User:Wild Weasel

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edit Uncylcopedia Regrets to Acknowledge:

2nd. Lieutenant Sir Hezekiah the Weasel of Wild, Knight Commander of the Order of Uncyclopedia
(i.e., Wild Weasel for short)

No Wikipedia
This user does not have a user page at Wikipedia because he or she thinks that they take things way too seriously over there.
WildWeasel cartoon

edit This Gun's For Hire, Something something Dancing in the Dark

What does this man even do? Provide close air support? Argue over the merits of "gray" vice "grey"? Twirl his moustache?

edit What Is His Real Name? Why Did He Come to Uncyclopedia?

Sir Weasel's real name is Hezekiah, but he prefers Ezekial and sometimes Edward, because Britain has never had a King Hezekiah, and Edward has the word 'dwar' in it, so there you go. He came to Uncyclopdeia looking to earn thousands writing comedy from the safety and comfort of his own home, but so far this hasn't happened. At Uncyclopedia, he is recognized as being a better-than-competant writer (incorrectly, he feels), and therefore is a Knight Commander of the Order of Uncyclopedia (KUN). Besides his shiny ranks and titles, he is less well-known for his overuse of the phrases "experts agree that" and "it is widely considered," both of which he inaccurately considers funny.

Bespeaking his background as a guard for Swiss guards, Sir Weasel is a 2nd. Lieutenant at Uncyclopedia, a rank which any admin will gladly tell you means approximately nothing.

Sir Weasel lives off of the proceeds from his successful 2002 lawsuit against the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball club for negligence associated in the death of his ocelot, Trevor. In his spare time (he has a lot of spare time) Ezekial listens to his vinyl Carpenters albums, collects North Korean propaganda, and enjoys 19th-century smelting safety books.

[NOTE: "Wild Weasel" would like you to know he sometimes mixes reality with semi-reality, meaning some things you read here might actually be true. Like his name being Hezekiah. 1 Thusly, he wants you to take things here (and which he writes elsewhere) with a grain of salt. Even when he professes to be serious.]

edit Quoth the Weasel: These Things I Did Herein

Wildweasel filecard

In real life, I also come with kung-fu grip. And you will know when I have gripped you!

Lest you young whippersnappers forget, Wild Weasel is a thrice-decorated Featured Article Writer and a recipient of the allegedly prestigious Foolitzer award, not to mention getting some cookies and actually having "legends" here like Todd Lyons and Gwax actually communicate with him. Truly and without doubt, Wild Weasel is a colossal ass more full of himself than a fat man with a tray full of Wendy's Triple-Decker Cheeseburgers already thinking about getting another tray of Wendy's Triple-Decker Cheeseburgers.


Dickens. He's pretty funny, for a British person.

edit Is The Onion Reading My Work?

Of course not. But this and this certainly got my attention (compare to this and this). Coincidence...or fact?!?

edit You Did Good, Kid. Here, Have a Medal

Sometimes, Wild Weasel comes across another Uncyclopedian who either impresses him with their decency or makes him laugh his fool head off. When this happens, Wild Weasel rummages through his sexy red flight gear and produces the Weasel's Award for Superior Achievement Barring Indictment, the highly non-coveted WASABI.

WASABI Wild Weasel has awarded you the highly non-coveted
Weasel's Award of Superior Achievement Barring Indictment
Go forth and do great things!
(just don't get indicted)


edit Also See:

edit Potent Quotables

Keep the rewrite: It's not the best article, but now it's got enough potential to be worth keeping.”
~ Gwax on what a good job Wild Weasel did on his Metroid re-write

edit Delicate Ladies of Fashion Wonder:

Q: Is the humor of M. Comte de Weasel too dry for the average high-school dropout?

A: It most definitely is, Madame.

Q: Is the humor of M. Comte de Weasel too insipid or hackneyed for someone with "some college?"

A: There can be doubt in this matter, Madame.

Q: Does the Comte think he is funnier than he actually is?

A: It is without question, Madame.

edit IRC Memories

<Wild_Weasel> (sips scotch) Ah, Terry Schiavo's hubby got remarried...awesome
<Wild_Weasel> "I'm sorry, baby, it's just that you're a vegetable, and I'm a man with needs..."
<Wild_Weasel> "Needs, for example, like a woman who knows who I am. That's very important to a successful relationship."

edit Awards, Accolades, Boxes with Pictures and Words in Them

Newcookie Olipro has awarded you a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.
For Monkey Teresa...come closer my children!
Foolitzer Foolitzer Prize Winner March 2006

Newcookie TD has awarded you a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.
Because he said I could have one. Delicious.

DaveMustaineAward LinkTGF has awarded you the exquisite

Dave Mustaine Award of Excellence
Not only do you do great things, but you are unrecognized for them :(
Continue and someday I will like something of yours enough to steal it and call it my own!

For reasons unknown...but who the fuck needs a reason to rock, eh?
Newcookie scythe33 has awarded you a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.
For my ultra semi-hilarious flipping the fuck out.
Newcookie Codeine has awarded you a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.
For my UnNews:Beloved Slavic Former Leader Passes, Ascends to Heaven

Caternest You have been cited in Uncyclopedian Bios.
Apparently you are "notable".
Don't ask me why; I think you're lame.

edit A Random Image: Thousands and Thousands of Words


Random image

edit Footnotes

1 His name is not actually Hezekiah. Sorry to disappoint.

2 The rank "Cornet" pre-dates Lieutenant in the British Army.

3 Nickname is a corruption of an eke name of English from long, long ago. Seriously. I think. Or, it could be a neke name. Either way, have you seen my lady friend?

Cornet Sir Wilde Weas'l KUN VFH FP
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