User:Zim ulator/UnNews OpEd Columns Letters model/Janitors Closet

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Dear Chief Janitorial Editor,
Why are you such a Nazi fuck? You're like Mussolini, telling everybody to shot the fuck up. I hate you. You suck. You can't tell me what to do.

A Concerned Citizen

Dear Concerned & Stupid,
I've been inspired to write an article about a twat who invokes Godwin's Law, without having a clue as to it's meaning. Oh, wait... that's you! Invoking Reductio ad Hitlerum as a way to bolster your argument makes you look like an idiot [1]. You're obviously one of those self-important, mewling douche bags trying to pass as insightful and above the judgment of others. We're on to you, buddy. This is a community, dickbag. Disrespecting admins, like disrespecting anybody in general, will ultimately make you the loser. The only real difference, as far as you should be concerned, is that I and other admins can ban you permanently if I feel like it. Fair warning; stop being such a dick. Cheers!
P. S. I'm the pretentious douche bag around here. Got that?
  1. Revision history of "User talk:SPIKE"

Janitorially yours,

The Editorial Stiff

Dear Janitors Closet,
Why don't you just fuck off and die?

Dear Reader,
Why don't you.

Janitorially yours,

The Editorial Stiff

Dear Janitors Closet,
Is there, or is there not a Cabal?

Cesar Milan,

Newly resurrected by the Republican National Convention
Dear Mr Vice President,
We're hoping for the answer to that question, once the Higgs-Boson is found.

Janitorially yours,

The Editorial Stiff

Dear Janitors Closet,
What's with this dick we've heard about, comparing UnNews to The Onion? Is there more than one of them? We should kill them. We should kill them all.

Spiro Agnew,

The Dog Whisperer
Dear Mr Vice President,
Since you are dead, I do not feel compelled to dignify your letter with a response. Being a gentleman, I will endeavor to bury my apathy in false empathy with your cause(s).
Yes, they should all be dead. Since you've been away, there's been this wonderful fellow called Dick Cheney, who has ties to a fantastic government contractor named Halliburton. I am certain Mr. Cheney and David J. Lesar (Chairman, President & CEO) would take our contract enthusiastically, and execute it with precision, accuracy and a sneering vigor. Let's do get together for gin and tonics soon.

Janitorially yours,

The Editorial Stiff


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