“Argh! I am a Pirate!”~ Anonymous
Do not try to adjust your computer, you are under our control. We will force you to regain your freedom, even if we have to kill you for that. We are Anonymous. Argh!
I said that because it makes a feature for the soundtrack and also because I am a pirate and this is what a real pirate says when he goes boarding a boat, right Iago?
This is Iago, my parrot. Together we sail anonymously from the most popular vast seas of freedom to the smallest uploaded torrent. If we use these ridiculous fake computer voices, it’s because we are unknown, untraceable, and sometimes a little introverted. We are Anonymous.
He lives in 10, Maple Street, Montreal, Canada.
You will not bullshit me for long, Iago! If you roll over us all, I will crash you like a smashed potato! That's what you want, huh? That's what you want, parrot fucker?
Argh! Rodger that! But before we leave the ethernet port to discover the motherboards of the world and confront the scariest hackers of the depths, let's take a moment to discover the origins of the collective.
“The Government cannot take us away the freedom of not wanting to leave our home.”~ Anonymous
At this very moment, the Internet is becoming for the individual liberties what New York City's Central Park is for the world's wild: a succession of marked trails where you would walk on a leash and where strange people would follow you to collect your personal excrement.
But we're not lapdogs. We will not return in cinemas under threat. We refuse to pay the price. The Government cannot take us away the freedom of not wanting to leave our home.
So we thought that instead of staying there all alone in front of our computer, well, maybe we should go on the streets to tell them all of these slanderers that there no harm in not paying to see movies. It is not theft. The movies will still be there forever after, I think.
Sadly, it did not take long before we were informed of the prison sentences and the very large fines we were risking. Therefore, and against all odds, we courageously decided to remain in the shadows and to coordinate the actions of Anonymous from our very own rooms.
And this is because we are indispensable, as active members of the Anonymous group, to the very survival of the protest, that the risk of being stupidly arrested is not a risk we can take. That is why we appeal to you, people of Internet.
Have you ever dreamed of breaking the law without fearing the consequences? As, for example :1. not to turn right when you put the flashing2. cook twice longer quick cooking rice3. or even decide not to pull the tab of your Flamby
Then your dream will finally become a reality. We are Anonymous. You are our Legion. And whatever happens to you, we will never forget. Join us.
The philosophy of the Anonymous group is to reclaim a space of opinion that we dare not take in real life because of our timidity and our lack of fluency.
But it's also, through the mysterious music, the dark backgrounds and the enigmatic masks, an unexpected way to raise the sexual appetites of women that we dare not approach in real life because of our virginity and our lack of opposite sex experience.
The shaping of our actions is therefore as important to us that our actions themselves. That is why we must rock the house with a soundtrack worthy of a scary blockbuster if we want to impress the girls that we plan to have sex with.
The music of Inception, as you can listen by clicking on the floating song at the right of this page, is also the most obvious example.
Except that, the author of this article not wanting to have trouble with the law, we were forced to reinterpret the song with our mouthes, which does not diminish the credibility of our words and the hardness of our actions, right girls?
“Say sayonara to electricity, you damn Japanese!”~ Anonymous
Dear readers of the Uncyclopedia, we are Anonymous. The day that we all feared unfortunately happened. At this very moment, reactors of the nuclear plant Fukushima Daiichi, y'know? They're all melting like snow in the sun.
And because the plant itself is about to explode entirely, it was decided to attack the website of Tepco to make you understand, you damn Japanese, that it's Anonymous who decides, y'know? And now that the website is down, you will not have electricity. LOLOLOLOL.
Oh dear! This is not the website of Tepco that distributes electricity, that's the electrical grid! Amateurs!