User:Un-Wehpudicabok/HowTo:Convert your HowTo into a Real Article

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This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
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Are you sick of people criticizing all your brand-new HowTos? Angry at those who can't see the subtle satire and wit behind your insulting directions on getting a life? Or are you just sick of reading articles that start off by asking you questions designed to sound enticing?

Whatever the case, you've decided that you are through with the HowTo phase of your Uncyclopedia career. That's probably a good choice. Whether there's a rule against it on VFH or not, people will find a way to vote against your HowTo. And you're creative enough to be able to write a real article now. Right? Right. Write.

Step 1: Dissection

The first thing you must do is analyze your article. What makes it funny? Is it satirical? Absurd? Self-referential? Whatever the case may be, you must pick apart the good bits and throw away the mindless second-person crap that sounds like something your little sister would put into her HowTo. After all, insulting the reader is never funny.

Isolate the funniest sections of your article, and start to think about how to present them in the context of actual prose. Chances are (hopefully) that you're focusing on one insanely specific topic (you should be, after all); you just have to write about that topic without sounding like some self-help addict or something. We are an encyclopedia, after all.

Step 2: Reconstruction

Now you've got your gags, your puns, your caustic remarks, and in general everything in your old article that wasn't crap. Here you need to pick a subject that works in every joke you managed to come up with. If you're writing about "HowTo:Destroy All Humans," for instance, you could go with a title like "Apocalypse"; if you're writing about "HowTo:Keep a Gag Going Far Longer Than It Should," you could change the title to "Family Guy." A title like "HowTo:Ensure your Re-election At Any Cost" isn't nearly as catchy anymore as the classic title for such an article, "Richard Nixon." The title is the hook that will reel in the fish of readers, and remember, readers are voters.

Step 3: Adaptation

This is the easiest step. Once you've outlined the new idea for your article, just plop in the jokes anywhere they fit. It couldn't be easier. Trust me, non-sequiturs, incoherent garbage, and random violations of the fourth wall are much easier to understand and laugh at when they're presented in the context of an encyclopedia article. Just don't go overboard, or everyone'll be able to tell that it used to be a HowTo, and that's the proverbial "kiss of death" for any article.

Things to Remember

  • Keep an encyclopedic tone. You're supposed to be actually writing about something here. You know, facts, not just random slander about your reader's pathetic attempts at writing, like your crap used to be.
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