editThis Gun's For Hire, Something something Dancing in the Dark
What does this man even do? Provide close air support? Argue over the merits of "gray" vice "grey"? Twirl his moustache?
editWhat Is His Real Name? Why Did He Come to Uncyclopedia?
Sir Weasel's real name is Hezekiah, but he prefers Ezekial and sometimes Edward, because Britain has never had a King Hezekiah, and Edward has the word 'dwar' in it, so there you go. He came to Uncyclopdeia looking to earn thousands writing comedy from the safety and comfort of his own home, but so far this hasn't happened. At Uncyclopedia, he is recognized as being a better-than-competant writer (incorrectly, he feels), and therefore is a Knight Commander of the Order of Uncyclopedia (KUN). Besides his shiny ranks and titles, he is less well-known for his overuse of the phrases "experts agree that" and "it is widely considered," both of which he inaccurately considers funny.
Bespeaking his background as a guard for Swiss guards, Sir Weasel is a 2nd. Lieutenant at Uncyclopedia, a rank which any admin will gladly tell you means approximately nothing.
Sir Weasel lives off of the proceeds from his successful 2002 lawsuit against the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball club for negligence associated in the death of his ocelot, Trevor. In his spare time (he has a lot of spare time) Ezekial listens to his vinyl Carpenters albums, collects North Korean propaganda, and enjoys 19th-century smelting safety books.
[NOTE: "Wild Weasel" would like you to know he sometimes mixes reality with semi-reality, meaning some things you read here might actually be true. Like his name being Hezekiah. 1 Thusly, he wants you to take things here (and which he writes elsewhere) with a grain of salt. Even when he professes to be serious.]
Lest you young whippersnappers forget, Wild Weasel is a thrice-decorated Featured Article Writer and a recipient of the allegedly prestigious Foolitzer award, not to mention getting some cookies and actually having "legends" here like Todd Lyons and Gwax actually communicate with him. Truly and without doubt, Wild Weasel is a colossal ass more full of himself than a fat man with a tray full of Wendy's Triple-Decker Cheeseburgers already thinking about getting another tray of Wendy's Triple-Decker Cheeseburgers.
Sometimes, Wild Weasel comes across another Uncyclopedian who either impresses him with their decency or makes him laugh his fool head off. When this happens, Wild Weasel rummages through his sexy red flight gear and produces the Weasel's Award for Superior Achievement Barring Indictment, the highly non-coveted WASABI.
Wild Weasel has awarded you the highly non-coveted Weasel's Award of Superior Achievement Barring Indictment Go forth and do great things! (just don't get indicted)
<Wild_Weasel> (sips scotch) Ah, Terry Schiavo's hubby got remarried...awesome
<Wild_Weasel> "I'm sorry, baby, it's just that you're a vegetable, and I'm a man with needs..."
<Wild_Weasel> "Needs, for example, like a woman who knows who I am. That's very important to a successful relationship."
editAwards, Accolades, Boxes with Pictures and Words in Them
Olipro has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.