User:Underwear.thief/Coneheads

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Conehead
Conehead-profile
Kingdom Animalia
Phylum Chordata
Class Mammalia
Order Primates
Family Hominidae
Genus Homer
Species H. conicranius
Binomial Name H. conicranius
Primary Armament Blunt cranium
Secondary Armament The Qu'ran
Habitat The Great Satan

edit Coneheads

Known by biologists as Homer conicranius, Coneheads are an artificial species and are exclusively represented as one of many militant wings of Our Glorious Future Masters. They exhibit many behavioral and physical traits which make H. conicranius the only other species in the genus Homer besides humans, of course. Knowledge of H.conicranius has been suppressed by the legal wing of The Supreme Peoples of Great Benevolence, but recently several media outlets have made exposed this long-hidden species.

edit Scientific information

H. conicranius are the result of genetic splicing by the most brave enemies of America, and as a result possess many deviations from humans.

edit Physical adaptations

Originally, H. conicranius were designed for aerodynamic martyrdom, as they were capable of being strapped with explosives and launched several thousand miles away through the air. Due to their streamlined skulls, they were also thought to be usable for aquatic combat, much like torpedos. H. conicranius have an exceptionally large appetite. They regularly feast on McDonald's and Subway products, which are the companies at which many are employed (though they will not handle pork products). H.Conicranius' unusual head shape has resulted in an exceptionally large brain mass. The frontal lobe size is decreased from that in humans, making them comparitively docile and easily influenced. The increased sensitivity resulting from the parietal lobe would have allowed the Coneheads to change direction through careful alteration of positioning during aerial flight.

edit Social Habits

Coneheads are very social creatures, and regularly congregate, at which point they are given directions and updates on the Great Mission for which they were designed. They travel in herds, often with a single female surrounded by several males. This is interesting as it seems to be completely contrary to their mating habits.

edit Reproduction

Coneheads are sexually incompatible with humans, breeding in a way often confused with human food preparation. The following outlines the reproductive methodology employed by H. conicranius males:

  • A whole chicken is cut up and added.
  • 1 can tomato sauce
  • 1/4 cup of sofrito
  • 3 cups red cooking wine
  • 1 package of chicken bouillon
  • 3-4 potatoes cut up into bite size pieces
  • 5 good size carrots cut up into bite size pieces
  • 1 can of green beans
  • 1 clove minced garlic
  • 2 teaspoons of salt
  • 1 tablespoon of pepper
  • 1/2 litre of Conehead gametes are added.

The mixture is heated for approximately 2 hours at a medium temperature. It is no accident that the recipe is strikingly similar to that of chicken stew. Chicken is an attractant for Conehead females, and works much in the same way as chocolate does in humans. Its odorous smell can draw in huge harems of potential mates.

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