User talk:Aleister in Chains

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Walk into a bar collab
Charles Dickens 3
Thanks for visiting, please sign in:

<insert name here>

Perpetuum mobile
Now, Blast off!
I'm so glad you could stop by.

Aleister & Mimo

edit Special:DoubleRedirects

Your recent renaming has put two pages on this list! Please fix them. Spıke ¬ 23:15 18-Dec-13

Don't worry, I fixed them for you. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 00:31, December 19, 2013 (UTC)
Thanks SPIKE and Simsilikesims. After I changed the name I looked immediately at the Double Redirect log and it said there were no D.R., so I didn't check again (didn't know there was a time lag). Aleister 10:48 19-12-13

Yup, those reports only run once a day. Spıke ¬ 11:05 19-Dec-13

Aleister you more excuses. Excuses are for Psychopaths. And your name is Aleister. Okay? --ShabiDOO 23:09, December 19, 2013 (UTC)
/ gets new message alert, look at talk page, scratches head, tiptoes out of the room (but thinking "watched half of the movie 'Seven Psychopaths' yesterday and really looking forward to the second half", tiptoes down the hall quietly. And Shabidoo, check your emails. Aleister 12:40 20-12-13

edit Forum:Anon objects to various photos and topics‎‎

Please consider removing that rant. Anon's mind will not be changed (even if he was authentically offended by the photo and not another Darthpedian trying to exploit differences of opinion here), and your invective is unwarranted (and distasteful when wrapped in a Christmas message). Anon didn't make a rule but only called my attention to an existing rule (apart from his other grievances that weren't legitimate). You handled the situation successfully, just don't heap blame on him for making the situation arise. Spıke ¬ 23:57 24-Dec-13

Fine. In the spirit of Saint Nick I'll edit it. But why put up a forum if we can't forum, didn't the Roman Senate itself accuse and rattle when an injustice has been rendered. If someone can justify why a photo of a guy eating a hamburger can stay while a guy eating an arm can't, I say they think they know the difference. Aleister 00:05 25-12-13

This is a wiki and anyone can edit anything. I am only suggesting that this particular edit is at best ineffective. And the topic of meat-eating versus flesh-eating is totally separate from this Anon. It would be nice if you toned it down. Spıke ¬ 00:08 25-Dec-13

It's pretty mid-ground about now, but he objected to a meat-eater and obviously doesn't realize that he's only seeing himself in that picture. I love the picture, as it made a perfect statement, so it wasn't nice of him to come in and try to censor nudes and pictures of his alter-ego. If he was just horrified by the arm-eater, fine, but he lumped it in with naked pictures of people, so he obviously stumbled into the wrong outpost. I have to sign off soon, so Merry Christmas once again. Aleister 00:14 25-12-13
A perfect statement, yikes! But thanks. Stipulated that he was swinging at anything that moved. Enjoy Christmas eve! I should be on-site for four more hours. Spıke ¬ 00:17 25-Dec-13

Much later: I especially appreciated your reason for voting for Paraguay at VFH — in which case you might enjoy the follow-on job, Chile. Spıke ¬ 01:00 1-Jan-14

edit Shooting albatrosses

As you are an expert on swearing in humourous articles, could you, please, say whether my edits of the article Why?:Shoot the albatross made it worse or better? Someone disagreed with my statement that cursing at the end of the article did not make it better. Thank you! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 17:09, January 3, 2014 (UTC)

In fact, swearing in humorous articles was my minor in college, so I'll reply. Your edit at the end made it no worse, though one might indeed be tempted to swear on seeing a crossbow pointed at him. The swears were gratuitous but understandable. Above, though, "You had to go and do exactly the opposite!" is harder for me to work through than would be, "You had to go and do it anyway!" Spıke ¬ 17:15 3-Jan-14
Ok, thanks! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 17:16, January 3, 2014 (UTC)
I'm an expert at swearing in articles? What the fuck are you talking about, or are you just blowing your uncle's cum out your ass? OK, just kidding. You have to do it where it works and at no other time. My Second Conquest of the Moon article worked, imnho, when Selene marches. But swearing, like any other use of letter-combinations to create an image, an emotion, or a memory and meme connection in the readers mind and nervous systems, can be used to twist those things a little in a different direction, towards the satirical in most cases. Aleister 17:25 3-1-14
Ok, well, maybe I will restore something. Thanks to everyone! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 17:31, January 3, 2014 (UTC)

edit A BUTT POOP Christmas!!!! on VFD

The duration of a vote is Admin's call. Given the wide majority to delete it, the predictability of your vote to keep it, and the fact that no other Admin has taken a position at all, I will leave the vote open. You are free to lobby; but you ought not do so in the ballot. Spıke ¬ 14:41 5-Jan-14

It was a comment, and I haven't looked to see if you've removed my comment (maybe another admin will see it and act on it for a change) but if you have, please put it back. Thanks. Aleister 15:00 5-1-14

edit User:Aleister in Chains/Proof of past life on Mars broken on UnNews

This is userspaced. As explained in the Change Summary, this UnNews is not notable, does not read as news, overtly promotes another website and doesn't do anything else. Spıke ¬ 20:37 23-Jan-14

SPIKE this is going too far. An article like this doesn't even graze the border of questionable unnews. --ShabiDOO 20:41, January 25, 2014 (UTC)
If you were blonde and a lady I'd kiss you. Well, a cute lady, and if not I'd at least graze the border of kissing you. Of course it doesn't, and it may or may not be actual news too, which is the fun thing about it. Aleister20:46 25-1-14 could come over and help me shave my siamese cats. Later on we're going to watch episodes of wheel of fortune I downloaded from isohunt and we will take a shot of apple juice every time a player buys a vowel! --ShabiDOO 20:53, January 25, 2014 (UTC)
I bought a vowel once, but she ran away before I could keep her. Aleister 20:57 25-1-14
The thing about vowels is that they need to be convinced. To be able to trust you. Running away is just a signal for you to chase her. No really means probably. Stop means be bold. You just have to understand the dynamics behind the vowel mind. --ShabiDOO 22:14, January 25, 2014 (UTC)

I've done the best I can by dedicating the Top UnSignpost story to your discovery Al. Feel free to edit it and add bits if necessary. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 07:30, January 26, 2014 (UTC)

Thanks, very nice of you. I'll add the rock "lizard" to my UnNews as well, at your inspiration, and maybe this new one of another spoke creature alongside a little green martian I found on the pic where someone pointed out the possible but unlikely (pixel distortion, distance is a problem with these things) second Spoke fossil. Aleister 15:48 26-1-14
This image is proof that Elvis is alive. --ShabiDOO 18:15, January 26, 2014 (UTC)
If only he were. The Mars images, even if they are just shapes and whatnots, are very interesting to look over. Kind of like google earth street level, but on Mars. Humans really should get a move on and put some people up there, I have no idea why they don't just put the money into the mission and do it. Aleister 4:39 26-1-14

edit Number of views

I remember that you talked about Festivus once and said that the Wikipedia article was getting less views than before, contrary to the Uncyclopedia one. Is it true? If so, how can you find out how many views a page gets? Thanks. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 19:48, January 28, 2014 (UTC)

It probably has less views now, I haven't checked lately, because people who wanted to read it have likely already done so. You can see the number of viewers of any Wikipedia page by going into the history, look under external tools, and then click "page view statistics". It goes back either 30, 60, or 90 days, and you can look up any month in the pages existence as well to see how many people looked at it. It would be fun if we had that here, but would probably discourage everyone to find out the two people a year accidently stumble upon your favorite writing. Aleister 5:11 2-2-14
Ok, thank you! I will now check this for every single article I read on Wikipedia! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 10:11, February 2, 2014 (UTC)

edit Mars thing

Hey...I changed your news article a little. I injected a second real news element (the jelly donut rock found on mars). I think your story with a touch of the other real news works well. I put it back on unnews so to have it there while this is still news. If you don't like the changes I made I won't be offended at all in the least if you revert some or re-name-space it and do whatever you want with it. That's because I'm your pic-upload-bitch and that's the kitch of shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiet a pic-upload bitch does...I think. --ShabiDOO 04:22, January 29, 2014 (UTC)

Hi, I'll put back some of your changes, just that much of it was off-topic and I had people from ATS come by to read it and it turned out to be very different than what I thought was there (see SPIKE, off-site links work both ways). The jelly donut isn't anything except people trying to grab nothing out of something, it's a rock that flipped when the rover's tire hit it and NASA did a thorough study of it. I thought it's in the name space, so I have no idea what's going on with the article now, and will do more with it when time permits. Like tomorrow. Mars is for losers (or lovers. one of those). Aleister 5:18 2-2-14
I don't care if you keep the changes or not. Honestly. I was just trying to change the article so that the rediculous "non-news" nonsense would be a non-issue which it should have been in the first place. This conspiracy is such gobbledegook. LOL. --ShabiDOO 05:44, February 2, 2014 (UTC)

edit That time I accidentally visited your talk page and left a message

What do you think about UnBooks:My sojourn now? I am not finished yet but I hope it will be some time soon. Will it be fine if I moved your Titanic one there as well? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 11:04, February 19, 2014 (UTC)

edit Abby Martin back with with her nomination! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 17:59, February 19, 2014 (UTC)

edit Green Pants


Sponsored Irish Green underpants. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 17:36, February 20, 2014 (UTC)

Thanks! And I'm glad you posed with your friend. Aleister 14:36 Ides of March-14

edit My sojourn

The only major edits I made to the My sojourn articles were to add the original title in the template and a link to the next chapter at the end. What do you mean by the first article got changed? [1] The point of this book is to gather the best articles together (not counting the introduction, its point is to introduce a storyline). If you don't know what all the My sojourn thing is about, you won't necessarily understand it after one article but you certainly will after several chapters of the book.

You also said once: "[...] I'm winging a lot of these comments, and learning at the same time I'm typing them - so I haven't yet gotten full appreciation of the pages which, I just realize, your unbook can make people do".

The only article I remember rewriting is That time I nearly ran out of loaves and fishes during my sojourn in Bethsaida, but I did not think it was great the way it was and so it was a complete rewrite and not just the removal of swear words (which I don't do anymore). Would you like to look at the articles and undo my changes, if they deleted some of the original concept? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 15:49, March 13, 2014 (UTC)

And also - will you allow me to move your titanic sojourn there? And the kept VFD page? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 15:52, March 13, 2014 (UTC)
The original names of articles are now all displayed in Category:My sojourn! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 19:45, March 13, 2014 (UTC)
Thanks for adding the names back in. If you look at the history of Chapter One of your book, I forget which Sojourn it is (may I suggest the original one be moved to "Chapter One"?) you edited it from the original and toned-down the first key line as well as the caption. That's what I meant. Of course you can move Titanic there, and I also wrote one on Jim Frekowski (what a great man he is!) your book is proceeding and I think the only concern I had was solved by you putting the original names back in the category. But please check the history of the first chapter, you may have forgotten that you've changed it. Thanks for the follow-up. Al 21:53 13-3-14
OK, I agree that the first one deserves to be the first one and I'll proceed to it immediately! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 11:01, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
I undid everything I could! The introduction is the same is before and the caption is as well! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 11:07, March 15, 2014 (UTC)
Looking good! Thanks for the switcheroos, and we should be writing more My Sojourns once your book is done. Maybe a contest? Aleister 14:37 Ides of March-14
My sojourn contest? Nice idea! We should. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 19:34, March 15, 2014 (UTC)

edit This gif

Deserves to be in some article. Where? But where? --ShabiDOO 10:05, March 25, 2014 (UTC)


Not too bad right where it is. But for an article, this deserves an UnNews! Write it up and it will be a classic, or my name isn't Aleister 12:59 25-3-14

edit Feature

Guidebook to the Voting Rights Movement related faces in the cloud. Your entry in the HOS has been amended. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 08:16, March 26, 2014 (UTC)

edit User:Aleister in Chains/Isaac Asimov

Good evening, Mr In-chains, have a look at the above link and the amendments therein, think with a tad more work we might be in a position to move Mr Asimov back to his rightful place in mainspace. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

I have only a faint memory of "saving" this when it was being huffed for some reason (forest fire? vfd?). I'd forgotten I had it. If you don't mind I'll do a quick edit run (which may last for seconds or hours). I once telephoned Sir Isaac because I had read that he kept a public phone number, and asked him how many gallons of water an average body would displace or hold if we could fill up the space of a body with water. He took the time and figured it out. I forget what the answer was, because my purpose was just to talk to Isaac Asimov, so I got to hang out with him for a couple of minutes. Haven't thought of that in a long time, thanks for the memories. I'll go check out Mr. A now. Thanks. Aleister 15:02 27-3-14
Agree that we could do with funnying up the list, think its important to keep a fairly full list on the page no matter how much they are frowned upon, simply because it reflects the actual wikipedia Asimov page so well. Cool story re: the phone call, just be grateful you didn't get to meet Arthur C. Clarke as a young boy... ;) -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
Clarke would have shown me the ropes (in more ways than one). I met him when he lectured at my college, and then four or five of us had a "private session" with him (heh heh), well, not that private, as it was public, but only a few took him up on it and we continued the discussion in another room. A guy and I walked him to his car, and years later that fellow and I teamed up to do some good work and only later in life did he remind me that we had met at the Clarke event. Do you want to hear my Heinlein story? (smiley face here). Aye, the list could be better and it will come. My brain is actually working on its own trying to figure out a new section for the page, but you, kind sir, do final edits as, like I said, I'd forgotten it was even sullied with my name or user space. Aleister few minutes later've "done" the Big Three.... -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
Bradbury too. Long story. And I looked at my last edits in print on the Asimov page and lol lol at my own joke book title: "Roll, Roll, Roll Robot, Gently Drown Machine" (robotic murder mystery) . I guess the page is stuck with robot humor, but the section I have in mind hasn't come to mind yet. Aleister sometime later that day
Replaced the first image with something a little more suitable for the great man....also started to fix up the Heinlein article which looked a little shabby...wouldn't it be great if someone organised a central "hub" to highlight all the Sci Fi related articles.... -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

edit Your bitching in that place

Thanks. I had a chat to someone somewhere else about that thing, and he was intractable, so I'm leaving it as is. I'm not fussed about getting that award over there - I honestly haven't done that much over the last year to warrant it there.                               Puppy's talk page08:13 pm 31 Mar 2014

My pleasure. I saw it there as giving you a lifetime achievement award (you won it fair and not so square here), and since the nom was open, and nobody else was nommed, and you won, and then had it ripped out of your hands, I had to rant about the unfairness of it all, it all. Aleister 18:09 2-4-14
I didn't even notice the award nomination or whatnot and stuff on either site. Could either of you folks link that page on the spoon here for me my dears? --ShabiDOO 22:07, April 2, 2014 (UTC)
I do love a nice spoon in the morning... -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
Shabidoo, you have your lost in clouds. hahahaha. Check out the forums here, somewhere in there. Aleister 20:36 3-4-14
Mhaille, I'm feel satisfied with Asimov after an out-loud reading/edit session while stoned. How does it look? Please edit and play to your heart's content (the heart on the left, not the robotic companion). Thanks for bringing this back into my life /satiric emphasis, then runs away to smoke some more and find food/ Aleister 20:42 3-4-14
Still some areas for improvement, but at least we have something fitting now. It was a travesty that we were without an article for the great man... -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
Greatest man who ever lived (if you asked him). Please, add and improve to your heart's content. Have you seen the Science Fiction template? It was nice work (I forget who did it but it was a labor of love - love of Isaac Asimov!) Aleister 17:48 10=4=14

edit The bomb accident

Do you think what I added fits? Thanks for your help! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 11:41, April 9, 2014 (UTC)

Nice additions (I took out the Huskies, didn't know how that fit, and put the narrator back in the back of the plane, where the bomb release was). This can end up to be a really good page. More, more. Be back later, and maybe the KABOOM should be in color or a wavy effect, or a massive link to Wikipedia pages on the destruction of Hiroshima --- giving me ideas as I type thanks, Aleister 13:00 9--4--14
I think KABOOM is fine like that with a large font, bold and italic! Is the file you've just uploaded going to be used in that article? If that's the case,, it's going to make it even funnier! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 18:28, April 9, 2014 (UTC)
I thought of it but it came out pretty small. Oh, you mean in addition to the top pic? Or do you think it's a good one to replace the top? What were you thinking? I like the way some of the page is coming together, and your additions of some of the formula I'd forgotten. I think a couple of more words and links in the injuries area. My favorite is the "Goddamn it to hell" section header, as if it's both the guy talking to himself because of the mistake he made and an accurate description of the event itself. I knew an old relative who was on the ground in Hiroshima not long after the blast, and my earliest memories of him are of him showing me the photos he took of the city not too long after it was toast. Aleister 19:29 9=4=14
Yep, instead of the original one. It looks very good now! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 13:14, April 10, 2014 (UTC)

edit That time your mom wasn't fucked by Joe Biden during her sojourn in the kitchen last night

Don't you think That time your mom wasn't raped by Joe Biden during her sojourn in the kitchen last night would be better? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 12:23, April 14, 2014 (UTC)

Hi, you're doing great work on this stuff. The title of the article relates to the category and specifically Joe Biden which was originated here, which was a major part of the beginning of the category and an argument and edit-war as mnbvcxz hated both that category and the People Who Will Not Kneel Before Zod category, and then it became an in-joke and I kept improving the People who.... category (notice the specific photo arrangement of linked photos, lots of them have their heads tilted to the left) and all hell didn't break loose. Good times. How do you like the Christian Bale one now, I've tossed a few things into it. Aleister 12:28 14-4-14
Good work! If you don't object, I'll now move That time I threw my own poop at monkeys during my sojourn in a zoo with gloves on my hands and my eyes closed. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 14:21, April 14, 2014 (UTC)
Thanks! That monkey sojourn wasn't one of mine, I've only written two originals. Every member should do at least one sometime, a rite of passage methinks. Aleister 14:27 14-4-14
Oh, right! Well, I still won't take the gloves off. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 14:34, April 14, 2014 (UTC)
I've written a piece myself: That time I was attacked by my step-son during my sojourn in Peloponnese. You can judge! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 16:35, April 14, 2014 (UTC)
Quite good, which is why I'd say keep polishing to make it one of the best of the bunch. The first caption needs the 'fucking psycho' line, of course, imnho. Nice work! Feature a coming (I assume your whole book will be featured once it's in place and a good cover page is added. SPIKE will be itching to do one now, probably something about baseball). Aleister 18:30 14-4-14
Oh, you meant cover page? I thought it was about the book's cover, or an image which would serve as one! Could you also tell me what you think about UnBooks:My sojourn/Prologue, which was designed to be an introduction to this UnBook? I think it could be a good one with a few more edits! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 18:58, April 14, 2014 (UTC)
For some reason I keep envisioning your book having an awesome cover. Maybe a good tatochopper can work with you to come up with one. Ah, the prologue, I'll read it over later. Thanks for taking this project to heart, but to do so you must be fucking psycho! Aleister half an hour or so later
The last edits were made to the Greek my sojourn I've written, the caption fixed, and do you think it's good enough to be a subpage of the UnBook? By the way, if you want to know what it is about, the article is based on a classical French tragedy, Phèdre by Racine, but even if you haven't heard of the book, I think you'll still understand that the scene is from the Greek mythology. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 12:35, April 15, 2014 (UTC)
So much polishing of that particular page was done! Do you think my article deserves the place of the 23rd chapter of the book? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 15:25, April 22, 2014 (UTC)
The 23rd chapter of a book is an honored chapter, and, since you may have written the most intelligent sojourn and one for others to try to emulate, nice work!!! That's the level of satire these things could reach if everyone gives it a try. Aleister minutes later

edit A lot of thanks

To you for putting me up for the Writer of the Month award and for voting at the other two! I would like to let you know that I appreciate this very much, despite your money interests! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 19:10, April 19, 2014 (UTC)

Only did it for the money. Nothing personal. But if you don't win all three there will be an international tribunal investigation. A well-earned triple-crown. Aleister 18:47 20-4-14
Personal tools