# User talk:Benson

## editWelcome!

Hello, Benson, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for n00bs:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, or ask at the Dump. Again, welcome!  05:44, 5 June 2006 (UTC)

## editI have now officially messed with BENSON

thats right, you read me correctly.... Tayor MUN (Praise!) 15:42, 21 September 2007 (UTC)

There! I've done it again! Try and stop me... The HRH MuCal. Tayor MUN (Praise!) (CMC!) 18:16, 15 September 2008 (UTC)

## edit Benson

Hi there. I have moved the Article that used to be at Benson to a subpage of your userpage, at User:Benson/Benson. Pages about one's self aren't allowed outside of your own userspace. Thank you, and have a nice day. Spang 03:23, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Hey Benson. Talk to me on IRC if you get the chance. We need to chat. --PantsMacKenzie 19:00, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Hi Benson, glad you're not banned anymore. I don't think uncyclopedia is as funny as it could be without Benson's unique presence!
--Hrodulf 19:21, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Yeah. Although the admins seem to think otherwise, all this BENSON inspired chaos is a hell of a lot of fun. Keep up the good work! --User:Nintendorulez 18:59, 12 June 2006 (UTC)

Anyone remember that Glenn Anzalone guy?CreatureGrim 00:24, 14 November 2007 (UTC)

## editLeague of Benson

That sounds awesome! Thanks for inviting me, sure I'll join. --Hrodulf 01:53, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

I made a template for the League:

 This user is a member of the League of Benson, and therefore admits that Benson is better than him.

Here's the code.

<div style="float: left; border:solid blue 1px; margin: 1px;">
{| cellspacing="0" style="width: 238px; background: white;color:black;font-size:9pt"
| [[Image:Leagueofbenson.gif|50px]]
| This user is a member of the [http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Benson#League_of_Benson League of Benson], and therefore admits that Benson is better than him.
|}</div>

--Hrodulf 13:59, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

let me join plz Yellow 130 01:06, 12 April 2007 (UTC)

## editRevised template

I added another picture. What do you think:

 This user is a member of the League of Benson, and therefore admits that Benson is better than him.

Code:

<div style="float: left; border:solid blue 1px; margin: 1px;">
{| cellspacing="0" style="width: 238px; background: white;color:black;font-size:9pt"
| [[Image:Leagueofbenson.gif|50px]]
| This user is a member of the [http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Benson#League_of_Benson League of Benson], and therefore admits that Benson is better than him.
| [[Image:BUN.PNG|50px]]
|}</div>

--Hrodulf 20:15, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

Hmm...Benson likes other one better but thanks you for your continuing efferts. The new one is acceptible to all that want to use it. Benson is happy. :( Benson 20:23, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

The old one is simpler. They both could work, I suppose. --Hrodulf 20:49, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

Benson has forgotten his password. please tell benson the last letter of the password right here. -benSON

Go to the login page and click on "email password." Your password will be automatically e-mailed to you. --Hrodulf 22:37, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

That wasn't written by me. Its a Inposter. Ignore them. Benson 22:58, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

Ah, it's very confusing with the fake bensons running around. Are there any articles you want to work on? I've got a lot of half-finished stuff myself . . . lately I've just been answering questions and trying to help n00bs, havn't actually been writing much --Hrodulf 02:39, 9 June 2006 (UTC)

I want to fix up my Pond Whales article since they tagged it NRV. Benson 12:04, 9 June 2006 (UTC)

I'll see what I can do to help. I'll make a subpage on my user page for Pond Whales, and work on it there. I'll let you know when it's worth checking out. That way I don't mess up your code, but I can work on it. --Hrodulf 12:39, 9 June 2006 (UTC)

Benson thanks you. THe unfair NRV has been on along time...time is running out for it. Benson 12:41, 9 June 2006 (UTC)

I wrote an editorial giving my view on NRV's, and a whole article on how to avoid them. See http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Hrodulf#Editorial_Page and Uncyclopedia:How To Get Started Editing. Not so long ago, I was spreading the word around about the HowTo article, but Flammable threatened to ban me if I kept doing that, so I had to stop. See http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User_talk:Hrodulf#What..._are..._you..._doing.3F and Forum:Changing the welcome template to include more links. So now you know everything you'd ever want to about NRVs. And knowing is half the battle. Go Joe! --Hrodulf 14:02, 9 June 2006 (UTC)

A couple of links I forgot related to the forum discussion on the howto page: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User_talk:Hindleyite http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User_talk:Hindleyite/2#We.27ve_hit_a_snag

You don't have to read them, of course, but they're an insight into how the politics here work. --Hrodulf 14:08, 9 June 2006 (UTC)

Benson, I just finished reading "Pond Whales" and laughed my ass off. You're really talented, and I'm glad you're on uncyclopedia. I'll see if I can come up with some more material in the same comic vein, and perhaps we'll be able to get this to a point where it will be main-space worthy.

I think the problem right now is it's funny, but it sort of doesn't really have a comic direction, or overriding theme. It's a lot of really great ideas with the Pond Whale framing device, and it's really funny, but the quality control types don't like things that ramble on and don't really develop their ideas. We need more details and maybe a different format. I'll try a few things and see if anything of it works.

I have the same problem with a lot of my writing, lots of ideas, lousy execution. There's lots of stuff on my userpage (subpages actually) that I may or may not be able to actually finish. But I guess I'll try. Sometimes I don't need to finish the stuff. For instance, one idea I had, the uPod, turned out to be very similar to the iPod IV article, so I just took my writing and added it to that article, which worked out nicely.
--Hrodulf 02:22, 10 June 2006 (UTC)
Benson agrees. Hrodulf is smart... too smart... anyways, Benson will try to work on that. Benson 16:43, 10 June 2006 (UTC)

Seeming as you complained, the Society decided to check the sources and discovered that most of them were propaganda, so I have rewritten it by more recent sources. Please comment on the page if you have any complaints/comments about the new list, if any are lies, explain which ones and I will fix them. ~ 19:59, 9 June 2006 (UTC)

No, no, its better now, its just that all these attemtps on Benson's life has put him on edge. Benson is sorry. It's better now, less anti-Benson stuff.Please put aside your hatreds and defend the right of a user to stay in this world and not be 'permadently baned' just because some people don't like him. Benson 20:05, 9 June 2006 (UTC)

# editPond Whales

I wanted you to know I worked on the organization and content a little, it's at User:Hrodulf/Pond Whales. It's not done yet. Let me know if you think it's an improvement, and I'll try to write more. I got lots of ideas by following the advice I wrote at How to improve articles that have been NRV'd --Hrodulf 04:43, 11 June 2006 (UTC)

Good job on the article. It is now better than before. Benson salutes your extensive knowledge on Pond Whales. Benson 17:46, 11 June 2006 (UTC)

When it's done, I think we should call the article "Pond Whale." I read somewhere in the forums that the admins want to get rid of articles that have a plural title. Also, if you want to add anything to it, go right ahead, it was your idea. I think it's a good idea for people to work together on developing ideas, because it's difficult to think of a good idea and then completely develop it by yourself. This is sort of what I've been trying to do here for awhile, work with other people on articles, and it hasn't really worked out yet, but I'm always hopeful . . . --Hrodulf 18:27, 11 June 2006 (UTC)

Benson enjoys this idea. When you run out of ideas on pond whales, you could help Benson with another article Benson is working on: User:Benson/article in progress. Benson 20:00, 11 June 2006 (UTC)

Ok. I hope this helps me become a better writer. By the way, I did a new unnews story, UnNews:Choice of which product to buy last vestige of freedom for most Americans. Once in awhile I get inspired and do an unnews thing, but articles are still rather beyond my skill level.--Hrodulf 00:46, 13 June 2006 (UTC)

WIth Benson's might you will become the greatest writer of the new age. Benson 01:31, 14 June 2006 (UTC)

Benson is adding your Pond Whale article to make it the Pond Whale article now. Benson 12:10, 16 June 2006 (UTC)

# editPeople Who have Messed With Benson... And Benson is plotting his revenge

Can you tell me why I was included on this list? I don't remember messing with you, exept that time I gave you a free soup tree. Anyway, maybe we can settle this "revenge" with pistols or something. Anywho... -- 18:53, 12 June 2006 (UTC)

Benson was just joking. A joke is when something not true is said, and people can laugh at it. Perhaps you are also familiar with the concept of "joking". Benson 20:03, 12 June 2006 (UTC)

I'll answer your question with a quote: "I gave you a free soup tree.". That will be all. -- 23:56, 13 June 2006 (UTC)

Benson will answer your quote with a statistic: Zombiebaron smells better than 0% of all people... an accurate quote indeed... seriously though, shower. Benson 23:31, 16 June 2006 (UTC)

## edit Here, have a badge

A very shiny Benson police badge. All for you. Congratulations! Spang 03:26, 13 June 2006 (UTC)

## edit How do I join the League of Benson?

I'm sorta new to uncyclopedia, so I would like to know how to join the League of Benson.

Just ask him, really. He'll put the badge and such on your user talk page as soon as he's on and sees new messages. Anyway, glad to see more followers of the Almighty. On and don't forget to sign your comments with --~~~~ --User:Nintendorulez 21:48, 15 June 2006 (UTC)
Or just add yourself, Since it is YOU that admits BENSON being better then you, Who better to admit that then you ( Okee, except for BENSON ). But you get the idea. If we need a league of people admitting being beneath BENSON with BENSONS approval of feeling such a thing we need a freaking new league... - Vosnul 22:31, 15 June 2006 (UTC) ( Imagine super spiffy /sig/ )

Benson would love to have you as a follower but Benson does not know who you are... Benson 22:53, 15 June 2006 (UTC)

Oh. Forgot my signature. I'm ThatGuy. You must be Benson, lord of all that is awesome. May I add the League of Benson template to my User Page?--ThatGuy 21:43, 16 June 2006 (UTC)

You are now a member. Benson 21:59, 16 June 2006 (UTC)

Thank you, O great Benson.--ThatGuy 22:07, 16 June 2006 (UTC)

## edit League demand request

Hobelhouse desires to be included in the League of Benson based on his superb contributions to Bensonocracy. --Hobelhouse 00:51, 16 June 2006 (UTC)

Benson likes you puny monkey. You are let in with full honours. Benson 02:01, 16 June 2006 (UTC)

## edit Declaration of Bensondependance.

I have an idea that may interest you, Benson. You and the members of the League of Benson should write a declaration of Bensondependance, a declaration of the laws of Benson. Just an idea...

## edit I made this for you!

Typhoons and monsoons and now Bensoons!

Yay!

I want to join THE LEAGUE OF BENSON!

Sliferjam - #1UN - You got something to say? - JAM! - I'm special. 14:58, 26 June 2006 (UTC)

## editThe God ONX is PISSED

You little bastard, you stole the curse of ONX, and made the curse of Benson. Worse, you now claim to be a god. I AM THE GOD HERE, AND IM PISSED! THERE WILL BE SOME SERIOUS SMITING HERE. Dont rip my routine. When you hear god, Listen, because i mean business. well, i am A god. not God. but i take on his power, but im a little more evil and an asshole.

AND YOU STOLE THE ALL CAPS NAME! NOW IM REALLY PISSED!

ONX 03:17, 12 July 2006 (UTC)

Don't knock the BENSON, newbie. I haven't seen your face 'round here before, so I suggest ya'll run the hell away before BENSON kicks yer puny ass, varmint. --User:Nintendorulez 13:49, 12 July 2006 (UTC)

## editI want attention!

Check it out, I made a wicked-sweet PS CS drawing of you.

Joe Momma 11:10, 19 July 2006 (UTC)

YOU HAVE PLEASED ME. CONGRATES. Benson 02:55, 26 July 2006 (UTC)

## edit So Benson

It's been a few months. Do you ever plan to return? --KATIE!! 20:00, 25 September 2006 (UTC)

May I suggest you use "Forum:THE RETURN OF THE BENSON", when/if you do return? -- 22:36, 25 September 2006 (UTC)

# edit BENSON'S BACK

NEVER FEAR MONKEY MEN! Benson 04:50, 2 October 2006 (UTC)

## editI made this for you

Enjoy. Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 05:20, 2 October 2006 (UTC)

BENSON IS HAPPY Benson 05:23, 2 October 2006 (UTC)

Best image ever. --User:Nintendorulez 21:10, 2 October 2006 (UTC)
Benson should nominate that. -- 23:50, 2 October 2006 (UTC)
I'd do it myself, but it just wouldn't be right. Benson! Nom it! --User:Nintendorulez 19:58, 3 October 2006 (UTC)

## edit I don't like you

I just want you to know. ~~FlareNUKE (Page Talk Contrib Final Fantasy V) 20:22, 2 October 2006 (UTC)

I don't like your face. --User:Nintendorulez 21:11, 2 October 2006 (UTC)
Oh shit its a flame war!!! -- 23:01, 2 October 2006 (UTC)
Your mom's a flame war!!! --User:Nintendorulez 23:07, 2 October 2006 (UTC)
FlareNUKE (if that is your real name(which it's not(it's probably something like Milton))), Benson just wants you to know: Benson has no opinion on you. Benson doesn't know you. Nobody does. YOU ARE THE THE PUNIEST MONKEY OF THEM ALL! Benson 16:00, 3 October 2006 (UTC)
Sob . . . icry because it is true :'( ~~FlareNUKE (Page Talk Contrib Final Fantasy V) 00:07, 8 October 2006 (UTC)
Well, you're the one who wanted to put Japanese symbols on a template when question marks would be funnier (that's all my browser shows). I don't like opponents of the League of BENSON. Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 20:58, 9 October 2006 (UTC)

I agree with FlareNUKE. --Trar (talk|contribs|grueslayer) 22:15, 5 May 2007 (UTC)

## edit BENSON!!!!

Wahts up, my liege? Long time, no see.--The One and Only 23:55, 5 October 2006 (UTC)

Sma eold, fighting Fawazz and junk. Benson 20:08, 6 October 2006 (UTC)

## edit SOMEONE DOESN'T LIKE US

SOMEONE IS TRYING TO DELETE THE TEMPLATE I MADE FOR YOU! MY LIEGE! I NEED GUIDANCE ON HOW TO BETTER SERVE YOU! Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 22:15, 13 October 2006 (UTC)

FIND OUT WHO...ELIMIATE THEM... Benson 23:49, 13 October 2006 (UTC)

IT WAS FAMINE AGAIN. Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 02:43, 14 October 2006 (UTC)
Grrr Benson 03:16, 14 October 2006 (UTC)
AND NOW HE'S THREATENING TO MAKE ME REMOVE YOUR NAME FROM MY SIG. I MUST FIGHT ON IN YOUR NAME! Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 02:48, 24 October 2006 (UTC)
YOU MUST ALERT THE LEAUGE. HE MUST BE STOPED! Benson 18:24, 24 October 2006 (UTC)
THOUGH THIS MESSAGE MAY BE LATE, I WISH TO SERVE YOU, OH GREAT AND MIGHTY BENSON!! PLEASE, I NEED INFORMATION! --Someguy 44 00:04, 17 April 2007 (UTC)

## edit I nommed you for WotM.

Just thought I'd let you know. ^_^ --User:Nintendorulez 20:48, 18 October 2006 (UTC)

WHATEVER THAT IS...EXCELENT! Benson 00:37, 20 October 2006 (UTC)

SOMEONE TOOK YOU DOWN! AND PEOPLE ARE WORSHIPPING TODD LYONS INSTEAD OF YOU! HAVE PEOPLE FORGOTTEN WHO MADE UNCYCLOPEDIA WHAT IT IS THIS YEAR? WE NEED TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE KNOW WHAT BENSON REALLY MEANS! Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 02:02, 20 October 2006 (UTC)
Codeine actually banned me for nomming you. >_< Evidently the enemies of Benson are in quite high places... Not a good sign... --User:Nintendorulez 20:39, 21 October 2006 (UTC)
OH GREAT AND MIGHTY BENSON! I HAVE POSTED A MESSAGE AGAINST HIS BLASPHEMY! --Someguy 44 00:17, 17 April 2007 (UTC)

## editHAIL BENSON!!

I wish to joint the League Of Benson, therefore, I have created this drawing showing that you are superior to all.

A GOOD TRIBUTE. IT IS A SHAME BENSON DOES NOT KNOW YOUR NAME FOR YOU HAVE NOT SIGNED YOUR POST... Benson 05:38, 12 November 2006 (UTC)

## edit MY LIEGE, I AM IN TROUBLE.

I AM TRYING TO KEEP NON-BENSON RELATED STUFF OUT OF YOUR FORUM, BUT NO ONE IS LISTENING TO ME. WE NEED YOUR HELP, MY LORD. Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 07:58, 11 November 2006 (UTC)

BENSON BELEAVES IN YOU PUNY MONKEY-MAN! Benson 05:38, 12 November 2006 (UTC)

## edit IF YOUR LORDSHIP WOULD SO ALLOW...

I WISH TO GAIN ENTRY TO THE ELITE LEAGUE OF BENSON. PLEASE ACCEPT THIS FINE PIECE OF TIMELESS ART MY FUTURE LEIGE.--Anyone 22:01, 14 November 2006 (UTC)

# editBENSON, THIS IS URGENT!

Head to the BENSON forums ASAP. I may have solved the issue of all the crap articles goign in the BENSON forum. --User:Nintendorulez 22:15, 17 November 2006 (UTC)

## edit PRESENTS FOR BENSON

 Crazyswordsman has awarded you a cookie!Now go play in traffic.

Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 23:23, 20 November 2006 (UTC)

## editHi my Lord

Just wanted to say hi and that you always fill my day with laughter. -- 06:21, 26 November 2006 (UTC)

Thank you puny monkey for the hello and the comment on laughter-filled days. Benson 15:58, 26 November 2006 (UTC)

## editHi

you might want to have a look at this when you are free. -- mowgli 20:46, 3 December 2006 (UTC)

WE NEED YOUR GUIDANCE! ONLY YOUR SILLY QUIPS CAN SHOW THE MONKEYS THAT THIS WIKI IS NOT MEANT FOR DRAMA! HELP LIGHTEN THE MOOD! --User:Nintendorulez 00:21, 4 December 2006 (UTC)

## editSockpuppeting and vote rigging

Not acceptable, Benson. You may be a meme, even a cult to some people, but no-one is allowed to do that. Any more vote rigging and you'll be going away for a long time. Play nice, play fair. -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 02:11, 7 December 2006 (UTC)

MY LORD, WE MUST SHOW THE ADMINS THAT YOU DID NOT MAKE SOCKS. BECAUSE YOU DID NOT MAKE THEM. YOU ARE TOO POWERFUL FOR THEM. Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 04:02, 7 December 2006 (UTC)
Nobody cares. --AAA! (AAAA) 04:18, 11 December 2006 (UTC)

## editBENSON BUCKS

Since BENSON is better than George Washington, I propose a few changes be made.

-- 04:21, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

If the title says BENSON SUCKS, why are you praising him? Benson does suck! --Trar (talk|contribs|grueslayer) 22:14, 5 May 2007 (UTC)
Some dick dicked around with the title. What a dickhead. Didn't even use a capital "S". Now it is fixed. -- 01:35, 18 May 2007 (UTC)

## edit You know you're republican pond whale picture?

Alter it a bit to make it spouting water, so we can make the caption "A republican pond whale, seen here spouting lies."

Just a thought--Witt, of UNion Entertain me* 18:53, 16 December 2006 (UTC)

## edit Merry Christmas

 Hindleyite was throwing away last year's Christmas cards, and realised they had purposefully forgotten about you.This user doesn't care about Multi-culturalism, and DEMANDS you have a Merry Christmas... NOW!

Codespammer alert! I mean, erm, Merry Commercial Conformity Period (commonly known as Christmas). Remember to keep the faith. -- Hindleyite Converse 21:09, 19 December 2006 (UTC)

## edit I want to join!

I have excepted BENSON as my Lord and savior. Add me too the leauge of BENSON--Absurdism 18:32, 23 December 2006 (UTC)

## edit TOMPKINS UNBANNED YOU, MY LORD

PLEASE GRACE US WITH YOUR VAST SUPERIORITY! Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 20:55, 23 December 2006 (UTC)

HUZZAH! --User:Nintendorulez 21:43, 23 December 2006 (UTC)
HAIL BE TO YOU, BENSON, FOR YOU HAVE RETURNED FROM THE EDGE OF OBLIVION! -- 05:26, 24 December 2006 (UTC)

## editSome pics for you

I was bored and thought these up completely at random. Enjoy.

--AAA! (AAAA) 13:23, 28 December 2006 (UTC)

## edit My Liege, please let me join!!!

My Lord, you are indeed better than me. Please allow this humble n00b to join the league of BENSON!!! Einstein_145 23:07, 28 December 2006 (UTC)

## editGood News!

I've nominated the fake BENSON for UGotM to try and restore peace for your associates. (or something). Also, I'm giving up my reign of terror against you. It's got boring... --AAA! (AAAA) 04:10, 2 January 2007 (UTC)

## editSo I'm a Bensonist now

What do I do? --AAA! (AAAA) 00:59, 11 January 2007 (UTC)

YELL LOUDLY AT PEOPLE WHO THINK DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU, WORSHIP BENSON, THAT KIND OF THING. ALSO, FEUDS ARE AN IMPORTANT PART OF WORSHIPPING BENSON. NOT JUST ONE GOOD FEUD. YOU GOTTA HAVE LIKE HALF A DOZEN ONES THAT YOU KEEP IGNITING JUST TO BOTHER PEOPLE. YOU'LL GET THE HANG OF IT. Benson 01:01, 11 January 2007 (UTC)
Okay, but I want to warn you, someone has nominated you for UGotM, and I've nominated fake benson for UGotM. Please vote and save yourself! --AAA! (AAAA) 01:08, 11 January 2007 (UTC)

## edit AAAAAAAAA!

goshzillacorrespondence 03:21, 11 January 2007 (UTC)

## edit Exclusive Interview... WITH YOU!

I request an exclusive interview with you, Benson. Answer the questions if you'd like as soon as you're unbanned. -- §. | WotM | PLS | T | C | A 01:18, 13 January 2007 (UTC)

It's an UnNews now: UnNews:Exclusive Interview with Benson. I'm not a Bensonist, but you can add it to your list of things dedicated to you if you want. Also, thanks for the Interview in the first place. -- §. | WotM | PLS | T | C | A 21:58, 14 January 2007 (UTC)

## edit O BENSON

Mighty BENSON, I have seen your light. Other, lesser gods have been martyred but once, and yet you seem to manage it on a regular basis. For this and other reasons, I request the privilege- nay, the honour- of joining the League of BENSON. For truly you are Better Than Me. --Symuun 23:14, 14 January 2007 (UTC)

## edit BENSON mii

I did this since I was bored. This Mii is now regularly used by Wii Sports.

Hope ya like it. --» >UF|TLK|» 20:23, 27 January 2007 (UTC)

## edit LAWL BENSON LOLOLOL OMG WTF ZOMG WTF LAAAAAAAAAAAAAWL BBQ

LOL ZOMG BBQ WTF ROFL I BEAR YOUR CHILD LOLOL ~ Unflameviper Who's a Peach? 00:08, 30 January 2007 (UTC)

BENSON does not understand your language, but compliments your use of the caps lock. GOOD JOB. ME HOPE YOU HAVE GOOD TIME LEARNING ENGLISH. Benson 16:19, 30 January 2007 (UTC)

## edit PRESENT

I made a pic of you smackin' down Fawwaz. Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!--The One and Only 04:45, 1 February 2007 (UTC)

## edit BENSON IS NOW OFFICIALLY BIGGER THAN JESUS

ALTHOUGH HE ALWAYS WAS BIGGER THAN JESUS, HE NOW OFFICIALLY IS. --Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 04:23, 31 January 2007 (UTC)

Of course. BENSON was always physically bigger than Jesus. BENSON is 10'5, you know. Benson 22:04, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

## edit Mt. BENSONmore

I have sculpted a tribute to BENSON in the very rock of Mount Rushmore.

I hope it pleases the Lord BENSON. I also acknowledge that you are infinitely better than me and wish to join your league of puny followers. -Captain Kickass 08:51, 9 February 2007 (UTC)

## editYESSIR

I accept your invite, Lord BENSON, and I will be bringing a guest.

Here he is: =\

His name is Hamlet. He is insignificant. He will not be bothersome in the least, but he wanted to go too. --love, gustav talk at menope 01:35, 13 February 2007 (UTC)

## edit Benson?

I don't know what this is about, but 'Benson', whatever that is, You're full of shit. D.G.Neree 20:01, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

I'll be damned! someone just answered me! Guess i'll just go on cursing and yelling at sock-puppets untill i get banned. Have some conversation! D.G.Neree 21:01, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

Well, let me explain: I think Uncyclopedia is becoming an incrowd joke. You (who?) have found a way to avoid the vanity policy & lick your (who's?) own ass all over uncyclopedia. Unfortunately, a lot of users and admins have fallen for your (who's?) trick and have gladly jumped to this new opportunity to indulge in their Knightly masturbation. Well, to tell you the truth: Although you (who?) may write some funny things (although i haven't encountered them yet), articles like yours (who's?) are the reason why vanity politics were installed in the first place, and i'll make damn sure nothing of the sort will happen on the dutch site. That's why i said that you're full of shit, but it is the admins who let you (who?) get away with it in the first place, that are full of their own knighthoods in the Order of Vanitas. D.G.Neree 21:24, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

TAKE THAT BACK! Dutch BENSON would be awesome. Firstly, none of BENSON's articles that he's made (that weren't deleted) are vanity articles, so how does that make BENSON full of shit? In fact, now that the admins changed the name of BENSON's forum, there is no vanity page about BENSON. If you would like to continue this conversation, post in the BENSON forum. It's getting too crowded in here. Benson 21:46, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

I'm sick of all you guys as it is, so i'll waste no more computertime on your holy talk page D.G.Neree 23:07, 15 February 2007 (UTC)
YAY! oTHErONE (Contribs) 05:45, 16 February 2007 (UTC)

## edit leaving?

No sir, i'm not leaving Uncyclopedia. Like it says on my talk page, I came here to write, not for social talk. I'm really sorry i started commenting on issues i really don't care about. So if you don't mind, I'ld rather not have you put my name on your whatever-list (this is a NO), for i really don't care about what you do or don't. 85.144.204.112 21:53, 16 February 2007 (UTC)(system logged me out D.G.Neree 21:54, 16 February 2007 (UTC))

If you don't care, then why can't I? In fact, your name should very well be there, for you messed with me by calling me out, and I proved you wrong, and got you to quit "social talk", which is pretty much the criteria for the list. I win! Benson 21:57, 16 February 2007 (UTC)

If I talk to a journalist and het puts my name on the front page without my permission, I will sue him or her. If you do the samen, I'll file a complaint with the administration. D.G.Neree 22:14, 16 February 2007 (UTC)

Seeing you put my name there anyway proves my vanity & masturbation point. Since I came here to write jokes & not become part of one (yours), i'll just quit the argument & get out of here. Bye & thank you. (Hope you can find some jokes to tell not regarding people of this site). D.G.Neree 22:39, 16 February 2007 (UTC)
I can't. Anyways, I know that you're too stubborn to just leave. You'll come back and say something here again anyways. And how exactly did putting your name on my user page prove your point? That has nothing to do with the many non-existant BENSON vanity pages you were complaining about. You just thought you could jam an "I-told-you-so" here and say that you're never coming back, which is just a cheap comeback. If you have the balls to actually argue this out and not make false claims, I'll be waiting. Until you prove yourself right, your name is staying right there. Just try and complain about it. Benson 15:51, 17 February 2007 (UTC)
Firstly, it is very easy to win something if your opponent doesn't know he's in a competition, and secondly, if you don't have anything better to think of than use other users as you personal joke, I suggest you stick to the truth and add the following chapter to your list:

## editPeople that have left Uncyclopedia in disgust of Benson

Alright. I know that even if you don't post again on Uncyc, you're still going to read this. I was right, you ARE too stubborn to just leave, you had to come back and post that. And I DO win because I've made another user leave Uncyc (I think that brings the total up to 3). You're always in a competition when you mess with BENSON. Benson 17:07, 17 February 2007 (UTC)

Suit yourself. D.G.Neree 17:10, 17 February 2007 (UTC)
I SUPPORT BENSON BECAUSE THIS GUY IS A LOSER WHO NEEDS HIS BLANKIE. AND BECAUSE BENSON IS WAY COOLER THAN THIS LOSER. --love, gustav talk at menope 20:23, 17 February 2007 (UTC)

-- 02:25, 21 February 2007 (UTC)

## edit DEAR BENSON

YOUR ENORMOUS EGO HAS INSPIRED ME TO ASK THIS QUESTION IS ALL CAPS: WHY DO YOU CLAIM TO HAVE INVISBLE SKIN, YET YOU LOOK LIKE SAMUEL L. JACKSON?

YOUR FAN 19:51, 22 February 2007 (UTC)

## editJoining

O, great and mighty Benson, I wish to join the League of Benson, as I admit you are better. P.S. Sorry for putting myself on the list!

Now, a song for Benson!

```"Rally users!
And show Benson we'll pay his taxes!
Or he'll kill us all."
```

Sorry for the Boston Tea Party refrence.

YES! FINALLY! A song dedicated to BENSON. I don't mind that you added your name. You had BENSON's permission. Benson 20:50, 23 February 2007 (UTC)

BENSON, I had to get a new Username, so can you change my name (High General Grue), or should I do it? --High Gen. Grue 23:52, 25 February 2007 (UTC)

## editI've been doing some math

$Benson > You^2$

Einstein would be proud. --AAA! (AAAA) 23:08, 23 February 2007 (UTC)

Why, you've done it! This explains the Big Bang! It was ME all along! Benson 23:35, 23 February 2007 (UTC)
That is the only math problem the world needs.

## editGreat news!

I decided to take that old pond whales image you once made to the Image Request page, and they've made it much better for you! Should we give them an award? --AAA! (AAAA) 10:00, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

I don't know. Do you think it looks better with the really fake version, or the realistic one? To me, it doesn't make a difference. The old one was fake on purpose, which was funny, but this one actually looks real, which is equally funny. AAA!: I give you the authority to make this decision yourself. You're moving up in the League! Benson 16:36, 25 February 2007 (UTC)
I say stick with the realistic one. Higher quality images means better articles; and it might even get yours featured. --AAA! (AAAA) 11:18, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

## editI wish to join the League!

May I join the LEAGUE OF BENSON, and if so, may I add myself to your userpage? --Wehpudicontok--Welcome to Vaporstory! 07:03, 25 February 2007 (UTC)

NO! NEVER! Oh, wait, yeah, you can. Benson 16:33, 25 February 2007 (UTC)
May I join the League of BENSON, Oh Great And Mighty BENSON? --Someguy 44 21:52, 16 April 2007 (UTC)

## editUrgent News!

BENSON my Lord, DiZ accidentally provided the proof that you are superior to Ouroboros. REJOICE! Captain Kickass 22:16, 25 February 2007 (UTC)

## edit Wat ben jij een opgeblazen kikker !

Since I don't think you'll speak any other language than that crappy English of yours, I'll translate this header. It says : What a blown up frog are you ! Byebye lul de behanger zeiksnor. Ikke 11:01, 27 February 2007 (UTC)

## edit You are the first on the List of Beneenhufter !

Dear Benson, come to my pages and see yourself on the List of Beneenhufter. Congratulations your are the first so I give you this button. Have fun ! Ikke 19:10, 27 February 2007 (UTC)
Sorry forgot to give the translation of Klootzak, so here it comes. Kloot is a sphere and here it stands for Earth. Zak is a bag/pocket. So Klootzak means : you've got the world in your pocket. That is to say, it is what you think. Oww I like Uncyclopedia and such a Klootzak like you. Ikke 19:33, 27 February 2007 (UTC)
Holy jizz monkies! I have no clue what you just said. But if you want into the League of BENSON, you're going to have to ask more explicitly than that. Don't worry. Some day you'll work up the courage to ask ol' BENSON. Benson 20:36, 27 February 2007 (UTC)
Wrong option again, Ol'Benson. It is for you to kneel some day in front of the Pack of AVOBAB. And furthermore I wasn't supprised by your lack of understanding; it's normal voor a Klootzak. By the way Ol'Benson, is it true that you lost your right arm ? Byebye. Ikke 20:57, 27 February 2007 (UTC)
If you want into the Leauge, don't be afraid. Just ask! I know it's very nerve-racking to ask something like that of BENSON, but BENSON's just like you, just better. Don't be so nervous! Benson 22:51, 27 February 2007 (UTC)
Jeah, jeah and no tnx again. Beware of the Pack of AVOBAB; that's all I can say. You wouldn't loose your left arm as well, won't you? I wonder how you unzip your fly with only one hand. Ikke 23:29, 27 February 2007 (UTC)
Oh, Ikke, noobs like you are very amusing. If you want in the League, just ask. That's all it takes! You are a very shy but silly noob. Don't worry, BENSON will speak up for you if you need help. Benson 21:05, 28 February 2007 (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear that I amuse you. I didn't meant to. Hastalapasta Sonson. Ikke 11:10, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

## editPim Fortuyn

Dear Benson. I think it is a shame you never had the possibility to meet Pim Fortuyn. You and him could have had so much fun in private places. I also think you are great "lul de behanger". That means you are very decorative 145.254.157.142

Okay, I see : Rod the Wallpaperer. Tnx Babel. Ikke 22:08, 27 February 2007 (UTC)
Oh, I thought his name was Dick? Maybe we're talking about different wallpaperers here? 85.144.204.112 13:41, 28 February 2007 (UTC)
Or maybe it is a with kwak wallpapering rod ? Ikke 10:46, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

## edit Quack.... Quack....

Looks like to me you're a sitting duck, that's what it looks like to me! I haven't felt this good for days :D Quack.... Quack..... Hahahahahaha! 85.144.204.112 23:23, 27 February 2007 (UTC)

I'm sorry, let me explain. In Dutch, the nephews of Donald Duck are called Quick, Queck and Quack.

Actually it is spelled Kwakkie, which is by the way also a kind of glue, sometimes used to hold wallpaper against the wall. I don't mean those ducks. I mean ducks like you find in the dutch canals, also known as Open sewer-ducks. Quack??? 85.144.204.112 13:47, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

## edit challenge

Mr. Benson, I have changed my mind. Even though i don't mind losing a game, not knowing i'm in a competition, a holy war started against someone or something is not to be taken lightly. I have therefore put up my armour again and stand here (fully armed) before you with this offer of peace. This offer consists of two things:

1. I, D. G. Neree will apologize for my remarks on the person of Benson;
2. Benson will remove my name from Bensons userpage.

If you consider yourself a better person than anyone me, consider being a perfect gentleman and accept this offer. D.G.Neree 23:06, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

Is this out of cowardice or just plain rudeness?

Since I haven't seen any suicide-bommings lately on uncyclopedia, I assume that your kind offer of a Jihad against my person is nothing but baked air? Then tell me, is this

• out of plain cowardice?
• because you are old & weak or otherwise ill?
• because you are really full of shit?

But maybe you are just tongue-struck with fear and unable to speak to me. That's alright! just order one of your lieges to speak for you, while you hide in your tent & behind empty words.

Greetings to Nobody's Son, from D.G.Neree 23:40, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

# editTwo Questions

Hey. If you want in the League, all you have to do is ask! Toodles! Benson 21:15, 28 February 2007 (UTC)
Do you say that I can give my comment here : all you have to do is ask ? If you want so, I'll be pleased to do so. Ikke 06:47, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

I copied our con to here so you wont miss it. And you still didn't confirm that you've lost your right arm. Ikke 06:47, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

# editSonson

Hi Benson. Funny name. Ben of Benjamin or Hebrew for youngest son. So we better call you Sonson. Agree? Okay than Sonson, I think what you're doing with that socalled Leage is infame. Ever read/seen the novel/movie The Wave ? You should. More details will follow. I've got to puke now. That happens all the time when I think of you. Bye mate. Ikke 11:07, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

# editSunny Boy beats Sonson by millions

Hi Sonson, it is Ikke again. Ever heard of Sunny Boy. No, I don't think so. Anyhow, this Dutch boy did it over 2million times. So if you think you can screw me, remember : Dutch boys screw harder, faster and far more often. See you later Sonson. Ikke 11:28, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

# editAnother Beneenhufter

Hi Sonson. Time flies, isn't it. I've added your friend Gustav to my Beneenhufter-list. He realy deserved it. Hey, almost 5 o'clock. Time for a shot of whisky. Cu later. Ikke 15:51, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

Hello. You don't have to be nervous around me. I'm just like you. Here, this site might help: go here!. I think it might help. Benson 20:26, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

## editColour

It's for a gift I'm making. What are your two favourite colours? --AAA! (AAAA) 11:57, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

Invisible and rainbow. Wait, do those count as colours? Probably just blue and silver. Benson 17:00, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

## editRight

Sonson my dear, why don't you answer ? Are you afraid, shy, ignorant and/or trespassing ? Are you blue, red, pink or just green ? Are you bowing, admitting my superiority and your lack of knowledge ? Oh jeah. please delete my name on your user page. Bye love. Ikke 21:39, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

Oh, silly Ikke! Noobs like you make BENSON's day. And you said you love BENSON? Why, you're such a dear! Know what? I'm going to put you in charge of the Minor League of BENSON. Once you're old enough, I'll even promote you to the big boy League!
You're welcome! Benson 21:57, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

Sonson, silli yii. Thit livi wis rhitiricil ifciirsi. Iw yii din't kniw whit rhitiricil is. Will if yii wint ti kniw, tri ti pit Thi Minir Liigii in yiir irsi. Miibi it will briidin yiir sight. Biibii. Ikke 19:53, 3 March 2007 (UTC)

## editUSERBOX

 BENSON IS BETTER THAN THIS USER.

Hope you like. --AAA! (AAAA) 22:33, 2 March 2007 (UTC)

I like! I like! Thank you AAA!. You are not so puny compared to the other monkeys. Benson 22:36, 2 March 2007 (UTC)
I made this, and thanks for fixing my userboxes, AAA!.
 BENSON is better than this user.
YOU FORGOT THE ALLCAPS! --AAA! (AAAA) 04:14, 12 March 2007 (UTC)

## edit Hello

I just wanted to say hi to the almighty BENSON. --Brayds2006 08:33, 3 March 2007 (UTC)

Hello to you too. I think. Soooo... did you see The Apprentice yesterday? Benson 23:36, 4 March 2007 (UTC)
Sorry i haven't been on here, i couldn't get on here for some reason, and i am Australian, so i don't see The Apprentice. --Brayds2006 04:21, 15 March 2007 (UTC)

## editName Change

I shall henceforth be known as CaptainKickass instead of Captain Kickass. I went ahead and changed the name on the list and all. I hope that's okay. Of course it is okay if you still want to call me Captain Kickass. But I have abandoned the space. Captain Kickass 07:11, 4 March 2007 (UTC) <-- So you know it's me.

Sounds good to BENSON. Benson 23:36, 4 March 2007 (UTC)

## editMY LEIGE!

ANOTHER FAKE BENSON! --AAA! (AAAA) 04:12, 12 March 2007 (UTC)

## editFFS

You might be interested in this. --AAA! (AAAA) 02:58, 16 March 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for pointing that out. We must get rid of the imposter! Benson 15:20, 16 March 2007 (UTC)

## edit Another Name Change...

What can I say? I'm indecisive. CRITERION. --CaptainKickass 06:39, 19 March 2007 (UTC)

## editnvm sorry i insulted you, but i still am not going to join the league

everyone join the league of B0n_b0ns it is much better. if you dont i will turn u into a grue using my supernatural powers and eat you slowly, kapeesh?B0n b0ns 23:05, 1 April 2007 (UTC)

Normally, Grues eat you. Even in Soviet Russia. So does this mean you'll perform a complicated form of suicide if we don't join your league? What's next, are you gonna try and breed a pirate and a ninja? Even <insert name here> knows better than that. --Redmond 00:30, 2 April 2007 (UTC)

No I don't!! --<insert name here> 17:52, 19 May 2007 (UTC)

I dont hate BENSON any more, but i dont worship him either but now i despise <insert name here> for saying i am a suicidal maniac. Which actually the second part may be a little true.

This public service announcement brought to you by the cabal(if there is one(which there isnt.)

## edit LORD FLUFFY

Welcome home, my fellow diety! We have missed thee! A sword for thy return, BENSON!

 Lord Fluffy has awarded you a sword for outstanding valor and/or insanity. Use it well.Yay! Pointy!

You have missed many things; unfortunately, Lord Fluffy can only remember one, the PWNage (led by yours truly and High Gen. Grue) and subsequent conversion of Molotovnight. Again, happy to see you. Feel free to visit Lord Fluffy's userpage any time. Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 01:17, 2 April 2007 (UTC)

</font>

## edit BENSONIST NINJASTAR

-- 20:53, 11 April 2007 (UTC)

If the noble BENSON will permit it, I would like to ask of him if he plans on returning to the House of Pancakes soon. Recent acts of your divine retribution (crushing infidels, performing miracles, etc.) have been sorely missed, especially by those of us in the Chronicling business. Recent additions to the Chronicles have included only events indirectly related to your awesomeness, and I doubt that reader interest will persist if some new events are not recorded soon. Also, my publisher is threatening to burn off my toes if I don't get some new material in.

So please consider reminding the puny monkeys in the Holy House of Pancakes that You Are Better Than Them. -- 06:59, 16 April 2007 (UTC)

Awww, Cainad! I didn't know you cared! I've been busy lately, but I'll try to do something big in the next few days. Benson 21:38, 16 April 2007 (UTC)

## edit I Can't Believe It's not BENSON

I made an article search it and fix it it only has 2 sentences

## edit I Can't Believe It's not BENSON

I made an article search it and fix it it only has 2 sentences Yellow 130 23:06, 16 April 2007 (UTC)

I really want to tell everyone i've been adopted by benson.-- 08:53, 23 April 2007 (UTC)

## edit I wish to join the league

I made an image my Liege Yellow 130 22:10, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Hi, I hope you don't mind but you and some of your articles are playing a fairly major role in one of my articles NeedABrain suggested I should let you know. Oh, and if you're annoyed then it was also his idea in the first place. Cheers. --Kelpan 21:50, 6 May 2007 (UTC)

## editJesus Endorsement

No, I don't worship you, think you're great, or even think you are mildly intelligent—I just made this template for fun.

As long as I'm here, I might as well show you this, also made by me:

You may have missed it, but this last one I briefly placed at the top of your userpage.

Really, the only reason I'm showing you these is because I have no place else to use/dump them. Radioactive afikomen 04:21, 7 May 2007 (UTC)

## editA Gift for The Great Benson

O great Benson, the lowly peasent that is me asks that you take pity on my n00bness and allow me to join the League of Benson. In return, I will supply you with a trick for beating any of those LoB traitors at Online Chess.

Step 1: Before the match, open up a chess game with the computer. Set difficulty level to "maximum." Make sure it's set for you to go first, and not being timed.

Step 2: Challenge Rataube, Codeine, or Sikon to a game of online chess. Since you are so holy and noble, you will graciously allow them to go first.

Step 3: They will make their first move. Once they do, mirror their move on the chess game with the Expert computer as your first move. The computer will supply the proper counter-move. Make it against Rataube/Codeine/Sikon.

Step 4: Continue to play the game this way. Essentially, Rataube/Codeine/Sikon is playing against the Expert computer, with you as the middle man.

Step 5: Eventually, the Expert computer will checkmate you. Don't fret! Make the same move against Rataube/Codeine/Sikon. YOU WIN!!! You are better than they are!

Of course, this can be used for any other board game you'd like to play, but make sure you have a version of the game that includes a computer with Expert mode. Have I pleased you? Will you allow me to join your league? Example 22:39, 14 May 2007 (UTC)

## edit League of Benson

Benson, I belong to no group other than papercupism, and am seeking meaning in my life. I'm just a humble Baby-snatcher from Pen Island, but can I please join the League of Benson? P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:49, 19 May 2007 (UTC)

## editAutograph

I hear that you are really, very, greatly, infinitely awesome. Despite the fact that I am not even worthy to talk to you, could you do me the extravagent favour of signing my autograph page? -- Kip > Talk Works

Update: Oh crap, I just realized, someone who has messed with you is on there. Oh well, I could always delete them if you want. (MWAHAHAHA) -- Kip > Talk Works

They said, and I quote, "It's a start". -- Kip > Talk Works

Are you still adopting Benson? Because this pathetic one needs your help. Thanks

--Maharaja Hdgcfcf | | User Page | Talk | Go Kill Yourself 15:33, 13 June 2007 (UTC)

## editVFD TYATU

Benson, on ZB's nom of TYATU on VFD, ZB called you insignificant. Even I disagree. ZB has messed with you again. Marshal Uncyclopedian! Talk to me!

## edit Hello

I've in the middle of writing an article even at first it had been deleted but then i had an administrator to bring it back to life in my userspace and it is User:Richardson j/Alfred kahn but i'm stuck in a Writer's Block but by the looks of it it looks like i be winning the award Richardson j 22:31, 4 July 2007 (UTC)

## editsophia is better than benson!

es muy true.♦♣≥≤—♠¥Χ♥ΦΨ 05:21, 6 July 2007 (UTC)

## edit Yo, Benson

How did a noob like you come to be a god? What's your secret? Is it if you're enough of a noob, you revert to god status?

How does the Earth revolve around the Sun? God, Pongo some things just are. --Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 04:48, 7 July 2007 (UTC)

## edit Would You?

I was wantin' to know if you would add {{User:Tom mayfair/Template:Userawardpage}} to the bottom of your user page. I made it for these type of user space projects so we could reach out more to users. You're not obligated to, just thought it would be nice. The template is also a link on the main award template as User Space Affiliations. Just think 'bout it. 01:35, 22 July 2007

## edit Socks!

Since you're the ultimate master of socks maybe you could donate some to me, or maybe at least teach me how to make my own =) --Sachaztan 12:27, 20 August 2007 (UTC)

## editBENSON I HATE YOU

BENSON DOES NOT DESREVE TO WRITE IN CAPS, ANYONE IN THE LEAGUE OF BENSON IS NOW OFFICIALY MY ENEMY, MWUHUHAHAHAHAHAHA

I AM GOD, JESUS, BUDDHA AND ZEUS ROLLED INTO ONE (no really, I am)

--El legend 17:57, 11 September 2007 (UTC)

I am noob; all my three articles have been deleted and I am not even a native speaker of English, so they allways contain a lot of mistakes; aaargh!!! So can you (or someone else who's really good), please adopt a noob? Funny Frisian Bastard From Friesland 07:18, 22 September 2007 (UTC)

## edit Come back, Benson.

Don't forsake us (like some other deities I know) -- 05:15, 16 October 2007 (UTC)

## edit Johnny Benson NASCAR Driver

Who is this Johnny Benson and why issn't there anything here on Uncyclopedia on him. He appears to be a strong Driver in the Craftsman Truck Series, but there nothing on him here. Is he related to the Great Benson or is he just an Imposter? --The preceding unsigned comment was added by Sawblade5 (talk • contribs) 03:00, 27 October 2007 (UTC)

I wonder if Johnny Benson could be anything to do with the Benson School of Motoring car that I saw yesterday morning? It wasn't doing 200mph or whatever speed Nascar cars go at, but the traffic was heavy. RabbiTechno 09:53, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
Oh BTW Benson, Congratulations on that Truck Series Win at Homestead-Miami Speedway and winning the most popular driver award in the Truck Series 2 years in a row. --The preceding unsigned comment was added by Sawblade5 (talk • contribs) 02:19, 29 November 2007 (UTC)

## editI WISH TO JOIN YOUR LEAGUE

Hi Benson, I have heard of your greatness from quite some time now and after careful thinking, I with to join your league. Let me be your representative in Asia and I will spread the word of your greatness. We will topple buddhism, christianity and islam and convert all of Asia into devout Bensonites.

I will wait for your response of approval in my userpage. -- 09:50, 14 November 2007 (UTC)

## edit Qestion

I read in the rules that you can't do pages about yourself or friends or anything like that. But yet, here it seems like an article about him or someone else's life? So, is it allowed sometimes?--Spiderswing432 03:07, 2 December 2007 (UTC)Spiderswing432

## edit Whoring BENSON (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111!!) -Nofu Aristocray Campaign

The following message is provided by a American vote "whore". Deep Breaths....the vote "whore" recognizes what they are, a vote "whore"! Unfortunately, a synonym for vote whore is "American Politician". The only way you can stop the Americanism whoror is to actually vote for them, or they might just keep Americanizing whoring. Stupid Americans Whores.....

Anyway:

(John Wayne narrates:) Hello partner, it's me, Le Marquis de Nofu, here to ask you to check out my article Wire tapping. If you like it as much as I do, my friend, vote for it here: VFH Wire tapping. Also, I have been bestowed with the honor of nomination for Noob of the Month. Check out my contributions and Home Page. If you like the work I've been doing around here in QVFD and PeeReview, vote for me here.

Thanks ya'll., --Major'GUN' Ggarfield, .Complex! 05:44, 7 December 2007 (UTC)

This sarcastically Southern American (written by a Northerner) overly exaggeratively friendly message paid for by the sweat of small unpaid children and minors Friends of the Nofu Aristocracy Foundation.

P.S.: WE WANT BENSON!!!!!!!!!!111111111!!!!!!1111!!!!!! He's 1337!!!1111!!1!

In the next time that we could vote you for admin. We'll do it, just be sure to thank the people who worshipped you. --NXWave 21:14, 19 December 2007 (UTC)

## editMerry Xmas!

 ~ Merry Xmas Benson! ~ Ye Olde Luke

--YeOldeLuke 08:00, 26 December 2007 (UTC)

teh l337 1s btr t@n xm@s! g0 b3ns0n11!!1 mry xm@s b17cH!!!11!1111 07:32, 30 December 2007 (UTC)24.23.177.160 07:32, 30 December 2007 (UTC)

## edit You take up too much uncyclopedia space.

You really do. And if you want to vandalise something, here it is. Because I did just mess w/Benson. HAH! WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

## edit THERE IS SOMETHING THAT REQUIRES YOU ATTENTION, OH OVERLORD.

THEY'RE TRYING TO D1337 THE 3-D HOUSE OF PANCAKES!!! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!! Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 19:06, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

## editA FESTIVUS FOR THE RESTOFUS!

 Happy Festivus, from The Led Balloon and Jerry Stiller. Put up your Festivus Pole, air your grievances, and prepare for the feats of strength, for festivus cannot continue until I am pinned! Oh, and merry Christmas if you're into that sort of thing. It's a Festivus miracle!

- P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:43, Dec 21

 I'd just like to say to you, Merry/Happy/Already with the happy! Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/Capitalism, bitch-nizzle! and other mildly offensive things that make self-respecting white-people cringe with disgust.

## edit Oh great and mighty BENSON

OH GREAT AND MIGHTY BENSON:~ [Citation Needed is here. Let's talk.] 05:15, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

• Can you archive so we(not BENSON) puny mortals(again, not BENSON) can manage to read the page?~ [Citation Needed is here. Let's talk.] 05:15, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
• What is your sex? Sorry if the question offended you.~ [Citation Needed is here. Let's talk.] 05:15, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Guys, you all know it. --Meganew 15:19, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

BENSON IS NOT DEAD!!! BENSON IS BACK, AND WILL KILL YOU INSOLENT HERETICS!!! --Benson (TalkContribs (del)EditcountBlock (rem-lst-all)LogsGroups) 15:21, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
DO NOT IMPERSONATE BENSON! HE WILL ANNIHILATE YOU! -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 15:26, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
Dudes, like, chill. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 15:28, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
Besides, Meganew can impersonate BENSON so long as the real BENSON is dead. Otherwise, Uncyclopedia will fall apart. --Benson 15:31, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
At least until he gets banned, anyway. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 15:39, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
AND WHAT GIVES YOU THAT IDEA!?!? (Sorry, but with my attempt to be Benson while he's gone, I can't let up at all.) --Benson 15:53, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

## edit Joe9320 is not better than YOU!

08:15, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

I would just like to point out that BENSON is better than Joe9320. That is all. Welcome home o holiest of BENSON. 21:44, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

## editI heard you're new here, so... Welcome!

 WELCOME! I'm sure you will like it here!

Hello, Benson, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... Yes. You seem to have a sense of humor, but to be sure that it corresponds to the kind of humor that is accepted on this site, I suggest checking out the following links:

• Beginner's Guide - A massive guide about how to be the best you can be at Uncyclopedia. I've honestly never read the whole thing in one sitting myself, but it is very useful if you're looking for help on a specific issue.
• How to be funny and not just stupid - Our flagship link. This will tell you how to not get booed off the metaphorical stage that is Uncyclopedia. I STRONGLY suggest reading the entire thing through, perhaps more than once.
• Our Vanity Policies - This page details why we don't care about your friends, your school, your gay fourth period math teacher, or the homework he has you do, and in-jokes. DO NOT violate these rules.
• Uncyclopedia:Best of - For a bit of inspiration. These are our featured articles. This is the kind of stuff we like to read around here.

Now that that's out of the way, just continue reading and you'll notice some more links. These ones are about help in general:

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but I do recommend it, it can be quite enjoyable, and it's a good chance to let others take notice of your writing. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Benson/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

If you want to write and don't know where to begin, consider contributing to Uncyclopedia's current colonization of the week, a group writing project to improve a single popular article. Anyone is welcome to contribute, so come help out! If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!

-Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 20:45, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

## edit In celebration of your holy kindness, here is a portrait...

-Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 21:22, 17 March 2009 (UTC)

## edit BENSON, YOU SUCK!!!

YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE!! BENSON, YOU SUCK!!! --Absolutely Not Benson 18:37, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

## editAward from UN:REQ

 This user created Duplo, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)

## edit People who love BENSON (yes I am not writing his name in lowercase):

Invincibleflamegruemaster BENSON FAILS MISERABlY IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE!!!!!1!!!one!!1!

Macro_bitYou just don't understand the BENSON. You wrote in all caps, so it could be YOU that is BENSON. In any other case: SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER! SHUUUN SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNUH.

## edit Holy Jesus!

Who is this goddamned animal? Barcode711 18:02, November 14, 2009 (UTC)

## edit LADIES!!! (now that a dim light has been shed upon me, a word please)

O hear me, O wonderous and all-knowing BENSON! I, a soul who has walked amongst the pages of this land godless, beg for an invitation to follow YOUR HOLINESS to whatever blasphemer dare bespoil your illustrious name of BENSON; I am a humble acolyte! To put to your holiness bluntly I would very much like to join the league of BENSON and preach your name to every man, woman, child and animal upon YOUR green Earth! Please? Good George 12:48, April 21, 2010(UTC)

## edit GAH!

I would say this guy is an oxygen thief if he wasn't using only information (which apparently is still mass). Luckily he is a nitrogen breather, which makes sense as- "Using nitrogen for respiration would be so counterproductive, as that any organism attempting such feat would most certainly be outperformed by oxygen breathing ones"- Oprah Winfrey GTFO BITCH! BENSON IS GOD.

## edit Benson is back...

...saw your edit! Hello there! Sir ScottPat (converse) 16:28, May 23, 2014 (UTC)