User:Zim ulator/UnNews Religion Section model

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Jesus on raptor
Welcome to UnNews Religion Section.

Spirituality in the news.


UnNews takes a dim view of religion, especially those which practice old time rituals like "Hyenamancy". That being said, spirituality is an bottomless well of humor. George W. Bush, the Pope and Westboro Baptist Church get their fair share of ribbing here. Not to be too discriminating, we extend our wit to all faiths and cults, whackos and nutjobs, the saintly and the blasphemous. Your cross to bear, dear reader, is the occasional fact sprinkled among this journalistic gem store, and for this, we apologize.

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Religion in UnNews

Chuck Norris - Secularism: the single greatest threat that America has ever faced
Cnorrishead

Uncyclopedia is proud to present an exclusive, never before published column by Chuck Norris, founder of the Chun Kuk Do school of Tang Soo Do Chopsocky, as well as wearer of the 8th Degree Black Belt Grand Master in Tae Kwon Do, another of indeterminate color for Machado Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, rainbow suspenders for Tai Chi and a white apron in Tex-Mex cooking. Known as "the Bruce Lee of martial arts movies", he starred in films like Missing in Action (1984), Missing in Action II: The Missing Strikes Back (1985), and Missing in Action III: Return of the Missing (1988) before playing a Texas Ranger named Walker on the TV series Walker, Texas Ranger (1993-2001). He is also the author of The Justice Riders, a novel about justices who justly dispense justice, guided by their Conservative Christian worldview (the bedrock principles on which America was founded by the Founding Fathers, who founded America on the bedrock foundation of Conservative Christian principles), as they ride. In 2007, Chuck gave the commencement speech at Falwell's Liberty University. Five days later Jerry Falwell went to the Lord. The two incidents are unrelated. more...


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Religion News Quote of the Moment

If Jesus really wanted to, he could shoot lightning out of his hands AND drop a roof AND throw Palpatine down a gravity well...

~ Rev. Joel Osteen on Jesus versus Palpatine
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Selected UnNews Religion Image

Pat Robertson as God

"I used to have a pimple right here!"

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Religion in UnNews

Poor planning ruins Rapture
Rainn Wilson50b

EARTH, Sol System -- The Rapture, long awaited by people who don't want to hang around to see how it all turns out, finally occurred this morning, catching even the most militant biblical literalists by surprise. At approximately two o'clock (GMT), various body parts of pious citizens across the globe simply disappeared. more...


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Religion in UnNews

Gods definitive list of sins now available to select Christian denominations
List of things God will judge

CORNFED, Nebraska -- Fresh-faced, young, fringe Baptist, mildly psychotic Jeremiah Malmquist hit the streets today with "Good News" for his fellow man. Reverend Fred Phelps of the Bat Fuck Insane Church of Everything God Hates, received clarification directly from God last week about what He really hates. more...



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