User:Un-Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/70
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Episode 70: Big Commie Missile!
(This episode starts outside the destroyed base. Priest is still inside.)
Adam: Priest is missing!
(Priest comes running out a secret passageway, badly injured. Dr. Supwealuhop heals him with curry powder)
Supwealuhop: For the love of Gandhi, is there no limit to the madness?
Dizberg: I am tired. We have not slept since this whole thing began.
Ronalds: I know.
(The group sets up camp and goes to bed. A mysterious guy creeps into Shandion's dog's tent, and kills the dog. He is then identified as Blaning Serian, serial killer.)
Blaning: That dog never saw it coming.
Shandion: MY DOG!
Nikita: So what? My car, Benson's car, Han's dropship, the potato ship, multiple planes, some random dude's house, a bar, Braycat's horse, Dizberg's statues, Corsaire's clipper, the Baron's mansion, some glass, a lot of walls, a tree, and Alka'anad's base have all been destroyed in a matter of a few days. Why should we care about your dog in all of this? Probably billions of dollars in damages have been done!
Han: We should care because that dog knocked out Engelsfair once.
(Engelsfair wakes up)
Engelsfair: My pamphlets, hammer, and sickle are destroyed!
Nikita: Add the pamphlets, hammer, and sickle to that list.
Emmzed: And my axe. It was a family heirloom, probably worth millions.
Emmzed: No. I bought it at Sears for $38.
Aquarii: My 24 1st Season DVD!
Blaning: I have a mental age of a two year old!
Nikita: Well isn't that special?
(Nikita waps Blaning upside the head with his metal cane. He is instantly knocked out, but recovers quickly.)
Nikita: That'll keep him...hey, where did my cane go?
Dizberg: My Ouroboros totem!
Adam: One of my laptops!
Benson: MY BENSON STATUE!
(Blaning hits Benson in the head.)
(Han shoots Blaning, who dies. Blaning comes back to life as Pool Boy)
Han: Where'd my gun go?
Evil Guard #3: (Eating donut) Don't ask me. Maybe it's that chap sneaking around back there.
(Starnes stabs guard, and kills him.)
Starnes: You didn't see anything here!
(Starnes backs up, trips on a rock and starts falling down the slope of the mountain)
Dizberg: Well...now how are we supposed to get our stuff back?
Blaning: By dying.
(Blaning stabs a grue, and is eaten, but comes back to life as Kill Blaning)
Adam: Simple, they are behind that big rock that has been wallpapered communist.
Engelsfair: The Communist rock! And this is one nice Communist Party!
(Han crushes Engelsfair's arm)
Han: You know how much I hate that pun.
Braycat: What is a wallpaper?
Han: You suck, Engelsfair.
Ronalds: Communist Powah!
(Engelsfair slices Blaning up with a second sickle, Blaning comes back to life as Kill Me, and runs)
(Han pushes Blaning down the mountain. Starnes just got up after his tripping incident.)
Starnes: At least I can steal sell these fools' items on the theives' market!
(Blaning falls on Starnes)
Blaning: No, Blaning!
(Blaning takes all his possessions and throws them in a nearby river)
Starnes: (on knees) NOOOOOOOOOO!
Blaning: Quit trying to be so dramatic! Jeez!
(Camera moves back to the group.)
Dizberg: Okay...so, what now?
Han: Weren't we supposed to get some ring of some sort?
Adam: Ah, yes, the Baron's ring.
Dizberg: So we're supposed to go all the way back to get that ring? How?
Engelsfair: With COMMUNISM!
(Engelsfair presses a button on his red blackberry. A taepodong missile comes to pick them up.)
Engelsfair: Hop on the COMMIE express!
Han: God, how I hate you.
(Everyone goes on, and they head to the USA, where the Baron's mansion is. Switch scenes to the pentagon. Robert Gates, the secretary of defense, watches them as a blip on their radar screen.)
Gates: What the hell is that?!
Operator: It seems like a North Korean Taepodong missile, sir, headed for New York!
Gates: Those commie bastards! Send and intercept missile. They're not going to get away with destroying this great nation that easily!