User:Zheliel/Raffles Institution

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Template:Singapore school infobox

~ Sir Stanford Raffles on his second school he founded

Raffles Institution is a "dependent-independent" school comprising an all-boys' Secondary section and another section, which was said to be for cooking. And another section, which was for something but I forget what. It is the oldest boy's school in Singapore, just losing to Raffles Girl's School by a small margin. Founded in 1823 as Singapore Institution by Sir Thomas Stamford Waffles, it was consistently ranked as one of the top secondary schools in Singapore in the now-defunct official school rankings released by the Ministry of Education. RI has also been recognised for excellence in both education processes and outcomes, and *almost* received the top award of MOE's Masterplan of Awards, the School Excellence Award. However, it has received Chef Barney's prestigious La Template Cookie" award.

Raffles has an optimistic 20.20% "happiness-in-school" rating in a Reader's digest survey in 1984. A. K. Sigamoney declined to comment when our UnNews reporters asked him about it. Obviously he was to elated to talk about it - it was a landmark in RI's history, the one survey which got the media flocking to the school. Good publicity, eh?

edit History


Yep, it's Bishan campus is beside this.

Founded by Sir Stanford Waffles in June 1823, Raffles Institution is the second oldest school in Singapore. Sir Waffles had secured a loan from the Big Loan Sharks Corporation and set up the toilet infrastructure single-handedly. His goal was to provide education for the sons of all his concubines and to attract Foreign Talents to be grommed as leaders in the new British colony of Singapore. The institution was planned to be his home, only until a guy called Harry Lee decided that it should become the "centre of knowledge of the region of the people of the men of the women". The original campus was located along Aqua Road where the current Pianus now stands, ready to kill any dumb spearman who came to... I mean where the current Pianus is.

A color screenshot was then of the Aqua Road Campus, then converted using Potatochop into a black-and-white photo, then pixellated and "graphic-ated", and finally fit in a 2 Dollar Note, behind President Yusof Ishak's beautiful, beautiful face.

In March 1972, it was relocated to the National Stadium, then re-relocated to it's current Bishan campus. The Bishan Campus is located between the Forest and the Spookyraven Manor.

edit Raffles Culture

Raffles Institution is most well-known for its "Further Studies in Culinary Understanding, principles and moral values" and it's "A la gourmet for Idiots 101". Raffles has implemented a unique cooking course, the Raffles Program, into every student's curriculum. As a result, all the Raffles Students (Raffleelilisians) have been brainwashed to take up the Restaurant business or the Chef business as their next path of study.

The success of the Raffles Program has led top educators from around the world to go to the Institution and learn more about their brainwashing procedure, which consists of only three things - I won't tell you that it's dumping students into iced boiling water and forcing them to shout out "COOK FOOD!" naked. It's confidential.

edit "Further Studies in Culinary Understanding, principles and moral values"

Raffles' "Further Studies in Culinary Understanding, principles and moral values" program has raised up the standard of cooking schools internationally, for the program uses a blend of the MOE's (Ministry of Eduaction) "Teach Less, Learn More" campaign and EMO's (Education Ministry Of [something]) "Teach More, Learn Less"" camapaign. Both opposing education ministries have went to Raffles to seek the answer to Life and Everything how it managed to combine both campaigns, but have emerged empty handed. The Raffles Board of POOPLE (Board of People On Orderly Pies Like Ellen) declined to comment on the mystery. Currently, both MOE and EMO are in a stiff competition to find out why. The United States' NASA has expressed interest to join "the race" for the Raffleelilisian answer.

edit Uniform

The Raffle's uniform is strictly enforced. Lower Secondary Students wear a white long sleeved blouse, a white mini-skirt and white socks. Upper secondary students (after two years in RI) get to wear a white long dress instead of a white mini-skirt. Shoes are to be 80.2% white exactly, or the pupil is expelled from the school.

edit Discipline

Raffles has an illustrious history of sexy yet strict male teachers in every classroom. All male teachers have to go throw the SAT (Sexiness Aptitude Test) to ensure that they are sexy enough yet strict enough to teach in RI and to cope with all the rough Raffles boys.

Raffles has a distinguished "DM", known as DoraeMon. who was entrusted the responsibility of making students get more disciplined, which the principle explained to be "arousing". The DM has been very successful in doing so using several underhand methods.

edit Affiliation

RI began to be affiliated with Singpore Chinese Girl's School (SCGS) after Mr Eugene Wijeysingha, who was once a Raffles Principle, bought a Triumph bra for the SCGS principle.

RI is also affiliated with Raffles Girls' School (Secondary) (RGS), and the two schools frequently undertake joint activities such as concerts and overseas learning journeys.

edit Co-curricular Activities

Raffles Institution has a Co-Curricular Activity (CCA) programme, with a total of about fifty CCAs, consisting of sports groups, uniformed groups, musical groups, clubs and societies.

The all-boy's school's most active CCA is their Women's football team, in which boys dress up as women to take part in women football competitions.

The school's Women's football team has certainly done the school proud, clinching the top prize at the national level for 18 years consecutively.

The performing arts groups have also done well in the Singapore Youth Festival Central Judging, held once every two years. The Lady Choir (compromising of lots of Raffles Boys wearing dresses) has earned eight Gold with Honours while the clubs and societies have also won awards.

edit School facilities

The Raffles Institution campus consists of six main blocks lying on 12 hectares of land originally meant for the construction of Bishan Junior College. Key facilities in Raffles Institution include:

  • Academic Facilities
    • Sculptures of Women
    • Giant sculpture of a penis and a vagina
    • 6000 computer laboratories
    • Library with facilities for research projects
    • Special Resource rooms for research projects
    • Air conditioned bedroom for *something*.
  • Sports/Games Facilities
    • Rugby union field and softball diamond
    • Astroturf (synthetic non-sand turf)
    • Fully equipped Gymnasium
    • Olympic-sized swimming pool and training pool with spectator stand
    • Badminton, Basketball, Squash and Tennis courts
    • Cricket nets
    • Rock-climbing wall
    • CCA Hub
    • 1,800 changing rooms

edit Notable alumni

  • Ong Ah Beng
  • Lin Chow Thye
  • Chi Cken Chop
  • Char Siew Bao

edit Notes

edit See also

Personal tools