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edit Why?:Are All Metallica Songs Secretly About Christmas?
That Metallica, one of the original "big four" of Thrash Metal, and arguably one of the most successful (and loudest) bands in the world, is frequently credited with making a pagan founded popish appropriated festival with no biblical justification into the flurry of compulsory commercial activity and expensive indulgence in alcoholic beverages that it is today, it remains somewhat of a mystery that the painfully obvious references to Christmas within the body of their work is overlooked.
One - Christmas comes but once a year. Enter Sandman - sleeps to Christmas. Wherever I May Roam - Santa goes all over the place. Master Of Puppets - Santa manipulating kids to "be Good". Creeping Death - in the Northern Hemisphere - which is the hemisphere Metallica are from, fact fans! - winter is cold. Old people die in the cold. Yeah - sorry to spoil your Christmas, but this is obviously Metallica's Big Important Message song. Battery - what is never included with any electronic Christmas presents. Frantic - is shit, just like the socks you get from Auntie Violet. And more. Yeah!
Bend over for new article (euphemistically)
edit DrizzleBritish weather. Its presence is so constant that all descriptions of British weather are actually abridged from their full form - to accurately interpret the weather reports in Britain at any given point, simply add the words "and drizzling" to the end. So "sunny" is more accurately rendered as "sunny and drizzling", "windy" is similarly "windy and drizzling", and "torrential rain" is, despite the seeming impossibility of this, "torrential rain and drizzling".
edit Types Of Drizzle
Drizzle is more than just a form of light rain. Connoisseurs will draw your attention to its admirable consistency - this is rain with staying power, capable of enduring hour after hour, day after mind-numbing day, slowly wearing away any vestiges of optimism you may cling to that it will ever end. They will also draw your attention to its capacity to surprise you with its ability to soak you to the skin - when encountering drizzle for the first time, many tourists are tempted to elect not to use an umbrella, but to briskly stroll through it, possibly even cracking a joke at the expense of the dour Brits trudging through it with their umbrellas brandished as a shield from this most minor of precipitation. The magnitude of their folly will only become apparent to them after almost exactly twelve minutes, when they realise every single item of clothing they are wearing is now soaked through, their shoes are merely cute little portable paddling pools, their hair is plastered tight to their head, and they are seriously considering mugging those dour Brits for any umbrella they can get their hands on.
Grope for new article (feverishly)
Aibohphobia is a very rare psychological disorder and is characterized by the unusually fearful reaction elicited by the sufferer upon recognizing a palindrome. It was first discovered by Dr Hans Eresnahrd in 1991 who himself was a chronic sufferer of the disorder.
edit The Discovery of Aibohphobia
Eresnahrd first became interested in the, as then, unknown disorder at the age of 18 when his own symptoms lead to several misdiagnoses including schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. His theory that his frequent panic attacks and blackouts were caused by a completely new psychiatric disorder spurred him on to study psychology at the University of Nëmen, Germany. While at university he founded the popular website www.idonthaveschizophrenia.net where he met other people with similar symptoms and misdiagnoses. Encouraged by the positive response to his website he decided upon doing a detailed study of the disorder for his PhD. Within a year Eresnahrd had made the link between palindromes and the acute panic attacks that sufferers experienced. In his paper he named the disorder "disposition to acute uneasiness in relation to palindromes" however this was not very catchy and was never published. When Eresnahrd protested one editor replied that "it was simply too silly to publish" and for good measure added "Madam I'm Adam *snigger*". This was a major setback for Eresnahrd who had, not only to cope with such a gratuitous palindrome, but with the rejection of a year's work. This put Eresnahrd in a deep despair. Fortunately, or unfortunately for him, his colleagues managed to get hold of a copy of his paper on "disposition to acute uneasiness in relation to palindromes" and thought it would be a hilarious prank to rewrite the paper and fill it with palindromes. After a couple of days’ hard work they had produced their master prank and sent it to the respected Journal of Special Psychology, Clinical Psychiatry and Sociology (abbreviated to Journal of SPCPS) to which Eresnahrd was a keen reader.
When the next issue came out it was clear how fiendishly clever his colleagues had been. Eresnahrd article had been published under the title "Aibohphobia" which in fact is just the word "phobia" with the prefix 'phobia' written backwards (aibohp) to give the palindrome Aibohphobia. This proved too hilarious to the editors of Journal of SPCPS not to publish, since anybody suffering from this condition would immediately be put into a state of agony every time they tried to discover what they were suffering from. On attempting to read the article Eresnahrd was furious, not only furious but very frightened. After a brief heated argument with his colleagues where he tried his best to avoid the subject of Aibohphobia, which was inevitably brought up, Eresnahrd refused to speak to them ever again and ran out of the room crying.
Eresnahrd continued to work on Aibohphobia alone, but under his original name for the condition, "disposition to acute uneasiness in relation to palindromes", This proved to be a less than satisfactory arrangement, since any correspondence to him on the subject of the disorder referred to it as Aibohphobia and was always accompanied by a panic attack. But by the end of 1990 he had almost completed his PhD despite the continual panic attacks he suffered while researching the disorder. It was in 1991 when his PhD was accepted and he gained the title of Dr. After this a dramatic deterioration was seen in Eresnahrd’s condition. Every time he spoke to anyone he appeared terrified and he had refused, not only to read, but even to look at his mail. These strange actions carried on with no obvious explanation, until his colleagues, who felt quite guilty for worsening his already rather silly condition, sent a letter of apology to the Dr Hans Eresnahrd, who refused to read it. His colleagues, being unable to talk face to face with him, took the strategy of giving their apology to him by yelling into a megaphone (loud hailer) outside his house. This had rather dramatic and unexpected results; here is an extract from an eyewitness statement:
"... and the one them holding the megaphone shouted "Doctor Hans Eresnahrd..." when I heard an terrible scream from inside the house, followed by another, then a large thud followed by several more thuds. I called the police just incase ..."
Eresnahrd did not open his door for the police and they were forced to break it down. Upon entry they noticed a huge pile of unopened mail just inside the door addressed to "Dr Hans Eresnahrd". They found Dr. Eresnahrd lying unconscious at the bottom of the stairs. It seems that immediately after his colleagues began yelling to him he had an attack of terror and fell down the stairs while trying to run away. He was taken to a nearby hospital where he fell into a coma which he has not come out of.
A later investigation into the incident uncovered one last anecdote to the story. It seems that fate had not been kind to Eresnahrd - when he gained the title "Dr" he must have realized the irony that his name, Dr Hans Eresnahrd, was actually a palindrome. This appeared to push the fearful psychologist over the edge, it was no wonder that he didn't dare look at mail addressed to him - or that he tried to flee from his own name, which ended with him inadvertently putting himself in a coma.