User:Zombiebaron/wip/HowTo:Have safe sex with dogs

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Gorillatrans HowTo 
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos

Dogs are widely known to be the most sexually promiscuous of all household pets.

It is important that every time you have sex with a dog that you first follow all of the proper safety steps to ensure a pleasurable and healthy outcome for both you and your pet. The following guide is provided for you here free of charge as a public health service. The writers of this guide would like to express their full support for any kind of sexual activity taking place between humans and dogs, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult (remember: one human year equals seven dog years).

Please know: if you do not practice safe sex with dogs you put yourself at risk of contracting one of the thousands of sexually transmitted disease carried by every dog, spreading your many human sexually transmitted diseases to your doggy buddy, or even creating a super-mutated killer STD. You have been warned!

Gender preference

Depending on your gender and your sexual preferences staying safe while having an erotic evening with your dog will require different precautions.

Breeds; What size is the right fit?

This is a personal matter, but is of great importance when it comes to safety. If you try to fuck a tiny dog with a massive cock you are going to hurt the dog.

Doggy style

Doggy style has nothing to do with safe sex. Dogs just love it.

See Also

Personal tools