User:WarWalrus/The Seventh Seal
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The Seventh Seal is a 1958 film by Ingmar Bergman. It has come to be known as one of the gretest and most powerfull films to date. It is known for being extremilly philosophical and being entirely in swedish. Some people have critisesed the film for being too pretentious while others critise it for being Swedish.
The film takes place in the antartic where Seal number 1 has returned from hunting penguins with his squire - seal number 2. There he meets Death, who tries to club him. Seal 1 persuades death to join him in a game of scrabble. Death agrees and they begin to play. The other characters do not see death and think that seal 1 is playing scrabble against himself for the rest of the film. This causes many to think that he is insane.
Seal 1 and 2 set off back to seal 1's home. On the way, they pass a set of released circus seals, Seal 3, seal 4, their son, seal 3.5 and their manager seal 5. Seal 3 has visions but seal 4 does not take him seriously as he had too much penguin the day before. Halfway through their performance, seal 5 runs off with a young female seal named seal 6.
Seal 1 and 2 enter an igloo where the famous ice sculpture, the Dance of Death is being created. When nobody is looking, Seal 2 etches "Seal 2 woz 'ere" on the sculpture. Seal 1 talks to an elephant seal, telling him about his game with death and how he will beat him by using the word "antidisestablishmentarianism" in their game of scrabble. Death then climbs out of his elephant seal costume and tells seal 1 that he will remember that. Seal 1 then calls Death a "cheating fuck!".
Seal 2 then saves a lady seal from being raped by Pingu the penguin. He then tells Pingu that if he ever sees him again, he will personally rip out his vocal cords.
Seal 3 walks into a brothel where the husband of seal 6- seal 7- is mourning. Pingu works up an argument between the two seals and then forces seal 3 to dance. Seal 2 enters and, true to his word, rips out pingu's vocal cords. Meanwhile, Seal 1 arrives at where the circus seals are eating and starts to eat their food. The circus seals protest but Seal 1 persuades them to join him on his journey home.
On the way back to Seal 1's home, The meet Seal 5 and Seal 6. Seal 7 challanges Seal 5 but Seal 5 pretends to kill himself. The remaining seals move off when Death comes to Seal 5 and guts the ice around him until he falls into the icy depths and is eaten by a sea lion.
The seals the come across a witch burning. Seal 1 asks the witch to summon the devil for him so that he can ask him for scrabble tips. The witch says she has already summoned him but nobody else has seen him. Seal 1 questions one of the men on why they are burning the witch. The man turns around and seal 1 sees it is death.
The seals carry on while Pingu appears with bird flu. THe lady seal wants to help pingu but seal 2 tells her to leave him. Pingu dies in agony. While this is happening, Seal 1 is continuing his scrabble match with Death. Seal 3 notices the game and tries to flee with his family. Seal 1 sees this and messes up the scrabble board in order to allow them to escape.
The seals arrive at Seal 1's house where death is waiting. Seal 3 tells his family that he can see the others in the sky, being rapped between two slices of bread by Death.
In 2003, an English dub of the film was made after complaints about subtitles being too confusing as people had to do two things at the same time.
- Willem Dafoe as Seal 1
- Nicholas Cage as seal 2
- Arnold Schwarzenegger as Death
- Clint Eastwood as Seal 3
- Meryl Streep as seal 4
- Tom Cruise as seal 5
- Julia Roberts as seal 6
- Steve Coogan as Seal 7
- Snoop Dog as Pingu
A new soundtrack by Seal was also added in.
Many people thought that to make a dub of a classic swedish film was a disgrace to the makers. Fabulous Fucking Films! stated that none of the actors really got the atmosphere of the film. " Their constant shouting and puns from Schwarzenegger and Eastwood make the film seem like it was created by an utter moron. Only Snoop dog gives this failure any type of Gravitas"
The Seventh Seal has become one of the most highly praised films of all time. It was famously snubbed at the oscars because Svenbob - the seal who played seal 2 - was an outspoken arsonist.
Stan Lee accused the film of being rascist as there were no black people in the film. The makers responded by telling him that there were not many black people in Sweden at the time. Lee then accused Sweden of being racist.
Before his Death, Ingmar Bergman hinted he had a sequel in mind where Death turns into a fireball and starts melting the ice caps. The title went through many changes but it's final form was Can you Seal the Love?'