Never.
  • There are a lot of links I just put on your page. This is the most important one.
  • And, finally, don't be afraid. We don't eat people. Usually. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:42, Mar 21

edit Re:Wikichan

Wikichan got cleared from my bookmarks when my computer crashed a while ago... I suppose I didn't go back because it seemed like it was running smoothly, and there wasn't much more for me to do after I cleaned out most of uncategorized pages. I'm more than willing to help now, though.

I have a few questions first: Do you have just administrator powers, or do you also have Bureaucrat or Staff powers (i.e.: disabling anon edits, changing user rights, doing checkusers, etc)? What is the active user to admin ratio?

If you do have b'crat powers, you might want to start out by preventing image uploads for a few weeks, and making one or two more people administrators. The image problems should stop, since normal users would have no control over the situation. It seems a little draconian, but you sound like the vandalism situation is a desperate one, so desperate measures can be taken.

Adding a couple of new administrators would mean more vigilant reverts and bannings, which is always a good thing. If you find the vandalism still getting out of control, I'm pretty sure there's an option to semi-protect all pages, forcing vandals to wait a week before they can get their business done. We are dealing with people who have nothing better to do with their lives than vandalizing wikis, so our greatest weapon against them is to make them bored.

Since they have no lives, they will know a lot of proxies. Contact Hinoa on his talk page, he can help you too by giving you a large list of open proxies to eliminate. To my knowledge, he's blocked several hundred, if not thousand, from access on this site, and can be a great help to you. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 21:56, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

Batten down the hatches! Man the walls! Lock the gates! Make ready the archers! To wikiwar, to wikiwar! (May I suggest changing your ban reasons to "get a life/hobby/job/friend?") Good luck. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:00, Mar 21
One last thing: Set up a semi-protected Ban Patrol page like the one we have here on Uncyclopedia. It makes vandalism organization much nicer. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 22:13, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

Rapid rollback could be added into userpage .js scripts. I know that's built into the wiki, but I'm not sure if it works (I think I tried importing a script from Uncyclopedia once but it didn't work... it's worth a try, though.)

WikiSysop needs to be contacted ASAP, and you need to be made a b'crat. B'crats are the only guys that can change user rights, so you'll need to get in touch with him before you can elevate some other users.

No semi-protect... damn. You could try asking Spang or Algorithm with some help on editing the wiki skeleton itself, those two guys are code wiz kids and might be able to add a few things. I trust Wikichan uses Mediawiki, right? --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 22:28, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

Another, though much more tiresome way to add semi-protect to all pages, is to do it to each page individually. I'm going on the assumption you mean you can't automatically set this for all pages, but you can still semi-protect each page individually. It's effective, but hellishly boring. The simplest way this could be done is with the addition of the aforementioned bot. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 22:38, 21 March 2008 (UTC)
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