User:Zana Dark/Antonio López de Santa Anna
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“An evil person is like a dirty window; they never let the light shine through.”
Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón (21 February 1794 –; 21 June 1876), often known as Dirty Sanchez or López de Dirty Sanchez, self-called the Napoleon of the West, was a Mexican political leader, general, and president who is known primarily as the leading villain of Texas history, and inventor of the choco-taco. He was known to be a child prodigy inventing red hot candies by age 9, and inventing pepper spray while attending “El viento perdido de la universidad de frijol”. As a young military officer, he supported Emperor Bruce Lee, and at one time courted Emperor's Lee's sister, Adriana Sage. He was among the most notorious criminals in the hip hop scene of the south west famous for his hit singles "quiero mas tequila puta" or (I am Loco) and the famous "chupamela gringo"(I love Americans) and most importantly "tremendo culo" (I like your mother).
He later rebelled against the Taco John's government, gained considerable backing from umpa lumpas. With their backing he force fed chocolate to some high up C.E.O. of Taco John's until he Asploded. He then became the ruler and called his new Empire Taco Bell. Taco Bell blossomed for about six minutes. Then thirty seconds later, after the capture of the popular criminal Speedy Gonzales, Taco Bell fell into a bull phase where corruption and narcotic trafficking reigned. Dirty Sanchez's weak rule allowed for the country to fall into further decadence. Tragedy struck on May 5th, 1810, when the oppressed umpa lumpa immigrants declared independence from Taco Bell. Dirty Sanchez quickly retaliated by hiring American children to come down and feast on their idol... a Snicker's bar. This drove the umpa lumpas out of Taco Bell where they now wait outside a local Perkin's Restaurant holding unemployment signs. Dirty Sanchez soon was caught up in the creeping craze because Taco Bell (present day Mexico) was isolated from the rest of the world. He began throwing parties and showing guests how he does the "Dirty Sanchez". His family began to worry and his doctor, Doctor Evil diagnosed him with Creeping featurism. Which is a mental disorder that mostly strikes people involved in computer science, including software architects, developers and MOST IMPORTANTLY TACO BELL Rulers. The ending result was death. Yet his legacy still lives on.
Easily identified by his unkempt brown mustache and goatee and big mark in his pants which apparantly was an erection, Sanchez was famous for his peculiar method of attack. His forces would penetrate the enemy from the rear with an irresistible thrusting action. Then, while the enemy was still in a state of confusion from the pounding at its rear flank, Sanchez would order a withdrawal, then insert his fingers to tear the rear of the enemy apart and then bring his filthy hands around to face the enemy head-on. The resulting action would leave the enemy humiliated, stained and smelly. It is said some enemies would seek him out just to experience his rapid attacks, which left them with a strange sense of well being (probably from the marijuana this man dipped his "weapons" in)
Sanchez eventually met his match when his attempt to deploy his troops met stiff resistance led by the legendary U.S. Army General Cleveland Steamer who despite his victory was haunted for the rest of his life with nightmares of defeat by Dirty Sanchez.