User:Zim ulator/UnNews Religion Section model

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Jesus on raptor
Welcome to UnNews Religion Section.

Spirituality in the news.


UnNews takes a dim view of religion, especially those which practice old time rituals like "Hyenamancy". That being said, spirituality is an bottomless well of humor. George W. Bush, the Pope and Westboro Baptist Church get their fair share of ribbing here. Not to be too discriminating, we extend our wit to all faiths and cults, whackos and nutjobs, the saintly and the blasphemous. Your cross to bear, dear reader, is the occasional fact sprinkled among this journalistic gem store, and for this, we apologize.

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Religion in UnNews

The Pope annoys everyone and nearly starts a war
Hippie-street-fight

NUREMBURG, Germany --Pope Benedict has really irritated some radical fanatics with his most recent remarks which he stated at a rally of enthusiastic Nazi supporters at Nuremberg in Southern Germany. According to reports, Pope Benedict stated:

"Listen, boys, you might be surprised to hear this, but I just love Islam. It's a smashing religion with a lot going for it. Take the subjugation of women for example. What a great idea! We've been trying for centuries on that one but we've got nowhere near as far on it as Islam. I mean, come on, who wants these women running all over the streets with their sinbags jiggling about distracting us from the Bible? No, no—let's put them in wardrobes, just like Allah says.". more...


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Religion News Quote of the Moment

If Jesus really wanted to, he could shoot lightning out of his hands AND drop a roof AND throw Palpatine down a gravity well...

~ Rev. Joel Osteen on Jesus versus Palpatine
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Selected UnNews Religion Image

ObamaHalo

Obama, with visible halo, casts out John McCain's demons. "I ain't never seen so many Goddamn demons in mah life," said eyewitness Lou-Ann Kerschnickerty, a veteran of over 6000 demon casting-out ceremonies.

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Religion in UnNews

Police seek prophet in attempted herbicide
Romancenturion

BETHANY, Judah -- Police are seeking information on a recent crime involving plant persecution of local flora. Detectivus Inspectorus Centurion Mathius Romanus, an officer of the Roman Expeditionary Force, theorizes that the attempted murder of a tree happened thusly, "First, I man with scruffy hair, unkempt beard and a puffy shirt, followed by XII more men of like appearance and similar attire didst loiter around Bethany. This group of XIII then approached the victim, and when their ringleader didst find no fruit on the victim He proceeded to curse the victim, rendering it permanently fruitless." more...


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Religion in UnNews

Fire-god Agni sues asbestos company
Agnideva

MAYFAIR, Alaska -- UnNews was surprised to learn that the Fire-god, Agni, also known as Hephaestus in Greece, and something else in other places, had filed a multi-million dollar law suit against Mayfair based, Acme Asbestos Company, citing “obstruction of justice” for providing building materials to the Hell-hole Titty Bar, that caused a fire, which was meant to burn down the goddamn place, to be unsuccessful. more...



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