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From UnBooks, the content-free textbook collection
The Art of Making Acceptable Urinal Conversation

Gentlemen, welcome to the world of the urinal.

These magnificent white beasts of the washroom are internatioanlly widespread. They lie dorment in restraunt washrooms, the washrooms at goverment offices, and even the washrooms of private citizens. We regard them and urinate in their gaping maws on a regular basis, gentlemen. But yet, there is an issue. As we stand, pizzles in hand, letting forth a flow of liver enduced fluids, in front of rows upon rows of urinals, we, gentlemen, sometimes feel the need to make conversation.
In this, my latest guide to etiquette for the everyman of modern society, I will discuss the subtle technique of unrinal convesation. As with my prior guides, I will attempt to make myself clear and to the point without being long winded and interesting.

edit Chapter One: General Urinal Etiquette

Alright, gentlemen, before I get into discussing the oral techniques that I will outline later on in this guide, we must first start the basics. There are some, rather unspoken, elements of urinal etiquette that go without saying: do not urinate on yourself, do not urinate on the exposed wall between urinals, do not urinate on the man standing at the urinal adjacent to your urinal, do not defecate in (or around) a urinal, do not get on your knees next to a row of urinals and – with your mouth gaping – invite men to urinate in your mouth, and, of course, do not swipe the urinal cakes "for dessert". That all just goes without saying, gentlemen.

edit Chapter Two: Maintaining Eye Contact

edit Chapter Three: A Gentleman's Excuse Me

edit See Also

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