User:Wyattj

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“His edits are completely fucking unfunny and he's probably a waste of oxygen in real life.”
~ 129.67.71.185 on Wyattj
“I visited Wyattj once. Three weeks later I was rectally assaulted by three clowns. Coincidence? I think fucking not.”
~ Lemmon Pppritt on Wyattj
“There are lies, there are damned lies, and there is Wyattj.”
~ Benjamin Disraeli on Wyattj

BENSON BANNER

Articles written:

Big Norman | Cauchy | Cauchy's Number | Partial differential equation | Mouldy bread | Analysis | Personal space | Debate | Nu-Math | Raiders of the Lost Ark | Oxford Animal Lab | Untunes:The Archer's March | Untunes:General Hill's March | The Disease | Scooby Doo | The Crime Gang | Lateral thinking puzzle | HowTo: Make a Proper Cup of British Tea

News written:

UnNews:BNP councillor denies involvement in gay porn film | UnNews:US authorities mobilise response to new "suicide warfare" | UnNews:McDonald's campaign to change dictionary definition of "hamburger"

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A handy-dandy list of comedy names!

Pandemonium Squirtle | Lucas Fuckingtit | Marky M. Mark | Oberon Cloot | Brian Pshit | Alarming Stones | Wendy Strawberry-Dyke | Henson Phillips-Bong | Billy "Bingbongabingbang" Brown | Jofo Jaf | Cranberry Piker | Jasper Ttttt | Brigadier Samuel Vulcanised-Rubber | Stoatgobbler McSweeney | Major Johnson Smythe-Smith | Sir David Woubbouley-Garther | Sir Grievous Boddilley-Harme | Kevin Phillips-Williams-Phillips-Phillips-Phillips-Williams-Phillips-Smith

Currently working on: Currently working on: 365 ways to transform the world into a peaceful utopia without actually doing anything difficult (Below)


George Bush smiling

Everything that is wrong with the world is directly the fault of this man and this man only.

If, like me, you live in the world then you'll have noticed something. Ever since the end of the 1960s, things have been going badly wrong:

  • Narcs, pigs and cops are committing hate crimes on a daily basis, frequently with the help of the KKK.
  • Factories owned by evil corporations are pumping out global warming into the atmosphere.
  • George Bush has gotten into power.
  • More than 90% of the world population of the have The Disease.
  • All drugs everywhere have been illegalised, most likely by corporations.

Fortunately, it is within your power to change all this and return the world to the utopia of free love and killer dope that it used to be back in the 1960s.

This book holds the key. It contains 365 -- that's right, one for each day of the year -- simple ways to reform the world. If you do one of these each day, then within a year you'll have done them all. By then, everybody who has read the book will have done 365 things which will change the world, so it will have been changed beyond recognition 365 times. That'll show those corporations and George Bush.

  1. Eat organic food.

Do you know what's in that factory-made crap you buy at a supermarket? Scientists pump pigs full of drugs to make the pigs bigger and cheaper to raise. But then the pigs get so big that they have to pump their food full of drugs too. But then the food drugs get into the pigs and they grow fifty feet tall. These giant pigs are then trained by scientists and Republicans to trample over organic farms and eat all their crops.

The best way to deal with these Frankenstein Farms (so-called because the farmers, by putting evil chemicals in their food, are as bad as Frankenstein, or maybe even the wolf-man) is to boycott them and eat only organically-grown food instead. All organic food is grown personally by a rosy-cheeked bumpkin, wise not in the "science" taught by corporations but in the worldly ways of the countryside. The added love in organic food makes it taste that much better and gives you a warm, glowing, warming glow.

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