This page contains the full CMC Creed. It was originally the official CMC home page. The information can be found on separate pages, now, as well.
So ye come here about the CMC, have ya? Aye, that's the Cow Moo Cult. Well yes, naturally I am mad.
The CMC is a totally mad, weird, insane cult that YTTE has, well, founded. Straight away you can tell it's an immature, odd something-or-other because of the name, but let's explore it in depth! What is the CMC? How did it come to be? Do you care? NO!
The Cow Moo Cult, or CMC, was founded by YTTE simply so that he could have a title, it's weird club (well cult) thingy for himself, other people can join if they want to. The CMC doesn't believe much, as I said, some stuff about cows and that's it, erm, there's a stupid pledge to get in which is all in MooSpeak.
Every year a good Cow Mooist should worship cows on the 13th of April (or the closest Sunday), and this year, 2008, is very special, considering the Sunday falls on the 13th (which happens every seven years). When this happens it's called The Cow Moo Cascade Festival. On the festival day you can pretty much get away with doing nothing, you just have to say "Yeah I love cows" in MooSpeak. Yeppie, yep yep yep. And yeah, well, yup.
See, this is the important bit, the good bit... It's the title and the ranks... As I said YTTE just wanted a title so he created the CMC. He himself is the very highest of the high, the Four Stomach (or FS). Thing is, YTTE had to add more ranks otherwise it wouldn't be a proper cult and then his title wouldn't be valid and then there would be no point to the cult... Once you've entered the cult you are "promoted" by gaining Cow Mooage and if you become a Chew Grass or Four Stomach then you can officially know what the the Super Special Secret is.
CMC Honours have been recently added and can be awarded to CMC members for no varying reasons. The below table lists all honours, and, of course, the highest has been awarded to YTTE! What a surprise! The most important honour is at the top and they work down in order of importance. All CMC Honour members can edit the CMC Announcements Page and are entitled to other fascinating awards. No, not that.
Queen Of The Fairies
Not as in homosexual (as such), but actually queen of the fairies...
Lord Of The Fairies
Wooh a Lord, much more dignified than a Queen, 'ey?
Can you feel the Shizzle Dizzle? This is just for plain awesomeness
Cows Moo To You
You're pretty special if cow moo to you
= Cow Knight
Woo a knightly knight!
= Cow Lady
Not an insult, no really, it's the female equivalent of Cow Knight
Cow Mooage, you say? Yes, Cow Mooage, I say. That's Cow Moo-age (the "age" pronounced "aj"). Cow Mooage is like Hindu karma, but most more awesomer. You can achieve Cow Mooage by doing good Moo things, and lots of Cow Mooage will stand you in good light for a promotion. Obviously if you're a Four Stomach (such as YTTE) you have "GrassMoo", which is essentially infinite Cow Mooage (although technically it is only 29 000 000 000 000 Cow Mooage).
Cow Mooage can also be measured in units. A "Moo" of Cow Mooage is 1 000 CM. A "Grass" is 29 000 and a "Cow" is 30 000 000. These units can be abbreviated to "mo", "GR" and "cW". Often high Cow Mooage is added to a title, so if you were a Full Bull you might use the title "CMC FBu 23mo". (In this example the Full Bull has 23 000 CM, almost a GR).
What is the super special secret? Hmm? Well, the Super Special Secret is a very important Cow Moo Cult secret that technically only Chew Grasses and Four Stomachs are supposed to know. It's a conspiracy bigger than your mom, and that's saying something (ha ha I insulted you). I would write it here, but then everyone would know.
It is a very theoretical and deep idea about the worship of cows and the actual Cow Moo theory. It is what is at the centre of the Cow Moo Cult and could be viewed as "ironic" given the explicit name of the cult.
The Official CMC Anthem has inspired many songs over the past, including the famous YMCA song and was an influential piece of music to all classical composers. However the spiritual importance of the Anthem is not to be missed either, and has inspired many cows, farmers and persons to moo together, in peace. Persons, especially, have found spiritual piece within this work of musical art. The song was originally written in 1489 by the esteemed composer who was known only by his musical nick name "Village Person". The tune, however, was not written until 1650, almost 200 years later, when the so called "Village Idiot" set the words to music. Ever since we have been left with a memorable neo-disco-classical Anthem, which will forever remind us of the beautiful simplicity of the inner cowy soul.
MooSpeak is a complicated and intellectual form of English created in the Renaissance by a few very devout and probably too enthusiastic (they both died at the age of 19) CMC followers. The language was not only a satirical reflection of our own society and its morals but a clever and efficient to communicate successfully between species and persons. It was pioneered by such famous figures as Charles Darwin and Paris Hilton and Barney The Dinosaur (before his unfortunate drug-related demise). The language relies very much upon the tone of the voice with which it is said and internation, for example: if you said "mo mooo" with a menacing tone you could be meaning "go away" but if you said it with a happy, nice, open tone you could be meaning "we like", of course even with a happy tone you could be meaning "go away", there's no way of telling. It is now spoken in no more than one city, and some people are calling for it to be labelled an "endangered language" considering only two people can speak and not very well.
Some MooSpeak Baiscs
MooSpeak is designed to be incredibly easy to learn, silly. If you know English you're half way to learning it, if you don't you're stuffed (but then how are you reading this?). Simply replace every English word with its Moo equivalent. For example: "they" would become "mooo" and "cans" would become "mooo". "Word" would become "mooo" and "done" would become "mooo" etc. "Stinky faced stupid head" would become "you" would become "mooooo moooo mooooo mooo".
The following is a list of some of the most fundamental and most likely to blow you up slang words translated from MooSpeak to English. They are regularly used within the CMC, but since no one really knows them all there is a huge amount of confusion. MooSpeak is a rich and ancient language and has thus developed a very beautiful selection of slang. CowbaSmelly, liquid cow poo SheepBad or nasty HioGreetings person GoodbyeI hope you rot in hell, your face smells of Cowba and your mother is fat PigBeautiful BlueyGreen I heard dat on de radiozI want to kill your parents Slit dem up denI would like you to go to the butcher to ask him to fetch Dorris so that I can send her to get two and a half pints of milk at the local corner shop and also a glossy magazine ZidenxarDorris, you stupid, stupid cow! BarnDamn it, it's all Dorris' fault, if she hadn't have the left the door open, we wouldn't be freezing to death and Michael would still be alive MilkDorris, why you stupid bat, what did you do that for, eh? UdderzDat is well bad, init? StomachzDat is well good, init? Cow bellDorris, I'm going murder you slowly, stop making mistakes, keep up or the dogs will catch us and eat us for brunch BulBig MuskNew CalfOld Dorris TypoTypoo BellzeeCome on, Dorris, we don't have all day! The winter of '47Mother or other figure of authority, excluding fathers, Dorris appears to have got her leg stuck in a door, again, we will need police and lots and lots of guns, okay? YodelDis here is some bad stuff dat Dorris got us into MordyDis here is your commandments EggzOh gawd, Dorris has stuck her head down the toilet again and the Sewer Monster is yapping at her long, golden locks, shall we push her in or take evasive action with da planes and what not, eh? Merm-a-shipMembership of the CMC
The CMC uses strict enforcement of its rules as an integral part of its murderous community. The following are the "Seven And A Half Cow Pats" - the official seven and half super-duper rules. A member of the CMC can expect a large loss of Cow Mooage if they break anyone of them.
1.Repsect Da Cows Never be mean to the cows.
2.Worship Da Cows You should worship the cows and generally moo for as long as possible (note: eating cow meat is considered worshipping cows).
3.Remain Awesome Never let your awesomeness slip away.
4.Marmite and Ice Cream You must NEVER eat Marmite with or on Ice cream.
5.Respect the Cow Moo Festival You must ALWAYS worships cows on the day of the Cow Moo Festival, even if it is only a little moo in your head.
6.Respect Dis Here CMC Respect other members of the CMC, especially ones that outrank you.
7.Never Leave If you ever leave the cult a cow will strike you down with Mooage.
7.5. Stay Secret As a faithful member of the CMC, you must keep all CMC business strictly secret when ordered to do so.
The CMC Aristocracy and the CowCouncil are the two governing bodies of the CMC. The CowCouncil holds considerably more power and is made up of all Four Stomachs (it currently is two persons strong). It has ultimate control of everything and is super-duper cool. The Aristocracy is made up of both Four Stomachs and Chew Grasses and has less power. It is involved with watching cheese mature live and hunting game near rivers of solid gold.
The Cow Pledge (or "Moo Mooooo") is the pledge taken by every member when or if they wish to join the CMC. In English it is: I solemly swear to be super duper cowy wowy moo cult person great!
However the original is in CowSpeak and is used in all official business, including new members making their pledges. The pledge dates back to the 14th century (yesterday) and has evolved into a deeply important item in the CMC's cultural development.
The CowSpeak Cow Pledge is as follows: M moooooo moooo mo mo moooo moooo mooo mooo moo mooo mooooo moooo