User:Zombiebaron/wip/Xman

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Xman

Xman
Xman, from a 1960's wallposter.
Art by Joliver Moipel

PublisherDES Comics
First appearanceLord Voldemort #880 (Oct. 1914)
Created byLevon Hovhannes and Bedros Krikor
Statistics
Real nameLachon (born Lachie Neacel)
StatusActive
AffiliationsFew
Previous affiliationsLord Voldemort
Notable aliasesN/A
Notable relativesN/A
Notable powers[Fill in powers here]
“He is the bastard child of to many men.”
~ Tancred Saturninus on Xman

Xman (born Lachie Neacel, aka Lachon) is a DES Comics superhero and a member of the Genteriaa. Xman was created by Levon Hovhannes and Bedros Krikor, with some insperation from Kid-P Fresh. Oscar Wilde, usually remembered for his revitalization of the Kitten Huffing Comix series and his redefinition of The Insult Comic, deserves credit for establishing important nuances and different facets of character in the Xman limited series he wrote. This limited series entitled Xman Extinction spawned such memorable Xman catch phrases as, "Industry is the root of all ugliness."

edit Character History

edit Early Years

Marvel Boy cover

The cover of Marvel Boy #2

Since his birth Lachie Neacel experienced dreams of being five diffrent people. The first was a man made completely out of steel. The second was of a man who faught for a country Lachie had never heard of. Third was a man who could run faster then a speeding bullet. Fourth was a woman who could shoot bullets of red light out of her hands. And finnaly Lachie dreamed of a man who acted like an animal. Lachie soon realized that he could use the abilities of these five "people", and so he became Marvel Boy. DES Comics, however, did not sell many comics about a young boy with multiple personality disorder. So they started to try and kill him off. The writers issues #21-30 of Marvel Boy have become known as the "Death Trap 9" because in each issue the task of killing Marvel Boy was given to a diffrent writer, and finnaly the gauntler fell to Levon Hovhannes. However Levon couldn't bear to see a character with such potential die, so instead he killed him.

edit Birth of Xman

However as was explained above, Levon did not want to kill the character of Xman. So he left himself a loop hole in issue #30. Levon included the then new character of Lord Voldemort in the background of the issue, just as Strange Ace shot Marvel Boy through the heart 12 times. As is noted on the Marvel Boy page, this was the last frame of the Marvel Boy comic, ever.
For months DES Comic's Lord Voldemort Comic Book included a character only refered to as "X", who seemed to have been created by Lord Voldemort, and did his biding like a slave. In Lord Voldemort issue #880 X is see at a distance. This now infamous "long distance picture" is the first view fans will ever get of the new Marvel Boy, now named Xman. We are later told in the comic book "The First Birth of the Xman" that Lord Voldemort dragged Marvel Boy back to his layer. Once there, Marvel Boy was subjected to branding, castration, flagellation, child abuse, foot roasting, force-feeding, picquet, scalping, forced starvation, and of course rape. All of these things (as has been documented by the United States Goverment) will cause any hero to morph and change in appearance. In the case of Xman, it brought his "personal demons", the people he dreamt about, into the physical world. Each persona "claimed" a diffrent part of his body, giving that body the persona's individual powers.

edit Xman Ventures out Alone

After Lord Voldemort tortured Xman, Xman went insane. He ran away from Lord Voldemort and hid in the forests of Northern Russia for many years, systimatically blocking out all memory of his previous life. This period lasted for almost 12 years in the DESiverse, and after this time Xman got his own comic book, entitled The Amazining Xman. This comic book lasted for 40 years (from 1925-1965) and featured Xman fighting such enimes as Penislord, Red October, Spider-fan, Dr. Juice, Assbaron, Beelzebub, and Batman.

edit Notable Events

The Amazing Xman comic book is notable for many things, including the fact that it was the first comic book to enter space. It was rocketed into space on the first Sputnik mission, when it was mistaken for a Playboy Magazine. Also throughout the comic book serise, Xman made many jokes about this fact.

Anouther notable even was when Xman was pictured nude, in a centerfold of issue #1581.

edit Xman in the Real World

It has been rumured on the internet, that Xman is a real person. But you didn't hear it from us.

Personal tools
projects