User:Wehpudicabok/Microsoft Excel Saga

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Excel is a common spreadsheet program, originally designed solely by a young girl of the same name, and later used by Microsoft under the name Microsoft Excel.

edit Origins

The program's idea was thought up by a man named Il Palazzo (Italian, for something or other) whose goal in life was to take over the world. After a number of early attempts had failed, he realized that his problem was a lack of organization. So he tried to organize his plans, financial status, and other random information on a Word document, but such a format was confining and he found himself wishing for a more liberating program. He left this problem in the capable hands of his subordinate, a young girl named Excel.

edit First Version

Excel pre Microsoft
The original program, as Excel herself had designed it. Note the picture. Excel tried to change it to another image of her that she preferred, but never figured out how.

When Il Palazzo came to Excel with the idea, she was confused at first. His directions simply read "Make me a program that'll, y'know, let me store charts and junk like that, you know what I mean? Like the tables they have in that one other thing but the whole program is like that, I think...". The instructions ran down the side of the page, as though Palazzo couldn't be bothered to start a new line. Aside from being hard to read, his directions were very vague, and the first version of the program Excel created as a result, called "Super Special Chart-O-Rama Maker 3000," was less than perfect, sporting crooked lines and an unreadable default font. Palazzo was, understandably, not happy with these results and dropped Excel through the trapdoor, computer and all.

Miraculously, the computer (which Excel had been holding at the time) survived the trip into the pit, and when she emerged she found that its program had been vastly improved: it was made much easier to use; a picture of herself had been substituted in place of the original Office Assistant, a puppy named Mince; and it also now played the sound bite Excel had made (her shouting "Hail Il Palazzo!" very loudly) every time it started up. Il Palazzo was pleased with the changes and installed the program on his own computer, giving it the name Excel after its creator and default assistant.

edit The Idea Spreads

Il Palazzo soon found that the program worked wonders for his domination campaigns, and began to wonder whether others might equally benefit from its use. He and Excel began to market their new product to the masses, and quickly made a fortune.

Their success did not go unnoticed by the major companies, and Microsoft soon came out with a remarkably similar program which differed from the original in only three ways: first, the title was changed from Excel to "Microsoft Excel," second, the image of the girl Excel was replaced with that of a paper clip, which Microsoft considered to be "more user-friendly," and third, the sound bite was removed.

edit Il Palazzo Sues

Il Palazzo soon discovered that his program had been stolen, and sued Microsoft for copyright infringement. Unfortunately, their case was lost due to the fact that neither he nor Excel had ever copyrighted their original program in the first place (Excel would later receive the trapdoor for her forgetfulness) and Microsoft actually counter-sued Il Palazzo's small company, ACROSS, for copying their program. With no substantial evidence to defend them, they lost all the money they had made, and Excel was forced to return to working various part-time jobs for money.

Il Palazzo himself is now the only known user of the original version of Excel; he likes hearing the startup sound.

edit See Also

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