User:Xamralco/Sweeney Todd

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You should feel perfectly comfortable with this guy touching your face.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Sweeney Todd.

Sweeney "Demon Barber" Todd (born Benjamin Barker; 1805-1846) is a 19th century, meat pie-loving barber who looks an awful lot like Johnny Depp. He is the founder of the popular Sweeney Todd's Tonsorial Parlor chain of barber shops and was the co-owner of Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pies: Savory and Sweet Pies, an iconic diner on Fleet Street in London, along with Nellie Lovett, his only friend despite a few pieces of metal. Ironically, despite being a barber, Todd has never cut a customer's hair. Rather, he stabs them in the neck with a razor, drops them head-first down a two-story chute, chops them into little pieces, and makes them into pies.

edit Early life

edit New venues

edit Murder of Adolfo Pirelli

Soon after his return to London, Todd happened upon a rival barber and Irishman in denial, Adolfo Pirelli, selling bottles of his own pee to passerby. After challenging him to both a shaving contest and (for some strange reason) a tooth-pulling contest, Todd managed to humiliate Pirelli in front of a crowd of twelve people and his apprentice, Tobias Ragg.

edit "Epiphany"

After losing his first customer in mid-shave, Todd had, what he called, an "epiphany" and developed the complicated philosophy known today as Toddism.[1] The entire philosophy is based upon the idea that life really sucks and that killing everyone is the best way to ease the pain, or, as Todd put it:

We all deserve to die... The lives of the wicked should be made brief and for the rest of us death should be a relief!

edit Entrance into the pie industry

edit Death

edit Footnotes

  1. Or more commonly referred to as Losing your marbles, Blowing a fuse, and Going completely ape-shit

edit See also

Cannibal Chick
   v  d  e
MetalFlower•••••Your Guide To Cannibalism•••••MetalFlower

Alfred PackerBaby EatingBaby farmingBaby foodBaby meatCannibal CorpseCannibalismCannibalsCelebrity RoastCommunionCunnilingusDinner PartyFellatioFishing For ChildrenFlying Purple People EaterG-RexHannibal LecterHowTo Cook A HumanHowTo Cook ChildrenHowTo:Cook A FetusHuman headI Can't Believe It's Not Soylent GreenMcDahmer'sMeaty AminMike TysonNazi EatingNew ZealandPeopleRecipesSupergirlSweeney ToddUncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion ClinicUnNews Cannibalism becoming increasingly popularUnNews Cannibals StoppedUnNews New TV TrendUnNews Soylent Green DefamationWhy? Don't Be A CannibalVoreWhy? Eat PeopleZombies

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