User talk:Aleister in Chains

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(I'm not Puppy...)
(I'm not Puppy...)
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:::::::No. But I have no time to do this any longer. Off and away and down and dirty. [[user:Aleister|'''AL''']]
:::::::No. But I have no time to do this any longer. Off and away and down and dirty. [[user:Aleister|'''AL''']]
::::::::Are you sure you're not {{u|PuppyOnTheRadio|Puppy}}? Or are you {{U|Zana Dark}}? Or {{u|C2H6O}} or however it was written? Or {{U|Et al}}? or {{U|Sure mean|the other sock that hasn't been discovered yet but hasn't done anything}}? Who are you? Who am I? Whose hands are on my keyboard? What's happening here‽ {{unsigned|WhoAmI?}}
::::::::Are you sure you're not {{u|PuppyOnTheRadio|Puppy}}? Or are you {{U|Zana Dark}}? Or {{u|C2H6O}} or however it was written? Or {{U|Et al}}? or {{U|Sure mean|the other sock that hasn't been discovered yet but hasn't done anything}}? Who are you? Who am I? Whose hands are on my keyboard? What's happening here‽ {{unsigned|WhoAmI?}}
:::::::::Go away, Puppy, you're not funny.[[Special:Contributions/|]]

Revision as of 04:33, May 23, 2012

Walk into a bar collab
Charles Dickens 3
Thanks for visiting, please sign in:

<insert name here>

Perpetuum mobile
Now, Blast off!

I'm so glad you could stop by.

Aleister &amp; Mimo


I was about to tell you to archive that mess... I was tired of scrolling past that video of naked men every time I wanted to make a comment :P --Happymonkey39 LAZARWeegeeheadbobinDomo kun dance1 Dah Meme Master

Are you naked? If not, go away. Aleister 22:17 15-4-'12
I am a monkey, we are always nude. --Happymonkey39 LAZARWeegeeheadbobinDomo kun dance1 Dah Meme Master
Of course, how could I have been so stupid. I'll write something on the forum soon, or later, or tomorrow, and I support your project but I for one am not totally excited about it, just having poured my stupidness into the weird title given me just two months ago in the last Happy Monkey contest. If I am here I will participate, but am traveling off and on in May (don't know exact dates). Hopefully a dozen people at least will be excited about the contest, and they will fail as your evil plan engulfs them. (evil monkey laugh hahahahaheeheeheeheehee) Al (UTC)
Well, would you rather be a judge? --Happymonkey39 LAZARWeegeeheadbobinDomo kun dance1 Dah Meme Master
No, the last time I was a judge they locked me up for five years. If I'm here I'll play, as hopefully will you. hahahahahahheeheeheeheehee Al (U)(T)(C)
I rather judge this time. Its a power thing, I need it... I need help. --Happymonkey39 LAZARWeegeeheadbobinDomo kun dance1 Dah Meme Master
Must sign off now. Go judge something and off with you. More later. Al "Judge not and ye will not be judged" - Yoko Ono
Since when was she a pirate? --Happymonkey39 LAZARWeegeeheadbobinDomo kun dance1 Dah Meme Master

And I have realised that this is the century when everyone will die.

The cheetah became extinct and I wrote about it. Thank you for categorising it. Big help. And now, I must run off and be an undertaker. --A rose for you the dorky contralto Mexico flag Samsung flag korea Flag of Brazil Flag of Bangladesh 21:03, April 16, 2012 (UTC)

You are a very good writer. Even that post is very good. This is true. Aleister 22:09 16-4-'12
Thanks for the compliments. Meanwhile, I tweaked the article a bit. Would you like to see the tweaks? --A rose for you the dorky contralto Mexico flag Samsung flag korea Flag of Brazil Flag of Bangladesh 03:00, April 17, 2012 (UTC)

Hey Aleister

Did you realise that the first letter of your use name is different than the last letter of your user name?

--ShabiDOO 21:08, April 16, 2012 (UTC)

?I don't know what you mean. Please explain further. Over. Aleister (seconds later UTC)
I thought it was obvious what I was warning you about but if you don't really get what I am trying to say then maybe its not really worth explaining another time though it could also be that I didn't properly convey the original meaning of it or any other meaning which would be assumed in a text such as the text that I typed before your reply which means we should face the question of whether it is worth repeating the actual message or considering it all a lost cause which could also be rather problematic as the importance of communication should never be underestimated regardless of what enviroment it happens in nor any extenuating circumstances which on uncyclopedia should be considered a given as there are always extenuating circumstances in a place like this in fact you would probably be considered mad if you didn't think that this was the case which is proven by the fact that some people act as though there aren't even when it's clear to any village joker that the very fabric of a comic colaborative wiki would be made up of absurdities and a giant bucket of surrealism so do you get me now?

--ShabiDOO 21:20, April 16, 2012 (UTC)

Say Aleister

I see you wingeing about the adverts on websites all the time. Did you know you can do something about that? It's true! If you're using Firefox, you can get an extension called AdBlock Plus; it's simple to install, and it updates itself, and 14,000,000+ people use it. If you're using Opera, it has content-blocking just need to get a list of things to block, such as this one by some guy named fanboy. There are similar extensions for Chrome and Safari. You should try 'em out. I use opera with the URLFilter, and there are no ads for me on ATS OR Uncyclopedia. Wouldn't that be cool? ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Apr 17 '12 15:05 (UTC)

Hello, and thanks for all the info. I don't have any of those things as far as I know. My main thought about advertising on websites isn't as much for me as it is for everyone else who's forced to look at them. I don't think website owners who allow intrusive ads care upper-most for their users or for their readers - ATS included - but for their own profit margin. On most things I'm very progressive, but one site I like to look at for news and comments is, a conservative bastion, because they have never allowed an ad. Their owner, as right-wing as can be and still have a wing, insists on being ad free and proud of it. So it's not for me as much as for the quality of the website. I know all the top admins at Above Top Secret had to read the article here, owners included, and I hope the digs at their omnipotent ads was like an elephant in the room for them. Maybe, if it makes a little change, it will have done some good in that aspect of any good things that came from the page - sharing data, info, info, & data! Aleister 18-18-18-'18
Ok, but for the foreseeable future, a lot of websites will make their money via ads -- that's how Google became a kabajillion-dollar corporation (not web searches!). And while I don't have issues with anybody making a buck, I do have Internet access that is slower than Death personified, and ads just make it worse, often doubling the amount of data that has to be downloaded. And the Internet looks so much better without ads. You should get yourself a blocker. They rock.  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Apr 17 '12 19:51 (UTC)
Or you can set up an access control list on your router. I did that and it works perfectly, and means I don't have to run extra software on my PC. (I don't do it anymore as I reset my router and got too lazy to redo it, but half a dozen websites blocked removed 95% of advertising I was hit with.)                               Puppy's talk page10:07 18 Apr

After this, I am going to stop bugging you about extinctions. hehe

If you want to know what the crap he's singing about, find the lyrics and put it on Google Translate. It might come out wrong, but it will be sort of helpful. I guess. --A rose for you the dorky contralto Mexico flag Samsung flag korea Flag of Brazil Flag of Bangladesh 23:02, April 17, 2012 (UTC)


Don't worry. It's okay if you leave oxen on my page. I don't mind. --A rose for you the dorky contralto Mexico flag Samsung flag korea Flag of Brazil Flag of Bangladesh 01:12, April 18, 2012 (UTC)

You will get more oxen then. But not now. Oxen must sleep. Your cheetah unnews keeps god-fearing people awake at night. Aleister 2:45 18-4-'12


It shows (firstly) how many times your user page has been linked to. You get mentioned three times - the first for User:Aleister in Chains, then for User:Aleister, and then a combined total. The second thing it shows (the two columns on the right) is how many times you've edited over the last 91 days. We both hit the top two positions. Either that means we edit lots, or we make mistakes and go back and fix them a lot.                               Puppy's talk page01:28 20 Apr

Oh. Kind of stupid, but you did a lot of work to list everyone and that's not stupid. I never click off the link button, because it's stupid to have it always on unless you click it off (it should be clicked if you want to link, not an automatic link if you don't touch it.). What I do to check edits on pages I keep track of is list them all on my user page, and then just look at "Related changes" on the nav bar, and that brings up any changes. And I do lots and lots of categorizing, and go on categorizing runs sometime (I have one in mind now, but not this trip), so each one of those counts as an edit. And I'm pretty quick in-between edits, and zip around like a blue-tailed fly. That's my excuse. And Modus voted for the 5 million joke dump page! I can't remember the last time he voted for one of my pages, and it is an honor and a pumpkin. Thanks for explaining the slutlist, I was hoping it was something much better and included phone numbers. Al 1:42 20-4-'12
MrN put something on his page about AWB, which helps do semi-automated edits. When you're on a categorising spree that may help. (It may involve some code though.)                               Puppy's talk page02:00 20 Apr
I will look. I am a coding genius. Al 2:03 20-3-'23
And now I know what "facepalm" means.                               Puppy's talk page02:06 20 Apr

Admin of the moment

What do you think of doing a friendly "admin of the moment" or "admin of the year" kind of thing while the VFS does its last stage with admins only? Idea? Opinions? --ShabiDOO 18:11, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

Every admin is a star, to paraphrase AC. You and I have a horrible history of collabs, having talked about doing dozens of them and never doing any. This is the way of the world. And since you will soon become WotMonth you will learn the secrets of that writing fraternity. Lift a glass on high, mate, life your glass down low, drink a cup of ale, comrade, drink a drink real cold. (That's just one of the songs we sing at the WotM meetings). Aleister 19:52 4-20 (UTC)
Yes. Yes. Okay. Im not sure and yes (to answer your statements/questions). Would you participate if I did admin of the moment? --ShabiDOO 19:57, April 20, 2012 (UTC)
Probably. Everyone votes on everything around here. Aleister 20:00 4-20 '20
Hey...Ill go over the article tomorrow morning. Im sure its stellar. Dont forget to nominate an admin on the forum!!! --ShabiDOO 01:56, April 21, 2012 (UTC)
Where's my invite to the WotM meetings? And why aren't you voting on NotM?                               Puppy's talk page02:00 21 Apr


Mr. Aleister, you are right, we've been considering a colaboration for over a year. Thats more than 52 weeks of our lives, wasting an opportunity. Yikes! One option...of that we could raid each others workshops...though I should have checked to make sure you had a work shop before I wrote this, but I'm too lazy to look into that now, as I would have to copy this text, look at your user page, see if you have a work shop or not then prepare a new message to you, paste that text, and the whole thing would be a wasteful and inconvenient amount of useless keystrokes and rabling words and digist and binary code that didn't even have to be made or typed. make a long story short (watch the new south park episode)...take a look at my workshop...and if there is any article you'd like to colab my guest...and I could do the same...and check out your workshop...if you have one. --ShabiDOO 01:54, April 23, 2012 (UTC)

Feel free t raid my user pages if there's anything in there you guys like. (Of course, Al has done that in the past without asking, but you know what I mean.)                               Puppy's talk page02:00 23 Apr
I keep forgetting how to list the user pages, Ive done it twice before, but I always forget to save, whatever it is that you type to search them. Could you help? --ShabiDOO 02:09, April 23, 2012 (UTC)
Have a look at the bottom of my talkpage - I have a link to all my user pages there.                               Puppy's talk page02:20 23 Apr
Or there's always {{Subpages‎}}, which has been around for ages.                               Puppy's talk page06:52 23 Apr
Shabidoo, we still have Hubble Space Telescope, we just have to start it. Spork or all new, that's the thing we've been stuck on for more than ten years now. Puppy, he lies, as the items I copied were ones he put on QVFD and I was just saving them for posterior. My user space has never been cleaned up, and there's junk in there along with nothings and stupidness. Speaking of stupidness, Hubble Space Telescope? Aleister 11:31 23-4-'12

Hey Al, check this out.

Another biography of a drunk in Spain. hehehehehehehehe. I also wrote the Spanish version. --A rose for you the dorky contralto Mexico flag Samsung flag korea Flag of Brazil Flag of Bangladesh 11:50, April 24, 2012 (UTC)

You are giving us a good education on drunk Spanish singers. Thanks, I'll read this later, I just popped in this time to add a line I thought of in an ongoing article I have yet to find a good theme for. It'll come. I did mention oxen in the page. I must now go get drunk and sing Spanish songs, thanks again! Al'er 13:36 24-4-'12


Just dropped by to mention this, since you're the guy with the most edits 'round here. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Apr 24 '12 19:14 (UTC)


Hey Aleister, are you waiting to see who everyone else votes for before you decide who to vote for on the admin of the moment? You see...if you wait until the last day, and everyone else avoids voting, then no one will be able to vote. I recommend making a decision, implementing that decision, and standing by that decision. Thats what the admins are doing right now on VFS after all :)= --ShabiDOO 21:01, April 24, 2012 (UTC)

Naw. I nominated two, and should have nominated Socky too, and all the rest actually. I'm not prepared to pick one or two admins over the others, but who know what I'll feel like in five minutes. But no need to as long as Lytherya isn't there, so I could vote against (hahahahahah heeheheheheheeheeheehee). Aleister 22:27 24-4-'12222
Oh damn...I totally forgot to pick socky :( what a poopy e-buddy I am with him. I should be bound to a wooden pole and spanked for that. All night long. Spank spank spank. --ShabiDOO 22:31, April 24, 2012 (UTC)
Fap fap fap spank spank spank fap fap fap spank spank spank Alei'r (UTC)
I now need to wash my mind out with bleach.                               Puppy's talk page11:19 24 Apr
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh --ShabiDOO 23:20, April 24, 2012 (UTC)


I don't even know what that's a picture of. Oh well. She's doing something with her mouth, and holding something in her hand. fap fap fap. Aleister 00:56 25-4-'12

You must watch the secretary!                               Puppy's talk page04:18 25 Apr
That movie just creeped me all the hell out. I love James Spader to death, man, especially because of his role on Boston Legal, but...c'mon. Ew ew ew ew ew. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, Apr 25 '12 7:25 (UTC)
Did I mention that Maggie Gyllenhaal's face is almost as weird as her name? ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, Apr 25 '12 7:28 (UTC)
Yeah, but it's a movie that you have to watch, even if at times you have to avoid looking.                               Puppy's talk page07:49 25 Apr
Yeah, I watched it, but don't make Al watch it. Al, there's an earth-worm in it. And, Al? James Spader wanks on screen. Well, not on screen, but...y'know, that's really all ya need to know. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, Apr 25 '12 8:00 (UTC)
Oh, it's from the secretary. I've seen it twice, own a copy, but didn't recognize the pic. It was very interesting when she sat at the desk for so long when he told her to "stay" that it attracted the news media. lol. Aleister 12:17 25-4
FAP POLICE! THIS IS A RAID! HAND'S UP Y'ALL! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 12:24, April 25, 2012 (UTC)

It was from the opening scene, where she walks elegantly through the room while wearing some kind of yoke thing. Gorgeous movie. It's one of the foundations of my current living situation. (It does chafe after a while though.)                               Puppy's talk page12:56 25 Apr

Well, maybe a parody is called for. Although it's almost a parody of itself (hiding in the closet, the fish, the on-purpose typing mistakes), so maybe not. I should buy one of those yokes.We all should buy one of those yokes. Aleister
Why did my eyes have to look at this template? Now they're all hurtful and stuff. : ( Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:05, 26 April 2012

Hey Al

Please use {{Subcat}} to categorize categories. It's to prevent subcategories from being alphabetized along with everything else that has the category in question. Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:02, 26 April 2012

When I'm old and gray

Maybe I'll have more features than you. If you die very soon, that is. Also, LOOK OUT!!! A BEAR!!! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 14:23, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

Oh my god! You killed Puppy!

You bastard! ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSun, Apr 29 '12 12:03 (UTC)

He thought he was eating the best treat ever, and it was a cyanide laced bunny cookie. There is no substitute for efficient euthanasia (oriental joke). Alrek (UTC)
I think it was actually a sun cookie laced with a dash of sulfuric acid. Its a practical joke the japanese play on each other. Helarious! --ShabiDOO 12:26, April 29, 2012 (UTC)
I'm still watching you, by the way. And if my howling is keeping you up at night, you should visit a doctor                               Puppy's talk page12:34 29 Apr
Bully. Bully. Owww, my arm. Bully! Aleister 23:45 29-4-'12

Things that need to be said

Hey Aleister! I’m here again talking to you, my friend. So I couldn’t help but notice that on your user page you categorized yourself as a guitar god. That led me to think that maybe you could play guitar for my band. We could maybe start one of Uncyclopedia’s first mega-bands, it just might work. If not, then maybe you could just post an MP3 file of you playing guitar on my userpage.

Also here’s some more vulgar or taboo swearing you could post on your 911 page or whatever:

Anyway, cheers! Matthlock Bernie Soundgarden 800px-Flag of Moldova.svg Talal of Jordan Lionel Hutz 800px-Flag of India svg Dafydd el Gordon-gekko-from-wall-street 600px-Flag of Romania.svg Idi Amin Angryblackman Flag of Andorra LOTL-11 Have-you-seen-this-boy 800px-Flag of Nicaragua.svg Blue Öyster Cult Kurt Demmler 1989 The Honorable Flag of Quebec 20:38, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

I dont know why...but there was something about qtip rape that really stuck out for me. And then dick-hole seemed promising, but dick-hole-rape seems even better. --ShabiDOO 21:07, April 29, 2012 (UTC)
They started off mundane, got into the genius level, then petered out towards the end except you finished off with a bang with Penquin-fucker. And yes, my guitar godness is true, although I haven't played in quite awhile and have no MP3 or 4. An uncy band thing would be fun, but nobody knows where anyone is in real life. True flact: used to tape "albums" in real time out of nothing (only started the tape when I, and a buddy of mine sometimes, would get warmed up enough for the stuff to flow). Someone challenged him and I once and we went back to his house and made up and taped a rock opera in real time. But I think it was Jimmy Page or one of those guys who said that the best playing and songs come when the tape isn't running, which seems to be true. Those were the days, my friend, I thought they'd never end. Penquin-fucker 23:51 29-4-'12

Your rewritten UnNews

Can be judged as if it was a new one if you want. Or you could be contempt to sail to unchallenged victory. Your choice!!! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 12:13, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

We are now at the crucial stage of judging the magnificent UnNews article on THIS PAGE! Thanks for your participation. Expect at least a week for the judging to be completed. *Drumroll* I know it will be awfully hard to sleep until the week is completed, but that's what sleeping pills are for. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 12:19, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
Oh yeah, of course, as a new one would be fine, and I hope it wouldn't win there and don't think it has a chance. It's pretty crappy on some levels, pretty worped in some, and it's just a playtime writing from finding that opening picture. A french fry plant! lol. And in never showed up on the news que section, some coding backward summersauts (is that even close in spelling?) Aleister 14:05 May Day '12
OK, I'll tell people to judge it too. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 15:58, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
OK, you don't want the UnNews judged with the bunch? What do you think I'm gonna give you if you win by default? A pic of a charcoal? lol Please help here, I'm trying to be fair with all species involved. I almost raked in 100 edits yesterday, while only 2 were to expand one of my WIP. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 03:11, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
Judged with the rest, yes, for the score so people can laugh at my low marks, but it still won the category. Win by default? I entered the category, so was it my fault the thousands of other users on the site didn't enter that category? No. Everyone could have entered it, known or unknown to me when the page was placed. Fair is fair (my motto, tattooed on my left thing), and the Pee Buddy award for that category, be it a lump of coal, is rightfully my lump of coal, and I will protect that lump of coal from all other lumps of coal, so help me blah. Al doing the dance, the pee buddy dance
SHIT! I thought you were really angry for whatever reason. I was on the brink of a heart attack. Please don't do that again, as my heart is fragile. Also, thanks for the UnNews! It is a most amazing one, but since I am part of the competition, it really is shit. XD Snowflake mini Mattsnow 12:57, May 2, 2012 (UTC)
The best cure for heart attacks is a side of beef (drain the grease and then drink with a hint of vodka). Hair of the dog. Aleister


...for voting on Today's Feature! --Qzekrom sig trans This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 23:40, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

Asian women

You might be able to advise on this as you're one of the most prodigious feature writers here. I've just gone through and made some significant changes to the previous article and removed the fix tag. Given the level of changes to it, can I claim this as my article? --C₂H₆O (hic) 05:20, May 3, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you for your compliments about my feature, which is quite prodigious and sponge-worthy. Ah, Asian women, one of the favorite fapable pages here. I see on quick history/difference check you did do a great deal of work on it, but all that really needs to be known is that the pics have mostly been kept. Legally none of the articles are owned, but we do seem to give priority to people's edits if they wrote all or most of the page, which I see as fair as they know the flow of the page and the styles involved. It would be nice if you would claim Asian women, and the article too, as it needs someone who cares for it. Maybe put it on pee review, keep on polishing until it shines like an old rock in a riverbed somewhere, and masterpiece it (although maybe not, but I think long-term polishing is a main key to some of the really good stuff here. Funnybony has been polishing his pages since 1976, for example. And since he knows something about asian women, you may want to ask him to check out your page (although he may fire cannons at you after reading it). Aleister some time later, same day though (UTC)

Tough choice

Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie? --ShabiDOO 00:06, May 5, 2012 (UTC)

Neither. Although both at one time would do. Aleister 12:53 6-5
? I don't see the name. Al


Why did you delete that?? Snowflake mini Mattsnow 13:50, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

I thought it was top secret. Alutc

I'm undercover

Shhhhh..... Snowflake mini Mattsnow 12:49, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

Are you Ron Paul or some other guy. If you want you can tell me here and I'll erase this section. Al (or is it someone else writing this and signing "Al"!!! Ya ha ha)
Nah, I'm Shit Rodney. Discretion please. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 12:54, May 6, 2012 (UTC)
Copyright sucks! --Qzekrom sig trans This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 02:12, May 7, 2012 (UTC)

I would like to bring your attention to this forum

Forum:Vote to De-Op Lyrithya                               Puppy's talk page03:20 07 May

Competitive competition

We must now start to consider a date for my events sequel to a sequel to a sequel. THEN SPAM IT ACROSS THE INTERWEBZ. --Happymonkey39 LAZARWeegeeheadbobinDomo kun dance1 Dah Meme Master

.... Oh.... Well... I guess I'm unloved... You have been using me for my cookies this whole time havent you? --Happymonkey39 LAZARWeegeeheadbobinDomo kun dance1 Dah Meme Master
What? No. I'm just not looking forward to this contest, we had one two months ago. But it's up to you to set the dates and times and all, and I will join in the fun if I am here. Some other people had signed up, right? So you have support for this as far as I know. Just organize it! They will come. Aleister 1:24 9-5-'12
Just organize it and they will come? Sounds like a line from Waynes World... 2 I'm pretty sure... When Jim Morrison tells them to hold a concert? Then the best band in the whole freaking world comes and plays Shut up and Dance... Meh. On a serious note, Im swamped with work this week, so swamped I may fail my very English course for wasting these sacred seconds typing this message. It will hopefully be either May the 25th or June the 1st.... And thats not the spirit! The one in January doesn't count... Why? Cause elephants still have big ears, thats why! You understand! --Happymonkey39 LAZARWeegeeheadbobinDomo kun dance1 Dah Meme Master
Those dates will be written in stone in the annuals of uncyclopedia. And I won the one in January! Why don't you do it in June so we can have a Summer/Winter contest schedule, twice a year seems like enough. Aleister 2:00 9-5-'12
So it may seem... BUT NO! THERE SHALL BE ONE EVERY MONTH!... Ok Im kidding, I really dont care as long as I get to see a competition sometime soon. I will talk to you on friday or so. --Happymonkey39 LAZARWeegeeheadbobinDomo kun dance1 Dah Meme Master

I step out of this wiki for five minutes...

and all hell breaks loose. Am going back to looking at bachelor frogs. Love you bro! --Matfen 23:16, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

Jesus Christ it's Matfen get in the car! --Black Flamingo 23:29, May 8, 2012 (UTC)
And just like that, he's gone again. Matfen, I was gone for half of 2011 myself. Are you hanging around for awhile? Aleister 23:46 8-5-'12

Hi there

Apparently I've been banned for sock-puppeteering. Previously I was blocked for two days and had that block lifted, but I agreed with the reason for the block and stayed away for a few days. Then I was blocked with no reason given other than "I thought you were leaving" and didn't agree. I asked for justification of the block and didn't get a response, so I sockpuppetted during the period of my block. Now I've been blocked again for sockpupetting during a block that I have never had explained to me. Of course, during that time I wrote two featureable articles, fixed up around 40 or 50 articles, actively promoted a competition to bring UnNews back to the forefront. Oh, and I voted twice on an award that needs five votes to win that already had 11 votes. So, I'm perma-banned. I'll be hanging around the mirror site for a while until this dies down a bit, and then I'll sockpuppet my way back here. Apparently they are now going to start banning IP blocks just to stop me. Of course, given that I cycle through IPs like they were candy, that'll be a fairly monumental number of blocks. Especially given I'm actually here to just write well and improve the wiki, but I objected to being bullied. I'll see you around.

Oh, and as the email thingy here is pretty terrible, people can reach me on

See ya, PuppyOnTheRadioBecauseTheInternetIsTooScary 00:32, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

PS: I made sure I had the year in there, otherwise people might get confused. And here comes the ban sti-

You have. See my note on your talk page, and there at the end I suggest apologies all around but i was lol so much. The situation is dire, and Alcohol is called for (where did he go?) Alcohol takes his place among the honored sockpuppets in uncy history. I'll email you soon, not today probably, I got some stuff I'm doing here as i jumpt around. Maybe you can forgive and forget, and the others could too. I don't know, fairness is fair in all directions. Oh, and come and play on ATS for awhile, it's an interesting place to talk on many subjects, and they have a short story forum too (I haven't written in there yet, it could be fun). Greenland people like Aussies, and we live on a continent larger than your continent (it's true, look at a map) Aleister 00:44 9-5-'12 year
Hi Puppy. I don't know if you look at this page at all, but if you do, look at the main page today, May 12. Salvador Dali is featured! An amazing article, one of the best on an artist on uncyclopedia, and thus on the innernests! Nice work. I'll put this on your talk page and in an email. Aleister 2:06 12-5-'12

Pee Buddy contest!!

Snowflake mini Mattsnow 01:29, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

Ugly picture begone. And you know how I wuz robbed in the contest. Pocket picked by gypsies. You wrote a good article in your category, congrats on your win! O lordy, why dey do me like dey do.Aleister 1:37 9-5-'12
Hahaha, you don't like my tutu?? Snowflake mini Mattsnow 02:00, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
Yes, I like the medallion for the top 3 template, thanks! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 14:25, May 9, 2012 (UTC)
The comp will certainly be back at one point this year. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 04:15, May 10, 2012 (UTC)

Afirmative action

I have gotten off my bum and I have done something. Here are some scribbles and sketches of the hubble thing we are doing. This is stuff I picked out of my nose and smeared onto the screen of my laptop. It is pretty random and absurd, but its a start. Its some kind of start. A beginning. The first step of many. Chapter 1. A new day. The first spark. A warning shot. Critical mass. Oblivion. Depression. Words. Emptiness. Silence. Whisper. Zoz. Grrg. Plplplplp. Wwwwww. @@@@@. #@#@#. --ShabiDOO 02:34, May 12, 2012 (UTC)

Woo woo. Yes, this will be fun. I'll go look at the page now and add a little, but I'm watching Bill Maher and am putting my attention there. Will still write some now, thanks!!! A page has begun, and it will be fun to do a page with you. Aleister 2:40 UTC

Puppy sighting

There is a loose puppy at if anyone wants to go try to catch him. Al 11:52 13-5-'12

I saw. I tried to leave 'im a message, but the f***ing server failed. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSun, May 13 '12 11:53 (UTC)
Me too, that server is like a crooked stick being used as a pool cue. Puppy has a nice apology on there, and it sounds like he wanted Puppy to die and his new sockpuppet to not be a sockpuppet but to "be" him. Maybe we can allow the sockpuppet back? That's an option I guess. Few people know that I am Zana Dark (had to have a backup because I knew that I'd be permabanned). Aleister 12:06 *UTC(
But you're also Chronarion, Lyrithya, Athyria, Suspiria, Delirious, a Deli Sandwich, the Earl of Sandwich, Sandy Leafsprings, Springheel Jack, Jackboot Johnny, Johnny Depp, Da Hep Cat, Cat Balou, Blue Bayou, Born on the Bayou, Born on the Fourth of July, August Mein, Main Street, Houston Street, Houston Texas, Dallas Texas, Dallas Howard, Jerome Howard, Howard Cosell, Cossette from Les Miserables, Silas Marner, George Eliot, George Gershwin, Gertrude Stein, Stein of Pilsner, the Pilsbury Doughboy, Cookie Monster, the Green Monster, Red Skelton, Skeleton Key, Key Largo, Margaux Hemingway, Ernest Hemingway, Jack Kerouac, Jack Rabbit, Jack Mehoff and Jack the Ripper (both), Rip Torn, and U.S. Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson. Does it ever get tight inside that skin of yours with all those people in there that are you? ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSun, May 13 '12 13:18 (UTC)

To BB, we like you too. From your friends Zana (shown left) and Aleister.

Actually, only Zana Dark, but nobody will believe it so I haven't talked about it much. You've seen with Puppy that some of us have to have a sock running because we know a permiban is planned, so that's why I set up "Aleister". I like your stream of consciousness there. How did you get from Ernest Hemingway to Jack Kerouac (how did your brain connects take you there?) Aleister 13:24 13-5-'12
I fell into the trunk of a car with a shotgun and a bottle of booze. Natural progression. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usSun, May 13 '12 13:28 (UTC)
The others I get, but how did you jump from Key Largo to Margaux Hemingway (just curious). Al Oh, maybe the ryme. Nice. (UTC)

Thank you

Thank you for your second opinion on the banana and other articles, Aleister in Chains, at times, I am a bit shy... Flyingbird (talk) 16:47, May 13, 2012 (UTC)

For You

I attempted to put this off recently making up a few rather poor excuses as for why it had not already been granted and such, and as such and without further rambling I formally make your formal declaration of non-pants status: Kind regards. MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 16:05, May 14

Moving thing, and Humbly answered on MrN's talk page. Thank you. Aleister 18:57 14-5-'12


Hi, I actually have the same name as Joe Colton except my first name is Robert that is why I took such an interest in the article :) So you like my comedic humor though? 03:25, May 15, 2012 (UTC)

I answered on your IP's talk page. If you answer I've gone out on the town to paint it red and act all wild. Come back tomorrow, if you can, and if you join please obey our very detailed rules. Thanks. Aleister *UTC)

Cool beans dude I'll see if there are some other articles and try to help contribute then, it is actually good practice for me :) 13:54, May 15, 2012 (UTC)

Oh fuck ya, the things you can learn around here it's like a college degree in writing, both in designing articles, in using pictures to augment the writing and structure of the page, and then you have the ebb and flow of our comedic and helpful user talk pages, which is where a lot of the real action occurs on the site. And many more things. It's also probably like a degree in coding too, if you like that kind of stuff, which I'm not good at. Anyway, it's more interesting to join as a member, but think up a name you wouldn't mind having for awhile, one that you like. Enjoy. Aleister

Hi Al

Just wondering if you could give me some advice on this. WTF is it, and should I revert it? Approximately 0.3% of it seems funny, but I am so tired I am thinking crooked. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, May 15 '12 9:32 (UTC)

Hi. I have no thoughts on that one, I don't edit or write or even read car articles. Sog has one on VFH, which I didn't read but other people liked it, so I voted for it. You probably got untired and came and looked at it again. Aleister 23:26 15-5-'12
I'm "untired", and it still looks mostly retarded, but the retard put a lot of effort into it, apparently. Still dunno what to do. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, May 15 '12 23:44 (UTC)
Why not edit some funny into it, and take out the retard crap, and build it into a great couple of paragraphs without changing too much - a few words deleted and a few added usually do wonders for a section! Aleister00:14 16
Because I'm currently doing about fifteen different kinds of stuff right now, and my humor sucks when I'm distracted. It sucks most other times, too, but particularly then. Don't worry, I'll ask somebody else. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, May 16 '12 0:22 (UTC)
BEGONE FROM THIS TALK PAG... Hello? Damn it, he left already. Look, he left his wallet. hee hee, lots of paper currency, and, ah, a few cards. Okay. I'll get some of the guys to move these cards before he misses them, new toys tonight! /pockets money, buys Indian food Aleister 00:26 16-5
 ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, May 16 '12 1:09 (UTC)
What the hell is that code, nice! That Bc thing makes something huge?
Can this be true?
Nice code. Aleister 1:14 16-5
Big...and centered. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, May 16 '12 1:18 (UTC)
Thanks for using my template, you guys. : ) Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 03:44, 16 May 2012
OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 12:20 21 May 2012

Anytime man

Your article totally deserves to be featured. Now I get scared whenever someone posts a message on my page as I fear re-bannment xD Now is the time I usually ask people if they would like a custom sig. I do sigs for free, I take specifications, and it usually takes a day to finish completely. Would you like one? Currently, you only have a boldened version of the default sig. And I don't even require a swastika in it anymore! :)

Please reply on my page if you would like one, I'd be happy to do it for someone with so much talent as you.

A (Ruins) 22:11, May 18, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks again

Thanks for your kind words, Aleister. I just made some edits to the article Masochist, I hope you will give your opinion on that as well, if people want to remove it. I am not sure whether it is appropriate for uncyclopedia. Flyingbird (talk) 07:26, May 19, 2012 (UTC)

Hello, and thank you, although I have a "Gentleman's List of Kind Words" which I copypaste from. The section you added seems good, imnho, and has great possibilities for addition and enlargement. If you keep polishing it and working with it you will "feel" when it is ready for prime time. Some of us work on some of our pages for years, the longer you write and read here and elsewhere the better - or worse - you can come back to an older page and see what needs to be done. Just because I'm talking about it, I'll go edit an older page of mine now! Thanks. Aleister 11:00 19-5-'12


Yeah, some specs and minor things would be good if you could provide them (what links you want in, whether you want a pop-out sig (like mine), what color, etc), just really minor things.

A (Ruins) 12:28, May 19, 2012 (UTC)

Hey, look

Not another Downfall parody! --Qzekrom sig trans Sir CuteZekromOnTheRadio [CUNPBJ'12PLS(0)] 18:16, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

I like chicken.

The phrase "I like chicken" in various languages:
Spanish: Me gusta el pollo.
Portuguese: Eu gosto de frango.
French: J'aime le poulet.
Turkish: Tavuk seviyorum./Tavuk severim.
Have a nice day. --A rose for you the dorky contralto Mexico flag Samsung flag korea Flag of Brazil Flag of Bangladesh 11:42, May 21, 2012 (UTC)

Finnish: Pidän kanasta. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 12:16 21 May 2012
Canadian I like chicken, ay. Aleister 18:43 21-5-'12
Catalan: M'agrada el pollastre. --A rose for you the dorky contralto Mexico flag Samsung flag korea Flag of Brazil Flag of Bangladesh 20:39, May 22, 2012 (UTC)


"Push me on over the ledge, i'm standing with my toes hanging over the edge"... enough Jackyl lyrics... time for me to be a pain in the ass and spam you for a vote. I'm sitting on 9.5 for that Hunger Games article... like your mom already on her knees unzipping my fly, you know what to do... and it ain't sing into the microphone!--ManiacJaSg-Maniac1075Complain Here 02:30, May 22, 2012 (UTC)

I'm a vile, filthy whore for a VFH nomination

UnNews:NATO affirms Afghan drawdown, warm fuzzy feelings <<< but I need to get this shit on the front page before it stops being relevant. My phone can't run the nomination doo hicky. So pretty please. You don't know how far I'll go. I mean animals, two girls, one cup... Nikau (talk) 05:18, May 22, 2012 (UTC)

Not as much VFH right now, but it should be on the front page in the UnNews column, but here's the mystery - it's not even listed among the new UnNews on the "Current Events" (UnNews) page. I'll contact Matt now. A mystery is a mystery. Aleister 11:36 22-5-'12

I'm not Puppy...

...if that's what you guessed. Of course, that's what Puppy would say...

Of course, I half-way believe you when you say you're Zana Dark.
I know you're not Puppy, I left a clue in the post where you found that. Al (UTC)
p.s. And thanks for the other.
Talking to yourself there, again, Al? ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, May 23 '12 2:55 (UTC)
No, it's not me. But it's "half" me (ha! a clue) Al seconds later
So that's why all the young girls love Aleis. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, May 23 '12 3:00 (UTC)
No. But I have no time to do this any longer. Off and away and down and dirty. AL
Are you sure you're not Puppy? Or are you Zana Dark? Or C2H6O or however it was written? Or Et al? or the other sock that hasn't been discovered yet but hasn't done anything? Who are you? Who am I? Whose hands are on my keyboard? What's happening here‽ The preceding unsigned comment was added by WhoAmI? (talk • contribs)
Go away, Puppy, you're not funny.
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