From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|"Sniper" Steve Habursky|
edit Early life and childhood
Steve Habursky was born in Middletown, Ohio on 3 March, 1951. The older of two brothers, Habursky often fancied himself as a leader, becoming Head Boy Scout while in high school and winning the marksmanship award for "most squirrels shot" in a local hunting competition at age eleven.
While on a family trip to Columbus, Ohio at age fourteen, Habursky witnessed a fierce battle over the Columbus skyline between Pirate Nun and several members of Fed Acker Huang's inner circle of Jesuits with the purpose of capturing and brainwashing her for their own purposes. During the battle, a large piece of debris from a nearby skyscraper dislodged itself and flew into the Habursky family car. Although Habursky, his brother, and his mother survived with minor injuries, his father was killed. Lundius Superbus, the emissary of Fed Acker Huang, visited the Habursky household some months later and informed him that his father's death was caused by errant members of the Jesuit Resistance. Steve Habursky henceforth made it his mission to hunt down any and all supporters of the resistance, to the delight of the Jesuit Emperor.
edit Vietnam War
Steve Habursky was drafted into the United States army at age nineteen to serve in the Vietnam War. Due to his impressive marksmanship record, Habursky was selected for Operation: Tyrant, a top secret partnership between the Department of Defense and Singapore's A*Star Superhuman Programme. A microchip was implanted into Habursky's brain, granting him the ability to aim with unprecedented accuracy, but also damaging his sanity beyond repair. He was used as a sniper for American forces, killing upwards of fifty or more Viet Cong soldiers a day.
His overall mental health ultimately came into question during the Battle of Hamburgler Hill in 1972, in which he flew into a berserker rage and slaughtered almost 120 Vietnamese people, soldiers and citizens alike. Habursky was "discharged" from service after that incident and quietly reintroduced into society. It was noted that the murder rate in his hometown of Middletown went up by 700% in the year after his return.
edit Wheeling Jesuit University
Habursky worked as a janitor by day and an urban sniper by night for many years in his hometown. In 1996, he was personally approached by Fed Acker Huang and offered the position of head of Campus Insecurity at Wheeling Jesuit University (the previous head, Obadiah Sanders, was murdered by the members of the WJU Civitan and hung outside Donahue Hall as a sign for other oppressive campus officials to take note of). Citing that revenge against the Jesuit Resistance would be possible at WJU, Habursky signed up immediately given a modified M24 "Hello There!" Advanced Sniper Weapon System rifle as a sign-on bonus.
Steve Habursky set to work on attempting to kill members of the Jesuit Resistance like JOB and Father Stark, but ultimately found their Immortality to be a problem. Undeterred, Habursky focused his attentions towards killing student and faculty sympathisers instead, hiding in the foliage at night and taking pot shots and unsuspecting victims.
Outrage quickly spread amongst the campus population, and even the WJU Board of Governors questioned the wisdom of hiring such a sociopath. Habursky was placed under the hypnotic care of Prophet Jessica, where she attempted to keep his murderous leanings to a minimum. The campus feared reprisal after her departure from this dimension, but, surprisingly, her hypnotherapy has proven effective, and Steve Habursky no longer kills with the frequency he once did.
edit Powers and abilities
The "Attila" microchip inside "Sniper" Steve Habursky's brain grants him superhuman accuracy, enabling to make seemingly impossible shots that even professional snipers would not be able to make. This accuracy extends beyond the sniper rifle and applies to almost any sharp object, which he can throw with deadly accuracy. Steve Habursky is also a master tactician, called upon by the League of Evil frequently when deciding to attack pockets of underground resistance movements.
edit Number of kills
As of June, 2013: 57,883