User:Zim ulator/HowTo play the pan flute

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Kitten huffing toilet

Hot to play the pan flute.

The pan flute is an ancient musical instrument, most closely related to bagpipes and the French horn. They were originally used by Celtic druids to summon poltergeists, and were adapted by the conquering Romans in Britain for urban life by integrating them into common plumbing systems. By harnessing the flow capacity of the aqueduct, Roman cities were able to assemble entire orchestras of pan flutes, with players numbering in the hundreds.

edit Why?

Snooty people are easily impressed by old, obscure things and worthless talents. You can impress prospective marks and friends by building and playing your own pan flute. It makes a good conversation starter.

edit Materials

  1. One to six quadrupedal mammals of a mass of 20 kilograms of less
  2. One Western-style toilet
  3. One pan flute player
  4. A ten meter length of plumbing snake
  5. Some musical ability
  6. 8mm. 10mm. 12mm. hexagonal bolts, 24 each
  7. 8mm. 10mm. 12mm. lock washers, 24 each
  8. One tube sex lube
  9. One meter length of 20mm. specialty gardening hose
  10. One lynx bladder

edit You will need:

  1. One 8mm. open-ended wrench
  2. One 10mm. open ended wrench
  3. One 12 mm. open ended wrench
  4. Musical ability
  5. Matches

edit Illustration numbers

10. Mouthpiece grip
11. Sonic projectory bell
12. Western-style toilet
13. Connectory
14. Kitten mid-spine
15. Harmonic refraction surface
16. Reeded mouthpiece
19. Aquarium tubing
20. Hosebag
21. Kitten upper spine
25. Flatulator
26. Kitten lower spine
27. Medium sized kitten
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