User:Unknown user/Essay for English Due Tomorrow

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
A Well Thought Out And Researched Essay by Unknown User
I Am Serious. I Wrote This.

Herman Melville (August 1, 1819 – September 28, 1891) was an American novelist, short story writer, essayist, and poet. His first two books gained much attention, though they were not bestsellers, and his popularity declined precipitously only a few years later. By the time of his death he had been almost completely forgotten, but his longest novel, Moby-Dick — largely considered a failure during his lifetime, and most responsible for Melville's fall from favor with the reading public — was rediscovered in the 20th century as one of the chief literary masterpieces of both American and world literature.

Oh man, that's not enough! uh uh uh...

Okay, he wrote a book, or as it is better known, A NOVELLA, about a big ol' honkin whale. The term whale can refer to all cetaceans, to just the larger ones, or only to members of particular families within the order Cetacea. Whales are big and live in the ocean, feeding mostly on uninformed scuba divers.

An ocean (from Ωκεανός, Okeanos (Oceanus) in Greek) is a major body of saline water, and a principal component of the hydrosphere. The ocean is not alive in the "classical" sense. It has five letters in its name and is found on Earth. Most people misspelll it, but that's only because they've never seen it before. It's big and blue.

Blue is a colour, the perception of which is evoked by light having a spectrum dominated by energy with a wavelength of roughly 440–490 nm. It's very pretty, and it was the favorite color of Herman Melville, who had a strange whale fetish. Seriously. He was whale-crazy. He loved whales. LISTEN. LISTEN TO ME: HE LOVED. WHALES. They said it was the perfect crime. The only evidence of Herman at the aquarium was a copy of moby DICK.

Dick is a 1999 US comedy movie directed by Andrew Fleming from the script he co-wrote with Sheryl Longin. It is a parody retelling the events of the Watergate scandal which ended the presidency of Richard ("Tricky Dick") Nixon, and features several cast members from Saturday Night Live and The Kids in the Hall. It is also a parody of Moby Dick, the essay about which I am currently writing.

Writing is the representation of language in a textual medium through the use of signs or symbols. It is distinguished from illustration, such as cave drawing and painting, and the recording of language via a non-textual medium such as magnetic tape audio. What? Why the hell are they talking about cave painting? Uh, anyways, writing is not to be confused with cave paintings. This essay that I'm writing is NOT a cave painting, metaphorically speaking. It is the Sisteen Chapel of essays. Oh, oh man it's awesome!

Wikipedia doesn't have an article on awesome! SHIT! FUCK ME! In religion, ethics, and philosophy, the phrase, good and evil refers to the evaluation of objects, desires, and behaviors across a dualistic spectrum, wherein in one direction are those aspects which are morally positive, and the other are morally negative. That's the best they can do? Uh, anyway, this essay is "a phrase that refers to the evaluation of things on a dualistic spectrum" or, as wikipedia calls it, "GOOD".

Herman Melville got away with the PERRRRRRFECT CRIME that night at the aquarium. A perfect crime is a crime committed with sufficient planning and skill that no evidence is apparent, and the culprit cannot be traced. just like when you fuck a whale!

The male genitals are retracted into cavities of the body during swimming, so as to be streamlined and reduce drag. Oh god, why did I read that? Uh anyway, when Herman was swimming, his penis retracted itself to cut down on to uh, REDUCE drag while whale fucking!!!

Unfortunately, Herman died while trying to fuck a whale. The bull rejected his advances and Herman died of drowning while trying to convince it.

Personal tools