User:YesTimeToEdit/The Caps Lock Man
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
By day is a normal man but by night turns himself into the annoyin' Caps Lock Man. Have you ever found Caps Lock on when you're trying to type your password in? It was probably the Caps Lock Man. Has your Caps Lock ever mysteriously turned off? Probably the Caps Lock Man.
For thousands for years this elusive man has been hidden away from society, but very recently George Bush mentioned him on a speech relating to TWAT. He proclaimed
"Bin ain't that much of threat when we I believe we have new perceived threats that could form, if my belief is correct, on the side of those who are fighting for what is right and for those who have decided they will stand up and wage war on terror and that those that wage the war on terror will destroy this new perceived threats, namely the Caps Lock Man, in my opinion".
edit The Caps Lock Man In History
The Caps Lock Man has appeared many times in history, and is probably responsible for the assasination of JFK and Jesus. Peter, Jesus's disciple is quoted as saying "God damn it! It was the Caps Lock Man!" (Carl Chapter 7 Verse 3).
Sometimes people have accused the Queen of been married to him but she has strongly denied this.
Chuck Norris claimed that in 1999 he had killed the Caps Lock Man but this has not been proven. The DaVinci Code also has strong links with the Caps Lock Man, which proves that Peter is a rabbit, according to famous South Park researchers. This evidence actually shows that the Caps Lock man tried to murder DaVinci.
edit The Caps Lock Man In Sport
Johnny Wilkinson also has very strong links to the Caps Lock Man since his mother's surname is "Caps" and his dad's middle name is "Locks" backwards, if you add the letters "L", "O", "C" and "K" and remove all the other letters.
David Beckham, all though being proved to be the Devil or the Devil's Mum, is also linked with the infamous Caps Lock Man. David Beckham once said "Yes, I may or may or not be linked with the Caps Lock Man".
edit The Caps Lock Man and Donkeys
At the Last Supper Jesus talked to the Caps Lock Man (who was the famed 13th disciple) and decided to set up the Primatech Paper Company. Peter however, since he was a rabbit (refer to South Park evidence) betrayed them at the last. Judas was a hired assasin from Die Hard 4 and killed Jesus, so as to stop the company. However the assasination failed.
edit The Caps Lock Man and George Bush
The well known texas ranger, George W. Bush, is also linked with the Caps Lock Man. George Bush famously said "In my judgment, when the United States says there will be serious consequences, and if there isn't serious consequences, it creates adverse consequences." By this he is actually saying "The Caps Lock Man is your mum". How come?
Well we use the same technique that revaled that Johnny Wilkinson's father's middle name was "LOCK". You must first remove the bit about "In my judgment, when the United States says there will be serious consequences, and if there isn't serious consequences, it creates adverse consequences." and then add the words "The Caps Lock Man is your mum". It's shocking but true.
The original utility of the key allowed the typing of all caps where un-appropriate, such as the names of those whom you stalk or whom you have murdered, without requiring the typist to manually keep the shift key depressed as long as needed and first came about in 1924. However, with the sexual production of modern styling such as the common "no letters at all" theme, this function has depreciated in usefulness.
On Internet chat systems and forums, typing a sentence in all capitals is considered rude, the large letters akin to grabbing someone by the shoulders and forcing them to give you sex. On a more practical level, text written in all capital letters, a result of engaging the caps lock, can be retarding. The 'Caps Lock Theory', is often referred to in Internet chat forums and states that there is an inverse relationship between a person's use of the caps lock and their stupidity relating to a particular subject or there level or retard. There are known groups of people whose Internet communities are based entirely around the use of the caps lock key, such as the Amish population.
Case sensitivity, a feature used to annoy people who leave their caps lock on, can also conflict with caps lock. Many services and pages that utilize this feature warn the user up front to check the status of the caps lock function before entering a username and/or password. FAQ pages and other help guides also include this advice just for the fun of it.
In 2006, Pieter Hintjens began a campaign to remove the caps lock key from the standard keyboard layout, by savagely raping it. While the vast majority of manufacturers continue to produce keyboards which include a caps lock, followed Pieter Hintjens's lead. One Laptop Per Child computers, for example, do not have a Caps Lock key, but everyone knows they are retarded little hunks of green and are usually totally ignored. The Colemak layout, however, replaces it with a tiny hamster on a wheel.
See Caps Lock for more details.
edit Suppressing the Truth
The Caps Lock Man is a truth that often goes unknown. People are scared to know the Caps Lock Man truth. Websites such as Wikipedia have rejected and deleted the article. Even Uncyclopedia, the home to so many world truths is scared of the article and its blinding truth. People have been so frightened of this truth that many people have attempted to remove the caps lock key from all keyboards. This War on Caps Lock is part of a growing fear amongst people of the Caps Lock Man. George P. Alexander Jr., who is possible a member of the Caps Lock Army has been attempting to fight against this ignorance.