User talk:AmericanBastard

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edit Re: 1up

Hey dude thanks for the comment on 1up. Well I just wanted to reply to what you said. Uncyclopedia isn't a fair place just like most of our governments and world for that matter, but the main reason why I keep making "Potatochops" is because it IS difficult.

It's what pushes me to make better and better work. Hell if I stayed on Newgrounds or Deviant Art I wouldn't be half the Potatochopper that I am now (Also I'm too much of a jew to pay for the forums on SomethingAwful). Anyways all that aside sometimes you need a hard kick in the ass and someone to say "THIS ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH!".

Also I got really tired of everyone saying my shops rule on DeviantArt. -- Gay2.gifCartoonDiabloGay2.gif.

edit Disgrace to America

You're a good example why I am moving to Canada. Thanks for hitting the thumb on the nail. (wait, is that a saying?) -- Lacey clicky 09:05, 7 December 2006 (UTC)

edit HowTo:

Hey, I've read your recent howto article, and it's pretty good. However please don't sign your articles, we can see who made them by looking at the History tab at the top. Thanks for reading. --—Braydie 11:54, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

edit Thanks for your help

I appreciate your comments on Pee Review for my Mossy coconut article. Looking back, I agree with you that the colliquial style is a bit too distracting, so I'll rework that. It occurred to me that the concept itself is the real crown jewel of the article, so the article itself shouldn't distract the reader from the sheer absurdity of a moss-covered coconut being used as decoration. Anywat, I'll stop babbling on your talk page now; don't nominate it for VFH yet, it's too soon since its last nomination, and it hasn't changed enough since then. --The Acceptable Thinking cap small Cainad Sacred Chao (Fnord) 22:45, 4 January 2007 (UTC)

edit Re: VHF VFH

Excellent idea; our own mini-cabal. Nomination exchanges, money laundering, all that good stuff. *Puts on sinister trench coat and hat, stands in the shadows* So, is Mossy coconut nomination-worthy yet, or do we need more time? I'll look through your articles (don't worry, I'm not easily offended) and find that bit of gold that can be so difficult to find in one's own work.

P.S. Let's keep this discussion on your talk page, I'll put it on my watchlist so I'll know when to reply. --The Acceptable Thinking cap small Cainad Sacred Chao (Fnord) 20:23, 5 January 2007 (UTC)

Sounds good. I've discovered a theory that if you impersonate an admin you have a 105% increase for postive VFH nominations due to suck-ups. *Puts on trenchcoat, trips on it and falls over*. Perhaps we can consier that later. As for mossy, I've always liked embedding little stories in my articles; for instance, take a look at my HowTo: Make a Four Year Old Laugh article under sub-content "bungee crapping." Maybe with mossy you can input a little vignette i.e. "mossy coconut monster" or something to that effect and elaborate on "Johsnon" with some cheap sales pitch techniques/gambits. Since mossy coconuts themselves are so boring, maybe they can serve some significance in places like funerals or retirement homes i.e. Mossy coconut helps old people die faster via 'Tempus Fugit' (Latin root for speeding up time) or entertains them to the point of insanity/senility. Incorporate the Chia-Pet into this somehow, that would be a great oppertunity as well. In regards to formatting, I honestly think viewers and admins fancy a clean article with intelligent/scholarly content more than a stupid sounding article filled with errors that happens to be hilarious, only no1 bothers with it because it looks unprofessional. I nominated an article on VFH that is extremely funny albeit poorly written and filled with poor grammar and red-links (bytheway: your article could use a few more blue-links (they help serve the uncyc community + admins like them). I'll leave it at that for now. --AmericanBastard 02:22, 6 January 2007 (UTC)

edit WIP

Hey, your article HowTo: Be Random hasn't been edited in 7 days, but I have removed it because I think it's ok to go out there on it's own. If you want to develop it more, you can just edit it from now on without the tag. Thanks —Braydie at 22:49, 17 January 2007 (UTC)

Hey again, same as above but for HowTo: Antagonize People for Being Different. Thanks. —Braydie at 13:51, 21 January 2007 (UTC)
And I've extended the WIP on J.P. Morgan. —Braydie at 16:11, 10 February 2007 (UTC)

edit PLS

Hey, your submission for PLS was showing up as a red link because you had to post your article in a subpage of your userpage. I did it for you just now, hope you don't mind. Next time just click on your red link and then copy and paste your article code into that, it's pretty simple. --Icons-flag-us Love:M.D 19:29, 24 January 2007 (UTC)

edit Brilliant

I just voted for your VFP nomination. But you left out one vote: Against because I always vote against every image User:Jealous Obstructionist Dame PPsigPPlips.gifGUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 02:06, 14 February 2007 (UTC)

If the crowd eats it up; i'll make some changes to it. I was actually thinking about putting the image itself on a computer screen with some fat loser sitting behind it and then having some more recursion occuring in the image. --AmericanBastard 04:24, 14 February 2007 (UTC)

edit VFH

Hey, its not that HowTo:Start a Fire isn't funny, its just that it doesn't scream "PUT ME ON THE FRONT PAGE" to me. :) -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

Hmmm. I could insert some kind of HTML imbedded .wav that autoplays "PUT ME ON THE FRONT PAGE!!" in a shrieking voice; i'm not sure if Uncyc Wiki command protocals will permit that... nyet.. --AmericanBastard 01:26, 17 February 2007 (UTC)
Just for the record its the top half of the article that puts me off, the bottom half has a lot more potential to it. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
And i'm beginning to discover that the first 10% of the article is the most important. I need some killer hooks and catch phrases in order to lure the readers. Listen to that, it sounds like i'm having a problem fishing... --AmericanBastard 01:33, 17 February 2007 (UTC)

edit Um...

A retouch of a retouched pic indicates a lack of originality in spirit, if not in law. This was accidental I hope?--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 07:13, 17 February 2007 (UTC)

Nah I havent; but i'm not surprised...Take a look here --AmericanBastard 07:16, 17 February 2007 (UTC)
The difference is that they share a similar base (wordplay with Ben & Jerry) but are different (Haliburton vs. chill the fuck out), whereas yours...<pregnant pause>. Just file it under "shit happens", I guess. It's shitty when someone beats you to it; provided of course that you didn't 'chop their 'chop. That's totally bad karma. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 07:56, 17 February 2007 (UTC)
Well, I’m not exactly Buddhist so I guess that allegation doesn’t affect me; religions can only exercise wrath on it's denominational believers, luck to the atheists which I’m not... My incentive to create/alter this image was mostly an appeal to ZombieBaron. My last VFP was totally text-based and kinda pissed him off, i thinks. Perhaps this one, in it's text-free zombieness, he will see some light/bwainz in me. --AmericanBastard 08:11, 17 February 2007 (UTC)

edit Token of thanks

100px-Hw-caesar.jpg Lac gratia tu ad suffragium per The Justice League!
--~ Tophatsig 16:48, 17 February 2007 (UTC)

edit Thought you'd like to know...

The excellent image Bible Canon copy.jpg has now found a home in the article Canonized. Don't get a big head about it or anything.—Lenoxus 20:00, 17 February 2007 (UTC)

Awesome; No problemo. I'm a canon lover; kinda like Bozo the clown. Shooting things out of a canon makes me happy and always brings me great joy. I've got another image of Rosie O'donnell being fired out of a civil war canon too. More on the way; just trying to find another victim. --AmericanBastard 22:03, 17 February 2007 (UTC)

edit Recent Ninja Star award

American Bastard,

While I did contruibute to both articles (specifically the trivia/filmography sections), Fritz Lang and Akira Kurosawa were originally created by User:Kilgoretrout and User:Nomad respectively. As for Max Max 4, its been off and on again so many times I'm not sure what's going on anymore. Last I heard, Miller has signed to direct another Babe movie although that was awhile ago... MadMax 05:35, 18 February 2007 (UTC)

edit Hi

Do To Your Recent Work i Have Invited You To Be A Member of The American Otaku Association. Just take this template and place it at the bottom of your user page and your name will be added to the list of members [ [Category: The American Otaku Association] ] (There are Spaces Between the brackets be sure to remove them.) --AyumiKitada

Awesome!!! I actually created the Engrish Hayao Miyazaki article; hope you liked it. I'm not a true Otaku but I can pretend I am for financial purposes. I expect a sum of no less that Eleventy billion dollars to be sent to my shed beneith the Chicago Loop State/Lake stop. Thanks! --AmericanBastard 06:19, 23 February 2007 (UTC)
Your Money is on the way and it is with your help that as a groop the A.O.A. will corner and rape (like some bad henti) and then control the Asian humor market. pleas bring any sigestions to the A.O.A forum ([1] Click this poorly constructed link to get there).

--AyumiKitada 07:09, 23 February 2007 (UTC)

edit Tada

We now have a User Box { {AOA} } place the templet with your other user boxes on your user page (There are Spaces Between the brackets be sure to remove them.) if you want you can thank User:Kalir for making it for us

--AyumiKitada 06:20, 26 February 2007 (UTC)

Great, it's on my front page. I commit myself to ensure the defense and prolongation of all anime related articles. --AmericanBastard 16:16, 26 February 2007 (UTC)

edit WIP move notice of Grand Theft Auto: Reality City

Hey, your article that was called Grand Theft Auto: Reality City has been moved to User:AmericanBastard/Grand Theft Auto: Reality City for further development. Feel free to move it back when you have done. Oh, and if you want to reply to this, please reply on my talk page (I do so many of these, I don't get to check them all). Thanks. —Braydie 14:42, 11 March 2007 (UTC)

edit =Help

Hi there , sorry for interruption, could you please take a look at the Arabic uncyclopedia, I think the main page decoration is all screwed up, is it only my computer or is it universally screwed, I will be there for any advice Classic 971 06:50, 15 March 2007 (UTC)

No idea. I'm not arabic either; I thought my name gave that away. --AmericanBastard 06:51, 15 March 2007 (UTC)


Koda Kumi Has ben nominated for deletion pleas go here to vote to save it.

End Message

The Good Doctor Ayumi Kitada, LoTAOA, UmP, MUN, Ph.D. 02:27, 16 March 2007 (UTC)

edit Oh yeah

I moved your image from VFP to the reefer desk if you haven't already noticed; it was approaching -3 which is the killing time, but the responses indicated it needed some work, so I moved it. Here it is! --KATIE!! 03:15, 18 March 2007 (UTC)

edit Connery Canard

55px-ThinkerToilet.jpg JoshHJ has successfully reviewed your article you submitted to Pee Review. Any questions or comments can go to his talk page. Hopefully you will enjoy! Need more editing or reviewing? Ask for it on my talk page!I'll help with creating articles also.

It's pretty good, just needs some work.

edit Good Job!

Your page there with the "mommy needs a pick my up" picture was FUNNY! Good job on the User page and I love your username!--Mannsvilla 10:48, 30 May 2007 (UTC)

edit Connery Canard Suggestions

Well my suggestions were to follow the ones that were already on the review page and to also add "sh" randomly throughout the article where an "s" is already. Here is a link to the review. Review

edit Hehe!

Thanks for telling me!--Mannsvilla 23:13, 31 May 2007 (UTC)

edit VFP

Don't let it get you down. It took me a bunch of attempts before I got a featured pic. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 16:16, 8 June 2007 (UTC)

Took me around six months of trying to get my first. And for what its worth I think its getting harder to get featured these days. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
You're absolutely right; case in point, take a look at some of the older featured pictures that wouldn't stand a chance today. Thanks for the reassurance all, I can put the shotgun away. --AmericanBastard 16:25, 8 June 2007 (UTC)
No, no....keep the shotgun.... -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

edit Welcome to UnNews

Fucking pear-headed mystical douche bag... good article. zim likes. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 22:03, 4 September 2007 (UTC)

Che Ape

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, AmericanBastard, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 22:03, 4 September 2007 (UTC)

edit You were right

Remember how you said that if you put a moustache on Thomas Jefferson it would get voted to featured status? Well...


That got featured on the main page recently. So I'm giving you a cookie for giving me the idea for that.

Newcookie Jocke Pirat has awarded you a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.
~ Tophatsig 16/06/2008 @ 04:18

edit Hey mon

If you want another review on something previously reviewed, or whatnot, please put in an new request, else folks aren't actually that likely to see it, and whatnot. Thanks. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 18:41, 4 August 2011

edit Jean-Luc Picard

Your article is now here as the WIP you placed on it had expired. I didn't want to delete it as it shows real promise. Feel free to move it back to mainspace when you feel it is completed. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 09:44, November 24, 2011 (UTC)

edit Welcome back

Nice seeing you around the place again. MadMax 05:54, December 23, 2011 (UTC)


Hello and welcome back! Please use the Change Summary to indicate what changed, not to declare that I OWN THIS PAGE, because no one does. Cheers! Spıke Ѧ 16:35 27-Aug-14

edit UnNews:ISIS battalion executes itself

This has gone up on the Front Page. I have changed the title and the dateline slightly. It might read more like a "real" news story if the first sentence did not advise the reader that it was "hilarious." Cheers! Spıke Ѧ 20:16 27-Aug-14

  • Many thanks for your support, and advise from earlier today! Good to be back. --AmericanBastard (talk) 20:19, August 27, 2014 (UTC)

Well, use the Uncyclopedia editor. If that was you editing without logging in, making edits to your offline version and then reuploading erases Romartus's and my edits. Spıke Ѧ 23:41 27-Aug-14

edit Extra Powers

The pants may come later (check your user rights). --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 19:23, April 8, 2015 (UTC)

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