It has come to my attention that some douche bag deleted my Evil Jesus article. Revenge will be mine! rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 23:54, 25 November 2007 (UTC)
- Crisis over, Evil Jesus restored. Harmony has been established in the guard house, and Jacks are better to open. rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 23:57, 9 January 2008 (UTC)
UPDATE!!! the very wrong reverend major zim_ulator Sheikh of Okinawa, Archbishop of Koza, and Rightful Heir to the Third Stripe UPDATE!!!
- zim has recently had to smuggle himself across the border by hiding on his own head, after a government-sponsored "Sabbatical" in an undisclosed location, somewhere near or outside of the USA. During his stay at the hospitality suite of this unspecified re-education camp / safe house, zim underwent extended periods of sensory deprivation, verbal enmasculation, and once played checkers with a Komodo dragon. That is all for now. End transmission. rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 13:07, 26 August 2007 (UTC)
My most profound discoveries in the sphere of religion come from these inspirational sermons.
Welcome to studiOzim the online intersection time, space, and zimizm. We are currently enhancing our abilities to annoy the general public by upgrading computer hardware, software, and bizarre behavior. Although UnNews audio output has been very slow during this process, we hope you sick people who actually enjoy listening to UnNews audios have borne with us as we expand.
The rev. is also going through a series of existential crises, including a scheme to get his fat ass off of disability and into a working situation, quitting smoking (cigarettes), and dealing with the government types spying on him. He'll take money, but any other type of support is welcome. rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 18:34, 30 March 2007 (UTC)
 self-portrait of zim wasting time with cool scanner software. Today rev_zim founded the radical non-practicing Coptic temperature-driven magazine, "Bat Fuck Christian High Times", as an attempt to get back at his childhood enemies. Failing that, the renowned publication persisted for almost 4 decades, after which rev_zim was finally captured by Scientologist aliens and had his brain replaced with three garden slugs. He then went into politics, where he drafted routine binary operations legislation as a fictional Congressional Representative from the State of Massachusetts. rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 21:53, 1 April 2007 (UTC)
 Rev_zim is drivel-driven, which is sort of like event-driven, but different...  rev zim played the only sane character on Grue's Clues, Salty Pimienta. confirmed miracles zim has performed
- Rev_zim has converted
 souls to zimizm.
- Turned wine into piss.
- Turned beer into piss.
- Turned coffee into piss.
- Quit smoking tobacco.
zimizm and you
 JesusVsRoboHitler.jpg, one of zims favorite pics. {{subst:Welcome}} -- {{User:Zim_ulator/sig}}
zimizm is the first cult to be completely up front in it's purpose, ie. to make zim happy. A member must give me lots of money and submit to my control. I pwn the member's mind, money and soul. To sign up, leave a message on my talk page, and I will contact those I deem worthy. That is all for now.
Rev_zim,
Church of 42,
00:53, 10 August 2006 (UTC)
Existentialism and zim_ulator
“Some people search for the answers… others just know there aren’t any questions.”
~ User:Mhaille on carrots
“Uncyclopedia gets about 300 new articles a day. Out of those 300, about 200 of them die before they turn 1 day old.”
~ Uncyclopedia on articles
The Zim_ulator is a single-user EUI (existential user interface). The Zim_ulator is heavily medicated. The Zim_ulator wants to be a member of the Collective, is capable of lucidity at times, but can be unreliable due to bouts of mental illness and back pain. The Zim_ulator may or may not exist at any given time orthagonally (ain't that a great word?) to this user space.
The user Fears and Obeys Cthulhu and User:MoneySign; the user knows what's good for him. The user hopes to be worthy of
absorption by has devoured the souls of the Collective, else the user shall surely perish. and is in negotiation to buy out Nyarlhotep.
zimizm, a permutative or sideways Spoonerism
 Image of the most holy axe, symbol of zimizm's Asymmetry principle. zimizm it the actual official Church of Uncyclopedia There are those who insist the Unglican Church is the true church, but I dispute it flamboyantly.
zim is an ordained Minister of the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic [1] and holds a Bachelor's Degree in Spiritual Reengineering from the online University of Nescience. His virtual Church, that is, a Church specific to zimizm (a permutative or sideways Spoonerism), does not as yet exist outside the containment field of his brain. He's thinking about calling it the Church of Actuality, but frequently changes his mind about almost everything at some point, so we'll see.
 All of these people kill the Zim_ulator in their happy dreams. - From it's outset, zimizm has been devoted to the uniqueness of character defined by DNA, neuro-chemical processing, environmental pressures, and patterns implicit withing each cell, each molecule, each atom, sub-atomic particle, each
string as yet to be defined thingy. As a result, the initial creation of zimizm is a catalyst which encourages, nay, even demands, schism. Therefore, I, being the Prime Mover of zimizm, so to speak, was cloven asunder and set one against the other before inducting my first convert. I am an oxygenated moron, a tao symbol thingy, both orthodox and heretic in one form. This bears some thought about the nature of the first convert, saint and sinner in the same package.
 Jesus bought the Holy Ass, depicted here as a raptor, from zim in 1066 AD. - Saint seg has been abducted into the Hall of zimizm'st Holy Saints. although she is not actually a member of the Holy Church, nor is she dead, I, zim, declare her to be St. segway the Living, patroness of Chaos. rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 00:41, 9 July 2006 (UTC)
- Upgraded UPR with the UnCanninator, put together recording of my conversation with the deceased Father St. Josemaría Escrivá, founder of Opus Dei. I intend to speak with more dead persons for UnNews soon. The question is, who to start with? rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 16:31, 11 July 2006 (UTC)
IRC Rules: Treat Your Zim Nicely And See What Happens
zim_ulator is contained in three (32) sockpuppets as of May 14, July 9 2006.
- 1. Rev_zim
- 2. zim_away
- 3. [
insert random characters here]
- 4. NOT segway
- zim_ulator enjoys underscores in his happy dreams and in meatspace
zim's Stupie-Poopie Templates
Welcome to UnNews template
{{user:zim ulator/welcome to UnNews}} ~~~~
We're trying to catch up with these "Welcome to UnNews" thingies, and realise that many new UnNews writers have been missed. I'd been away for several months with no computer, and now I'm back with a slow old PC, so please be patient.
Wait... if you're reading this, you don't need to be patient, because you didn't know about it before, and now it's here, so... don't bother reading the first paragraph... never mind. rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 00:39, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
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| On your knees! Rev. Zim_ulator blesses you.
Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and recieve the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware.
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the important stuff about UnNews articles
Welcome to UnNews, Zim ulator/Old User Page, and thank you for contributing some crap, or something. For a very quick introduction to the ins and outs, please take 30 seconds to read Help:How to write an UnNews article. Please note that proper formatting of an UnNews articles title has only the first word (after UnNews:) and proper nouns capitalized. The second offense of this cardinal rule gets your ass banned. Heh, just kidding... maybe.
Also, a perusal of HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article may help you sink to the average level of UnNews mediocrity, and go on to fame, fortune, and dispepsia.
Although I am an UnNews god cretin and an omnipotent admin, I am also humble, and realize that I make mistakes. I try to allow for some slack in others as well. If your article has been deleted or NRVd by me, it probably sucked, and in my opinion was not worth saving. Things which may protect you from my delete stick are;
- Pics with captions
- Links to other Uncyclopedia thingies, like this [[thingie]]
- Pay attention to suggestions in the UnNews article template
-
- Sources, fill in the info {{source|url=
|title=
|author=
|pub=
|date=Mmmmm DD, YYYY}}
- if I see this "[ ]". [[wikipedia:|]], Mmmmm DD, YYYY
- instead of a properly formatted source, I may take it as a sign from the gods to delete the article
I've reproduced some other pertinent links below from Uncyclopedia:Community Portal which I recommend you peruse.
Discussion and Visitor Information
- General Discussion about Uncyclopedia, questions, comments.
- If you're new read this
or you might be huffed.
- Information for new visitors to the site.
- We don't care how awesome you or your buddies are.
- Some helpful tips.
If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.
This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 13:51, 3 September 2007 (UTC)
Rev zim's Blessing
- Below is a blessing to be given in lieu of a spoken blessing. Were this as spoken blessing, it would be done in a fashion peculiar to zimizm, i.e. a Nondenomenational Glossalalic Esparanto Benediction.
{{User:Zim_ulator/blessing}}
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| On your knees! Rev. Zim_ulator blesses you.
Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and recieve the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware.
|
SAMPLE
{{Ninjastar|Loudhorn.jpg|UnNews Audio Ninjastar|For a fine job on your audio. Your character, wit and smarm have lulled the masses into a false sense of security. Nice job!|[[User:Zim_ulator|'''Rev_zim''']]}}
The UnCanninator
Originally developed as a tool for interviewing the dead, zim has since modified it to peer into the future, and to extract pertinent UnFacts with which to further the cause of Dissemination of Misinformation
rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 19:24, 26 February 2007 (UTC)
 Rev_zim drives the UnCanninator. This article is part of a series of interviews with the dead, using our patent-pending UnCanninator. The Cabal is planning to infiltrate society with UnCanninator Tech and compete directly with psychics like John Edward and with Scientology, on another front altogether. Profit projections are through the ceiling!
CAUTION Do not stare directly into this audio, nor should you expose yourself to it for more than 10 minutes at a go. This is some dangerous super-secrety-sciency stuff, so be careful and don't feed it to children unless child has a USB port.
If you don't believe any of this, you can bugger off!
{{User:Zim_ulator/UnNews_UnCanninator}}
UnNews don't know don't care
This template is a disclaimer for an article for which I do audio, and I don't understand or care about the content.
WARNING!!! This article contains Misinformation, about which the audio reader knows nothing. Neither does the audio reader care. The audio reader is just here to do his/her fucking job, for the love of Mother Mary and Joseph! The audio reader does not understand this article, and therefore, does not care what the hell this article is about. Can the audio reader possibly make it any more clear? If so, kindly leave off.
{{User:Zim ulator/UnNews don't know don't care}}
Satans Template
Satii are competing with Jesii for Uncylopedia coverage, here's a template you can use to keep your Satan aligned with the rest.
{{Satans}}
</div></div></div>
zims UnNewsAudio award
{{User:Zim ulator/evil UnNewsAudio blessing}}
| On your knees! Rev. Zim_ulator bestows this evil blessing upon you!
In recognition of your awesome job of doing an UnNewsAudio,
I hereby confer upon thee a great, stinking, festering heap of evil.
Thanks for sharing the work of producing audios with zim. You rock!'
|
zim's Unchristianity Project
After creating this template, zim got so excited he was going to add it to all 99 (at the time) pages under the Category Christianity. Then he thought better of it. The Unchristianity Project is his way of checking Christianity articles for "quality" (and he uses the word pugilisticly), and "fixing" stuff he finds lacking, and slapping this template where he thinks it might "add value".
{{Unchristianity}}
Contributions
Not listed due to a confluence of the planets, and 2 bottles of cough medicine,
Awards
 HallBugs 2007
I was flattered to be nommed Noob of the Month.
 Nominated Noob of the Month
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Nominated for the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation. This award recognizes superb reporting in UnNews Audio segments. My mother would be so proud, unless she knew what it is I actually do, here on Uncyclopedia. Thanks to all who voted for me. You are pre-blessed. rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 04:15, 2 June 2006 (UTC)
- N.B. seen below is a mock-up of the Goldstein Award , for which I was nommed. Were this the actual award, Zombie Jesus would be eating your brain right now. rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 16:25, 2 June 2006 (UTC)
- Now it is the acutal award. –H. 05:38, 1 July 2006 (UTC)
| This user has recorded a lot of my unnews stories, and as a recognition, has been bestowed this poorly admixtured MS painted picture of a medal (sorry about the color, I tried to change it but it was too hard for my non-1337 "skills").
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I'm particularly pleased by this award.
rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 18:41, 7 September 2006 (UTC)
Wow! Cool! I think... heh heh... rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 13:33, 17 May 2007 (UTC)
 Hallbugs Nominee
This user is nominated for the HallBugs 2007 Academy Award. You can go vote for him/her at User:Gert5/hallbugs.
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Curriculum Feces
| This user joined the Folding@home Team, because he/she has nothing better to do with his/her computer.
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| This user is Taoist, and believes in the divinity of all sentient beings. Don't be a dick or he/she'll kick your ass using Goa Tse Do.
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| This user is humping Leon Trotsky's leg.
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| This user is searching for the Cabal. If they go missing, please inform their family.
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| This user is hereby nominated an HONORARY JEW, and is entitled for all honors and persecutions as such.
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| This user is a reporter for UnNews because they couldn't get a job at a real newspaper.
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Feeling smart? Read this
http://web.media.mit.edu/~minsky/papers/AlienIntelligence.html
http://web.media.mit.edu/~minsky/papers/Alienable%20Rights.html
http://web.media.mit.edu/~minsky/papers/jokes.cognitive.txt
UnNews:Denny's number one customer dies at 112
Hey thanks for the contributions. I unfortunately suffer from mediocrity.
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| You have won the coveted Bucket of Piss award.
I would congratulate you, but this isn't anything to be proud about.
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Some people believe that the above award is meant to be demoralizing; they're absolutely right. Keep up the good work! -- [SIR] e|m|c [talk] 02:49, 3 September 2006 (UTC)
I just love this idea: UnNews Sunday Magazine
Hate mail
 rev zim creates evil Uncyc artifacts. Date: Sun, 17 Sep 2006 08:41:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Mr. Evelyn Scratchme" <zim_ulator@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: ass hole, wait and see how many poeple read my thing
To: "Enrico" <zigilgorg@yahoo.com>
Dear Enrico,
So nice to hear from you! Thanks for your insight into
my deletion process, I will certainly take it under
consideration.
I'm so sorry, but I don't remember the article which
you're talking about here. Obviously it's of
incredible importance to you, and of none to me
personally. I extend my heartfelt apologies for having
offended you so deeply. I will save this exchange as a
reminder of my imperfection in the eyes of god.
The rev blesses you,
zim
 A zim_ulation of when Reverend zim was a Zoroastrian, getting revelation from the Gods, Ahura Mazda and Joe Isuzu.
--- Enrico <zigilgorg@yahoo.com> wrote:
>dear asshole
>
>you huffed my dear short writing entitled " the
>Iran's army chief declared war on potato chips"
>
>dear fuckhole
>
> if you pay attention to the real image that was
> included in the thing, you'd realize it was very
> very funny, contrasting your fucking annoying shit.
>
> Plus, you could wait and see how many visitors
> that little satire of mine gets, before fucking
> delete it
- There aren't enough curse words in this for me to understand it. Is he saying he likes you and wants to have tea?--<<
 >> 06:19, 30 September 2006 (UTC)
- Your reply is the single funniest thing I have read here in a long time. --Sir Hardwick Fundlebuggy (Bleat) 08:29, 30 September 2006 (UTC)
- And humor gets nailed by humour. Sweet as. --thematrixeætsyou, the rocker (talk) (flames)
You have amused zim
{{User:Zim ulator/amused zim}}
| Cheers! Rev. zim_ulator is amused!
You have succeeded in both a- and b-musing zim,
and are therefore worthy of three bottles of cheap
absinthe. Do not drink them too quickly, lest your mind
become like unto that of zimz.
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Evil_santa.jpg
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