User talk:Bill Melater

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edit Welcome!

Hello, Bill Melater, and thanks for joining Uncyclopedia! Before editing further, please take a gander at our Beginner's Guide. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, check out the following pages:

Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, feel free to ask me on my talk page, ask at the community forum or in the chatroom, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, our Adopt-a-Noob program can bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian!  ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au 10:41, December 4, 2012 (UTC)

edit UnNews

Good job dear fellow! Hope to see more of your work come out :D ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au 10:43, December 5, 2012 (UTC)

How much do we owe you so far? --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 09:44, December 10, 2012 (UTC)
You mean me? Dont worry about it, I feel bad charging for things I do in boxer shorts. --Bill Melater (talk) 18:21, December 10, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks Frosty

I'm glad, you like it, I'm looking forward to posting more stuff. :-)--Bill Melater (talk) 10:58, December 5, 2012 (UTC)

edit You do know...

...that "does not suck" is the height of praise around here, right? You do now. Also, good damn job. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usMon, Dec 10 '12 11:29 (UTC)

Yep, I know, Im not that nooby:-) I'm having allot of fun with these articles, I plan to keep on not sucking as often as I can. Hmmm, 'keep on not sucking', might make a good bumper sticker.--Bill Melater (talk) 18:21, December 10, 2012 (UTC)

Welcome aboard Bill. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 23:12, December 10, 2012 (UTC)
Thank you. --Bill Melater (talk) 10:38, December 11, 2012 (UTC)

edit Hey

I am enjoying your unNews. I just checked on one for little grammar mistakes. Careful with it's (it is or it has) and its (a genderless version of his; the cat licked his/its tail), and that's always has an apostrophe. I know it sounds lame to pick people up on punctuation or grammar, but part of the gag here is that the articles look legitimate, and I can see you already work hard to make the prose style sound professional. --Leverage (talk) 12:32, December 11, 2012 (UTC)

No problem, thanks for mentioning it. I ALWAYS forget about that. I blame 18 years of not doing much writing except for emails. I'll definitely keep it in mind.

edit Quick note

Make sure that when you're uploading an image, you're not uploading over an image by the same name that already exists. :D Cheers.  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Dec 11 '12 15:46 (UTC)

Ah, ok, wasn't sure about that. Will do.--Bill Melater (talk) 08:10, December 12, 2012 (UTC)

edit Quick note #2

If you don't keep writing stuff this good, I'll Ripya Kokov. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, Dec 12 '12 17:04 (UTC)

Well, at least I would be writing faster because I wouldn't keep getting distracted by porn when searching for article images!--Bill Melater (talk) 19:23, December 12, 2012 (UTC)

edit Please make my cyber-stalking of you easier

Howdy! I need to write up somebody's biopic in this week's edition of the UnSignpost, and I figured "who better than somebody who is new to the site and won't know that I'm joking when I call them a sheep rapist?" So, y'know, I need the scoop on all the poop, such as your real name, where you're from, your Visa debit-card number and expiration date, your favorite Uncyclopedia article, your favorite penis size, why you joined up, and all that. Feel free to make any of it up, because that's what I'm going to do anyway, if you don't reply before press time, which is Wednesday morning U.S. time. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Dec 18 '12 13:42 (UTC)

edit How did you know about the sheep

I'll give you some actual, true factoids and I'm sure you'll be able to weave them into something side splitting. I just finished moving to a new apartment and I'm too exhausted for much else. In fact, at the moment, I think I'm completely insane. But anyway, ok, lessee...

Name: Gohed Rinzenspitt (not an actual factoid)

Age: 47

Bald: Yes

Married: Yes

I'm of Cuban descent, born and raised in the USA, currently residing in Finland, the home of comedic flop sweat. I love my wife, my cat and my e-reader, and they love me.

So there you have it: I'm an old, bald, cat fancying, pussy whipped, bookish American Spic in Finland. I'd like my grist finely milled, thank you.

Kidding aside, thanks for the honor:-)

edit Watch your step! It's a steaming-hot pile of UnSignpost

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia ~ Thu, Dec 20 '12 2:27 (UTC)

edit Suomi

OO kuulin legendaa että asut suomessa? Onko näin? Jos näin oot niin mukava että on lisää josta suomalaiset voi olla ylpeitä! Jatka samaan malliin! Terveisin suomalainen veljesi (siis ei kirjaimellisesti), Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz Sleeping Cat 09:13, 21 December, 2012 (UTC)

Terve, I'm not Finnish, I'm an American. I'm married to a Finnish woman. Mina olen Americalainen. :-)--Bill Melater (talk) 21:11, December 22, 2012 (UTC)
Oh! I read somewhere that you're finnish and you're married to a russian woman. Well, whatever, this is Uncyclopedia, the encyclopedia that lies, so someone has fooled me... Damn. Well atleast half-finnish then! :) Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz Sleeping Cat 08:39, 23 December, 2012 (UTC)
Well, I've tasted mämmi (at gun point)and I didn't vomit (immediately)so yes, I guess that makes me half Finnish, at least ;-) Have a hyvää joulua! --Bill Melater (talk) 04:20, December 24, 2012 (UTC)

edit Your comments on the forum

I've liked your comments on the forum about moving the site from Wikia. I fear a split that will damage what we've built here, but new people like you make everything worthwhile. Merry Festivus Boxing Day. Aleister 13:49 24decemb12

Thanks, Aleister, I've felt right at home since the first moment. With any luck the split will be a wheat separating from chaff sort of thing. Hopefully whole grained wheat, for extra fiber and regular bowel movements.--Bill Melater (talk) 00:00, December 26, 2012 (UTC)

edit This headline has nothing to say.

Hope you didn't mind how we libeled you in the UnSignpost. If you did... we have lawyers, too, and ours will eat yours for lunch. They prefer Bordeaux over Chianti, and fava beans are for yuppies. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usMon, Dec 24 '12 18:05 (UTC)

Didn't mind at all, it was a smooth and well vaselined libeling session. About the fava beans, couldn't agree more. Funny you should mention that, we had fried yuppy brain with fava beans for Christmas dinner.--Bill Melater (talk) 00:07, December 26, 2012 (UTC)


On the Berlusconi article. I'd nominate it, but I doubt the American uncyclopedians would vote for it. In any case, very funny and well written! --ShabiDOO 15:03, December 29, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you! Its great to get objective feedback on my work, I'm terrible at critiquing my own stuff. BTW, American Uncyclopedians should have no problem voting for it since I'm an American and I wrote the damned thing! ;-)
There is often a lack of motivation for featuring European news. Not that they are voted against or that there is a conscious rejection of European related featured news articles, they often just don't get voted for with the enthusiasm of articles on the tea party or Obama or whatever. You can always try --ShabiDOO 22:59, December 29, 2012 (UTC)
Blech, I get a douche-chill whenever I read or hear the words 'tea party'. You'd think they'd like to take a break occasionally from the dysfunctional reality show that passes for politics over there. I know I do. Anyway, I thought it was mostly Brits and Australians here. I'll go check that page that shows where everybody is from.--Bill Melater (talk) 07:07, December 30, 2012 (UTC)
Me: American. RAHB: American. Kip the Dip: American. SPIKE: Asshole-American. (Just kidding, love ya SPIKE.) Thekillerfroggy: American who thinks that living in Japan for eight weeks makes you Japanese. Frosty: Australian. (We think.) Equilateralperil: Aussie Aussie Oi Oi. Socky: Belgish. ChiefjusticeDS: Brit. Cat the Colorful: a Finish cat. Oliphaunte: Georgian living in Georgia. (Two different Georgias. Don't ask me which is which.) Shabidoo: Filipino Spanish Maltese living in Belgium. Aleister: Weedistan. (Nobody knows.) Spang: FU SPANG.

Zombiebaron: Canadian. /me washes hands compulsively

Those are all I can remember right now. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSun, Dec 30 '12 8:51 (UTC)
I'd just been going by the UnNews articles I see, and many of them seem to have a UK theme. Most of the Americans must be doing articles for the Uncyclopedia, I guess. I'm focused completely on the news.--Bill Melater (talk) 19:28, December 30, 2012 (UTC)
I'm fairly sure that BlackFlamingo and Romartus are British. Mattsnow is Canadian. I'm fairly sure Aleister is American. Joe is Filipino or Malaysian or maybe not. Difficult to remember. Magicman is American I think. As is Aimsplode. XDShemp is Mexican Amaerican. I have no idea about Lyrithya, though she does use mostly British aphorisms like "bloody hell", "mate", "mind you" and what-not. I know that there is an American with Indian parents, DJ something. There's also a Spaniard, but I can't remember his username. NoNamesLeft is American. I have absolutely nothing to do with Malta, no relatives and I've never been there.
I believe that Jesus was a sailor from Palestine who had no home and now lives now as a supernatural zombie in the kingdom of our lord, loving us wether we accept him as our personal saviour or not. So that includes just about --ShabiDOO 14:09, December 30, 2012 (UTC)
If only the Romans had known that head shots stop zombies from coming back... --Bill Melater (talk) 19:28, December 30, 2012 (UTC)

edit Colaboration?

Want to help me write an article called "Iran celebrates new year with radioactive fire work display in Tel aviv" ?????????? If so...feel free to offer suggestions, make major changes and help me craft a helarious article :) --ShabiDOO 05:24, December 31, 2012 (UTC)

Sure, I'd be happy to. Should I just start editing it, or instead post my changes in the discussion area of the article, so you can decide if you want to include it in the final version? --Bill Melater (talk) 08:49, December 31, 2012 (UTC)
Just go ahead and edit. :) --ShabiDOO 14:45, December 31, 2012 (UTC)


Noobaward Noob of the Moment December 2012 ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au 22:44, January 1, 2013 (UTC)

edit Drop your pants and grab the eggnog! It's the UnSignpost.

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia ~ Wed, Jan 2 '13 13:11 (UTC)

edit Hi there, you awesome person you!

You should come on IRC sometime and let us have a look at you. We've resolved that we need to make our newer members feel like part of the family, and that won't be possible until you come into our deep dark Internet cave and let us devour you whol.... um, get to know you! Yes, that's what I meant to say. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usFri, Jan 4 '13 8:12 (UTC)

Back when I first joined, I managed to get into IRC with Firefox (doesnt seem to work with Chrome), but nobody seemed to be saying anything and I forgot about it. When it comes to some internet stuff, I'm only slightly more knowledgeable than my mother, and she thinks right clicking means pressing the button with her right hand. I probably wasn't in a 'channel' or whatever it is. I'll try it again later.--Bill Melater (talk) 08:42, January 4, 2013 (UTC)
People are on right now, and they're saying things about you, Bill. Bad things. Talking about how many dildoes your mother can fit in her mouth, and how you smell like powdered donuts, sweat and shame. I can't make them shut up all by myself, Bill. I NEED YOUR HELP! ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usFri, Jan 4 '13 8:55 (UTC)
Yeah, join us! We'd love to. I and sleeptyper can teach you to speak perfect finnish :) Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz Sleeping Cat 08:17, 4 January, 2013 (UTC)
Ha! Forget about it, cant be done. My brains language center filled the moat and pulled up the drawbridge years ago when confronted with Finnish. My main form of communication with Finnish people is with long awkward pauses, blank stares and vague hand gestures. --Bill Melater (talk) 08:42, January 4, 2013 (UTC)
OK I can teach you speak swedish but pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaase come... Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz Sleeping Cat 08:53, 4 January, 2013 (UTC)
Sir ScottPat Icons-flag-gb Scotland Flag 1 UnS CUN VFH (talk) 14:43, April 9, 2013 (UTC)

edit Express not available today (just normal delivery)

Sir ScottPat Icons-flag-gb Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose UnS CUN VFH and Bar (talk) 16:22 27, October 2016

edit This UnSignpost may be unsuitable for some viewers!

Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 14:08, May 9, 2013 (UTC)

edit The UnSignpost has arrived...Quick hide!

Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 16:12, May 18, 2013 (UTC)

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