User:Zim ulator/Catbox

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HowTo:Go fuck yourself

For those of you who are new to the English language,or tend to take everything they hear and read literally, a bit of explanation is required. First, you are being told to go. There are myriad meanings this idea can take, depending on context, but generally, you are being asked to remove yourself from your present location in time and space.[1]

As for "fuck", there is a much smaller list than with "go", yet still, we must be clear. One might mean the act of sexual intercourse, either penile penetration of the vagina, or penile penetration of the anus. If you were careless, or in a hurry, you might casually believe that this person who just told you to go fuck yourself might be wishing you well. Perhaps they believe that you are, at the moment, extremely desirous of sexual intercourse, and are wishing you well by affirming that you should, indeed, to fuck yourself and have a wonderful time.

Here we meet the final nail in the phrase, "yourself".


An Oak Tree


C'est ne pas une oak.

Installation art dealing with the Roman Catholic idea of transubstantiation.

Wikipedia:An Oak Tree

Pedro Carolino thought he was doing the world a favor

Pedro Carolino thought he was doing the world a favor in 1883 when he published English As She Is Spoke, ostensibly a Portuguese-English phrasebook. The trouble is that Carolino didn’t speak English — apparently he had taken an existing Portuguese-French phrasebook and mechanically translated the French to English using a dictionary, assuming that this would produce proper English. It didn’t:

An anecdote

One eyed was laied against a man which had good eyes that he saw better than him. The party was accepted. “I had gain, over said the one eyed; why I see you two eyes, and you not look me who one.”

Bat-eating spiders threaten Israeli terror weapons project

Spider eating bat in Colorado

An ingenious product of modern bioweapons research.

Possibly developed and deployed by some Muslim group to disrupt the production of bat-fuck ammunition production.

Nazi war criminal Bormann found alive in Paraguay

Notorious Nazi designer of death camps, dreadful architecture and silly mustaches Martin Bormann, lons suspected to have died in Paraguay in 1959 of stomach cancer has been found alive and well living at a youth hostel in whatever paraguay.

Job as Chief Kiddie Diddler In Charge of the Nazi Wing of the Bat Fuck Youth Hostel.

Extradited to Isreal.

Alive because of Mengele developing nazi super science, medicine based on that stupid ice world theory and racial theories of those idiots.

Tasmanian Devil hunting whales, dolphins to extinction

New Navy sonar, blah blah

Happening in Tasmania, look up news stories relating to these beachings,..

Bat fuck insane content blah blah

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.

The Beforemath

The Duringmath

The Aftemath

Tasmanian Devil hunting whales, dolphins to extinction

New Navy sonar, blah blah

Happening in Tasmania, look up news stories relating to these beachings,..

Bat fuck insane content blah blah

UnNews Logo Potato
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.

The Beforemath

The Duringmath

The Aftemath

Autonomous bioweapon proves its mettle


PENTAGON, Warshington D.C. -- Rumors of a chicken-like weapons system, designed for close air support and surveillance, have circulated within the Beltway[2] for years now. Yesterday Combined Armed Forces Special Projects spokesperson Persephone Klammerer announced that testing of the CyberHen Device has yielded a weapon of "high confidence in targeting and execution".

Like most modern weapons systems, CyberHen is a modular design. This means that a variety of telemetry, spy cameras, radiation detectors, micro-missiles, paint balls and pellets can be easy interchanged and deployed into combat quickly and efficiently. Initial testing included deployment of stealthy spy chickens across Canada to count bison and reindeer, and small termination actions in Afghanistan with moderate success.

  1. With regard to dimensionality, we refer here to the three commonly known directions in space and the one of time. Additional dimensions are not specifically considered, but one may infer that however we conceive of these dimensions, some commonly understood idea of here' is implied. Since there have also been hypothesized the possibility of one or more additional time dimensions, again we must imply a localized now, to which we refer when we say we are going away from it. By it, we mean here and now.
  2. The Beltway refers to the greater Warshington D. C. area, where the business of the nation gets done. Coincidentally, it contains the greatest concentration of self-important wastes of a good education per capita.

Hyena bathing

Like dancing with wolves, bathing with hyenas requires a amount of primal instinct coupled with bat fuck insanity, with quick reflexes and good manual dexterity thrown in for survival value. Before attempting to exist within a hundred kilometers of a living hyena, the enthusiast should brief him/herself on the facts of hyenadom, and it's relationship to all things evil and Satanic. Horrific death, dismemberment and grave bodily injuries have occurred during human-hyena contact in the past, and there's no reason to believe this trend won't continue.

This page does not exist‏‎

The page "This page does not exist" does not exist.

On a primal level, it's like playing peek-a-boo. If a page explodes on a wiki which I am unaware of, would I hear the sound?

A most wanted page.

Ontology Nihilism Existential Angst [[

Something about an upsurge in people calling bars asking for this guy

4063 320

An unfortunate appellation for a gynecologist..

Psychotics make for better law enforcement, say experts

Grainy Simplex Periphery

On having killed the 73 year old lawyer, "What the Hell? He was an old faggy perve, who cares?"

Used a Klingon weapon to subdue a renegade National Grid employee who was shutting power off homes that needed power for medical life sustaining devices.


Belching Hyena Stout Ale

"Ya gotter ave bollocks ta drink it, mate!" Invented by a sect of rogue Buddhists in 1977, Belching Hyena Stout Ale was brewed and consumed by a small cabal within the sect. These "Brothers In Eternal Deviance" tenaciously bottled the vile 16% alcohol and voraciously consumed it in mass quantities, remaining drunk and belligerent until summer, 1987.

Replacement Revs fumbling, saves at record low

Pastor Friendly

American Pastoral Servants Union president Reverend Jedidiah Friendley.

Saves(souls, salvation)

American Pastoral Servants Union

On strike for more respect (cite atheists)

Morgan Satan


Morgan Satan

Spork This page was originally sporked from

Morgan Porterfield Satan, Jr. (born June 1, 1937) is an American actor, demon, film director, tormentor of men, and narrator. He is noted for his reserved demeanor and authoritative speaking voice.

As son of the Horned One, he received many perks and assists during his career which made

Freeman has received Academy Award nominations for his performances in Street Smart Evil, Driving Miss Elizabeth (Báthory), The Shawshank Damnation and Invictus and won in 2005 for Million Dollar Baby. He has also won a Golden Globe Award and a Screen Actors Guild Award.

Freeman has appeared in many other box office hits, including Unforgiven, Glory, Seven, Deep Impact, The Sum of All Fears, Bruce Almighty, Batman Begins, March of the Penguins , The Bucket List, Evan Almighty, Wanted, The Dark Knight, and Red.

Evidence of Nazi space travel goals found


Codenamed DAS AT-AT, this Nazi superweapon never made it to the front lines.

Documentation of top secret Nazi plans to conquer and inhabit outer space has surfaced today.

Fox to premiere controversial animated sitcom




DVD rewinder

Amway's first venture into the technology business.

Fear and ignorance venn diagram

Saxon boat and strange cargo found in Norfolk

A Saxon boat has been found during flood defence work on a Norfolk river. Aboard were casks of Greek wine, Cypress planks and

The boat, which is about 9.8 ft (3m) long and had been hollowed out by hand from a piece of oak, was found at the bottom of the River Ant.

Five animal skulls were found near the boat, which has been taken to York for treatment to preserve it.

The Environment Agency had commissioned work to take place between Horning Hall and Browns Hill when the discovery was made last month.

Once preservation has been finished the vessel will return to Norfolk, where the Norfolk Museums and Archaeology Service want to display it at Norwich Castle Museum, an Environment Agency spokeswoman said.

Environment Agency project manager, Paul Mitchelmore, said: "This is the latest in a number of remarkable finds on the project.

"We are pleased that the Environment Agency has been able to uncover items that contribute to the knowledge of the rich history of the local area."


Sphincter Tuesday is the day vefore Ash Wednesday, when altar boys careless enough to stay too late at the Ash Wednesday Mass rehersal bet butt-fucked, Sit On Fathers Lap Face Down Monday sort of explains itself.

Rock, Paper, Dead Monkey

Popular childrens game.

dead monkey eats rock


I need to archive old comics into a classic UnToons section

Real American housewives make for TV gold

Real Housewives DC ommanney2

Self-important Brit-wit Catherine Ashley Ommanney (pictured right front) is most certainly not a miserable vagina.

WASHINGTON DC -- I don't have the numbers to back it up, but I feel strongly that television, especially American television, has done more to advance the state of humanity than anything since the domestication of dogs.

It is a tool with which a person can navigate the various permutations of the human condition, and by nature of it's ubiquity and anonymity of usage, empowers any citizen, be it Joe Six-pack or Randy Senator, to live vicariously in some Hell-world for an hour a week. We love our celbutards with our Mom and apple pie.

The best television in America also makes us feel good about ourselves, and provides us with scapegoat, cut-out characters that make us think, "there, but for the grace of God, go I."

“I know you're American, but let's have some manners.”
~ some haughty UKer twat on Real Housewives of Washington, D. C.

Many reality show producers created television gold by dredging up our less fortunate fellow citizens from the mire of their everyday misery long enough for us to pity their financial hardships and get nauseous at their state of hygiene.

Ths Real Housewives [1] series of programs, a behind the scenes look at the politics, machinery and antics of some economically privileged, catty Washington DC "housewives" [2] takes another tack. It gives us the glitz and glamor of celebutards, and simultaneously extols the virtues of American stupidity.

Before I go on, I should disclose to you, dear reader, that I know nothing whatsoever about television production. In fact, here I am, writing an article about a specific TV show, and I haven't even seen it. I have seen the commercials for it, though, and that's why I'll never watch any reality shows. For me, the experience of witnessing "highlights" of such programing during commercials is akin to a migraine.

Thus far, my favorite character of "DC" is Catherine Ashley Ommanney. This feisty Brit certainly knows how to shake things up in D.C. Cat lived the fast-paced, glamorous life in London, but after reuniting with and marrying her high school sweetheart, she decided to move to U.S. soil with her two daughters, Jade and Ruby. She quickly began socializing with Washington’s elite crowd, and counts many high-profile political figures among her friends.

Her no-nonsense attitude and tell-it-like-it-is demeanor have helped her achieve success as a mother, interior designer, and a writer – she penned a book about her “racy” escapades as a charismatic, single woman living in London called “Inbox Full” that will come out later this year. She had a brief romantic liaison with Prince Harry in 2006.[3] In spring of 2010, even before "Real Housewives" aired, she separated from her husband, Newsweek photographer Charles Ommanney. [4]

I am so excited about this show [5], just because of Ommannys Zazz factor that it's sure I won't miss a single episode [6]. Please join us next Saturday [7], when I will have part two of this article featuring another character from show, Michaele Salahi. Does she have ties to Al Qaeda and the controversial Ground Zero Mosque kerfuffle, as her Arabic-sounding last name suggests?

References, Clarifications, Obfuscations

  1. The Real Housewives of Washington, D.C. is a reality television program that debuted on the Bravo network Thursday, August 5, 2010. It will be the network's fifth installation of The Real Housewives of... series, following The Real Housewives of Orange County, The Real Housewives of New York City, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Wikipedia
  2. I use the term housewife loosely. They do live in houses, and they are married, so technically they may be housewives.
  3. "Once, he had me stretch his Royal scrotum with pliers."
  4. Most certainly not a poor, cuckolded bastard, doomed to constant attendance to the whims of the three women in his life; a wife and two up-and-coming celebutards in the making.
  5. This is utter crap, of course.
  6. Which can be evidenced by my bleeding eyes and ears and the expression of agony on my face.
  7. Or some day resembling Saturday

Michaele Salahi, the sexier and less-suspiciously named of the couple

This northern Virginia native and model is a big part of the inner workings of the D.C. life. She and husband Tareq together founded America’s Polo Cup, for which he is the U.S. team captain. Through her involvement in the Polo Cup, which has become one of the largest and most high profile polo events in the U.S., Michaele has met numerous political leaders across the globe. Additionally, the two are involved in running the Salahi family vineyard, Oasis Winery. Always on the move and juggling multiple projects at once, Michaele is heavily involved in charity work, including being an advocate and fundraising for MS and the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. A family girl at heart, Michaele loves spending time at the family vineyard with her stable of horses and beloved dog. She with her husband crashed the first White House State Dinner hosted by President Barack Obama.[7][8][9]

The Propjet Moe Hamed

HowTo:Exercise demons


Vomit porn.

Demons are figments of the imagination. There is no such thing as Satan, angels, God, gods, the supernatural or psychic anything. On the face of it, exercising a demon is impossible and a complete waste of time.


Demons, being fabrications of countless cultures, religions and ethnicities boiled down to collections of archetypes, do not actually need exercise. However, there are plenty of people who believe in demons, and are perfectly willing to discuss how to do just about anything with a demon.

  1. It is tremendous fun for know-it-all atheists to play logic games with the delusional.
  2. Messing with those of lesser intelligences can relieve stress. One might consider this a moral act, if it prevents violence against the dog, family or coworkers.
  3. Gullible people can be easily convinced of your power over demons. Just arrange a little creative sleight-of-hand, mutter something vaguely resembling Latin and dress uniquely.

Squirrels can use the Force, scientists say

Squirrel Force Lightning

ZURICH, Switzerland -- Controversial and hugely expensive, the LHA

discovers that squirrels can use the force.


Evil John the Baptist?

Hegelian Dielectric (dialectic)

“Hegel’s Dialectic as Interpreted by Gavin Schmitt: “To Hegel, understanding what something is not helps to better understand what something is (and conversely, the more we know what something is, the more we know what it is not). The concept or object (which we call a “realization of the concept”) is “affirmed” by its opposite….Often times Hegel’s method is explained as “thesis, antithesis, and synthesis.” This was, in fact, the way it was explained to me in my introductory classes and the way it appears in many philosophic dictionaries. If we start with a certain idea or object, this idea or object is the thesis. Any idea or object we compare contrary to the thesis is the antithesis. The outcome is the synthesis, a better understanding of the thesis and occasionally a “higher” step in the world of ideas ”

Georg Hegel


Obviosedes (Greek:Οβφιοζεδησ Obpheocédēs) (404 BC - 309 BC) was and remains one of the lesser lights of ancient Greek philosophy. He was a contemporary of Aristotle, amateur cobbler, Freemason, town drunk and a key player on the national Corinthian candlepin bowling team, leading them to victory over the greater Peleponese and Thessaly leagues 18 years running.

Early Life

Obvios, a small village 33 kilometers from ancient Corinth, is the birthplace of 4 or 5 significant figures in ancient Greek academia, beginning with Idiocrates (1460 BC). The others are Sociopathes, Psychopathes and some other guy. Obviosedes was born into a communal arrangement, never learning who his father was. His mother grew marijuana to support his brother and two sisters, while he as a tyke would roam the streets of Corinth, lifting wallets when an opportunity presented itself.

His early training as a thief and physician was with the father of a future fellow in pursuit of truth and beauty, Aristotle. Mr. Aristotle found the boy sloppily picking a lock one day while at market, felt a sympathy for the poor lad. He made a dummy of himself and placed it in the hole where he slept at his parents home. When they couldn't wake him for a day of thieving, they simply buried the phony Obviosedes and promptly forgot him. Mrs. Aristotle reluctantly took him in, allowing him to sleep with the dogs and to eat table scraps and discarded candles.

Sociopathes and Psychopathess

Greek philosopher, most well known for his grasp of the obvious, promoting sociopathy and promoting psychopathy in that order..

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