User:Zim ulator/Bat Fuck Christian High Times
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edit The describy parts
zim spends several hours a day in this meditative position, called Bat Fuck Zazen. It was during one such session that the idea of a non-denominational, offensively-named publication occured to him. While writing about himself in the third person, zim often says silly things, such as the preceding. Today his medications are adjusting his Existential User Interface correctly, and this actual history of "Bat Fuck Christian High Times" can properly begin.
edit In The Beginning
Today rev_zim founded the radical non-practicing Coptic temperature-driven magazine, "Bat Fuck Christian High Times", as an attempt to get back at his childhood enemies. Failing that, the renowned publication persisted for almost 4 decades, after which rev_zim was finally captured by Scientologist aliens and had his brain replaced with three garden slugs. He then went into politics, where he drafted routine binary operations legislation as a fictional Congressional Representative from the State of Massachusetts.
edit The Middle Parts
These are the middle parts, which you should know, had you been paying attention. Now there's a joke... Zen and paying attention, in juxtaposition and yet so entwined as to be one inseperable. That was some heavy stuff you just read. Remember it.
edit The Great Instigation
There wasn't so much an instigation, as that I liked the sound of it rolling off my tongue. At this point in history, it is now, and so, now I write. The first issue hasn't even been conceived, and already the Wiccans, Reconstructionists, Republicans, and major appliance salesmen are against us. The dishwasher is a Bosch, and I'm comfortable with that, SAE be damned. So, an outline for the first issue may be something like this:
edit BAT FUCK CHRISTIAN HIGH TIMES
LAKE OAKS, Tennesee -- Insane preachers today stood up at precisely 1:07PM EST today in a show of solidarity against the very idea of "Bat Fuck Christian High Times". rev_zim responded with a complicated set of motions over the course of tens of seconds, ending in a raised fist. He then explained that such lame people who dare to interfere with the course of Nature and the publication of his as yet unreal magazine, are the same people who didn't hear the televangelist farting as he preached.
edit Cole Slaw
zim likes cole slaw.
edit The Endy Parts
There is no actual End, since this would imply an actual end, which does not exist, and therefore, is false. That was an example of Bat Fuck Logic. Remember it.
edit Issue 6
Featured: Automated Musk Ox: Smell the future! In 1981 there were no particle beam weapons or bat fuck insane people. Only LSD and the like were substitutes for the real thing, in the case of the former being the latters' batter. Cakes or baseball, we need a batter to increase the probability of reality becoming itself real. In the case of this magazine, I feel we should have a category:bat fuck inane.
"I will comptroll the world!" zim_ulator