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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.

8 August 2009

Guang Dong, China - It was with high expectations that American President Barack Obama went to China, eager to negotiate a treaty to amicably prevent Chinese from playing Table Tennis and winning Straight Olympic Games, but he came back as a totally different. The once peaceful and charismatic young President has become and utter wreck. Four of his ten fingers were hacked of mercilessly by "evil creatures", as President Obama called it.

In his sojourn to China, he had planned on a visit to several temples to gain the trust of the Chinese. His plan had worked fine all along until he arrived at the Hidden Temple. Allegedly, the Hidden Temple could only be seen by all-knowing beings; the monks for example. They consider themselves as all-knowing beings. The monks were outraged when Obama stepped into the temple, expecting to receive a warm welcome. Upon seeing the angry looks on the monks, President Obama knew trouble was brewing. He quickly ran away from the temple, breaking a mirror on his way out. The monks did not pursue the matter, chanting that The Holy One would exact revenge against the intruder.

Sure enough, trouble came the next day, 6 August. Obama had lost a hundred thousand dollars to the toilet sink while washing his hand. Thirteen black cats knocked thirten shakers of salt over his left shoulder while he was walking under a ladder to his temporary home. All these were considered Unlucky to almost all types of people. Obama decided to rest for the day and play Computer Games, even though he did not really spend any effort helping the country.

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