User talk:1rageagainstme2

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edit Welcome!

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edit UnNews:Limbo recalled in several countries due to injury risk

Hi 1rage,

I'm the current idiot in charge of UnNews. To be completely frank, I don't think this article can be fixed and brought up to the standard of humor and quality that we really do strive to achieve here. While there are numerous problems with this article, not the least of which is poor writing (like it or not this may feel like a High School Creative Writing course with about twelve teachers, each of whom will mean well, but some of whom - maybe including myself - will lack teaching manners that you will find effective, but that's as may be), like with your creative writing assignments, these things can be fixed. What can't be fixed is an overall joke that falls flat, and I'm afraid that's what we have here.

That said, I would like to work with you on the other aspects - the poor writing style issues, some of the comedy misses, etc. - because I can tell you put some work into this and whatever else we are around here we are serious about encouraging sincere effort.

I'll give you a few examples of how we can fix the problems.

I would rewrite these two sentences, for instance:

However, after the release of this year's United Nations press report, the dance has been reported illegal in a heavy number of countries due to international complaints from a number of people, including kids, Asians, and fat people. The main complaints that came from the international population was that a number of injuries had occurred in most of the participants of the cases while trying to get underneath the horizontal pole.

Like so:

However, after the release of the report, the dance has been illegalized in many countries due to complaints from numerous people, particularly kids, Asians and fat people. The majority of complaints were about injuries sustained by participants trying to dance underneath the low horizontal pole.

This rewrite is stronger - more concise. Brevity truly is the soul of wit. If you like, I can work with you at least to get the writing up to where it really needs to be. But you should know I still don't find the overall joke - that Limbo is being illegalized - very funny. Of course a flat overall joke can be overcome by great jokes in the article's text, but honestly I feel that would take some expert comedy writing with this joke. This is a matter of taste to some degree perhaps, but you may find the VFH going against this article for that reason alone. That's why we are all about consensus here, because we know that no one owns funny. But there's no way this article will approach that level without major writing overhaul, so we can try to make that happen if you are game. --Globaltourniquet GlobalTourniquetUnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 16:33, October 15, 2012 (UTC)

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