User:Zombiebaron/wip/Hallucinatory Effects of Popcorn Consumption

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The Research

Patrick Gunter von Schpiel

A picture of Patrick Gunter von Schpiel wearing futuristic clothing.

The hallucinatory side effects cased by the consumption of popcorn were earliest and most well-documented by the late 17th century researcher Patrick Gunter von Schpiel. Unfortunately, most of his research into the field was regarded as frivolous by most of the scientific community due to the fact that he was a stark raving loon. His lunacy (and his prior knowledge of the existence of movies and popcorn) is largely attributed to the fact that his father was the famous 'Time Traveler', the protagonist from H.G.Wells' novel The Time Machine, and that his mother was the 20th century supermodel Janice Dickinson.

The Effects

Schpiel's research indicates that the consumption of copius amounts of buttered (and in some cases, unbuttered) popcorn in the right settings can produce a hallucinatory effect, allowing for bad movies (i.e., Gigli) to be misconstrued as incredible works of art. Also, under the right settings the consumption of popcorn can lead an audience to believe that they are viewing a movie, when in fact they are only watching a carefully crafted ruse including subliminal messages and a single image, most often that of a dancing hampster (this method, known simply as Motionless Picture has been most recently and succesfully used in the motion picture Serenity, based on the fictitious television show Firefly). Studies have been held by the MPAA to determine the environment best suited for the propogation of these hallucinatory properties, and have determined that they are most effective given the existence of certain key elements:

  • Dim Lighting
  • A sticky, somewhat gooey substance covering the floor
  • Carefully located crying babies, and
  • Cell phones inconsiderately left on
  • The simultaneous imbibing of unhealthy amounts of watered down cola

Usage in Drug Culture

Pre-EnviromentanalizedPopcorn

Act II, the popcorn manufacturer, even jumped aboard the drug craze.

Once it was released to the public that eating popcorn in the enviroment detailed above could cause hallucinations, the druggies jumped aboard. This caused the massive boom in movie theater revenue during 2003, and prompted a new Cheech and Chong movie to be released that year. Companies have also developed ways to stimulate the popcorn so that you no longer have to eat it in a certain enviroment to get hallucinations. The first major brands of "pre-enviromentalized" popcorn was named "Orville Drug'nbacher", and has lead to many other brands of its kind.

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