User:Zheliel/UnNews hires new reporter
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Zheliel/UnNews hires new reporter
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, November 26, 2015, 20:49:UTC)(
10 May 2009
Antarctica, Antarctica -- Media reporters were all rushing all the way from countries like America and Britain after being informed that UnNews was recruiting a new reporter. Millions were awaiting for the time when UnNews was going to recruit another news reporter - the last time it did such an act was about a whole week ago.
A few years back, a new reporter was nothing much in the gargantuan Uncyclopedian fraternity. Now, with the size of Uncyclopedia increasing and increasing, but the number of new news reporters decreasing and decreasing, it is a joy for a new reporter to be recruited to UnNews.
News reporters are continuously retiring due to a low pay of US$0 for every article they write, but that doesn't stop Zheliel from joining UnNews. When asked why he made such a decision, he replied without faltering. "Being an UnNews reporter is as important as Obama being a little young kiddy. Being an UnNews reporter has been my dream since i was in my mother's womb, when she was reading UnNews, I took a peek and developed a passion for news writing since then. I have a dream, that one day, I will rise -" Our UnNews reporter immediately fell asleep due to the lengthiness of Zheliel's speech.
Though passion is a key factor of becoming a good UnNews writer, which Zheliel has certainly proven to be his strong point, there are other important things other than the love of UnNews.
When Emmanuel Goldstein award winner Garbagee Garagee was asked what makes a good news reporter, he said, "The website is but a play; to be or not to be a good writer depends on the sport of taekwondo. If he is skilled in taekwondo, he will master the mystical art of news reporting. If skilled be he in the art of taekwondo, he will make all the writers tremble and he will be the master of news reporting."
All we have to say, Zheliel, is that we wish you all the best.