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"The first flower kid ever known in this whole entire world!" -The Daily News 
"She's a best writer in this world. I luff it!" -Awesome Writers 
"I feel she's TRYING to be funny, but is she achieving it?" -Critics 
edit Introduction to Hanako
Hanako (pronounced: H-a-n-a-k-o March 30th, unknown-present) is a flower kid, aka. me. Yes, a child born from a flower , amazing isn't it? The username is actually Japanese, that's why it may not make sense to non-Japanese speakers.
I'm actually not that funny . Though after finding this site I wish to be more funny in a way.
I'll probably be kicked off the moment I write a single article - probably this one - because I'm just that big of an airhead. I think it's worth a try. To tell you the truth, I know where you are right now and who is reading this article. At least, I have the power to see you with my minds eye
I know you want my powers, except I'm not going to do so because it takes too much life force from me to do it.
In the future though I plan on learning how to add pictures and eventually making this article a perfect piece of art.
I also do not really like swearing and profanity. I know, I fail as a teenager. I only say "hell" or "damn" -sometimes f-bomb, but not often, and that's about it. I also know this article is edible by everyone, so if you start seeing the f-bombs around this I didn't say it... and I'm not really familiar with Uncyclopedia policies so maybe not EVERYONE can edit it... or maybe yes... or I just don't know.
edit Early Years of Hanako's Life
I think I was born in the 21st century, in a laboratory in California. When I first opened my eyes, I was surrounded by giants in white lab coats who fed me a very sweet syrup that is from flowers. Apparently, that was my mother's milk. These giants called it nectar, and put this stuff in a white liquid and fed it to me. I was disgusted when I found out that this white liquid came from cow boobs. Or, a prettier name for it, mammary glands. This white substance is called milk, and all humanoids drink it. Human females also produce milk, but it's supposed to be a different type of milk. Don't ask why.
Anyway, I was fed that disgusting white liquid in with sweet nectar from mother for around two years. During these two years, one human male - his name was William shakespeare  - taught me a language known as English. I did pretty well in that class, fortunately. I don't think my science teacher, Galileo Galilei  liked me very much. To him, I'm probably that ignorant kid who thinks she knows everything about this world. My math was taught by Carl Gauss , and boy he hated me with all his guts. Good thing the laboratory paid him a lot to do his teaching or else he would've quit right away. My history teacher was Saul Bellow , and we were like totally best friends forever. Me and him would be skipping down the street holding hands and shopping. Though he wasn't pleased when he had to be the one carrying all the shopping bags. In those two years, these people were the only humanoids I was close to. There were some other people known as Scientists viewing my progress in the distance.
I basically spent two years of my life with these people and learning everything about this world. I came to the conclusion that humanoids are messing slowly killing their own species because 1) heavy pollution 2) on-going epidemics because humans are just so weak 3) heavy pollution 4) economics 5) heavy pollution 6) etc. I get this feeling that in another century, either humanoids make a dramatic change in this world or just go die.
This is the world I see when I was only two years old. When I turned three, four, five, six, seven, eight, my knowledge increased and increased and increased. Surprisingly though, all my teachers died when I was only six years old. Weird, huh? They grow old so fast. Anyway the scientists also died rather quick, and were replaced by newer scientists who seem to be very fascinated by me. They always hang around me with a clipboard, and staring at me when I tried to do my AP algebra test. I wished that they would give me some slack, since I was only ten years old.
edit Middle years of Hanako's life
When I hit thirteen years old, I've already seen three generations of humanoids. It was indeed fascinating to interact with each of them. One day I was going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and I hear two scientists discussing about my future.
Yes, I was quite freaked out They were apparently having this conversation about how I was a new Species that came from the mix of a flower, a human, and an elf. For a whole entire year I pondered on that one night, and I searched up everything I can on the three things listed. Apprently, I am asexual like a Flower, looks like a Human, and have a brain and powers like an elf. I also learned I was in a laboratory.
And humans viewed me like a experiment subject. My name was Hanako, as they told me, but on their charts it was actually FHE-01.
I went into few months of depression
I know, ME, having a DEPRESSION?!, knowing that all the humanoids are meanies that want to experiment with me and keep records on how long I'm able to be alive. They want me to lure out my whole entire Species when I get older. Aha, that was only a few months of depression. Afterwards, the fourteen year old me decided to come up with a great plan to get humans to treat other species with greater respect!!
Then I thought, "why would I spent my energy to do that?" Of course, I set my sights on a closer goal: Jail Break
edit Jail Break
On May of my 15 year life, I already came up with a plan for Prison Break. I successfully broke through jail by mimicking Miley Cyrus and the guards laughed so hard that they couldn't keep me in the laboratory. So, I escape to the outside world from the laboratory in California.
Guess what's outside the laboratory?
After I escape that junkyard, I went into a nearby neighborhood just outside of the junkyard and met this woman who cannot have a child. She took me in and I became her dear dear child. I was enrolled into a normal humanoid school and I told the outside world that my name is actually Hibika (Pronounced: "H-i-b-i-k-a") to hide my precious identity. In case scientists came to track me down. In the school, I found out that I was so intelligent I had to go to college, four years ahead of my actual age. So I went to the nearby university - The University for Smarties. Four years later, when I was eighteen years old, my caretaker died. I was already an adult so I could take care of myself. I went on and finished university. Afterwards, I went to Literature school. Soon I finished Literature school and became a world-famous writer.
I know you have many questions: Are you married? How are you living?
edit Modern Hanako/Hibika
Actually, I'm in this super mission to finding my species, trying to find who I am, and trying to get my life in order still. Yes my Book(s) are awesome , but I really need to find who I am first. So, tell me if you see this person that may seem like the mix of an elf, flower, and human. If you find such a person, know that this person is much more superior than you and you humans must chill the Arrogance! Actually, before that, please report your finding to me and tell me who that person is. This may be a very important lead to finding my Species