User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/89
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edit Episode 89:Stunning
(Episode 89 starts out in the White House, with Bush talking to Putin)
Bush: Yes I know! Engelsfair made a large evil comist baster in your country.
Putin: Well, I want you to help me get it off!
Bush: Okay, I'll call NATO and you call the countries over the Moscow pact. We'll have a grand coalition in no time.
Putin: You mean Warsaw pact.
Bush: Whatever. I just want Cheney out of that thing. I don't know how to run the country without him around!
(Switch scenes. All of the group is sleeping in their cells except for Indy, who is in the fetal position sucking his thumb in the Euroipods chamber.)
Indy: Ooh look, the talk page flame! CONTENTS STYLE FLAMING!
(Darth comes in)
Darth: DO I HEAR PLEASURE IN THIS ROOM?!
Darth: I thought so.
(Darth walks away. Some of the group is able to wake up.)
Dizberg: (Whispering) How are we going to get out of this mess?
Minh: Quite easily, actually.
(Minh pulls a brick in the cell out, revealing a Vietcong tunnel)
Minh: Make sure to bring these weapons, as I don't know how many of my troops have defected.
(Minh pulls out another brick, revealing a stack of 9mm pistols.)
Mhale: You do kno-
Minh: There is no time for banter, get through the tunnel to the other side or you might die!
(Several of the group members - Shamus, Adam, Nikita, Zatoichi, Sensei, Keira, Braycat, Ronalds, Dizberg, Shandion, Froggy, Moonshine, Benson, Supwealuhop and Starnes go into the tunnel with their weapons, including Minh. Shamus is weilding a zip gun he fabricated the night before in addition to his pistol)
Mhale: Well, suit yourself.
(Mhale opens up the cell door, revealing it wasn't even locked in the first place since Aquarii had attempted escape)
Mhale: You all know your basic neck cracking technique from training. Our goal is to go through the facility, find the armory, take the weapons, then destroy this facility using any explosives we can find. Then, we hop on a plane, go home and have some good old fashioned beer!
Peace Corps: Sir yes sir!
Han: I'll go with you. I have a grudge to work out with Darth...
Aquarii: You're not going alone.
Mhale: Go ahead. We'll need the help.
(The peace corps moves out. Meanwhile on the outside of the facility helicopters and trucks carrying troops from nations around the world start to cluster. The facility is being carpet bombed by large aircraft. Commie storm troopers are attempting to defend the facility with bullpups. A clipper ship has also joined in the fight.)
Corsiare: Are you sure we should do this? I mean, the monarchy doesn't want this land!
Flandos: Thou shalt do this. We need to rescueth our colleagues.
Corsaire: I hope to Chirac you are right. (faces away) My crew! Tonight we shall dine in Hell's Tavern should we survive!
Corsaire: Fight valiantly, fight well, and remember that you are expendable and the monarchy doesn't care!
Flandos: Jacques, armeth the cannons!
Jacques: Yes m'lord!
(Just a few miles away bombers filled with napalm and trucks with south Vietnamese troops are spotted. In a jeep is Ngo Dinh Diem and Corporal Shek.)
Shek: Are you sure you want to do this sir!?
Diem: For the love of capitalism we must! Besides, I'm running out of credit cards! We must crush these petty communists!
Shek: We shall do what we can!
(Turning to the east a dark cloud filled is seen, with Murphy in front of a zombie army casually pacing toward the base.)
Murphy: You will not die, Supwealuhop, so long as I want virgins... Zombie Army! Destroy the base with extreme prejudice!
(Turning west of Murphy, a lone limo is spotted. Inside it are Carl Rove carrying an M4, George Bush with an M-16, and Robert Gates with a .50 caliber sniper rifle)
Robert: If Cheney cannot get that porn, we will!
(Meanwhile, in the base, Darth goes into a remote room with a single projector in the center. Quakes from bomb explosions are shaking the facility. A hologram of Stalin appears. Darth is on one knee.)
Darth: What is thy bidding, my master?
(Shaking causes Darth to lose his balance and he falls)
Stalin: You must recapture the prisoners!
Darth: WHAT? They're gone?!
Stalin: Yes. Couldn't you feel a disturbance in the political force?
Stalin: (Smacks forehead) Well...just get them anyways!
Darth: Yes master.
(Switch scenes. Starnes is in his house, looking at porn.)
(The door is knocked down by THE DECIDER!)
Robert: Hand over the porn, Starnes.
(Starnes shoots Carl, who runs like a little girl)
Rove: (On radio) Medic!
(Libby comes by on a scooter and picks up Rove.)
Bush: Anyway, the white home is needing that porn.
Robert: White HOUSE!
(Bush shoots and misses, hitting one of Robert's porn pics)
(Bush starts shooting wildly, destroying priceless knick-knacks, the television screen, and the taps)
Robert: YOU'RE DESTROYING THE TAPES! STOP! IF YOU CAN'T DO IT IN ONE SHOT DON'T DO IT AT ALL!
(Robert butts his rifle on Bush, and he stops firing. Then Robert shoots Starnes, getting him in the foot. Switch scenes to the underground tunnel, where our heroes are making their escape. Darth Communist suddenly blocks them.)
Darth: You shall not pass!
Shamus: I'll give ye "Shall not pass"
(Shamus shoots his Zip gun, shooting a small pellet at Darth Communist)
Darth: Hey that slightly stung!
(Starnes' house. Bush has been driven out.)
Starnes: This porn is my property!
(Starnes shoots Robert with a rifle, badly injuring him. Meanwhile in the base, a shot of the peace corps badly beating the Communist Storm Troopers can be seen. Han and Aquarii are in the air ducts, seeking to find, fight and defeat Darth Communist.)
Aquarii: Just to warn you, THIS IS THE COMMIE STAR!
Han: You got the Thermal detonators?
Aquarii: You got the Capitalist Rifles?
(Back at the dungeon, the rest of the heroes are escaping)
Priest: Hey, is that an X-Wing?
(Robert is dropped into the dungeon by Starnes)
Keira: What is an X-Wing?
(An A-wing smashes into a Capital(ist) Ship's bridge, Capitalist ship smashes into Commie Star with no damage to the battle station)
Arvel Chinchilla: Head for the Star Commies! They won't shoot themselves!
(A dot in the distance appears. On closer inspection, it is Froggy's sleigh, back from Israel and packing heat, and being blown up by a commie gun.)
Adam: We need to get weapons! Dang, if only Han had some with him, and he was here.
Commtrooper: HEY! Get back in you-
(Adam knocks out Commtrooper, puts on his armor, takes his pistol)
Adam: C'mon everybody!
(Meanwhile, Froggy is still being shot at by a commie gun)
Froggy: Puny Ribbits, bullets can not ribbit me!
(Froggy palms a giant tire)
Froggy: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE HIGHLANDER!
(Froggy's sleigh is not impervious, though, and explodes after some time. Froggy comes sailing towards the Commie ship and lands on the roof)
(Froggy shrugs his shoulders and lies down for some sleep. Killing every firstborn male in Israel sure is hard work.)
(Adam takes the group to "Detention block 1338" (Weapons storage).)
(A CommTrooper comes in, makes everyone faint with a Stun gun, and prepares to shoot everyone. Credits roll, with the Star Wars theme in the background)