User:Zombiebaron/Family Aristocrat Circus
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Everybody knows the story of the Aristocrats. It's a timeless tale that almost anybody can relate to. Bil and Thelma Aristocrat met at college and fell in love. Back then, Bil was the star quarterback for the college football team, and Thelma was studying to be a secretary. But things changed after they graduated and got married. Thelma started shitting babies out of her vagina. Seven years later the Aristocrats had four children: Billy, Dolly, Jeffy, and PJ. Times were good for the Aristocrats in those days, and they often bought small pets which they then hunted and ate in their backyard. Everything was going according to plan. And then Bil lost his job at the nuclear power plant. Bil started drinking. He would often come home drunk yelling nonsense about Milton Freedman. That was when the Aristocrats hit rock bottom and decided that their only way out of poverty was to showcase live on stage some of the creative sexual maneuvers that the family had been developing in the privacy of their own home. They went down to a talent agent the next day, and as we all know, the rest is history.
But how did this famous family get their start? What inspired them to do what they do? Did PJ really get Dolly pregnant? For the first time ever in history all of these questions will be answered, and more!
After Bil's death in November 2011, his secret family sketch book was released to the public. Below you will see a small selection of this huge library of drawings that chronicle what daily life was really like for the Aristocrats. Each drawing is accompanied by a brief quotation from the event it portrays.