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Albuquerque, New Mexico is the flattest city in North America. Founded as a Union settlement and military outpost in 1861, the original settlers were comprised of rednecks, Mexican ex-patriots, Union soldiers, Jews, left-handed juggernauts, snake oil salesmen, freed slaves, and chronically itchy administrative staff. At an altitude of 4,788 feet above sea level, it is impossible to cook decent food or find uranium-free water within 88 miles of the city center.